Are you Petty?

Antares35 · 31-01-2021 9:17pm

and in the morning Diamonds of Frost wrote: »

I think I have been in the past and there are a few recent times where I came close but stopped myself. The people in my life aren't petty at all, well there were one or two but we aren't friends anymore.

It appears a bit on Boards I think. Its hard to tell at times but if you are ignored by someone who used to be friendly with you, is that them being petty? As in have you done something to offend them and rather than saying so they just ignore you?

I dunno. We are all a bit mad.

So much on Boards seems to just descend into an argument, and people nearly lose sight of what they're actually arguing about, but are just really concerned with the last word. If everyone was like that in "real life" it'd be exhausting.

On your point, I agree, often see people mention how there are cliques and politics around who likes who's posts etc but I never pick up on it. Maybe I need to pay more attention!

[Deleted User] · 31-01-2021 9:20pm

I'm not at all petty

Not even when posters talk about me on threads I'm not even on!.:)

How's them smilies for puerile?

Smacruairi · 31-01-2021 9:22pm

I find pettiness a great motivator - means you never give less than your best!

[Deleted User] · 31-01-2021 9:28pm

bubblypop wrote: »

I'm not at all petty

Not even when posters talk about me on threads I'm not even on!.:)

How's them smilies for puerile?

That wasn't you. At least I can't imagine how it could be.

[Deleted User] · 31-01-2021 9:38pm

Antares35 wrote: »

So much on Boards seems to just descend into an argument, and people nearly lose sight of what they're actually arguing about, but are just really concerned with the last word. If everyone was like that in "real life" it'd be exhausting.

On your point, I agree, often see people mention how there are cliques and politics around who likes who's posts etc but I never pick up on it. Maybe I need to pay more attention!

Oh God. I've just realised.........
I had a response ready to go that was "oh yeah totally agree" but it turns out I do that thank thing. If a poster I don't always agree with posts something I do, then I'll thank that post. If we've had run ins in the past sure whatever. That's in the past and I'll still chat away with them.

It becomes different if I feel like they never ever acknowledge me and are happily chatting away with everyone else then I'll be a bit...I don't know...sad? I think it comes from secondary school where I was bullied and left out of things. It certainly won't stop me engaging in the thread but I won't thank those peoples posts.

I can't really explain it but there would be a definite vibe of "I don't like you". Which is of course fine. That's life. And yet.

Ugh. I need perspective. A bunch of strangers on the Internet for God sake.

ILoveYourVibes · 31-01-2021 9:38pm

I have come to the stark realization.

I am the evil wicked one!

Yyhhuuu · 31-01-2021 9:40pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Most people are pretty. Not all but most and most won't admit they are... Some do not even realise they are.

I've seen incredible amounts of pettiness when working in retail. As then it's strangers dealing with other strangers. Everyone wants the upper hand. To one up someone in a situation.

Well if the retail worker is being nasty or petty then thankfully I have discovered how to take control: refuse to return.

Unfortunately my experience has been quite a lot of shop workers can be petty minded unfriendly but of course no all.

Has this something to do with their relatively poorly paid job?

Yyhhuuu · 31-01-2021 9:44pm

boombang wrote: »

I like to be a courteous driver, let people out, merge etc (I know, what a great guy). However, when somebody tries to to push into my right of way there's no way I let them.

Yes, it's awful when people take advantage

Mimon · 31-01-2021 9:52pm

Probably a bit past my prime but on a good day can still look good.

Yyhhuuu · 31-01-2021 9:58pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

To be totally honest, I don't notice. Specifically because it's not something I care about anymore. I am who I am. I'm not saying that when I first meet someone I act like I've hated them for ages. I just don't expect anything of them, and everything that's good is a bonus. It works considerably better than my previous approach of giving people the benefit of the doubt and being proven wrong.

I would still engage with new people and wouldn't treat them any differently to anyone else. I honestly believe the vast majority of humanity are selfish, so expecting that and being proven wrong is like a little win. Instead of expecting everyone to be decent, because they're not, a vast majority just are not decent even though they think they might be.

I had a brighter outlook, but then I became a Garda for 9 years and saw how low humanity could go, and even moreso how so many people have deluded themselves into thinking they're good people, when they can't even recognise why they're not.

Being let down often is worse than expecting nothing and being surprised, as you get surprised more often than you would be let down, as anything above the expectation of nothing is a surprise. Complicated way of explaining it, but I'm not the best with words at times. I should also point out that I'm the happiest I have been in about 15 years. Oh, and I've little to no empathy for people outside my circle. Still happier though. Time for bed.

It's sad to read this post. I hope the authors negative view of humanity isn't true. Are the majority of people selfish?? Unfortunately, I have sometimes thought this, especially since covid arrived and people refused to obey the rules, eg refuse to social distance from a very elderly relative on the street when specifically asked to etc. Etc. I have begun to say to myself that my friend is my pocket. People have become so unfriendly and aggressive.

