Are women usually the bosses in relationships?

RDM_83 again · 09-01-2014 12:35am

seenitall wrote: »

LOL, so true. Not that I think I am an expert in the slightest, but I do find the topic of the relationship dynamics fascinating - perhaps I wouldn't have if I had got hitched to my college sweetheart and everything had been hunky dory from there on in.

But oh no, not me. I always have to take the scenic route.

Yeah its not an attack or anything just find it strange, its like if one person has owned a new car every 3 years are they really the person you want to rely on to advise you on which one to buy if your not going to replace it for a decade.

To be honest I don't mind it at all on a thread like this where its discussions on an abstract I just don't like it when its an advice thread and everybody is jumping on the "dump them" band wagon.

WilyCoyote · 09-01-2014 12:36am

gifted wrote: »

Women want to be the boss since the beginning. Take Adam and Eve..God told them not to eat the fruit from the garden..what did the woman do?...stared the big fellow down and plucked that apple..and then gave it to Adam and told him to eat it (which he did )..all this while looking at God

Now now now! It wasn't the apple on the tree ........ 'twas the pear on the ground

RDM_83 again · 09-01-2014 12:43am

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I genuinely think myself and me fella are absolutely equal, thank fcuk. No nagging from either side; we both just quietly take control of what we view as important (he's actually the tidier one of us about the house). An Irish women from a supposedly matriarchal society according to this thread and a man from a fairly macho culture. Interesting buzz. Works well.

Genuine question though, aren't the Spanish like the Italians though, in that its a macho culture in public but are still a really matriachal society

seenitall · 09-01-2014 12:59am

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Yeah its not an attack or anything just find it strange, its like if one person has owned a new car every 3 years are they really the person you want to rely on to advise you on which one to buy if your not going to replace it for a decade.

To be honest I don't mind it at all on a thread like this where its discussions on an abstract I just don't like it when its an advice thread and everybody is jumping on the "dump them" band wagon.

Well, I've been in a bad marriage and I've been single, so I know which one is better for my self-esteem and general well-being, and I do try to encourage people in bad or abusive relationships to leave them when I make a contribution in RI. If you read the RI forum, you will be aware that sometimes "dump them" is the only recourse left if the OP is to safeguard their sanity in the long term. These people generally don't post for the fun of it.

I also like to encourage people to be brave and proactive about approaching people or getting into relationships, or solving the problems in their existing ones, if that's what they want to do.

clairefontaine · 09-01-2014 1:26am

beano345 wrote: »

I'd agree with that have known a few fellas who were lose cannons in their days until they met their partners then again ive seen some turn to the bottle because of their other halfs,as one of my more wilder mates put it when he first met his gf, "did you ever see someone taming a wild horse? Well that's the calming effect she has on me"

Honestly I've always wonder if it's better to be with someone who draws your best behavior out of you, who makes you act your most noble self, or better to be with someone with whom you can let your hair down and fly your freak flag.

anncoates · 09-01-2014 1:29am

clairefontaine wrote: »

Honestly I've always wonder if it's better to be with someone who draws your best behavior out of you, who makes you act your most noble self, or better to be with someone with whom you can let your hair down and fly your freak flag.

Both?

FizzleSticks · 09-01-2014 1:33am

This post has been deleted.

Lou.m · 09-01-2014 2:07am

The more dominant personality is the boss and there is usually one in every relationship at any given time.

In some situations one partner may take the lead then at other times this switches.

One partner can be overbearing one moment then docile in a situation where they are less at ease.

Sometimes one partner is the boss at other times the other one is in the same relationship.

Daqster · 09-01-2014 2:18am

My last g/f told me that only Alphas could turn her on, hence why she was with me, but the fcuking thing kept breaking down and so she lift me, bitch.

Seriously though, I'd say I'm the boss in my relationship. Don't think I have ever had my g/f tell me what to do, she knows better than to tbh and I don't mean that to sound macho but I just think that all men should be like that. If you don't stand up to women, let them know who's boss, making it very clear from the start that you will dictate how the house and home is going to be run, then they will take liberties with you and it. If for even one second she told me.. to.. eh.. oh shit she's back early.. I'm only supposed to use the internet during the day. I'll finish this post later.

