Poem - In sickness I need the dream

This is heavy enough. Written days after massive surgery where discovered cancer. It was written late at night while slightly under influence of many pain meds, sleepers etc. But it's all truth & I think that's why it spilled out. Worst night of life perhaps.
I tidied it a bit after.

Start

In bed I lie painfully unsettled, contorting my body in a tangle of too-skinny limbs; heaving, writhing, shaking.

You grip my shoulders lovingly firm and confidently whisper- You'll be ok, babe.

Sick comes in waves effervescing from my sorry rankled gut, recently bludgeoned.

Heaves of spluttering vom risen by a mean foul gas. The wound staples stretch and pull. It breaks me down, but I know I won't die tonight. The solemn medical experts agree.

Convulsed and exhausted; ankles elbows knees shoulders heaving twisting flitting shaking.
You tenderly reach for me, hold me, touch my overlong hair & whisper- You're ok.

I'm the tear-drenched driver, the wobbling & shaking sad-thing.

I just want a break but I cannot lie in one place; no place of peace, there is no sigh of relief. Not for me and not here.
So I writhe a little more and Next Act soon overcomes me.

In body; I cry and whimper. But inside I marvel at You.

For being my Love, my anchor on this dark rock with this wild ugly vista surrounding us, begging to be whitewashed & lit by your love. Any embers I offer are just triers, beaten down. Revival - come!
You Do not to lead, nor for Show, nor for God's honour; your demonstrable gift to soothe my head, body & soul and anyone who's blessed to witness - with love. My God! No Show No Way!

You're closer to me now, your firm belly filled with a 21weeker, part of us both. Touching. We don't know this child yet. Funny child I have no doubt! Will they make this world and what or who's world will welcome them? I wince.

Let bright light shine on all our dark rocks. Right now. Now, please, God! Show! We will navigate, skillfully. Just a hop, skip and a jump, I think I see it now. To happy ever after in my dream with rocks.

The storm is over, the pain just dull remnints of past trials, the cancer is dead.
We walk hand in hand barefeet by the sea suds breaking during midsummer.
Our boy toddles between us, takes a parent-aided hop.
We avoid a rock & he skips, then jumps as high as our chests and lands softly on sand. Smiles all round.

My dream is my need, lightly contoured and not spoken.
But I cannot lie in this place; with no peace, no words of relief, without this.

Dream fleeting, life like dreams fleeting
Gods lucky penny jingling
Rabidly searching pockets
Temporary lifetime reprieve
Take it and run straight home
Home to my sweet Sam
Maybe
(Fade to empty)