Potential-Monke · 31-01-2021 10:03pm

I hope it isn't either, but I'm proven right time and time again. Take away something from someone, and see how they react. We've been asking people to adhere to lockdown rules to help prevent a virus from spreading, and some people act like you've taken their first born. It doesn't even have to be big things, everyone is selfish in their own way, be it through ignorant driving, decisions made that will knowingly cause distress to someone (even if the distress is minor). I've always said that if everyone helped everyone else, the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, the world is also full of people who have no moral compass and will stand on everyone else just so they can claim to be happy.

Pettiness is a form of selfishness, and every one can be guilty of being petty at some point. But the world gets easier to understand ignore the more you realise how selfish people are and start acting accordingly. For me, it's hermitisation.

Hamachi · 31-01-2021 10:24pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Pettiness is a form of selfishness, and every one can be guilty of being petty at some point. But the world gets easier to understand ignore the more you realise how selfish people are and start acting accordingly. For me, it's hermitisation.

It’s a shame that you feel that way. Totally understand that it’s possible to become jaundiced about peoples’ motivations. This pandemic has truly unleashed some of the less appealing aspects of the human condition.

Genuine friendship is also becoming increasingly rare in modern society. Many people have commoditized their relationships, only viewing others in terms of the advantages they can accrue from the association.

Having said all that, I don’t believe that a hermit-like lifestyle is the right path forward. You appear to be a relatively young man. You aren’t doing yourself any favors, siloing yourself away from the world. There are still good people out there who will enhance your life. It’s worth pushing through the (multiple) disappointments to pursue your passions, which will almost inevitably lead to genuine connections.

Yyhhuuu · 31-01-2021 10:25pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

I hope it isn't either, but I'm proven right time and time again. Take away something from someone, and see how they react. We've been asking people to adhere to lockdown rules to help prevent a virus from spreading, and some people act like you've taken their first born. It doesn't even have to be big things, everyone is selfish in their own way, be it through ignorant driving, decisions made that will knowingly cause distress to someone (even if the distress is minor). I've always said that if everyone helped everyone else, the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, the world is also full of people who have no moral compass and will stand on everyone else just so they can claim to be happy.

Pettiness is a form of selfishness, and every one can be guilty of being petty at some point. But the world gets easier to understand ignore the more you realise how selfish people are and start acting accordingly. For me, it's hermitisation.

Thanks for that reply. Since Covid arrived I have adhered to the infection control guidelines. I dont mean to be self-righteous but this included keeping 2m away from people outside. I'm amazed that the majority in the city I live in fail to do this. Most times when I politely ask people I can see approaching close by to please respect social distancing they completely ignore me or get aggressive or give out to me asking where my mask is. When I reply by saying a mask isn't required outdoors ( unless a congested setting) they either ignore and walk away or on ocassions tell me to **** off or some such insult. Therefore I have come to the conclusion the majority I encounter are very selfish and have no manners. I worry about the business closed, the cancer or other major operations deferred and the major state borrowing as a result of this selfish behaviour.

This makes me very angry.

Potential-Monke · 31-01-2021 10:33pm

Some day I may start looking at the "bright" side of life, but to be really honest, life is so much easier when you don't try to conform to social norms, where you don't have to have faux empathy for everything that happens. I'm not a full hermit, I just have a very small circle of actual friends, and slightly larger but still small circle of friends. I don't put in or out with anyone, nor do I expect anything from anyone. I get where you're coming from with pushing through, but I've tried that, it's too much work and effort for the little payoff you get, in my opinion.

Right now, I'm just cruising, as I'm quite happy right now. Thanks to Covid, I no longer need to make excuses to not be social. And it will continue after this. I haven't had so much as a cold since last March, so to me that means I used to get it (at least twice monthly, between colds and chest infections) because of other people, and I reckon 90% of the time from the shared call centre type office I worked in.

I dunno, I think that saying what I'm doing with my life is not good actually does more harm than letting me be. I'm happy. I've no reason to not be happy as I've a roof over my head, food available at all times, I have my entertainment (gaming) which has kept me happy for about 31 of my 37 years alive and the only thing to not disappoint me (personal preferences in gaming and over hyped expectations aside). I think people see me do the exact opposite of what society expects me to do, and it scares them that I might just be happy while they're not. Not saying that's true, but I notice that when you do something so very different to everyone else, everyone else thinks there's something wrong with you.

Totally off topic. Soz!

Feisar · 31-01-2021 10:47pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Some day I may start looking at the "bright" side of life, but to be really honest, life is so much easier when you don't try to conform to social norms, where you don't have to have faux empathy for everything that happens. I'm not a full hermit, I just have a very small circle of actual friends, and slightly larger but still small circle of friends. I don't put in or out with anyone, nor do I expect anything from anyone. I get where you're coming from with pushing through, but I've tried that, it's too much work and effort for the little payoff you get, in my opinion.

