Women and mortgages

determinedlass · 08-08-2019 1:05pm #1

Hi - I'm just don't know if I should be annoyed or not.

I've bought a house by myself. I applied for a loan with a credit union to pay for a final few things. Once cashback comes through I can repay the loan in full.

The teller first congratulated me on buying a house and then said isn't it lovely to see couples settling down. I then said it was only me. (She doesn't know me.) She then said how it will be so hard to pay for the house ALL by myself! (She had my payslips in front of her and my mortgage is less than 20% of net income.)

People (workmen, sales people etc.) always assume it a couple buying a house, but for some reason it really annoyed me this time.

I think the crux of the issue is that I've a feeling that if I was a man I don't think I would have had the same conversation!

Any opinions, similar experiences?? Thanks!

Forgot to say she recommended that I should say it was a joint mortgage (lie) as the loan application application would be look upon more favourably!

ILoveYourVibes · 09-08-2019 1:28am

I think you are overthinking a glip remark.

skallywag · 09-08-2019 1:37pm

I really see no issue at all here, it sounds to me that she was just making an effort to make conversation, and said comment could just as easily have been made towards a man.

If I was you I would be a lot less concerned with this rather than her suggestion that you make a fraudulent loan application. I really hope you did not take her advice?

determinedlass · 09-08-2019 10:45pm

To be honest I found the whole conversation strange. By the time she said she was putting me down as a joint mortgage holder on the loan application, I'd enough. I said i wanted a single mortgage hoder on the application, she replied it would be no harm to put me down as a joint mortgage holder. I then said it was taking longer than i thought and I'd have to go, so I left!

duffman13 · 09-08-2019 10:49pm

determinedlass wrote: »

To be honest I found the whole conversation strange. By the time she said she was putting me down as a joint mortgage holder on the loan application, I'd enough. I said i wanted a single mortgage hoder on the application, she replied it would be no harm to put me down as a joint mortgage holder. I then said it was taking longer than i thought and I'd have to go, so I left!

She was a teller but also put through your mortgage application? Who's the mysterious joint applicant you would have to supply pay slips for? Bizarre situation, I'd contact the branch and have a chat with the manager about a staff member encouraging fraud

Salary Negotiator · 09-08-2019 10:59pm

I’m a guy and bought a house by myself last year and people always assume it was me and my girlfriend who bought it together.

It’s just much more common nowadays for people to couple up before buying.

The reason she was putting you down as a joint mortgage holder was to improve your chances of getting the loan though she probably shouldn’t have done so.

Daisy78 · 11-08-2019 5:20pm

I bought my own house last year as a single mortgage applicant. I never experienced any negativity or throwaway comments like the one you had. I think in this day and age it’s unusual for a person to be in a situation where they can afford to buy on their own, her comment was probably meant in that context rather than condescension. I did get the whole “shall I speak to himself” treatment from one of the site foreman when there was an issue with the lock on the front door. But that was the exception. Feel proud of what you have achieved, enjoy your new house and ignore the naysayers!

anewme · 19-08-2019 9:19pm

I have my mortgage about 10 years now so I decided to do a refurb. Everything was a bit dated. I was originally only going to do a small one, but then I went like a homezilla. I applied for quite large loan in my local credit union.

The application went through in less than a day, a really kind man rang me on the same day to say it was approved and when i went in I met a lovely older lady to sign the paperwork. She said, fair play to you, doing all this on your own, but she wasnt being patronising. They were all just lovely.

anewme · 19-08-2019 9:19pm

I have my mortgage about 10 years now so I decided to do a refurb. Everything was a bit dated. I was originally only going to do a small one, but then I went like a homezilla. I applied for quite large loan in my local credit union.

The application went through in less than a day, a really kind man rang me on the same day to say it was approved and when i went in I met a lovely older lady to sign the paperwork. She said, fair play to you, doing all this on your own, but she wasnt being patronising. They were all just lovely.

Addle · 19-08-2019 9:38pm

I had similar experiences to you OP.
Never liked dealing with tradespeople either because I really felt that they didn’t take me seriously.
Now, I find when we’re doing any sort of business then conversation is directed to my OH.
Last loan application with the CU, he went in to collect a cheque and the manager commented on my being the higher earner!
Some people are just dim.

pwurple · 20-08-2019 11:19am

Never had an issue with mortgages just in my name. Seems odd to even mention it , but sounds like smalltalk.

The only financial weirdness I ever had around gender has been with accountants. They universally insist on putting my tax return through under my husband's name every year... every single accountant I have dealt with does this. Even though for my whole career he has either earned less than me, or not at all (he is a stay at home parent), and all the investments are in my name, because I bought them. Being jointly assessed is fine, but I'm the money-maker, so it makes no sense to me to have all the tax paperwork come to him, and having the online submissions through his credentials. It's completely bizaaro, but I cannot get any accountant to do it any other way.

dellas1979 · 21-08-2019 9:58pm

I am a lady building my own house.

