Introduce Yourself

shezzie · 28-02-2009 9:52pm

hey dublinreject...i am adopted too and on the tracing road with not much luck...havent met either of them ...dont know there full names...anyway for you i would ask her to meet you politely and if that does not suceed i would be abit more harsher with my words christ everyone has a right to know bout there birth, where they came from and why they came about..i dont understand why birth parents dont understand this you cant simply have a baby give it up and not expect them to wanna know...they owe us abit more respect we are their children...so yeah if she isnt responsive to being polite and patient and understanding then yeah repect goes both ways you will have to flush it out of her more directly..

for myself i am not looking for anything or at most friendship from my birth parents i was graced with the best family and would probably thank b.m.for giving me away in the sence i have had a great life but i would definately demand her to tell me bout b.f.

i wish you every luck....hope it works...let us know if it did.....its nice to hear positive stories on this subject as too many sadly are not...

dublinreject · 05-03-2009 10:10am

Thank you Shezzie .... sometimes i just feel really really angry and desperate when i think of her and her family knowing about my birth when i don't.. i've been considering a trip to Dublin to just face her but i have no contact details for her so i couldnt pre-warn her - might be a good thing anyway catch her on the bounce but then it could go the other way and i'd be frozen out totally.... Oh i dunno!!

I genuinely think that if she hadn't of been in the press i would still be looking for her, i found the processes to get information from Rep of Ireland painfully slow .. i hope you have news soon. I am in total agreement with you on the adoptive parents, i think if i won the lotto and gave it to them it still wouldnt be enough to repay them from taking me away from that woman .... all i can say is to love and cherish your real mum and dad - which i am sure you do anyways - its only biology that we are interested in!!!!

take care and hope to come back with some news soon! x

thegen · 10-03-2009 3:39pm

Hi All,

First time posting her. I am 43 living in Dublin, married two kids and have found my BM.

I have had my wife beside me through the whole process.

I did talk with my Mum and sister and told them what I was doing, but as yet told them I had contact with BM.

It has now moved on and a meet is to be arranged after Easter.

The above is a brief description of it so far for me.

M25 · 23-03-2009 3:27pm

Hi Everyone,

Im adopted found out when i was very young so its okay. Im 21 now, im trying to find my Birth mother for 2 years, well i was on a waiting list to get a social worker. However last August i was contacted that my case had been assigned. I frecked out a little & i put it off til Janurary. I finally met up with the social worker on the 25th feb on my birthday of all days! But anyway the meeting went well, shes very nice. She said she would try & contact my birthmother, that is the next step she said. So after 2 weeks she rings me & tells me that my mother responsed to her letter, My social worker rang me last Wednesday to tel me this. I panicked & started crying. I was in work at the time, i had to go home early. I felt really bad coz im on work placement for college & i left early. I dealt with this a lot better when i was younger. I have to ring my social worker later today, she said she was going to meet my mother & her husband next week. Im really scared, im not sure how im sappose to be feeling or how to cope with this. My adopted family are great, my dad & stepmom. My adopted mother died when i was 3 so didnt have a mother figure so to speak for 12 years til my dad married my stepmom. Shes great though.

Still i dont know what to do? Sorry i know this is really long just needed to talk about it with people who may have gone through this. Thanks for listening everyone.

shezzie · 23-03-2009 3:38pm

it is a very huge time in your life all the questions that go round and around...you will be fine she wants to meet an important first step...maybe try to write alist of questions or things you wanna say i can only imagine that the mind goes blank when you meet and all the things you really wanted to say get lost in this initial meet up....i wish you all the luck in this .... if you wanna chat more you can private message me...i know how difficult it is am adopted

kathy finn · 23-03-2009 3:46pm

hi m25, what your feeling is perfectly normal the whole process of search and reunion is very emotional it,s like a rollercoaster you can feel one way one day and compleatly different the next.
this is the hard stage after u meet with your birthmum it will all settle down to a routine, if u let her she will fit into your life without taking over.
im now nearly 2 years into my reunion with my birthfather and he,s just another person i keep in contact with.
good luck in your reunion and just be yourself im sure you will get on great..kathy

M25 · 03-04-2009 1:20pm

Hi, Thank you for your advice & help, it means alot.

My brith mother has written back to the social worker & they decided to meet each other. The meeting went well between them, I feel alot better about it now coz she was delighted to hear i was looking for her. So far so good. I was a bit upset the other day but im fine now. My birthmother is married & has kids which still feels really really weird for me, they dont know about me. But she is not with my birthfather. But everything seems positive enough.

I must admit i do feel a certain amount of weight lifted off me when i found she wanted to find me. I think it was more emotional weight that i didnt even know i was carrying if you know what i mean. I seem to be sleeping alot better than i used to. The next step is she is going to write a letter to me but through the social worker. I am excited in a way to see what she will say. Im scared aswell of course of what she might say.