Right now, I'm just cruising, as I'm quite happy right now. Thanks to Covid, I no longer need to make excuses to not be social. And it will continue after this. I haven't had so much as a cold since last March, so to me that means I used to get it (at least twice monthly, between colds and chest infections) because of other people, and I reckon 90% of the time from the shared call centre type office I worked in.

I dunno, I think that saying what I'm doing with my life is not good actually does more harm than letting me be. I'm happy. I've no reason to not be happy as I've a roof over my head, food available at all times, I have my entertainment (gaming) which has kept me happy for about 31 of my 37 years alive and the only thing to not disappoint me (personal preferences in gaming and over hyped expectations aside). I think people see me do the exact opposite of what society expects me to do, and it scares them that I might just be happy while they're not. Not saying that's true, but I notice that when you do something so very different to everyone else, everyone else thinks there's something wrong with you.

Totally off topic. Soz!

Baldur’s Gate 3 is lining up to be a bit of a disappointment though.

Mad_maxx · 31-01-2021 10:47pm

_Brian wrote: »

Its quite the backstory, goes back 30 years. There's a real satisfaction seeing the lid put on someone bad and them dropped in the ground, this forgive and forget rubbish is completely over rated.

i hate one person on this earth more than i love my own future wife , that takes enough energy

no way could i hold resentment against several people

Mad_maxx · 31-01-2021 10:51pm

Yyhhuuu wrote: »

Well if the retail worker is being nasty or petty then thankfully I have discovered how to take control: refuse to return.

Unfortunately my experience has been quite a lot of shop workers can be petty minded unfriendly but of course no all.

Has this something to do with their relatively poorly paid job?

my finance works in retail

its to do with the fact that so many customers think that by virtue of being a customer , they can demand anything and insist the crap they are talking should be shown the upmost respect

Bearcat1 · 31-01-2021 10:55pm

The Bearcat postulates that without pettiness life would no longer be tolerable.

Yyhhuuu · 31-01-2021 10:59pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

my finance works in retail

its to do with the fact that so many customers think that by virtue of being a customer , they can demand anything and insist the crap they are talking should be shown the upmost respect

I know this is off topic but unless the customer is threatening or abusive they should be responded to with the utmost respect, as the customer is doing the company a huge favour by entering the premises and not a competitor.The sales person should always have a friendly demeanor.
Apologies this is off topic.

Mad_maxx · 31-01-2021 11:22pm

Yyhhuuu wrote: »

I know this is off topic but unless the customer is threatening or abusive they should be responded to with the utmost respect, as the customer is doing the company a huge favour by entering the premises and not a competitor.The sales person should always have a friendly demeanor.
Apologies this is off topic.

" huge favour "

:rolleyes:

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 01-02-2021 12:01am

I can be, yes, and a cancer diagnosis only made me worse.

I had a terrible boss about seven or eight years ago who absolutely wrecked my self-esteem. I was still battling mentally to recover from that when I got my diagnosis. In 2016, I wrote her an email laying into her. I copied our mutual boss into it (two above me, one above her). I told friends beforehand of my plan. They cautioned me, saying “Are you sure this won’t just momentarily make you feel better and then wear off quickly?”. They were right to at least check but I decided that if I regretted it, I would just live it with.

Did I live to regret it? Not even one little bit. Four years on, I still find it incredibly satisfying to think about. So often in life, people don’t get to say what they really think. They’re worried about future references or whatever. So bullies get away with shit. I had absolutely nothing to lose, the fear of future employment prospects being affected was no longer something I had to worry about. And of course, the cowardly wagon didn’t reply. One week after sending the email, I received an email from our mutual boss. I didn’t bother reading it.

My last few years pre-diagnosis were blighted by the way she treated me and I’m glad she knows it. That was very precious time for me. And if I ever come face to face with her again, I’ll jut my chin and look her straight in the eye.

Yyhhuuu · 01-02-2021 12:57am

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I can be, yes, and a cancer diagnosis only made me worse.

I had a terrible boss about seven or eight years ago who absolutely wrecked my self-esteem. I was still battling mentally to recover from that when I got my diagnosis. In 2016, I wrote her an email laying into her. I copied our mutual boss into it (two above me, one above her). I told friends beforehand of my plan. They cautioned me, saying “Are you sure this won’t just momentarily make you feel better and then wear off quickly?”. They were right to at least check but I decided that if I regretted it, I would just live it with.

