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Don’t really have wedding excitement
Comments
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Teach30 wrote:I definitely don’t find it fun and having a bridesmaid who is older and has totally different ideas to me doesn’t help. I actually find it v lonely when those around me aren't v excited about it - it’s hard to get my family excited about things they never really ask about plans and it puts me off looking things up as I don’t have anyone to discuss it with.
It's your wedding, not your bridesmaid's. Acknowledge and appreciate her input but always over ride it with your preferences. Discuss your plans on forums or other online groups. There are plenty of people absolutely obsessed with weddings that will gladly get excited with you online.Teach30 wrote:Currently sorting out our finances and as my fiancée and I don’t live together we are finding it difficult to sort out payment. He doesn’t receive a regular wage so has been paying off the big stuff like hotel.
Great that he's paying off big stuff!Teach30 wrote:Any advice on financing a wedding would be appreciated.
We saved 50 euro each per week for the 18 months while planning. It stacked up fairly quickly in the end. We were gifted a few hundred euro by different family members towards the end which helped. We borrowed a few thousand from the credit union at the end too which we repaid immediately thanks to our generous gifts, we were very lucky on that front.Teach30 wrote:I’m mass goer so I want a church wedding. It’s not a huge wedding by country standards but a hotel is required. I’d actually feel more uncomfortable having a small wedding at this stage as it’d feel like I was entirely the centre of attention whereas with a large group at least you can hide in the crowd.
Hate to tell you but even with 2000 guests you're the bride, so there's no hiding! You'll be pulled every which way for photos and chats all day but it's all good, happy times!Teach30 wrote:Finances are definitely our area to focus on at the minute. That and planning where to live which in itself is a pain to sort.
Every couple's situation is different, if you're not in a position to live together immediately after the wedding then so be it, don't let other people's opinions pressure you into changing your living arrangements before you can afford to. Once you're both happy that's all that matters, people will have an opinion no matter what you do, so let them at it but do whatever you have to to suit yourselves0 -
Teach30 wrote:I definitely don’t find it fun and having a bridesmaid who is older and has totally different ideas to me doesn’t help. I actually find it v lonely when those around me aren't v excited about it - it’s hard to get my family excited about things they never really ask about plans and it puts me off looking things up as I don’t have anyone to discuss it with.
It's your wedding, not your bridesmaid's. Acknowledge and appreciate her input but always over ride it with your preferences. Discuss your plans on forums or other online groups. There are plenty of people absolutely obsessed with weddings that will gladly get excited with you online.Teach30 wrote:Currently sorting out our finances and as my fiancée and I don’t live together we are finding it difficult to sort out payment. He doesn’t receive a regular wage so has been paying off the big stuff like hotel.
Great that he's paying off big stuff!Teach30 wrote:Any advice on financing a wedding would be appreciated.
We saved 50 euro each per week for the 18 months while planning. It stacked up fairly quickly in the end. We were gifted a few hundred euro by different family members towards the end which helped. We borrowed a few thousand from the credit union at the end too which we repaid immediately thanks to our generous gifts, we were very lucky on that front.Teach30 wrote:I’m mass goer so I want a church wedding. It’s not a huge wedding by country standards but a hotel is required. I’d actually feel more uncomfortable having a small wedding at this stage as it’d feel like I was entirely the centre of attention whereas with a large group at least you can hide in the crowd.
Hate to tell you but even with 2000 guests you're the bride, so there's no hiding! You'll be pulled every which way for photos and chats all day but it's all good, happy times!Teach30 wrote:Finances are definitely our area to focus on at the minute. That and planning where to live which in itself is a pain to sort.
Every couple's situation is different, if you're not in a position to live together immediately after the wedding then so be it, don't let other people's opinions pressure you into changing your living arrangements before you can afford to. Once you're both happy that's all that matters, people will have an opinion no matter what you do, so let them at it but do whatever you have to to suit yourselves0 -
It is a lot of pressure, ask yourself do you want to buy into all that pressure and ask your fiancée too and if you do it’s fine but it is a lot of work and it’s not cheap either.
You have different options small family only wedding and meal afterwards then throw a party before or after your honeymoon for family and friends.Or you could go abroad and just have a small wedding, simple dress, beach type wedding and then you are there for the honeymoon as well. Or you can do the bigger wedding here which probably means 100 to 300 people, hotel meal, flowers, bridesmaids, hiring suits, sending invitations, cake, band, DJ, photographer etc etc etc.
This type of wedding is work and you won’t manage it all on your own, parents especially Mums are a great help mine was brilliant with helping me plan everything when I got married.It was a great day but huge preparation went into it, on the plus it’s a great day to look back on bringing all your family and friends together, treasured memories but it is huge work.
I was working as well and so it seemed every weekend was taken up with planning the wedding. Know what you are getting into and be happy with what you decide to do it’s your day at the end of the day. Good luck to you and your fiancée whatever you decide.😀0 -
It's your wedding, not your bridesmaid's. Acknowledge and appreciate her input but always over ride it with your preferences. Discuss your plans on forums or other online groups. There are plenty of people absolutely obsessed with weddings that will gladly get excited with you online.
