The 2020 Christmas Cracker.

Ladies and Gentlemen, and boxing fans around the world...
This is it, the moment you have all been waiting for..
This year's annual Christmas Cracker, brought to you by God Sent Promotions...
Introducing..
The Legendry Boxing Investment Guru Himself..

So, my little red nosed wonders.. I hope ye all topped your investment pots up, and hopefully not too many of you were arrested.

I'd say the lorry drivers coming out of Dublin port were greeted to some queer sights last night...? However, necessity compels and all that right?

Many people ask me how I obtained the vision, the gift, the inside track etc.. I smile at their innocence, and maybe their lack of a good University education (One mustn't mock the afflicted too much). But my little ass wipes, my method is very simple and requires stepping away from the hype and the media nonsense..

Remember, simplicity is key.

So, with out further ado, lets get down to business. The Christmas Cracker consists of eight selections. Normally, a degenerate gambler would pass by the obvious picks, as not enough reward in the punt for him... He would rather go for the guy who will earn more bang for his buck..... My dear underlings, the bookies love you, and has built their Empires upon your shoulders.

Eight Selections - 10/1 winner

1) 14th Nov - Rachel Ball: This lanky ball of fun, is nailed on to lift a World Championship belt as she faces the beautiful Argentinian Jorgelina Guanini. The height difference here is to Racheal's advantage, and I expect her to coast to and easy points win. This selection is win only.

2) 14th Nov - John Docherty: This fight will be no more than a work out for the up and coming John Docherty. His opponent Jack Cullen has seen better days and will not pose a threat to the young knockout artist Docherty. This selection is win only.

3) 21st Nov - Conor Benn: So the Son of the legendry Nigel tops the bill at last.. This won't be a walk in the park for Conor by any stretch of the imagination. Formella, is a solid seasoned pro with only one recorded loss on his record, that being to a certain Shawn Porter. But with all considerations put to one side, this in Benn Jr's chance to shine, a challenge he will truly rise to. This selection is win only.

4) 29th Nov - Mike Tyson: How could we not include the former baddest man on the planet?? In my opinion, Roy Jones is a shadow of his former self, and many think he got walloped around the ring in a dozen fights too many, a statement I fully agree with. Of course these two are both passed their primes, both should be doing other things, but it is what it is... Tyson is focused and enjoying sparring, insisting his spar partners go all out.. Jones appears to be aging by the day. Tyson is conditioning himself for an early finish, Jones can't dance around the ring like he used to.. Once Mike connects, it's over. This selection is win only.

5) Dec 2nd - Ryan Walsh: This is an interesting match up. His opponent James Dickens is a cagey southpaw with a record boasting some top drawer names. Both boxers are ranked in the top ten of their division domestically, and on paper is a 50-50 fight. However, reading between the lines, and blowing the smoke away from the mirrors, this fight is an easy nights work for Walsh. His level and calibre of opponents fought, overshadows Dickens by a country mile. Easy nights work for Walsh. This selection is win only.

6) Dec 5th - Anthony Yarde: This is money for jam! There is no other possible conclusion than Yarde by KO. His opponent (a patsy) Dec Spelman is not worthy to share the same area as Yarde, let alone share the ring with him. Easy money. This selection Yarde by KO

7) Dec 6th - Errol Spence Jr: This will be the Errol Spence Jr showcasing his boxing skills in a boxing exhibition.. Spence is now 30yrs old, at at the prime of his career. Sporting a 26 fight unbeaten record, he steps between the ropes against a shot Garcia, on the downward slope of his career. This is a mismatch to the people in the know, the question is, can Garcia see the final bell?? This selection is win only.

8) Dec 12th - Lawrence Okolie : And so the final contest in the Christmas accumulator rests with Lawrence Okolie bringing home the bacon (or Turkey in this instance). Nothing like ending the wager with a tear up between two big guys. Okolie is a banger from London town sporting an 80% knockout ratio.. His opponent is a Polish dude with solid credentials on the wrong side of 30. This will be cagey for the first few rounds until Okolie finds his range, once that parameter is achieved, its goodnight Glowaki... And hello 10/1 winner......!!

So just to summarize. The above listed fights are what most would consider forgone conclusions.. This is where the key word SIMPLICITY comes into play. Individually, the fights are not worth betting on. Collectively, as an accumulator, they pay tenfold your investment... that is correct 10/1!