Did I live to regret it? Not even one little bit. Four years on, I still find it incredibly satisfying to think about. So often in life, people don’t get to say what they really think. They’re worried about future references or whatever. So bullies get away with shit. I had absolutely nothing to lose, the fear of future employment prospects being affected was no longer something I had to worry about. And of course, the cowardly wagon didn’t reply. One week after sending the email, I received an email from our mutual boss. I didn’t bother reading it.

My last few years pre-diagnosis were blighted by the way she treated me and I’m glad she knows it. That was very precious time for me. And if I ever come face to face with her again, I’ll jut my chin and look her straight in the eye.

I'm really glad it worked out for you. I once heard someone say bullies back down.

Yyhhuuu · 01-02-2021 1:00am

I haven't had that many opportunities but would imagine being petty and vindictive, especially if very aggrieved, could give great satisfaction.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 01-02-2021 1:59am

Yyhhuuu wrote: »

I'm really glad it worked out for you. I once heard someone say bullies back down.

I just want to say, I really felt it was justified. Most of my other other bosses in my life were totally sound and if we occasionally don’t see eye to eye, often that was my fault. So I’m not a ball of anger and pettiness thinking that everyone has wronged me. I speak well of and think a lot of pretty much all my old bosses and some of them I received bollockings from. :pac: Just yer wan and another one from back in the day do I harbour any ill will towards.

atilladehun · 01-02-2021 2:10am

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I can be, yes, and a cancer diagnosis only made me worse.

I had a terrible boss about seven or eight years ago who absolutely wrecked my self-esteem. I was still battling mentally to recover from that when I got my diagnosis. In 2016, I wrote her an email laying into her. I copied our mutual boss into it (two above me, one above her). I told friends beforehand of my plan. They cautioned me, saying “Are you sure this won’t just momentarily make you feel better and then wear off quickly?”. They were right to at least check but I decided that if I regretted it, I would just live it with.

Did I live to regret it? Not even one little bit. Four years on, I still find it incredibly satisfying to think about. So often in life, people don’t get to say what they really think. They’re worried about future references or whatever. So bullies get away with shit. I had absolutely nothing to lose, the fear of future employment prospects being affected was no longer something I had to worry about. And of course, the cowardly wagon didn’t reply. One week after sending the email, I received an email from our mutual boss. I didn’t bother reading it.

My last few years pre-diagnosis were blighted by the way she treated me and I’m glad she knows it. That was very precious time for me. And if I ever come face to face with her again, I’ll jut my chin and look her straight in the eye.

I don't think this is petty, this is standing up for yourself from a traumatic situation. You addressed the issue head on.

Petty would be secretly damaging her property, subtly saying bad things about her to your boss that aren't really about work etc in my opinion. Off topic indirect digs and revenge. You had a real problem and addressed it. Well done.

I

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 01-02-2021 3:11am

atilladehun wrote: »

I don't think this is petty, this is standing up for yourself from a traumatic situation. You addressed the issue head on.

Petty would be secretly damaging her property, subtly saying bad things about her to your boss that aren't really about work etc in my opinion. Off topic indirect digs and revenge. You had a real problem and addressed it. Well done.

I

Thank you!

I wondered if copying in our mutual boss was petty but I did it because I actually think there’s no harm in her being questioned about her behaviour towards underlings. Also, I did know that she wouldn’t lose her job because she IS a very talented scientist. Absolutely no harm for her to face criticism on other aspects of her job performance. Also, and I was very careful about this, I was quite blunt but there was no swearing or personal insults in the email. I feel that would have been tacky and classless on my part and it would have totally undermined my point. If you have to insult somebody, your point is weak.

_Brian · 01-02-2021 11:19am

Antares35 wrote: »

They must have really wronged you.

What some people do is just so incredibly inherently wrong that we should be under no obligation to forgive nor like them.

_Brian · 01-02-2021 11:24am

HBC08 wrote: »

"Buried one recently and I I just couldn’t help but think “who’s putting who in the ground now ya cnut” as coffin was lowered"

Unless you actually killed him thats a weird sentence

Maybe you've just never been badly enough wronged by someone.
Now I can draw a line under it and move on with the satisfaction that they are gone forever..

Deemed as Normal · 01-02-2021 12:21pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

But the world gets easier to understand ignore the more you realise how selfish people are and start acting accordingly. For me, it's hermitisation.

I have quite a cynical view of people too, but it's never made me want to become a hermit. It's actually made me want to be more sociable. Why? Because the more you socalise, the more you master the art of pettiness!! The more you socialise, the better you get at anticipating people's moves... and the better you get at understanding why certain people take a disliking to you in the first place.

Deemed as Normal · 01-02-2021 12:27pm

Antares35 wrote: »

On your point, I agree, often see people mention how there are cliques and politics around who likes who's posts etc but I never pick up on it. Maybe I need to pay more attention!

Lol, I got no like for my OP. Then the first poster mutters a few random words and gets a like! Couldn't help but notice.

Are you Petty?

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