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How common is it for people to never find an other half or have kids?

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Comments

  • #92
    topper75
    Registered Users Posts: 5,942 ✭✭✭topper75


    TuringBot47 wrote: »
    We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.

    Programmed you say?

    I think God's routine may be caught in a ****ed-up loop. He needs a debugger.


  • #93
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    Gimme A Pound wrote: »
    A friend of mine is nearly 41 so the ship has likely sailed. She's gutted, as she always wanted children. She has been in three serious relationships but single since 35 (thought he'd be the one but he was cheating on her, and she didn't meet him until she was 33/34) - last relationship before that one ended when she was 28.

    She goes out a lot and is the very woman whom the malcontents would call desperate because she put it off for years, and now she's a saddo going out all the time. Whereas the actual facts are: she didn't put it off, it just didn't happen for her. She is not a career woman. She goes out a lot because she wants to meet someone. She is extremely attractive and looks after herself.

    This is my biggest fear. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, because I really really want children, and I think if I get to my mid 30's and still haven't found the right person to settle down with, I'll be going down the donor/IVF route on my own.

    Its not ideal and wouldn't be for everyone, but I'd rather do it alone than not do it at all.


  • #94
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    i'm not a parent but as far as life having a "purpose", if indeed it has a purpose, its almost certainly to procreate. do some childless people do more good in the world than people with kids? definitely. but in so far as "you and me baby aint nothin but mammals", producing offspring certainly seems to be the whole point of life.


  • #95
    Greyfox
    Registered Users Posts: 3,720 ✭✭✭Greyfox


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    "you and me baby aint nothin but mammals", producing offspring certainly seems to be the whole point of life.

    Which is why the world has an endless list of problems. producing offspring on its own is bad for the world. producing offspring where you know you can support a child and give them a decent life is a good thing. Having a kid is nice but I wont be having any as I can think of about 500 better ways to spend €70,000/€80,000


  • #96
    Potential-Monke
    Registered Users Posts: 13,804 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    ChippingSodbury wrote: »
    If your Mam & Dad are still around, I hope you'll be especially nice to them the next time you speak to them!

    I'm living with them, looking after them like they looked after me. Rest of the siblings have their own families, makes sense for me to live there and help. Plus, circumstances led to me having to live there temporarily while I got settled after a big life change, and it has turned into a mutually beneficial situation.
    Deleted User wrote: »
    @The potential monke..
    I honestly don't think I've ever heard of anyone regretting having children..

    It's been touched on by others, but you're rarely have people telling others that they regret it. I'm in a good situation insofar as the people that trust me tell me these things. If you're pro-children, 99.999% chance no one will tell you this. If you're anti-children, there's a higher possibility of someone admitting this.
    DingDongDitch wrote: »
    I accept most of the points in your post but the above is either a strikingly immature attitude for a 36 year old or some kind of mental gymnastics you've used to validate your decision not to have children.

    Or, the truth. They do smell. They are loud. They do **** themselves. All stuff I just don't like or want to put up with. You can call it immature, I call it reasons. I have to leave rooms when there are babies in them, just simply cannot stand them. Same as people who have a strong dislike of cats. Also, all those things are part and parcel of having kids, and if you don't like those things, why can't it be part of the reason to not have them? Do I need some special reason to not have them? As I said, it's part of it. The other part is I know I'm not in any position to look after another human, either financially or emotionally. I also don't think I'd be a great father, as I've turned selfish (in a positive way) since moving back home, due to people taking advantage of my good nature. You can't be selfish and a good parent.

    I have 4 siblings, and 10 nieces/nephews. I have never babysit, because hells no, but now that they're in their teens (one is 20) I am giving lifts, collecting them from nights out, etc.


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  • #97
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Greyfox wrote: »
    Which is why the world has an endless list of problems. producing offspring on its own is bad for the world. producing offspring where you know you can support a child and give them a decent life is a good thing. Having a kid is nice but I wont be having any as I can think of about 500 better ways to spend €70,000/€80,000
    coke and hookers: the meaning of life


  • #98
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users Posts: 4,421 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    my brother just had one at 43 (an accident)

    I'm glad we cleared that up.


  • #99
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,735 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    I'm glad we cleared that up.

    The kid is Colombian Irish and lives in bogota we call him El Accidente


  • #100
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users Posts: 4,421 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    The kid is Colombian Irish and lives in bogota we call him El Accidente

    Sounds like fun.


  • #101
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,735 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    Sounds like fun.

    I hope he can smuggle me some local produce over when he's grown up a bit


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  • #102
    HappyAsLarE
    Closed Accounts Posts: 771 ✭✭✭HappyAsLarE


    I am married to a woman that doesn’t want kids, just couldn’t imagine leaving her.

    I do feel I lack a real purpose without kids, as essentially I won’t be passing on my genes. I’ll be a mere memory for a period of time, whereas with kids there is a lineage.


  • #103
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,735 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    HappyAsLarE wrote: »
    I am married to a woman that doesn’t want kids, just couldn’t imagine leaving her.

