How common is it to be turned off by the prospect of marriage/kids?

eviltwin · 18-10-2020 8:05pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Actually the more you dig into that it's not nearly so clear cut. Take the three times higher! stat. No numbers given. If the risk of something is in ideal circumstances 1 in 100, then 3 in 100 is "three times higher" but it's still low risk. Similar goes on with regard to an increase in birth defects and the like with older mothers. Yes the risk goes up, but not nearly to the degree some scaremongering suggests. It also depends on the fitness and biological age of the men(and women). All things being equal a pre-diabetic overweight 35 year old with a hash habit is going to be producing worse swimmers than a fit as a butcher's dog 45 year old who does marathons for the craic.

But Sportsfan still has a point, the fact is a 50, 60, even 70 year old bloke can still father a child, a 50 year old woman can't(unless through major medical assistance), so there is less pressure on men compared to women on that score. Forgetting extremes it is certainly true that a 35 year old guy is under far less pressure than a 35 year old woman who wants to have a family.

There might not be a physical body clock but most guys I know who want children feel a pressure to have them while they are young enough to enjoy them. Having kids is a young persons game.

Wibbs · 19-10-2020 10:17am

Oh most definitely ET, but is there also an element of societal and partner pressure and expectation in that too? I know one couple who got hitched when he was IIRC 42 and she was 30. They had their first child soon after, another came along around a few years later, their last when he was 50 and no comments were passed, but if they had met when he was 50 and she was 38 and it was the first child I suspect there might have been? Though again even on that score such pressures tend to be a lot higher for women.

I suppose as a general "rule" and for the average person, which is the vast majority, the time difference in pressures between men and women is about ten years. IE the pressure to start a family that a woman might feel at 35 would be similar to the pressures a man might feel at 45.

ancapailldorcha · 19-10-2020 2:23pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Actually the more you dig into that it's not nearly so clear cut. Take the three times higher! stat. No numbers given. If the risk of something is in ideal circumstances 1 in 100, then 3 in 100 is "three times higher" but it's still low risk. Similar goes on with regard to an increase in birth defects and the like with older mothers. Yes the risk goes up, but not nearly to the degree some scaremongering suggests. It also depends on the fitness and biological age of the men(and women). All things being equal a pre-diabetic overweight 35 year old with a hash habit is going to be producing worse swimmers than a fit as a butcher's dog 45 year old who does marathons for the craic.

But Sportsfan still has a point, the fact is a 50, 60, even 70 year old bloke can still father a child, a 50 year old woman can't(unless through major medical assistance), so there is less pressure on men compared to women on that score. Forgetting extremes it is certainly true that a 35 year old guy is under far less pressure than a 35 year old woman who wants to have a family.

The only thing I would add is that the "clock", for want of a better term is different for men. If you're in decent shape at 40 or 50, attractive and have a decent income then you might be able to find a younger woman to have kids with but I don't think a lot of older chaps really fit that bill well enough to attract women in their twenties and thirties.

Dickie10 · 19-10-2020 10:17pm

i wonder will there be a large cohort of people both male and female be chosing singledom even if not totally by choice with the covid restrictions? like when you think of it unless you are really driven to meet a partner , you would have missed almost a whole year of dating opportunities. when will restrictions be relaxed enough to let natural meetings happen?

Wibbs · 20-10-2020 10:57am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I don't think a lot of older chaps really fit that bill well enough to attract women in their twenties and thirties.

Very much so. Plus chances are a guy like that is much more likely have been off the market long before that age. Looking around my male friends there are a few with age gaps going on, but they were never guys short of female attention or company, have their sh1t together pretty much across the board and the age gaps came about because of long term relationships mostly with women around their own age going south, so they were "on the market" again. They also all have a wide social circle and meet new people on the regular through work and the like. In the cases where I knew their ex long term partners they seem to have had more difficulty starting over. All of the above is a small sample of course.

On the other hand one mate of mine who was on said market again actively avoided any sort of large age gap after a couple of experiences as in his words he couldn't be dealing with the drama of that and much preferred women more his own age.

Dickie10 · 20-10-2020 1:04pm

Very intereting , find it amazing how much attention men get if their single past 30 and not half alchos or any other baggage. if there good looking ish then quick wnoiugh rumors of sexuality begin to abound when 34-5 and no woman

ancapailldorcha · 20-10-2020 8:07pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Very much so. Plus chances are a guy like that is much more likely have been off the market long before that age. Looking around my male friends there are a few with age gaps going on, but they were never guys short of female attention or company, have their sh1t together pretty much across the board and the age gaps came about because of long term relationships mostly with women around their own age going south, so they were "on the market" again. They also all have a wide social circle and meet new people on the regular through work and the like. In the cases where I knew their ex long term partners they seem to have had more difficulty starting over. All of the above is a small sample of course.

On the other hand one mate of mine who was on said market again actively avoided any sort of large age gap after a couple of experiences as in his words he couldn't be dealing with the drama of that and much preferred women more his own age.

Aye, there's a paradox there afoot. Speaking generally of course.

Dickie10 wrote: »

Very intereting , find it amazing how much attention men get if their single past 30 and not half alchos or any other baggage. if there good looking ish then quick wnoiugh rumors of sexuality begin to abound when 34-5 and no woman

I don't know. I'm where I always was but less bothered about the whole thing to be honest.