Legs.Eleven · 09-01-2014 11:50am

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Genuine question though, aren't the Spanish like the Italians though, in that its a macho culture in public but are still a really matriachal society

I personally wouldn't view Spain as a really matriarchal society tbh. Although Spanish women are strong and know their own minds and are confident , I believe they've had to be as Machismo really is alive and well here and it's not just whistles and cat calls in the street.

When I lived in Ireland, I felt equal but I don't here. When having your coffee in a cafe in the morning and watching another women getting wheeled out of her house in a body bag doesn't raise eyebrows (not even my own - I'm well used to it) or when you have to call the police on your neighbour for beating the ****e out of his partner yet again (happened to me).

They did a survey recently and asked young women their views on being hit by their boyfriend. 60% of them said if they were hit by their boyfriends, it would be proof they were loved because they wouldn't hit them unless they cared.

I teach mainly women in my company classes (because the men who make up all the managerial and CEO positions get private classes) and all of them have stated that women are second class citizens here. I had one group last year in Real Madrid with both men and women and we were talking about sexism. I told them that compared to my own country, I found Spain quite sexist and gave the example how in all the companies I've ever taught, I've rarely, if ever, come across a female boss. Their response? "Women are too bitchy and catty to be bosses". Both women and men agreed on this. :eek:

The Spanish work the longest work day in Europe and people finish work about 7 or 8pm (but often later; there's rarely a fixed time). Women, who usually do the child-minding, have the option of a reduced timetable but are discriminated against as a result (according to them) in a culture where presenteeism is valued over anything else.

Women might run the home (because they've had no choice) but men wield the power here. You might get the impression that things have progressed from the outside, but like most things since the democracy, there's been progress in laws but not in the mentality and that will take time to catch up. The last government brought in quotas but that does nothing but stick a plaster over a deeper, underlying issue.

My own observations from couples here (and this is purely anecdotal) are women who I believed to be strong, pandering and becoming quite clingy and subservient in relationships. As far as I can see, men have the last word here. Things have a long way to come; don't be fooled by the strong Latin mother stereotype who calls the shots. That might be the case on a very superficial level I don't believe that's the case at all when it really comes to down to it but again, I'm only going on what I've been told by female students, friends' relationships and from observing my boyfriend's family and the dynamics within it. I'm not a sociologist and I'm an outsider, so I can't claim to be an expert. I do think it's changing though but not at the same pace as other European countries.

Wibbs · 09-01-2014 11:55am

poundapunnet wrote: »

I don't think the hatred is conscious or anything though, it's just an impression I've gotten, and seems a big difference between Irish on Irish relationships and those that are either between an Irish person and someone from another background or two non-Irish people

My experience would mirror this too. That often enough we as a culture do better with a partner from a different culture. Goes for both men and women too. There's less suspicion, more leeway or something?

Femme_Fatale · 09-01-2014 2:29pm

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

in all the companies I've ever taught, I've rarely, if ever, come across a female boss. Their response? "Women are too bitchy and catty to be bosses". Both women and men agreed on this. :eek:

Lol at women who say stuff like that. They really should only speak for themselves.

Legs.Eleven · 09-01-2014 2:33pm

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Lol at women who say stuff like that. They really should only speak for themselves.

I was afraid I was going to get fired because of my reaction to those comments that day (ranta-arama) and had to go into the following class and apologise. A guy originally said it but they all agreed. Pathetic and depressing.

RDM_83 again · 09-01-2014 2:41pm

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Lol at women who say stuff like that. They really should only speak for themselves.

I've had a fair few woman bosses/supervisors (actually probably more than I have had male ones), and I always got on well with them, what I did notice was though was that some of them would sometimes go easier on me than on the woman.
I've noticed a bit of the same thing a bit with some male bosses being nicer to the woman.
Perhaps its simply that people are more hesitant about being assertive or combative to people of the opposite gender.

Just my take on why some woman might say that, and it doesn't apply at all to the situation Legs is describing where the situation is simply sexist.

Legs.Eleven · 09-01-2014 2:52pm

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I've had a fair few woman bosses/supervisors (actually probably more than I have had male ones), and I always got on well with them, what I did notice was though was that some of them would sometimes go easier on me than on the woman.
I've noticed a bit of the same thing a bit with some male bosses being nicer to the woman.
Perhaps its simply that people are more hesitant about being assertive or combative to people of the opposite gender.