    I do feel I lack a real purpose without kids, as essentially I won’t be passing on my genes. I’ll be a mere memory for a period of time, whereas with kids there is a lineage.

    Who cares... I couldn’t name any of my great grandparents. Lineage means F all.


  • #104
    Donnielighto
    Registered Users Posts: 3,761 ✭✭✭Donnielighto


    lashes34 wrote: »
    Christ I hate this attitude - life has a purpose without procreating. How patronising to say otherwise. Maybe your life has nothing in it before kids, thankfully its not that way for others.

    A lot of people dedicate their lives to themselves and that is perfectly fine. They want to travel, see the world, have money to have a comfortable standard of living and that is ok.

    Each to their own but the patronising crap from some parents needs to stop. Wrecks my head.

    I'm childless and don't intend to have kids but that is the reason for life in fairness.


  • #105
    Tony EH
    Registered Users Posts: 18,904 ✭✭✭✭Tony EH


    Zaph wrote: »
    I agree. Unfortunately there is a certain cohort of people who, once they become parents, develop this massively sanctimonious “my life is better than yours” attitude, with the whole “kids giving your life purpose” crap being the primary manifestation of it. They heap pity on the rest of the population whose humdrum lives haven’t yet been blessed by the wonderful “gift” that has been bestowed upon them. They also don’t differentiate between those who plan to do so but haven't started a family yet, those who simply don’t want kids, and those like my wife and I who would like kids but are unable to do so. As far as these people are concerned we’re all part of a single, amorphous blob called “The Childless”, that is to be pitied for they know not the joy of procreation.

    Well you know where you can shove your pity, because I, my wife, and all those other people who don’t have, or won’t have children don’t need it, we’re doing just fine without it thank you very much.

    Plus, we're all down the pub getting langered. :pac:

    What's even worse that the above stuff you mention, are the "pity me parents". The ones that shoot you the lines like "I can't do such and such any more, cos kids..." or "You don't know how lucky you are, cos no kids...", or "you don't know what it's like...", or...well you get the idea.

    Like I'm supposed to feel sorry for them because they decided to knock out a sprog and they can't do all the crap they used to like doing.

    Pfft.


  • #106
    HappyAsLarE
    Closed Accounts Posts: 771 ✭✭✭HappyAsLarE


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    Who cares... I couldn’t name any of my great grandparents. Lineage means F all.

    Well you wouldn’t exist without it!


  • #107
    Tony EH
    Registered Users Posts: 18,904 ✭✭✭✭Tony EH


    Mad_maxx wrote: »
    Of course some people never meet anyone, you can't conquer bad luck

    I know a middle aged woman, she's heading to late 40's now. She's always bemoaning the fact that she's single and "can't meet a nice fella".

    I stupidly asked her what she was looking for in a man and she came back with a memorised list that took 10 minutes to recite. It was all he has to do this, has to be that, must have this, must look like that...

    With that kind of pre-requisite set list, it's no wonder she's alone.


  • #108
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,735 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    HappyAsLarE wrote: »
    Well you wouldn’t exist without it!

    I wouldn’t know if I didn’t exist so it wouldn’t matter!


  • #109
    Odyssey 2005
    Registered Users Posts: 21,065 ✭✭✭✭Odyssey 2005


    partyguinness wrote: »
    Risky at 35? My ass.

    Need to see pics first :):)


  • #110
    BookNerd
    Registered Users Posts: 56 ✭✭BookNerd


    I have a friend who is late 30s, single and has no children. She has been actively looking for a relationship for at least ten years. She's a nice girl but I don't know what she's like in a relationship.
    I've suggested a good few times to her to go the sperm donor route as she has a good job and her own house. But she feels that will be a barrier to meeting someone. And her ideal scenario is husband then baby. But time is ticking and ultimately she might end up sacrificing her chance to have a baby for what she perceives to be the ideal scenario.

    I was a single parent so I suppose it's easier for me to say it as I've always had the "baggage". Never stopped me having relationships though......

    I also know a few guys in their mid to late 30s who seem to be holding out for perfection. They don't have the issue of the biological clock though.


  • #111
    NoteAgent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 103 ✭✭NoteAgent


    Its funny how the type of people who should be having kids, (high IQ, hard working, high income, good manners and traits), are the last to get married and have children and yet the least ambitious, laziest, most intellectually challenged get married as soon as they're out of school and end up having a ton of kids clearly when they shouldn't be having any.

    I know everyone should be allowed have children but its kind of sad when you see people who would be great role models end up with no kids.


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  • #112
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,735 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    NoteAgent wrote: »
    Its funny how the type of people who should be having kids, (high IQ, hard working, high income, good manners and traits), are the last to get married and have children and yet the least ambitious, laziest, most intellectually challenged get married as soon as they're out of school and end up having a ton of kids clearly when they shouldn't be having any.

    I know everyone should be allowed have children but its kind of sad when you see people who would be great role models end up with no kids.

