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Eloping within Ireland
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18-04-2020 9:24pm#1So the original plan is/was a medium sized wedding in September 2020. Now with the pandemic, our original plan is completely up in the air. The stress of it all is absolutely crippling me. Even if it's feasible to go ahead in September, I can see a huge number of guests declining the invitation due to health concerns. At this point my sister refuses to go, my brother is abroad so might have issues travelling and even my Dad isn't sure if he'd be comfortable attending unless the virus is completely eradicated from Ireland. And that's only my immediate family
We're currently exploring the possibility of a plan B with our venue, but...
At this point we're considering eloping within Ireland as a possible option for our original date (provided we're not in lock-down again). Literally just the two of us. And obviously our celebrant and two witnesses (but not friends/family).
Is that a mad idea though? How would it work? I don't think we could use our original venue for the ceremony. They have a room to get married in, but it's only if you're using them for the reception also. So we'd need a new venue to get married in. We've hired a humanist who we'd like to keep and aren't keen on the registry office anyway. Any ideas of venues in/near Dublin with a nice room that we could use just to have a short legal ceremony for a small fee? Ideally we'd like to keep it reasonably close to Dublin, so that we can keep a few key suppliers, but further afield isn't a deal breaker.
For anyone who has eloped before on their own... how did you fill the day?
Sorry, this is a bit of a pie in the sky idea atm! Any thoughts welcome though. Even just to tell me that I'm crazy :P I actually felt so relieved just at the thought of it though (aside from the fact that we'd have to do more planning!).1
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I'm probably doing more thinking out loud here than anything else so maybe I won't be that helpful.... but here goes!
As for whether or not it's a mad idea... no, it isn't, in my opinion. For most people it's unthinkable but then most people are very attached to the conventional idea of a wedding and the social aspect of it. In your situation the social aspect is the problem: planning for the number of people, getting them to attend, accommodating everyone else's various... requirements.... is just not feasible right now and isn't going to be for quite some time.
So no, eloping isn't mad, because it eliminates the social obligations that a conventional wedding imposes.
To my reading it mainly seems to come down to the importance and expenditure attached to the date, am I correct? Apologies if I'm misreading your OP, and don't get me wrong, obviously the date is not a small detail. But for me I don't know if the benefit of eloping would outweigh the hassle of having to plan a scaled down wedding from scratch all over again and then putting up with any fallout from ticked off relatives, and I'd definitely push for postponing it until next year if at all possible. At least if it's postponed, then the stress is gone. We will probably be living with covid-19 well into next year, but the current social restrictions can only be sustained for so long before society has to find a different way to adapt and get on with life. I would sincerely doubt that there would be much impediment to a small-to-medium wedding by this time next year so if all else is equal I would push to postpone.
And if you postpone and certain people are still causing an issue when the time comes, leave them to it!
The only practical consideration I can think of is whether or not the location on the MRF would need to be changed and if there is a charge for that?
At the end of the day it comes down to what you and your fiancé want for yous. I think it would be worth asking your celebrant about it (or contacting another celebrant just to ask the question) if you haven't already. They probably haven't catered for anyone who has eloped but they would probably have an idea of what the best way would be to go about it, even down to a potential venue if they're an experienced celebrant.
Best of luck whatever you decide to do!
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I think you need to figure out what you want first.
What does a wedding mean to you? What does it represent in terms of your life plan?
What does a wedding look like to you?
What practical difference would it make if you postponed for a year?
What difference would it make if you went ahead this year with a much smaller guest list?
A lot of people say they want to be married before they try for children, for instance. And for a lot of people, the wedding is mostly about wearing a lovely dress and having a party. If you fall into either/both of those categories, could you just get married very quietly, as you say, and then plan to throw a big party in a year to celebrate? Forget about a lot of the stressful extras of a wedding (bridal parties, speeches, florists, celebrants, filling a whole day...) and just take the bit that are important to you and have that in a year? But meanwhile, the legal side of things will be done and dusted and you can relax about that. A party is a lot easier to organise than a wedding, and a lot cheaper!
If you're 'eloping', which suppliers are you thinking of keeping, other than your celebrant? Again, could you move them all to be suppliers for a party next year?
I don't know Dublin so I can't suggest any venues, but is there anywhere meaningful to you and your fiancé? Does anywhere jump out as a place you'd like to have that memory made in?
I've had friends that got married in a registry office before their wedding day, as their celebrant couldn't legally marry them, and they just wore nice clothes (but not wedding clothes) and had dinner and/or drinks with their witnesses afterwards. There was no 'filling a day' like on a wedding day, but there was a nice day out
Right now, it sounds like you're thinking of eloping as almost having the wedding day but with just two witnesses/guests. I think you probably need to shift from that idea, because I'm not sure how feasible it is (but others may have very different thoughts and experiences!).0 -
Join Date:Posts: 25439
Woodchuck, more potentially sh!t news for you:
HSE have postponed all appointments until end of July. Not even weddings, just appointments. I just saw it this morning.
I've posted a thread about it in legal issues because I'd like to get that clarified.
For us it means that even though I registered my intent to marry in March, it's incomplete as they want the paperwork in person (even though I emailed it in) along with both of us attending the appointment. FFS.
Surely they could 'work through their backlog' by doing video meetings with people sending in their original paperwork. Or a socially distanced meeting.
So I dunno. 0 -
Thanks for that Neyite.
We had our appointment to register our intent to marry earlier in the year and received the "green folder" (marriage registration form) to sign on the day. My understanding is that we can change most of the details on the form on the day if we need to (e.g. change of venue, celebrant, witnesses). I think the only thing that can't be changed as easily is the date (and obviously the bride and groom!). So I think we'd still be ok to go ahead and get married on our original date in September, provided we can find a registered venue to do the deed? And obviously pending government restrictions being lifted.
Did you miss your in person appointment, don't have the "green folder" yet and that's the issue with your wedding in July?
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Join Date:Posts: 25439
Sorry, I was mixing up the HSE website with the Accord one.
Accord have suspended all pre-marriage courses until end of July (that means that the priest we've booked will either have to let us off the hook or allow us to do the online one if we want to keep the original date)
Yes, basically the lockdown happened about 3 days before our appointment. So she said that we could register our intent to marry via email, which we did, but the plan was to follow up with a face to face appointment at some point in the future to get the green folder.0 -
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Thanks for that Neyite.
We had our appointment to register our intent to marry earlier in the year and received the "green folder" (marriage registration form) to sign on the day. My understanding is that we can change most of the details on the form on the day if we need to (e.g. change of venue, celebrant, witnesses). I think the only thing that can't be changed as easily is the date (and obviously the bride and groom!). So I think we'd still be ok to go ahead and get married on our original date in September, provided we can find a registered venue to do the deed? And obviously pending government restrictions being lifted.
Did you miss your in person appointment, don't have the "green folder" yet and that's the issue with your wedding in July?
The "Green Folder" is valid for 6 months from the date of the wedding so you can change the date if you need to.0 -
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Woodchuck, I'm interested to know what did you decide to do in the end?
Myself & my fiance got engaged last summer and we are actually considering eloping too, then having the party whenever we can! Would love to hear how you got on if you went for it!0 -
Woodchuck, I'm interested to know what did you decide to do in the end?
Myself & my fiance got engaged last summer and we are actually considering eloping too, then having the party whenever we can! Would love to hear how you got on if you went for it!
I'm afraid we didn't go for it in the end. We're still unwed. September will our third attempt. It's all fairly depressing... Sorry 0 -
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