Just my take on why some woman might say that, and it doesn't apply at all to the situation Legs is describing where the situation is simply sexist.

You could be right about the above but the thing is, there's almost no female management at all in RM (I think there's one woman in middle management who I taught), so neither of these women, who began working there straight out of university and are younger than myself, had experience with female bosses. Funnily enough, they both hated their male bosses (who sounded like total spanners from what they said) and would complain about them constantly in class.

Edit: Just read the last line of what you wrote, which I misread originally. I understand your point now.

whatdoicare · 09-01-2014 4:34pm

I think it might be true.

I think my husband turned off his brain about six years ago and now asks me before he does anything.
I never noticed it until I read this but he does ask me about everything.
He just asked me now what to put in the bag for the dinner for the baby for nanas house. He doesnt even need to ask this, he could put his hand in the freezer and randomly pick three ice cubes of preprepared food and no matter what itd be right. But he still called up to me to make sure.

He asks me before we go anywhere what hes to wear, if he needs a shave, what shoes to wear. I have to lay out clothes the night before for the baby if im not going to be there.

Ive ended up as the accountant, chef, interior designer, nurse and general decision maker in the house.

Jesus, I never even realised he does this!! I certainly didnt instigate this behaviour. I dont want to be a matriarch, i wanted a 50/50 marriage. Ive been fecking tricked!!!!

09-01-2014 5:20pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FONN-0uoTHI

Femme_Fatale · 09-01-2014 5:22pm

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I've had a fair few woman bosses/supervisors (actually probably more than I have had male ones), and I always got on well with them, what I did notice was though was that some of them would sometimes go easier on me than on the woman.
I've noticed a bit of the same thing a bit with some male bosses being nicer to the woman.

Oh yeh I've definitely encountered the above. What I was just commenting on though was when some women call women bitchy and catty, and their baffling lack of self awareness and irony.

Chefrio · 09-01-2014 6:54pm

whatdoicare wrote: »

I think it might be true.

I think my husband turned off his brain about six years ago and now asks me before he does anything.
I never noticed it until I read this but he does ask me about everything.
He just asked me now what to put in the bag for the dinner for the baby for nanas house. He doesnt even need to ask this, he could put his hand in the freezer and randomly pick three ice cubes of preprepared food and no matter what itd be right. But he still called up to me to make sure.

He asks me before we go anywhere what hes to wear, if he needs a shave, what shoes to wear. I have to lay out clothes the night before for the baby if im not going to be there.

Ive ended up as the accountant, chef, interior designer, nurse and general decision maker in the house.

Jesus, I never even realised he does this!! I certainly didnt instigate this behaviour. I dont want to be a matriarch, i wanted a 50/50 marriage. Ive been fecking tricked!!!!

:O

That's shocking, you need to tell him to cop on.

Daveysil15 · 09-01-2014 7:05pm

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I've had a fair few woman bosses/supervisors (actually probably more than I have had male ones), and I always got on well with them, what I did notice was though was that some of them would sometimes go easier on me than on the woman.
I've noticed a bit of the same thing a bit with some male bosses being nicer to the woman.
Perhaps its simply that people are more hesitant about being assertive or combative to people of the opposite gender.

Just my take on why some woman might say that, and it doesn't apply at all to the situation Legs is describing where the situation is simply sexist.

Or maybe they just fancy that particular person.

Daqster · 09-01-2014 7:08pm

whatdoicare wrote: »

He asks me before we go anywhere what hes to wear, if he needs a shave, what shoes to wear. I have to lay out clothes the night before for the baby if im not going to be there.

Jesus, I never even realised he does this!! I certainly didnt instigate this behaviour. I dont want to be a matriarch, i wanted a 50/50 marriage. Ive been fecking tricked!!!!

You need to awaken his inner neanderthal.

Text him on his way home and tell him that when he comes in you want him to do what he pleases with you. That you want to be manhandled and ravished until you can't take no more and / or you collapse with exhaustion.

Make sure he is not driving though, he could crash.

RDM_83 again · 10-01-2014 5:01am

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Or maybe they just fancy that particular person.

Well obviously thats the case for me and the female bosses I've worked with since I'm a veritable Greek God :pac: but its nice to hear somebody else say it for once :cool:

Are women usually the bosses in relationships?

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