Christmas Cracker 2020

Nov 14: Racheal Ball (Win only)
Nov 14: John Docherty (Win only)
Nov 21: Conor Benn (Win only)
Nov 29: Mike Tyson (Win only)
Dec 2: Ryan Walsh (Win only)
Dec 5: Anthony Yarde (Win via KO)
Dec 6: Errol Spence Jr (Win only)
Dec 12:Lawrence Okolie (Win only)

Dec 13: Collect Winnings !!

So there you have it my little dregs of society... A guaranteed 10/1 winner without having to select by knockout or points decision (apart from the Anthony Yarde fight). All revenue will be collectable on the 13th December, plenty of time to stock the cupboards up with your chosen preferred mouth wash...

The guru hath spoken.

Greetings Underlings.

It is with a heavy heart, and a lighter pocket that I address you this evening. I have reflected on the dismal display put out by one of our selections. it made me sad.

John Docherty not only brought an untimely end to the Christmas Cracker, but my little urchins, he did so without any shame in his performance... There is no excuses, the wager was sunk on the first night of kicking off.. As the author of the investment, the book stops with me. Period.

This lapse of judgment on my behalf, can only be explained as an act of God... A million to one occurrence than we could never envision or foresee. But yet, I still stand before you this evening with my reputation blighted, my superior knowledge questioned, and even more painful.. an object of your ridicule...

However, I do take comfort from my boxing investment prowess.. A gift that has reaped reward in abundance in the past.. You have to hit the bottom to get to the top.. The odd bump in the road never deterred this boxing Guru.. Sometimes it's better to get the bad karma out of the way, and then proceed and prosper...

My dear little Fur Ball's, I come not to resign my position as Chief Christmas money maker.. No Sireee! I present myself this evening and ask for your forgiveness and redemption. The Christmas Cracker will be modified, enhanced and made active again..!

Tyson Fury was down and out in the 12th round against Wilder (1), this is the same with the Christmas Cracker. We dig deep my little ass wipes, we rise again, we come back better, stronger, richer, drunker... We will not be defeated!!


*** I proudly introduce the New 15/1 Christmas Cracker ***


The Christmas Cracker Revision 2

Nov 21: Conor Benn (Win Only)
Nov 28: Daniel Dubois (Win Only)
Nov 29: Mike Tyson (Win Only)
Dec 2: Ryan Walsh (Win Only)
Dec 5: Anthony Yarde (Win by KO)
Dec 6: Errol Spence Jr (Win Only)
Dec 12: Joe Parker (Win only)
Dec 12: Lawrence Okolie (Win Only)
Dec 12: Anthony Joshua (Win by KO)

Yes my little Christmas fairies, I have concocted a 15/1 sure thing. The bad karma has now dissipated making way for guaranteed prosperity and rewards. To follow me to the land of festive riches, you must grow a pair of iron clad gonads, take you previous loss like a man, dust yourself down, and saddle up again.. Can you do that???

This is it! The last money train for this year. Are you aboard??

Remember: 'Faint heart never won fair maiden'

Greeting my little degenerates..

Only three days left to get on the 15/1 money spinner.

Hardest selection is first up, with Connor Benn headlining the show. His opponent is the solid, durable, European champion Seb Formella.

Formella without doubt, is a class act, he sports only one defeat on his resume, that being against one of the worlds elite: Shawn Porter.

So, basically my little morons... The 15/1 wager will be more or less decided this Saturday night.

I have no doubt this is Conor Benn's time to shine, it won't be easy, but Benn will rise to the occasion and more importantly, get the new revised Christmas Cracker off to a glorious start..

Come Saturday night, I will tip my glass of Port to Benn Jr, knowing that the hard work is now done, and my very redemption is underway.

Too the many soldiers who will be joining me on this second journey, be strong my little pip squeaks, your reward is near and plentiful.

To the Nay-Sayers, the Eunuchs, and the Prophets of doom.... You will never get the chance of such easy money again. It only required a little faith and back bone. Unfortunately you have once again consigned yourselves to the folder headed Suckers & Losers.

But Alas, there is still time to change your Crimbo Outlook... Go on... Grow a pair..!!

Three days notice Fur Ball's!!