But that letter could take a long time to get written. I understand that completely. Just curious now

Il keep ye posted but so far so good.

The_Conductor · 03-04-2009 1:47pm

Congratulations M25- I can only imagine that you are on Cloud9! How do you feel about finding that you have siblings? I'm thrilled for you. I know you'll be awaiting at the door every evening when you get home to see if your first letter has arrived- I know I was. Congratulations! Shane

M25 · 03-04-2009 4:50pm

Thanks Shane! I am a little thrilled but im afraid to get too happy just yet coz i dont want to get hurt. Its really weird having other siblings to be honest, i already have a brother and i think i like it that way but you never know. The thing is the others dont know about me & their teens i think so i dont want to upset them or their life you know. Guess il just have to wait & see what she says in her letter. But i am secretly happy.

I just hope it doesnt go belly up.

shezzie · 03-04-2009 7:49pm

hello m25 just wanted to say the best of luck with the search and its looking very positive for you. i hope you get your letter sooner rather than later....my search has stalled badly am upset bout it but you have to get on with it. mine seemed so positive but has crashed so i can understand the emotions and trepedation and angst for the letter and communication - chin up - she wants to know you -

best of luck

edwina71 · 09-04-2009 4:19pm

hi im new to this site.just hoping someone can give me some advise.my name is edwina .i was adopted in 1971.five years ago with the help of a social worker i traced my birth mother.we met in person a year later.there wasnt a mother daughter bond there but you are who rears you i suppose.anyway we got on ok and she told me my birthfathers name but had had no contact with him in 35 years.she also told me i had a full brother called thomas who was a year younger than me.anyway to make a long story short 4 years after telling me that she would tell thomas about me she still hasnt.all she has told me is lies.i got my brothers birth cert and he is a year older than me.she also told me she was mever married then i found out she was.i have explained to her that i am not looking for anything other than for thomas to know i exist but she keeps fobbing me off.its beenlike this for 4 years now.i dont want to upset her or openup old wounds for her but she offered this info freely.i would realy love to meet my brother who at nearly 40 is entitled to know about me too ime wondering by lawcan she be made give me a contact number or address since she has told me so much about him.anyway ill leave it at that other than to say the person i am looking for is called thomas smith.easy name to trace??? he is from foulksmills in county wexford but moved to croydon in london about 20 years ago.he is 38 years of age and a baker by trade.in school his nickname was spinks.would be great if someone could help thanks

dorisoak · 12-05-2009 12:48pm

Hi

I'm 34 and was adopted from Bessboro, Co Cork. Unfortunately, my efforts to contact my birth mother did not go well. According to the adoption agency, when they contacted her 15 years ago she was adamant she wanted no contact. Recently I contacted Cork in attempts to trace my birth certificate. Sr Sarto was not a happy camper when the adoption board asked her to reattempt contact with my birth mother! Seemingly, this was not successful again ( she couldnt contact her). I still managed to get the birth certificate which is great but I really would love to know if anyone else has had a similar experience.

All I hear about is reunions!!

Thanx

dorisoak

The_Conductor · 12-05-2009 1:38pm

Welcome Dorisoak- sorry to hear about the problems encountered. You might be interested to know Sr. Sarto has now retired, and many people are having far better luck dealing with her replacement of late, than they had with her.

Best wishes,

Shane

dorisoak · 12-05-2009 2:05pm

Thanks Shane...I didn't realize Sr Sarto had retired. I'll try her replacement and see if I can get clearer answers. The infomation my parents were given when adopting me is completely different to Sr Sarto's version of events, but I understand that's commonplace.
Cheers again

The_Conductor · 12-05-2009 2:10pm

dorisoak wrote: »

Thanks Shane...I didn't realize Sr Sarto had retired. I'll try her replacement and see if I can get clearer answers. The infomation my parents were given when adopting me is completely different to Sr Sarto's version of events, but I understand that's commonplace.
Cheers again

Unfortunately Sr. Sarto was rather infamous for her liberal interpretation of the truth. Do not assume anything is accurate- until you have collaborated it elsewhere.

kathy finn · 12-05-2009 5:06pm

hi maybe you should contact bessboro again sr sarto is no longer their, sr mary is who you would be dealing with now.
she was very nice to me last year when i went for a look round.
give her a ring, as shane said sr sarto was known for bending the thruth...kathy

dorisoak · 12-05-2009 9:40pm

Thanks Kathy. Sr Sarto's attitude was puzzling and to be honest a little unkind. At least now I know it wasn't just me!!! Here's hoping Sr Mary is more straightward.

