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Family after death of a mother

  • 19-09-2020 12:27pm
    #1
    unichick
    Registered Users Posts: 605 ✭✭✭


    My mother died in March after a short illness. It was a huge shock. She was the glue that held the family together. My father didn’t always treat her well. In fact he treated her very poorly. One of my siblings does not talk to him.

    One sibling visits my mothers grave everyday & seems to think they have a monopoly on grief & is suffering the most. We had a row about it recently. We all equally loved her & she had no favourites unlike my father. The grave is maintained by one sibling & my father. I got given out to for bringing flowers & not cutting the stems off & putting them in a vase they purchased. I made it clear I will visit my mothers grave & bring whatever I want. I am normally close to this sibling but since my mother became ill they have tried to control everything. A massive complainer too. Glass has always half empty. Looking for the sympathy vote a lot.

    Is it the norm for families to have a lot of rows after the death of a family member? I tend to put myself out for other people visiting 3 different houses while I visit my mothers grave also. I travel to the town. I’ve decided to put myself first from now on.


Comments

  • #2
    04581466
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24 ✭04581466


    There is no normal in terms of how families deal with the death of a family member, some will have rows, others won't. I wouldn't go down the road of comparing.

    I would however recommend choosing the path you have chosen; put yourself first for the time being because you have a lot to process without having to deal with the grieving processes of your siblings. Put yourself first but not necessarily at all costs, be there for your siblings but on your terms. If anyone wants to go down the route of "competitive grieving", which unfortunately does happen sometimes, then leave them to it, that's just their way of dealing with it. It's a reflection on them and them only. No reflection at all on you.

    Sorry for your loss, and mind yourself :)


  • #3
    bobbyy gee
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,306 ✭✭✭bobbyy gee


    the guilty party will vist the grave more
    as they want to make up for a wrong they did before the person died.every one grieves in there own way you can visit and bring nothing
    putting a photo of the person in your wallet is more personal

    when some one dies there are three stages for the living
    sadness.anger then acceptance
    i would let all of you grieve in your own way
    i am sure your mother would not want you fighting with each other


  • #4
    Purgative
    Registered Users Posts: 2,509 ✭✭✭Purgative


    Hi Unichick. I'm very sorry for your loss.


    Be kind to yourself.


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