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Collab on this lyric

  • 23-12-2016 8:39pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 46


    Hi,
    Just wondering if anyone wld like to help me finish this song....
    The lyrics below....the chorus is a bit sappy, a bit obvious...
    I have some music done...but I would like fresh input/ideas....

    Thanks, if you can

    Genre: soft rock/A/C or ballad
    Male singer


    FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE



    I'm here
    On that same stretch of beach
    Where we jogged and we talked
    In that early morning fog
    I don't care
    When people start to stare
    Seems I’m talkin’ with myself
    But I talk with you, no one else

    Gonna find your wet footprints
    Gonna step right in
    The waves can rush in
    But I won't let them
    Erase any trace of you

    … I don't wanna cry


    I don't wanna cry
    the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
    I just want you here in front of my eyes (too obvious line here?)
    Every day I wanna r call your name out
    Cause deep down I feel you’re still alive
    Feel you’re alive (repeat only once?)
    Feel you’re alive
    the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
    I just want you here in front of my eyes
    I don't wanna cry
    the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
    I just want you here in front of my eyes


    I’ll grab (the times they shared, might be better?)
    Washed up bits of a wreck's mast
    Scrape our names on the sand
    Sayin here’s the place, where we ran

    And I’ll find your wet footprints
    Gonna step right in
    The waves can rush in
    But I won't let them
    Erase any trace of you

    … I don't wanna cry (pause before chorus)


    I don't wanna cry
    the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
    I just want you here in front of my eyes
    Each day wanna call your name aloud
    Cause deep down I feel you’re still alive
    Feel you’re alive
    Feel you’re alive
    I don't wanna cry
    the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
    I just want you here in front of my eyes
    I don't wanna cry
    the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
    I just want you here in front of my eyes


    You were someone that everyone loved
    You are someone that everyone still loves

    Gonna find your wet footprints
    Gonna step right in


    Chorus rpt


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 564 ✭✭✭Yellow pack crisps


    FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE



    I'm here
    On that same stretch of beach
    we used to jog, when we talked
    In early morning mist
    people start to stare but i don't care
    thinking I’m talkin’ to myself
    its just you, no one else

    Gonna find your wet footprints
    Gonna jump right in
    waves crash, destroying everything but you

    i cry


    I don't wanna cry that first cry of goodbye
    I just want you here between my eyes
    Every day i call your name
    to me you’re still alive
    alive
    alive
    GOODBYE
    I just want you here between my eyes
    i cry
    GOODBYE
    I just want you here between my eyes


    the mast of our wreck i still cling to
    We scrape our names into the sand
    here’s the place, where we ran

    I’ll find your wet footprints
    Gonna jump right in
    The waves can rush in
    But I won't let them
    Erase a trace of you

    I cry (pause before chorus)



    I don't wanna cry that first cry of goodbye
    I just want you here between my eyes
    Every day i call your name
    to me you’re still alive
    alive
    alive
    GOODBYE
    I just want you here between my eyes
    i cry
    GOODBYE
    I just want you here between my eyes


    Everyone loved you, they love you now

    I’ll find your wet footprints
    Gonna jump right in
    The waves rush in
    But I won't let them
    Erase any trace of you




    I just re-arranged your words a bit to perhaps have it running smoother.


  • Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭sephsleft06


    hey thanks for your contribution

    Do you write music, cause I have some music a bit


  • Registered Users Posts: 564 ✭✭✭Yellow pack crisps


    hey thanks for your contribution

    Do you write music, cause I have some music a bit

    Are you the OP?


  • Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭sephsleft06


    yes the original poster, sorry yeah different sign in name


  • Registered Users Posts: 6 mARKsv23


    I’ll grab (the times they shared, might be better?)
    Instead of "I'll grab", perhaps I'll remember the times they shared might sound more poetic.


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