Great that he's paying off big stuff!
We saved 50 euro each per week for the 18 months while planning. It stacked up fairly quickly in the end. We were gifted a few hundred euro by different family members towards the end which helped. We borrowed a few thousand from the credit union at the end too which we repaid immediately thanks to our generous gifts, we were very lucky on that front.
Hate to tell you but even with 2000 guests you're the bride, so there's no hiding! You'll be pulled every which way for photos and chats all day but it's all good, happy times!
Every couple's situation is different, if you're not in a position to live together immediately after the wedding then so be it, don't let other people's opinions pressure you into changing your living arrangements before you can afford to. Once you're both happy that's all that matters, people will have an opinion no matter what you do, so let them at it but do whatever you have to to suit yourselves
Thanks for your kind words and advice. Yes I suppose I get worried about what others will think hence why I like to ask family over friends as they’re definitely brutally honest!
Will reign the BM in but still have to keep on her good side as no point falling out over silly things.
I can totally see why wedding planners are a great idea and had I the money one would be top of my list!0 -
It is a lot of pressure, ask yourself do you want to buy into all that pressure and ask your fiancée too and if you do it’s fine but it is a lot of work and it’s not cheap either.
You have different options small family only wedding and meal afterwards then throw a party before or after your honeymoon for family and friends.Or you could go abroad and just have a small wedding, simple dress, beach type wedding and then you are there for the honeymoon as well. Or you can do the bigger wedding here which probably means 100 to 300 people, hotel meal, flowers, bridesmaids, hiring suits, sending invitations, cake, band, DJ, photographer etc etc etc.
This type of wedding is work and you won’t manage it all on your own, parents especially Mums are a great help mine was brilliant with helping me plan everything when I got married.It was a great day but huge preparation went into it, on the plus it’s a great day to look back on bringing all your family and friends together, treasured memories but it is huge work.
I was working as well and so it seemed every weekend was taken up with planning the wedding. Know what you are getting into and be happy with what you decide to do it’s your day at the end of the day. Good luck to you and your fiancée whatever you decide.😀
Thanks for your input.
We have no choice but to put up with the pressure. Weddings abroad are not for everyone, we couldn’t because families, friends and neighbours are all working even close family would not attend and that’s not what we want.
Great that you had help from family and I’m not saying mine won’t help it’s just not their thing. My own mother had a very basic wedding and isn’t into planning. She made her own dress, did her own flowers and makeup etc and can’t for the world understand why I can’t do the same! She also can’t understand why I need to book everything so far in advance but she’s from a very different generation.
I’m curious to know what you spent your weekends in the lead up your wedding doing? Once I have everything booked is it not just a case of turning up... Or am I missing out on something?!
It’s the picking things I find most difficult.. I’m very judgemental by nature and can’t help thinking it’ll just all look terrible on the day..0 -
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Teach30 wrote:Will reign the BM in but still have to keep on her good side as no point falling out over silly things.
You're the bride for God's sake! Who is she? You shouldn't have to keep on her good side, she's your bridesmaid, she should be falling over herself to make this as fun and exciting as possible for you, and supporting your decisions.0 -
You're the bride for God's sake! Who is she? You shouldn't have to keep on her good side, she's your bridesmaid, she should be falling over herself to make this as fun and exciting as possible for you, and supporting your decisions.
She’s my sister! It’s nearly worse having family as you tend to be too honest with one another. Now in fairness “falling over herself” is a bit much and I wouldn’t expect that, but she’s older and can get a bit tetchy when I don’t agree with her. I think she likes rising me too and knows she can. I’ve no one else to ask so have to keep her on side..
I’m planning my own hen as she wouldn’t be the type to know what I’d like!0 -
Maybe you can give your sister something to be "in charge of" as bridesmaid, instead of running everything by her/ discussing everything with her? I understand what it's like to be dealing with someone you need to "keep on side" - easiest way to deal with it is usually to say "I'd love your input on the colour scheme/the flowers/the menu/the church music (something she'd be good at, and maybe that you and your partner have limited interest in) - you're so much better than me at that" - make that her pet project and carry on yourself with the stuff you don't want her input on?
And if she's trying to get a rise out of you, play dumb and limit her input.0 -
Thanks for your input.
We have no choice but to put up with the pressure. Weddings abroad are not for everyone, we couldn’t because families, friends and neighbours are all working even close family would not attend and that’s not what we want.
Great that you had help from family and I’m not saying mine won’t help it’s just not their thing. My own mother had a very basic wedding and isn’t into planning. She made her own dress, did her own flowers and makeup etc and can’t for the world understand why I can’t do the same! She also can’t understand why I need to book everything so far in advance but she’s from a very different generation.