shezzie · 12-05-2009 10:19pm

hey - im shezzie posted bout 2 months ago was told few days ago that basically my birth mother doesnt want any contact - hurts alot - i have a brother and two sisters from her family (they dont know bout me ) and my birth father was married at time and didnt wanna know my birth mother till i was adopted out.

through my own search i have found my birth cert - my birth mothers birthcert and her sisters - her parents marriage cert and my birth grandfathers death cert and bm sister death cert

the nun from the agency also told me my aunt had adopted out her first child too but kept her 2nd though when she died my birth mother took in that second child aswell as raised her other 3. when the aunts second child searched for family my birth mother helped the agency and set up for the 2 brothers to meet up. though she never mentioned bout me -

am having trouble finding out her marriage name - i fully respect her decision not to meet and have no intention of just turning up on her doorstep but would love to know even the name and date of births of my siblings - just to have the information is good and enough for me -

am not going to say any of it hasnt been hurtful or hindered my life though finding out the above certs and the bit of info i can get from these is a help to understanding - the nun from the agency says she will contact my birth cousins and see if they want contact i pray to god they will as especially the guy who was adopted out should understand the need to meet and understand etc

anyway i am probably waffling - am just so sad and hurt

- and kinda feel like someones bad little secret as birth mother only told her sister who is dead now and the birth father who never wanted to know..

anyways waffle over

best to everyone who is searching i hope you find what ye are all looking for

Merrilady · 23-06-2009 3:26pm

Hi

I am 33 and myself and my husband are waiting to be assesed with the HSE for Inter-country adoption. We have been on the waiting list for 2 years.

Looking forward to reading this thread

g5 · 25-06-2009 7:40pm

Hi.I am 41 female and in the process of tracing my birth Mum.
Im new to all this,,forum and tracing,I posted a thread today and hope I didnt offend anyone as I didnt know I had to introduce myself...

g5 · 25-06-2009 7:46pm

shezzie wrote: »

hey - im shezzie posted bout 2 months ago was told few days ago that basically my birth mother doesnt want any contact - hurts alot - i have a brother and two sisters from her family (they dont know bout me ) and my birth father was married at time and didnt wanna know my birth mother till i was adopted out.

through my own search i have found my birth cert - my birth mothers birthcert and her sisters - her parents marriage cert and my birth grandfathers death cert and bm sister death cert

the nun from the agency also told me my aunt had adopted out her first child too but kept her 2nd though when she died my birth mother took in that second child aswell as raised her other 3. when the aunts second child searched for family my birth mother helped the agency and set up for the 2 brothers to meet up. though she never mentioned bout me -

am having trouble finding out her marriage name - i fully respect her decision not to meet and have no intention of just turning up on her doorstep but would love to know even the name and date of births of my siblings - just to have the information is good and enough for me -

am not going to say any of it hasnt been hurtful or hindered my life though finding out the above certs and the bit of info i can get from these is a help to understanding - the nun from the agency says she will contact my birth cousins and see if they want contact i pray to god they will as especially the guy who was adopted out should understand the need to meet and understand etc

anyway i am probably waffling - am just so sad and hurt - and kinda feel like someones bad little secret as birth mother only told her sister who is dead now and the birth father who never wanted to know..

anyways waffle over

best to everyone who is searching i hope you find what ye are all looking for

Hi sorry to hear that,my bm told no.one either and has been contacted recently,said she was my mum,and as the only one that knows about me was my birth dad,may now retreat,and its so many mixed emotions,cause Im nice etc and worth meeting..And I cant explain the hurt..

Little_L · 26-06-2009 7:11pm

kittenkiller wrote: »

Hi,

I'm 24 and although I've often wondered about my birth-relatives, I've never followed through and tried to find any of them.
I seem to be relying on "the right time" to start looking.
I figure when I'm ready I'll just know and start then.

I'm 24 and adopted as well. I feel the same, that I am waiting for "the right time", I always feel like I want to accomplish more before I make any contact. "The right time" keeps getting further and further away. I'm also afraid of not being wanted and interfering in somebody's life with my presence.

modest_marie · 04-08-2009 4:57pm

Hi, I'm 28, and am adopted. I have met my Birth Monther a couple of times as she is my non Bio Mothers First Cousin. I have never spoken to her re me being her daughter, although in the past she has asked if I know about being adopted. I have 1 brother and 1 stster that I live with and they don't know I'm adopted. My Birth Mother also has 4 sons and is married to someone else and I don't think they know about me.
I would love to talk to her and see who she really is, see what interests her etc, really talk to her and maybe help find out who I am... But I am scared too of hurting my Brother, Sister and my Parents... I do not know who my Biological Father is.

martinf · 04-08-2009 5:17pm

Hi Marie, The fear of hurting others isn't uncommon when it comes to search and reunion. Even though my parents were very supportive as long as I can remember I still didn't tell them I was searching until I had something to tell them. How did you find out who your birth mother is - were you told or did you find out some other way? Do you have any other information? The chances are that once the questions start to pop into your mind they won't go away too easily. Curiousity is a great driver.