The Christmas Cracker Revision 2

Nov 21: Conor Benn (Win Only)
Nov 28: Daniel Dubois (Win Only)
Nov 29: Mike Tyson (Win Only)
Dec 2: Ryan Walsh (Win Only)
Dec 5: Anthony Yarde (Win by KO)
Dec 6: Errol Spence Jr (Win Only)
Dec 12: Joe Parker (Win only)
Dec 12: Lawrence Okolie (Win Only)
Dec 12: Anthony Joshua (Win by KO)

Guaranteed 15/1 wager..!!!

The Guru Hath spoken.

Greeting my little Christmas plums..

I address you this afternoon with only hours left before our journey begins..

The multitude of pilgrims that have followed me on this endeavour will soon to be rewarded. (Amen!)

My friend Quentin from the City, has afforded me one of his Cuban cigars to feast upon when young Benn's hand is raised in victory tonight. I suggest you do the same, obviously a roll up would be more becoming of people of your class. none the less. we shall smoke in unison (although vey much apart... Very, very much apart..).

Young Conor really has his work cut out for him tonight, I would even venture to say the Christmas Cracker is dependent on this one contest.. (So exciting isn't it?). Formella, is most certainly a step up in competition, and brings many problems to the table. Although Benn Junior has the fighting heart of his Father, he still lacks basic ring intelligence. Hopefully he has learnt to be patient and pick his moments..

My friend Ralph from Dalkey, was intrigued by the Christmas wager, and especially liked the 15/1 return being touted. He has invested quite heavily in the revised edition of the Christmas Cracker, and looks forward to a hansom speedy return on his investment. He was more curious about helping scrote's out in the inner City... How we giggled over fine Port as I tried to explain it....

With only a matter of hours before the 15/1 guaranteed money spinner kicks off.... I implore anybody still sitting on the fence to take immediate action.. Tonight is the riskiest fight of them all.. The potential banana skin... This is were the men must stand up and be counted.. Who Dares Wins my friends...

Even my Chums the Auctioneers are getting on board on this investment.. Not seen returns like this since 2009 when flogging properties was a licence to print money.. (they don't get the helping out the peasants bit either...)

So.. Without further ado...

The last chance to get on the journey to the promised land ...

Nov 21: Conor Benn (Win Only)
Nov 28: Daniel Dubois (Win Only)
Nov 29: Mike Tyson (Win Only)
Dec 2: Ryan Walsh (Win Only)
Dec 5: Anthony Yarde (Win by KO)
Dec 6: Errol Spence Jr (Win Only)
Dec 12: Joe Parker (Win only)
Dec 12: Lawrence Okolie (Win Only)
Dec 12: Anthony Joshua (Win by KO)

The Guru Hath Spoken..

Greetings my little dregs..

So.. There seems to be some interest coming in for Joe Joyce this weekend.. The late money seems to be going on a Joyce stoppage between 8 & 12..??

This is absurd..! I turn my back for two minutes, and ye all start getting jittery and flapping like ye were down the job centre... Am I not after telling you, Dubois has this...?

Even my good friend Norris, who made his fortune in the 2010 property crash, evicting the peasants from their homes (great days - licence to print money), rang me this afternoon regarding something he overheard one of his stable lads saying...

He was in such a panic.. Heard the man Joyce has a sterling amateur background, as opposed to Dubois having very little.. He also proceeded to inform me that he had wagered a good share of his staff's Pension fund on the Christmas Cracker too.. (nothing new there.. he often stated that the working class generally expire before sixty with ricketts and scabies and the ilk, so had no need for their pension..)

Needless to say.. I reassured Norris that the wager was safe, and he had no need to worry about whatever funds he had temporarily invested for his clients / self (embezzled). Norris relaxed, and we had a giggle about the pension fund.. Although he did say he'd a place in South Africa to fly to on Sunday if all went belly up..

So back to business.. Dubois will be done and dusted within six rounds. Joyce will be rewarded for his nights work, and we will continue unabated with the Christmas Cracker into the early hours of Sunday morning... A quick dispatch of Jittery Jones will put all the flock at ease again...

My little mince pies.. Enjoy the weekend, enjoy the occasion.. All is well with the Investment. (13/1 still rock solid)

Unfortunately, Roger has invited himself around to mine again this weekend, and with a double dose of boxing it could be a long night.
His conduct was most ungentlemanly last weekend, and the satin sheets he soiled had too be burnt.. I must speak to Roger about this.

Anyway, I hope this statement puts everybody at ease again..

The Guru.

Very bad mood today..

So, I guess we can confirm that the geriatric showcase is but that.. A show. It is with regret, that we learn that our colleagues over the pond have again demonstrated how inept they really are, and indeed how alien they are to honesty and truth.