Galwayguy35 · 20-10-2020 8:14pm

Dickie10 wrote: »

Very intereting , find it amazing how much attention men get if their single past 30 and not half alchos or any other baggage. if there good looking ish then quick wnoiugh rumors of sexuality begin to abound when 34-5 and no woman

I doubt anyone has got to their mid 30s without at least one past relationship under their belt and even if they haven't I also doubt other people even care what their sexuality is.

ancapailldorcha · 22-10-2020 11:30am

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I doubt anyone has got to their mid 30s without at least one past relationship under their belt and even if they haven't I also doubt other people even care what their sexuality is.

I'd say it's more common that you'd think. Most of my friends were single until their late twenties and early thirties and married their first partners.

mr_fegelien · 22-10-2020 1:15pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'd say it's more common that you'd think. Most of my friends were single until their late twenties and early thirties and married their first partners.

I've heard the reason is (besides people doing degrees and pushing marriage/kids/sex down the line in terms of age) is that men gain their sexual value in their late 20s and onwards.

Generally, younger men have a harder time attracting mates for the simple reason is that men of all ages are much more easily attracted to women than vice versa and women in their 20s are at their prime in terms of looks. A woman in her 20s could be a waster but so long as she's not a riff-raff, not obese and light skinned, she's get innundated with way too much sexual attention from men.

Meanwhile, women are generally attracted to financial stability in men and maturity which many younger men are lacking. So it's only when younger men have gotten jobs in their late 20s that they become more attractive.

Wibbs · 22-10-2020 1:43pm

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I've heard the reason is (besides people doing degrees and pushing marriage/kids/sex down the line in terms of age) is that men gain their sexual value in their late 20s and onwards.

There can be something to that, but in my experience anyway men can be placed in roughly two camps; those who get into relationships fairly early and consistently and those who don't. The former may settle down younger, or have a few relationships until they settle down, latter tend to come into their own later on say around 30, but a fair number don't, or like ancapailldorcha notes end up with the first person they have a relationship with.

kerryjack · 22-10-2020 4:53pm

Sex before marriage is a sin sex after marriage is a miracle.

Dickie10 · 22-10-2020 10:08pm

Wibbs wrote: »

There can be something to that, but in my experience anyway men can be placed in roughly two camps; those who get into relationships fairly early and consistently and those who don't. The former may settle down younger, or have a few relationships until they settle down, latter tend to come into their own later on say around 30, but a fair number don't, or like ancapailldorcha notes end up with the first person they have a relationship with.

+1 on this, Yes have really noticed this phenomena, for some reason some guys absolutley hate being single and on the dating game and the antics that involve, boozing most weekends, mad weekends away, nightclubs, sun holidays etc. I think this kind of scene was big for dating in 90s and 00s maybe not as much now, but i would hazard a guess it still rings through up until covid in 80% of cases.
There are also guys who for some reason got hard to score with girls and eventually when they got to late 20s early 30s became seen this as a safe bet by women looking at the old bio clock, they were a safe pair of hands, naturally these lads were only too deleighted too get away from their "mates " and be taken seriously by others in thier community by settling down with a partner, these same guys you always had the feeling were itching to come out with statements like "Awww lads id love to head out tonight but we dont have a babysitter" or "...easy for you say, you dont know how much childcare cost", " not tonight lads were away with kids in morning" Now i know i may be poking fun, but you always knew the lads whos hearts were never in the weekend sesh and gave the collection of guys they tailed around with the boot the minute they got a partner, usually these mates were not really old friends but just a gang of single guys all on the pull together.

then there are others that love this kind of weekend fun and the thrill of the chase however these are usually good looking , popular guys who wouldnt go too long without scoring , they see it as a game, these guys if they leave it too long to eventually settle actually get afraid of the thought of a relationship where there nights out and antics are curtailed down to something like netflix and chill or cinema nights unless they are really into their partner they get hard to give up the game, unfortunatly i fell into this trap, i had numerous opportunities to get into relationships but feared giving up saturday night antics. As my friends paired off bit by bit with partners i scurried from one gang of single lads to the other, unfortunatley having to tag onto some gangs at times, sometimes younger gangs and hope not to be called out on it! Eventually i would also strike out on my own into pubs and eventually as the night wore on fall in wwith like minded souls. this can be very odd and not for the fainthearted, however you begin to realise you have super social skills and great ability to read people.

Any body agree or disagree that you can become addicted to the chase of it all.

ancapailldorcha · 22-10-2020 10:37pm

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I've heard the reason is (besides people doing degrees and pushing marriage/kids/sex down the line in terms of age) is that men gain their sexual value in their late 20s and onwards.

Generally, younger men have a harder time attracting mates for the simple reason is that men of all ages are much more easily attracted to women than vice versa and women in their 20s are at their prime in terms of looks. A woman in her 20s could be a waster but so long as she's not a riff-raff, not obese and light skinned, she's get innundated with way too much sexual attention from men.

Meanwhile, women are generally attracted to financial stability in men and maturity which many younger men are lacking. So it's only when younger men have gotten jobs in their late 20s that they become more attractive.

Depends on the man. Generally? Perhaps but not for myself. I'm very much the introverted type which doesn't exactly help.

It makes sense I suppose as the "right time" to settle down is at that stage as well.

Dickie10 · 23-10-2020 10:22am

always find women after 21/22 become very mature very quick and want to move onto the next phase

ED E · 23-10-2020 10:24am

El Gato De Negocios wrote: »

Are you studying psychology?

Because pretty much every single thread you start is related to relationships or psychology.

Seems like you are just farming for a course rather then just being an oddball the cursory glance at your posts would indicate.

OP is Cartman in the Warcraft episode of South Park.

How common is it to be turned off by the prospect of marriage/kids?

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