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23-03-2020, 21:28   #3556
iamstop
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Originally Posted by Mr Tibbs View Post
The local chipper I go to still wrap their meals in newspaper
Yesterday I got a Plaice in the Sun
Old news.
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23-03-2020, 22:39   #3557
Capt'n Midnight
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Germany limiting groups to two people. It's the best zwei to avoid a drei cough.
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24-03-2020, 00:01   #3558
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I found a small lump on one of my testicles this morning. I went and had them scanned today. I'm now barred from Dunnes !!
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24-03-2020, 00:01   #3559
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Had sex with my girlfriend in the car last night, It was pretty uncomfortable,
I wish we'd dropped her parents off first
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25-03-2020, 12:20   #3560
Edgware
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Originally Posted by byrner88 View Post
I phoned the Weak Bladder Helpline about my problem. It's 1p a minute.
I gave a speech at the National Haemorrhoids Association Conference. I got a standing ovation
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25-03-2020, 12:31   #3561
the beer revolu
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I tried to organise a tantric sex party.
No one came.
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25-03-2020, 23:51   #3562
Suckit
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Mod-remember this is a pg13 site.

Last edited by Ken.; 26-03-2020 at 01:48.
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25-03-2020, 23:52   #3563
The Princess Bride
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Prince Charles has just been diagnosed with corona virus.
Which goes to show it is heirborn.
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26-03-2020, 00:38   #3564
byrner88
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I went to a Porn Addicts Anonymous meeting today.

What a bunch of wankers.
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26-03-2020, 22:02   #3565
patmac
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Meatloaf is married to an accountant. She'll do anything for love but she won't do VAT
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26-03-2020, 23:16   #3566
tobsey
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Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.

Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

"Here" she said, pointing to her privates,"you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: "What the bloody hell did you do that for?

"Check for squirrel." he responds
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27-03-2020, 18:13   #3567
everlast75
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What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Phillip?

Killed in a tunnel.
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27-03-2020, 18:56   #3568
The Princess Bride
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A man died today after jumping on his nemesis from a tall building.
He was pronounced dead on a rival.
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28-03-2020, 00:11   #3569
dolanbaker
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Sales of deodorant slump as people try to ensure social distancing!
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28-03-2020, 08:35   #3570
RobMc59
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My neighbour with the big boobs has been walking up and down the garden topless all day..

Just wish his wife would do the same.
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