I got comments quick and fast. Still get comments the odd time.

I was with my mam once, and she introduced me proudly as her daughter who was building, and a lady commented "ON YOUR OWN!!? (yes).....BUT.....BUT...how could you do that on your own!?"

I just said back "Sounds like you think you couldnt do it yourself, but really its not that bad."

Youve to remember all comments passed are a reflection of the person/their world.

I am so beyond proud of myself to have gotton a mortgage by myself and managed a build, am beyond any comments I get.

Keep getting told am a right catch now - I still dont see any lines outside the door

PS: Am not ashamed to live my truth or tell my truth. I am single and I am not ashamed of that. It does not sting me or worry me what other people think :-)

Addle · 21-08-2019 10:07pm

Congratulations!
It is a great accomplishment.

dellas1979 · 21-08-2019 10:20pm

Addle wrote: »

Congratulations!
It is a great accomplishment.

Thank you. I have learned so many things about life and myself doing this build...

The fear: Of being judged. Of not being able to pay a mortgage. Of making the wrong decisions. Of failure. Of the house blowing down in stormy weather. Of not understand "build" talk. Of not having enough money to finish. Of dealing with people (from mortgage to insurance, to getting quotes) and standing up for myself when something goes wrong. Of being assertive. Of not being listened to (what I want). Of being told I "couldnt do this" - maybe they were right. Of not trusting myself, and my ideas and my gut instincts about what is right/wrong for the build.

People laugh when I tell them, I ultimately decided to do it as a challenge to myself. Ive never had a big interest to own property. The house is only wood/bricks/mortar. But what it represents to me, is much more than even what it is worth.

Addle · 22-08-2019 7:45am

Do you remember the episode of room to improve with the single lady in Dublin?
There was a strong reaction to it when it was aired, on here too.
Viewers proclaiming that she was unreasonable.
I thought she was judged very harshly. I felt she wasn’t being listened to, and I knew how she felt.

nthclare · 22-08-2019 7:50am

So she made a mistake, and assumed you were buying a house with someone.

Are people insulting people now by thinking someone's not single ?

First world problems huh

determinedlass · 23-08-2019 3:39pm

Hi - meant to reply earlier, but just didn t get around to it! Thanks for the replies.

Of course people make mistakes, make friendly comments which can be misconstrued, are allowed to ask questions etc. but this was not one of those occasions. I recognise that in the scheme of things, this issue is very minor.

I mentioned it to one of my sisters, who would know the local area/people better than I would. She said the teller was notorious (and a bit more, but I dont want to write something which may identify her) and not to take a blind bit of notice. Also said that she must have been fairly bad for me to notice (I'm usually oblivious!)

zapper55 · 24-08-2019 2:17pm

I get the odd comment from tradesmen, pleasantly surprised at the DIY I've done myself in my home.

My house insurance company and other company letters address me as Mr. even though I've the most female sounding name ever.

Many other examples too but at the of the day its just people being ignorant. It sometimes reminds me we've not gotten as far as we think with equality.

Threads like these are useful to confirm I'm not the only one with the same experiences.

The sarcastic response about first world problems is a pity but I suspect comes from a place of naivety not realising the amount of times it happens.

nthclare · 24-08-2019 2:28pm

zapper55 wrote: »

I get the odd comment from tradesmen, pleasantly surprised at the DIY I've done myself in my home.

My house insurance company and other company letters address me as Mr. even though I've the most female sounding name ever.

Many other examples too but at the of the day its just people being ignorant. It sometimes reminds me we've not gotten as far as we think with equality.

Threads like these are useful to confirm I'm not the only one with the same experiences.

The sarcastic response about first world problems is a pity but I suspect comes from a place of naivety not realising the amount of times it happens.

Depends on your trigger status really...

Thick skin and tollerence is a gift, ignorance is bliss

Addle · 03-12-2019 8:21pm

Had a conversation with a single mate today that made me think about this thread.
She was buying Christmas cards. Tried to buy for a single friend who’d just bought her new home. All the cards were ‘from our home to yours’ or referred to both or had pictures of couples on the cards.
She couldn’t find one that either wasn’t from or to multiple people.

Not about women, but the presumption that single people don’t have their own homes is prevalent.
There were cards for pets, teachers, Neighbours, but none (other than the nondescript) for single people!

silent_spark · 03-12-2019 8:27pm

I recently saw a series of greeting cards for non-traditional congratulatory events. Congratulations on... your promotion, raise, divorce, new home etc - aimed at women. It was online... if I find it I’ll post the link.

Women and mortgages

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