Best wishes

Martin

modest_marie · 04-08-2009 5:48pm

Hi Martin,

I found an adoption certificate some years ago, and I asked my Mother then and she explained what she knew. Since I was only 16 at the time I never wanted to do anymore about it.

In recent years I just feel that my life needs to know and help to find out who I am. I hadn't wanted to contact my Birth Mother in this way, until recent years, as I didn't want to hurt my Parents or my Brother/Sister, and I had no need since I've had a very happy childhood. But now curiosity about who I am, as I wonder what career I should take, where my aptitudes lie etc are screaming at me to find out more. Maybe fear of rejection is slightly there, but I would deal with that as I have a very loving family. I feel that I have been painted a picture of my Birth Mother in such a way so I should not like her (which is understandable, considering I have seen her through years of growing up), but I want to find out for myself what she is really like. My non Biological Mother has asked that I don't tell my Dad nor my Brother and Sister, to avoid them being hurt. But I am an open Person and feel that it would be best out in the open. I haven't pushed this as I'm not sure really what the normal way to go about things is... tell my family first, or approach my Birth Mother first. I just want to do the right thing by everyone....

The_Conductor · 04-08-2009 5:57pm

modest_marie wrote: »

I just want to do the right thing by everyone....

Hi Marie- you have to remember that you also owe it to yourself- to do what is right for you.

Fear of hurting others should not dissuade you from deciding to take a particular course of action- and to be perfectly honest- it was unfair of your Mum to request you say nothing to the others.

Curiosity is a natural human trait- but so too is a natural urge to find out more about who we are as people. You cannot sacrifice the right of self knowledge for fear of what it may do to others.

Totally aside from taking any action at all- I'd suggest sitting down and reading other people's experiences (Betty Jean Lifton's books detailing her experiences are very good).

Best wishes,

Shane

modest_marie · 04-08-2009 6:04pm

Yes I can see that it was completely unfair of her to ask me that, but I can also see that she only asked out of concern for the others.

You are right, sometimes I am guilty of thinking of others toooo much before thinking of myself :-)

Thanks for the great advice, and those books sound like they would be a good read. I'll keep you updated, and someday soon hopefully I'll get the courage to address the situation.

rose1 · 04-08-2009 10:16pm

Hi,

I'M 27 AND ADOPTED, I LOVE MY MAM AND DAD TO BITS BUT I ALWAYS WANTED TO FIND MY BIRTH MOTHER ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAD MY OWN SON BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL REALLY GUILTY ABOUT IT, I HAVE BEEN IN TOUCH WITH THE ADOPTION AGENCY BUT TO BE HONEST I DONT FIND THEM VERY HELPFULL.IT'S GREAT TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT ALONE:)

gfmason · 05-08-2009 12:14pm

Hi,

I am 43 years old and was adopted from St. Patricks Nursing Home, Navan Road when I was two months old. I have, over the last number of years, tried to trace my birth mother. She was contacted, via a Social Worker, but she refused to make contact a few years ago. I have finally found out where she came from but that is all at the moment. I am actively following all leads. I would dearly love to meet with her, even if it is only a one-off. There are so many questions I would love to ask her.

Anyway, I am new to this forum and do not really know how it operates. Any help would be appreciated.

grainne

tyview · 07-08-2009 6:40pm

Hi, I'm 27 and I'm adopted since birth. I have grown up with a brilliant adopted family, my sis is adopted too. we have always known we were adopted and my mom kept as much info as she could on both of our adoptions, pretty much all the non-identifiable info i think, which is great. both of my parents have always been very open about it as I've already said but my mom used to try and talk to me about it. I never felt comfortable with it though. I just wanted my family to think I had blocked it out but on the inside it always ate me up. I can't even think about it without getting really emothional about it.
I first started the trace about 7 years ago by ringing the adoption board (my adoption agency has since closed) and they took all the details etc. didn;t hear anything back. Then the contact preference register came out and I sent that info back to them. Still nothing. Then last year got a letter from the HSE saying that they had my request for a trace and wanted to know if I was still wanting to go ahead so I rang the social worker straight away. she was nice but said it would be a long wait. I'm now fed up waiting for what seems like nothing and I'm seriously considering going into the research room to try and find my birth cert. (sorry to go on!) I've read all the threads on here and loads of other website, think I'm getting a bit obsessed with looking for info now. My husband can't understand why I need to know where I come from considering I have a great family, but he's not adopted so I don't expect him to get it. He is supporting me though but I'm really worried about my birth family. I don't want to tell them cos it would be too emotional for all involved.
I know I've gone on and thanks for listening...

Introduce Yourself

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