I’m curious to know what you spent your weekends in the lead up your wedding doing? Once I have everything booked is it not just a case of turning up... Or am I missing out on something?!
It’s the picking things I find most difficult.. I’m very judgemental by nature and can’t help thinking it’ll just all look terrible on the day..
Yes looking back should be as you say when it’s all booked just turn up, I suppose for us it was going to see bands to pick one we liked, visiting hotels again to find one we liked, then stuff like choosing nice invitations, writing them out, tracking rsvps, choosing wedding rings, wedding shoes, booking suits for men in wedding party, wedding cars, as I say I could go on and there was more to it than I realized but probably I am a perfectionist and I wanted it to be right. Wedding magazines often have a good planning template which tells you how far in advance you need to get stuff done.0 -
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Maybe you can give your sister something to be "in charge of" as bridesmaid, instead of running everything by her/ discussing everything with her? I understand what it's like to be dealing with someone you need to "keep on side" - easiest way to deal with it is usually to say "I'd love your input on the colour scheme/the flowers/the menu/the church music (something she'd be good at, and maybe that you and your partner have limited interest in) - you're so much better than me at that" - make that her pet project and carry on yourself with the stuff you don't want her input on?
And if she's trying to get a rise out of you, play dumb and limit her input.
Thanks, some lovely suggestions there. We’re not the type of family to go giving jobs to people so she’s see straight through that.
Era, she’s grand but your right I just won’t listen to her a lot of the time!0 -
Yes looking back should be as you say when it’s all booked just turn up, I suppose for us it was going to see bands to pick one we liked, visiting hotels again to find one we liked, then stuff like choosing nice invitations, writing them out, tracking rsvps, choosing wedding rings, wedding shoes, booking suits for men in wedding party, wedding cars, as I say I could go on and there was more to it than I realized but probably I am a perfectionist and I wanted it to be right. Wedding magazines often have a good planning template which tells you how far in advance you need to get stuff done.
Yes I have seen these lists, and in fairness we’ve a lot of the boxes ticked. Im off now for a few weeks and I’ll try and get some more stuff sorted, I’m definitely the type to get sick of researching and just go with what looks good. A lot of the wedding websites are suggestions on how to do homemade or get the cheapest offers but I’m not going down this route. I’m also leaving all the tacky stuff out, so while may seem boring to others it suits me grand.
People get so worked up about bathroom baskets in the hotel, favours on the table etc but I’m not doing anything like that!
My new motto is keep it simple!0 -
Wedding planning is hard work but it should be fun. There's a lot of talk about what people will expect or what you should be doing in your posts OP, don't feel that you have to do things a certain way because of tradition or other people's expectations. Decide between the two of you want you want, what works with your budget and what's feasible and then go for it. People can be a bit nervous that going against the grain will cause lifelong rifts but you'll be amazed how quickly its all forgotten about once your married.0
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Wedding planning is hard work but it should be fun. There's a lot of talk about what people will expect or what you should be doing in your posts OP, don't feel that you have to do things a certain way because of tradition or other people's expectations. Decide between the two of you want you want
It’s essentially a party so of course people have expectations, I certainly have some when I attend a wedding.
Ocourse we can do things in our own way but with our backgrounds it’s not appropriate to venture too far from the norm. I also don’t want to be the talk of the parish.
I suppose you could call it fun if you had the time to dedicate to visiting shops and looking online.
My partner works long days and it’s hard work researching after a tough day. Hence while I’m feeling the intensity a little more.
All advice I have received though has been good and is motivational in a way.0 -
Honestly, the main things you need to have for a fairly traditional wedding ceremony & reception are;
Outfits - for the wedding party
Someone to marry you (church, priest etc)
Someone to take photos
Made decisions about readings/prayer/hymns/what have you
Transport to/from church and reception for bridal party members
Cake
Dinner in the hotel & evening food (don't skimp on food it's the main thing people remember!)
Flowers
Band/DJ.
Most reception places will have a timeline they suggest to couples, so just go with the flow that they're used to. They've done all this million times before.0 -
Just to update... to date I still dislike planning and looking things up but I’m slowly getting around to things!
I definitely don’t find it fun and having a bridesmaid who is older and has totally different ideas to me doesn’t help. I actually find it v lonely when those around me aren't v excited about it - it’s hard to get my family excited about things they never really ask about plans and it puts me off looking things up as I don’t have anyone to discuss it with.
Currently sorting out our finances and as my fiancée and I don’t live together we are finding it difficult to sort out payment. He doesn’t receive a regular wage so has been paying off the big stuff like hotel.
Any advice on financing a wedding would be appreciated.
I used to work as a wedding co-ordinator. If you want to know about stress, try running other people's weddings as well as trying to organise your own from London!! :pac:
In all seriousness - start a spreadsheet and put all your expenses on it. Everything from hotel, rings, flowers - put in a budget, expected & actual costs. Makes everything much easier to track.
Feel free to PM me if you need help with suppliers, etc.0
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