In general, how trustworthy are you of men?

I used to be very trusting then I had a bad relationship and I was cheated on constantly and he was very abusive too. Constantly putting me down, spreading lies and had my self esteem in tatters, tbh I could have probably regained trust in men quicker after the breakup if it wasnt for seeing how his friends behaved on nights out. Some of these men id known since before going out with my ex and theyd made passes at me before but never realised what they were like until I got with my boyfriend and went on nights out with him and his friends.
They would sleep with anything and didnt care if they were in relationships or married. I remember one guy who had been with his girlfriend for nearly 10 years. She'd been with him through the death of his father and brother and was like his rock through out. From the outside they looked like the perfect couple. On nights out without her he'd chase after women, go home with women he wasnt attracted to and all of them were the very same. It was like a competition between them some nights to see who could get with the most women. They would talk and joke about their exploits, lie for eachother so their girlfriends and wives wouldnt find out.

There were also the women that knew my and my ex were together but didnt care, it was like a challenge to them to get with men who are married or in relationships. They loved the attention they got from unavailable men.

That said there were a few men in the group with girlfriends or married who wouldnt even look at another woman - they were few and far between, and that whole experience was eye opening to me. I always knew people cheated but in this case, it was all so calculated and callous. It completely broke my trust.
My mothers sisters have all been cheated on by their partners, husbands/ex husbands but in their case, I think they just married or settled down with the first man that came along and wanted to marry them. They were different times. But that also effected my view of men and relationships. It put me off the idea of relationships and marriages for a very long time.

The relationship I had definitely changed my whole perspective on relationships and men. For along time I didnt trust men at all and pretty much felt that all men cheat but those thoughts eventually subsided and leveled out. Im much more aware now, not half as trustful as I used to be and I still dont think you can ever truly know someone or what theyre capable of doing, people will cheat, theres no getting away from that but eventually got to the stage were I came to realise that there are some genuinely good people out there.
I have male friends that are so respectful of women and genuinely wouldnt cheat, they would be really against it and look down on people that behave that way. Ive dated men that I felt would be loyal no matter what, it wouldnt cross their mind to cheat. We broke up for different reasons but those experiences really helped in gaining some sort of trust back for men.

Also, keep in mind that women can be just as bad, my closest friend was with someone for 14 years, they were engaged and he did everything for her, he was so good to her but she couldnt help herself she was very controlling of him and constantly sexting other men, going home with gross men on nights out just because she could. Herself and her other friend have no problem sleeping with married men or men in relationships. As one of them put it, they like the control it gives them.

Cheating, being deceitful or abuse is a fact of life for some people unfortunately, doesnt mean everyone you have a relationship will cheat though. I strongly believe that lots of people are genuine, its just so easy to get sucked into the charm of untrustworthy people as they know how to manipulate.

I think its good to be aware that no everyone has your best interests but to also trust your gut.

Im not a big believer in counselling. I went a few times and gave it a good try but if you think its something that could work for you, even to just give you a place to vent about your experience then maybe thats something you should consider. Id just recommend focusing your attention on the men you know who dont cheat and seeing the good rather than focusing on the bad. Also, give yourself time to heal, it's a process.

This doesnt just relate to cheating. Ive just used that as one example, it can relate to lots of different behaviors

Self defeating way of looking at things OP.

Some people are trustworthy. Some are not. It's not a gender specific characteristic.

McGaggs wrote: »

Am I naïve, or are some of the posters here unlucky? I've encountered serial cheaters in the past, but never friend groups composed of cheaters.

Some people can habitually pick up or hang out with bad people tbh. Reading this is completely at odds to my life experiences. And I'm not naive to say stuff doesn't go on sometimes in relationships .

Daisy78 wrote: »

I don’t get why a guy who was in a committed relationship or was about to be married would look to chat up women if they are not available and weren’t going to cheat? Is it an ego thing? Why waste women’s time like that, they sound like a head wreck.

Interested to hear a mans take on this aswel..

pwurple wrote: »

Boredom. Entertainment. Amusing themselves?

Don't see anything wrong with it, normalised in their social circle.

If they dont see anything wrong with it, why is then that when they get cheated on or their friend gets cheated on they act like theyve been hard done by?

Thats the part I dont understand.

From suspicious to cautious to trusting - but I have been lucky.