    Well you could argue it’s a pretty smart move not to have kids. Those less educated and from less well off backgrounds wouldn’t have the same opportunities and having kids, usually young, is the well worn path for those around them.


  • #113
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    Some people cannot imagine not wanting children/a life without children, and they assume nobody could possibly feel any other way. And I get that to an extent, because there's logic to it. It's biology - surely everyone has that need...

    But everyone doesn't. People might argue "well they do really - the purpose of life is procreation" but shur if we are going to use that tact, we should be starting families in our early teens, living in caves, picking or hunting food. We've evolved.

    Just because having children was the done thing in the past, doesn't mean people wanted to do it or were suited to it. Children were more bodies for farm labour one time. And they had **** all rights, so there was far more abuse. The "natural" isn't always the ideal.

    So while I totally get that people would be unable to understand why others don't want to have children, they should remember that it is a real possibility and that it's best not to force their views on others.

    Most people seem to want to have children though, so those who do want them need not worry about the minority who don't.


  • #114
    Tony EH
    Registered Users Posts: 18,904 ✭✭✭✭Tony EH


    NoteAgent wrote: »
    Its funny how the type of people who should be having kids, (high IQ, hard working, high income, good manners and traits), are the last to get married and have children and yet the least ambitious, laziest, most intellectually challenged get married as soon as they're out of school and end up having a ton of kids clearly when they shouldn't be having any.

    That's because one group stops and considers the difficulties of such an endeavour and the other doesn't stop to think at all.

    The problem is that western society is making the basics of living and extremely difficult thing to attain. Things like owning a modest home and having a child should be easy to do. They should be easy attainable aspirations for all (biological factors notwithstanding of course). But they are made difficult by increasing the costs of attaining such things and putting them out of reach. It costs a stupid amount of money to get a home and another stupid amount of money to have a child.

    It's no wonder that fertility rates in western Europe are falling.


  • #115
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    How come some people feel very sorry for all the single women in their late 30s/40s that couldn't find a partner to have children with before time ran out?

    Why is the opposite is never asked? Why do people never feel sorry for the men whose wife/partner cleared just settled for them just so they could have children? Panic buying. It's very common too.

    Life is often often a trade off. Some people get lucky and meet the right person at the right time and it all falls into place. Other compromise, children with a partner who'll do, no children cos they didn't want them with the wrong person. Some don't want them all at. Some aren't lucky enough to be able.

    What ever position, I hate all the judgment around it, especially those who consider the purpose of life is to procreate. Just let everyone do what's best for them.


  • #116
    Franz Von Peppercorn II
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭Franz Von Peppercorn II


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    I hope he can smuggle me some local produce over when he's grown up a bit

    Peruvian cabbage is noice.


  • #117
    Franz Von Peppercorn II
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭Franz Von Peppercorn II


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    Well you could argue it’s a pretty smart move not to have kids. Those less educated and from less well off backgrounds wouldn’t have the same opportunities and having kids, usually young, is the well worn path for those around them.

    Maybe not so great for society though.


  • #118
    Blaizes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Blaizes


    Each to their own. No one should be feeling smug just because they have kids or making other people feel inadequate for not having them. I wouldn’t be without mine( now that I have them) but had it not happened I wouldn’t have known the difference if that makes sense.


  • #119
    jam_mac_jam
    Registered Users Posts: 4,704 ✭✭✭jam_mac_jam


    Lasagne48 wrote: »
    cannotlogin wrote: »
    How come some people feel very sorry for all the single women in their late 30s/40s that couldn't find a partner to have children with before time ran out?

    Why is the opposite is never asked? Why do people never feel sorry for the men whose wife/partner cleared just settled for them just so they could have children? Panic buying. It's very common too.

    Life is often often a trade off. Some people get lucky and meet the right person at the right time and it all falls into place. Other compromise, children with a partner who'll do, no children cos they didn't want them with the wrong person. Some don't want them all at. Some aren't lucky enough to be able.

    What ever position, I hate all the judgment around it, especially those who consider the purpose of life is to procreate. Just let everyone do what's best for them.

    The same reason nobody cares about homeless men, men are expendable.

    I would say most wives don't actually find their husbands sexy, they realise that it's not realistic to settle down with the men who are sexy.
    Life is not an eighties film.

    A man can be more than one thing at once. Sexy and worth settleing down with.

    Some men are not just one dimensional characters.


  • #120
    jam_mac_jam
    Registered Users Posts: 4,704 ✭✭✭jam_mac_jam


    Lasagne48 wrote: »
    jam_mac_jam wrote: »
    Life is not an eighties film.

    A man can be more than one thing at once. Sexy and worth settleing down with.

    Some men are not just one dimensional characters.

    A small minority, only a minority of men are sexually attractive to women.
    Lucky for us all that all men and all women do not think like a weird animalistic hive mind and what one person finds sexy is not what everyone of that sex does.


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  • #121
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,735 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    Lasagne48 wrote: »
    A small minority, only a minority of men are sexually attractive to women.

    Well only a small minority of women are attractive to me, a man. Most people in general are just wrote off!


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