Cats

sabat · 19-12-2019 1:32pm

If they'd filmed James Corden's smug fat face reading all the reviews I'd pay money at a cinema to watch.

Kermit.de.frog · 19-12-2019 1:36pm

Human face and human hands?

Ah, i'm giving this one a miss. It looks creepy :pac:

Harry Palmr · 19-12-2019 1:39pm

It'll be the G cert Showgirls

p to the e · 19-12-2019 1:46pm

Someone collected the reviews on Reddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/eckx4x/cats_review_thread/

super_furry · 19-12-2019 1:49pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Human face and human hands?

Ah, i'm giving this one a miss. It looks creepy :pac:

Also human breasts without nipples and for some reason clothes for some but not for others and......... well the whole thing is just weird nightmare fuel.

brevity · 19-12-2019 1:53pm

This is going to be one of those once in a generation bad movies. A movie so bad and strange that it has to be watched.

I really wanna see it now.

Kermit.de.frog · 19-12-2019 1:54pm

My old cat never had breasts like that if I recall correctly what a cat looks like.

Died some time a go tho.

brevity · 19-12-2019 1:59pm

Also, I think the mice and cockroaches have human faces.

Harry Palmr · 19-12-2019 2:04pm

What's alarming is that a feline Taylor Swift is going to be fapping inspiration for a new generation. We'll pay for this in the long term. Lock up your moggies!

pixelburp · 19-12-2019 2:06pm

I never even knew the "plot" of Cats until this movie came to be, but it reads absolutely morbid; effectively being about a death cult, where every year the gang ritualistically sacrifices one of its own. But, you know, with songs.

Harry Palmr · 19-12-2019 2:11pm

One review draws a parallel with the Human Centipede!

super_furry · 19-12-2019 3:20pm

Harry Palmr wrote: »

One review draws a parallel with the Human Centipede!

Okay, now I'm on board...

Conall Cernach · 19-12-2019 3:39pm

It's a bit suss that none of the trailers I've seen for this musical have any singing in them.

johnny_ultimate · 19-12-2019 4:04pm

Conall Cernach wrote: »

It's a bit suss that none of the trailers I've seen for this musical have any singing in them.

To be fair to the cast, it’s very hard to sing while devouring the hopes and dreams of viewers.

ancapailldorcha · 19-12-2019 5:51pm

Who was the target audience for this? Who were the producers, writers and director thinking of when they were assembling this unholy abomination? I have a weakness for cats but I never expected to see the limit of my fondness for them until this.

cml387 · 19-12-2019 7:11pm

Harry Palmr wrote: »

Bradshaw in the guardian loved it
Actually he thought it was sh1t
So wrote in rhyme but it didn't save time
For him or us
Cats is a perfectly awful load of puss.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/dec/19/cats-review-tom-hooper-judi-dench-idris-elba-taylor-swift

I though that review was quite clever, so clever that I suspect it was written well in advance.
When a film gets a mention in a mainstream news programme (e.g. PM on Radio Four this evening) it's either very good or very bad.
But let's have a small cheer for bad films. There are such a lot of good films to see that it's reassuring that you can cross one off the list.

brevity · 19-12-2019 9:47pm

https://twitter.com/davidfarrier/status/1207450843844243456?s=20

CastorTroy · 20-12-2019 2:10am

brevity wrote: »

Also, I think the mice and cockroaches have human faces.

Think I read the only thing more horrifying than the cats' faces are the mice which have children's faces.

Watch this be the number 1 film upon release due to Taylor Swift fans.

Hangdogroad · 20-12-2019 12:13pm

If he wasn't dead I'd have thought that they mispelt Tobe Hoppers name in the credits.

lertsnim · 20-12-2019 2:25pm

CastorTroy wrote: »

Watch this be the number 1 film upon release due to Taylor Swift fans.

If it beats Star Wars I'll be amazed.

ScrubsfanChris · 20-12-2019 8:50pm

Mark admits he's seen it late so tried to go in finding the good, and well.....................

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgEjQ6p4vY

Oafley Jones · 20-12-2019 9:02pm

CastorTroy wrote: »

Think I read the only thing more horrifying than the cats' faces are the mice which have children's faces.

Watch this be the number 1 film upon release due to Taylor Swift fans.

I’m stealing The top comment under Birthmoviesdeath.com’s review because I was also unaware of this horror until now and how can I not...

I feel like Cats is some sort of tome of eldritch lore. Every reviewer who talks about what they saw sounds like a gibbering lunatic broken by the enormity of the universe's true, utter chaos. This is a line from a review I read:

"Then Rebel Wilson unzipped herself and stepped out of her fursuit and proceeded to consume hundreds of tiny human/cockroach composites she trained to dance for her amusement."

I thought it was a joke. Some kind of weird reference I couldn't understand. And then I read similar words in another review. And another. And another. I am going to see this movie later today. I have to know. God help us. God help us all.

pixelburp · 20-12-2019 9:05pm

Wait wait, there are mice & cockroaches with human faces? WTF, how the all that is holy did this get greenlit?

That Mark Kermode review itself is very telling, cos in fairness to him he'll always do his level best to find some positives (with noteworthy exceptions mind); you can hear him really struggling to NOT segue into a rant.

Shelga · 20-12-2019 9:48pm

Ah I love Mark Kermode. I still watch his horrified, rage-filled Sex and the City 2 review occasionally, to give myself a guaranteed laugh. :pac: Definitely an exception to what pixelburp says about not allowing himself to slip into rant mode!

The children's faces on mice thing sounds like a whole other level of creepy for this movie. The trailer was bad enough! Doubt I'll go see it, but if I was going to go, it definitely sounds like a movie to go to with some mates after you've had three or four drinks...

mloc123 · 20-12-2019 10:53pm

Has anyone actually seen this?

CastorTroy · 22-12-2019 2:19am

Phew, it's ok. Movie has been saved

Universal Notifies Theaters 'Cats' Is Being Updated With "Improved Visual Effects"

Oafley Jones · 22-12-2019 9:27am

CastorTroy wrote: »

Phew, it's ok. Movie has been saved

Universal Notifies Theaters 'Cats' Is Being Updated With "Improved Visual Effects"

CATS v1.12321242

Finally the age of digital delivery is starting to align with video games. I'll look forward to half finished movies, with promises of a more complete experience coming after. Where will this end up? What would be the film equivalent of Loot Drops; you just know there's some enterprising executive brain storming it now.

brevity · 22-12-2019 10:20am

Oafley Jones wrote: »

CATS v1.12321242

Finally the age of digital delivery is starting to align with video games. I'll look forward to half finished movies, with promises of a more complete experience coming after. Where will this end up? What would be the film equivalent of Loot Drops; you just know there's some enterprising executive brain storming it now.

DLC movies.

CastorTroy · 22-12-2019 10:51am

Films that are left open for interpretation will now have DLC that gives the film a proper ending

johnny_ultimate · 22-12-2019 11:23am

Patch notes suggest they’re nerfing Mistoffelees and improving the frame rate in Blighttown.

Cats

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