Let me make it clear to the bewildered what has actually occurred here.. The grab every dollar brigade, promoted the return of two of the greatest boxing draws still alive, Iron Mike Tyson & the multi belt champion Roy Jones... Right up to this week the noise coming from the US was a return to the ring in all their glory (see some of the trailers - Rocky 10 would be proud of them).

Unfortunately, it was a blatant pile of horse shyte.. This match is no more than a boxing exhibition, aimed at raising some funding for charity.. Or so the legal profession and loophole lawyers will tell you.

The reality of this is different... Both guys are expecting pay checks north of $7.5 million each (some exhibition fee eh..?). The streaming vendors or charging more for this 'exhibition' that what you might expect to pay for a genuine world title clash..

Anyway.... Due to the absolute disgraceful shenanigans of the ... Lets just say it.. 'Mobsters' over there ..., Running a high end money grabbing scam, by virtue of dodging every legal requirement expected of them... The contest has now been removed from the betting forums, as no winner can be decided (of a fight that dosen't exist), so therefore this selection becomes null and void as a consequence in relation to the Christmas Cracker..

So.. First we have Skippy Joe Parker withdrawing from his fight. And now we find that all along, a pack of Gangsters were running the show in America...

My dear little sausages... This now reduces the Christmas Cracker 8/1...

But... Hang in there my little Possums, surely our bad run of misfortune has come to an end..

We are but a fortnight away from cashing out.. We will accept the 8/1 guaranteed winner with grace and decorum.

We trust Karma will wink at us tonight, and the great Roy Jones will be fruitful in his endeavor too be victorious in the battle of the bellies... We wish him luck. And may all tax laws be rigorously implemented to each and every aspect of this sham of a promotion..

Tonight we cannot be distracted by the game in hand.. Dubois needs to be vigilant and patient. It is of the upmost importance that we now complete the Investment without further turmoil....

We will rejoice in our 8/1 winner very shortly.

Enjoy the action tonight my little ass wipes.. Hopefully, Roger will leave after the DDD v Joyce fight too..

The Guru Hath Spoken.

As previously stated, I am expecting company this evening, and must oversee the kitchen and service protocol in advance of the guests arriving. I really do not have the time, nor the patience to reprimand you for your insolence.

You have indeed pointed out an incorrect statement - Namely that Skippy Joe Parker did not withdraw from his contest, and it was his opponent that did so.... (Goodness gracious me, you really are on a save the world mission tonight). What you have failed to grasp is the authors prerogative to exercise poetic licence...

My good man, let me indulge more.... As the author of the post(s), I may depart from the facts momentarily and intermittently, to ensure the desired effect, or point is grasped and understood by the reader... Did you not learn this on day one at Trinity.??

Now, I don't want to come across as condescending (you'll have to look that word up yourself), but you fail to appreciate, that I, in a nutshell, will be lining your pockets with money... Money that will have been generated by my extraordinary insight into the business of Pugilism..

Furthermore, to correct one of your peers is an outrage, and would have been unheard of back in the day.. Indeed, such a slight would have to be addressed & punished to save the family name.

A similar incident occurred to my Great Uncle Wigbert Zebedee the third... One miserable morning shortly before Christmas, a commoner from one of the slums (I believe it's known as Ballyfermot today), had reason to question Uncle Wigbert about an increase in land rent during Christmas week... In order to save face among the rest of the peasants, it was with regret, that Uncle Wigbert had to make an example of the poor wretch that had spoke out of turn, and had not followed social class etiquette correctly..

On that occasion, the commoner was paraded through the village, strung up, and whipped with a stocking full of wet turkey shyte... (Uncle Wigbert always liked to add a little Christmas charm, whatever the situation..)

Times have now moved on since then, and such festive fun is now frowned upon. Unfortunately, my only course of action is to publicly administer a dressing down to Mr Normanoffside, and let it be known that his misunderstanding of written literature has caused him acute embarrassment..

An an apology.. an appropriate percentage of his winnings should be donated to the 'Save the pine Martens of Dalkey Trust', such dear beasts.. Myself and Cecil are spearheading this campaign (and managing the funds)..

I trust this misunderstanding is now behind us... Let us go forth and increase the pot even more..

The next leg of the Christmas Cracker is nearly upon us again.. Let us unite as one, Onwards and upwards..

The Guru Hath Spoken.