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Its all gone to sh%t-

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  • 09-09-2020 2:26pm
    #1
    corkban
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭


    Hi

    New to this, I will try not to use this forum as a ranting tool!
    I am separated 2.5 years. We had a verbal arrangement with regards assets/debts, maintenance, and custody etc.
    All of which has broken down from my ex( well more or less) side.
    The agreement was :-
    I would stay and keep paying from the family home.
    Assets:
    Value €200,000, Mortgage left until 2042 of €127,000 ( €800 p/m)
    I work full time and earn €600 p/w before tax etc.
    My husband would earn ( not disclosed as he is self-employed) €1,000-€1,500.
    We have a house that we bought off his family in Cork and have been doing it up. It would be valued at €135,000 as is, more if finished. This house is Mortgage free. It was a dream that one day we would retire there and live happy ever after. The house is lying idle as we separated and funds stopped, in order to finish it out.
    Maintaince
    So €100 per week per child until 18, which I know is above and beyond.
    Three boys ages are 16,12,10. So this wasn’t going to be for life.
    This was the reason I felt it was only fair to leave him keep the second house. It was also somewhere for him to go in time. As he is renting locally at the moment.
    I would still have a €800 mortgage until 2042. But after that it would be mine.
    And thought the €100 per week per child was fair in order to pay childcare for two, afterschool study ( now stopped), activities. All Xmas presents, back to school expense and all the other things...

    Kids
    Every second weekend and one day during the week.

    We agreed to go to mediation as we both felt okay with these arrangements .

    Now, its broken down.
    He opened a new business with his new girlfriend and ever since I think greed or other influences just got in the way. Responsibilities and commitments went out the window.

    We has reduced maintenance by half. Saying he sought legal advice. Perhaps he was advised that, but did he tell them where this figure came from. He wants to keep the second house. And I was told EFF me, I can have the family home and all the debt with it. That they are both moving into the second house that isn’t in my name. They have borrowed €10,000 to finish the house.
    So he is now living in the second home, mortgage free, and not paying what we agreed and not seeing the kids as we agreed..
    I am here struggling after paying back to school costs and another mortgage payment in the door that I cant pay now..
    What would be a fair outcome?
    What should he pay, is it 50:50?


Comments

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    #2
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,717 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    tell him you want 1/2 the second house. the old agreement is out the window- his choice. Let the court set maintenance payments for the kids.


  • Options
    #3
    XsApollo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,390 ✭✭✭XsApollo


    Look this is ireland, he gets nasty like that and it goes to court he will be in for a rude awakening.
    So go to court and let the courts decide.
    With you raising 3 kids and being the mother and carer it will all go in your favour.


  • Options
    #4
    corkban
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭corkban


    Xterminator wrote: »
    tell him you want 1/2 the second house. the old agreement is out the window- his choice. Let the court set maintenance payments for the kids.
    Thank you for the reply, really, thank you!

    Yes, that is what I thought last night, at least I could put that towards my mortgage here. Have you or anyone any idea of maintenance?
    It seems to be a secret on Ireland.. I have looked at other countries and its a % of wages.
    I am not sure how it goes here. As my EX is not on the books with a lot of jobs, he looks like he earns minimum wage.
    He is denying starting another very similar mobile business with his partner, even though its 100% the case, he makes out, he just helps out!
    So not sure, where I would stand.


  • Options
    #5
    corkban
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭corkban


    XsApollo wrote: »
    Look this is ireland, he gets nasty like that and it goes to court he will be in for a rude awakening.
    So go to court and let the courts decide.
    With you raising 3 kids and being the mother and carer it will all go in your favour.

    Thank you for the reply. I called a solicitor know ( ish) he cant represent me as he doesn't work in Ireland any longer, but said it would be a total of €10k for a divorce via court.

    No idea where I would get that, but at this stage, I will take a second job and I cant cope with the stress of worrying all the time and being afraid of losing the house. If it was just me, I would sell and move on.. I just want an east life.

    Does the above figure seem right?

    Thank you all again!

    C


  • Options
    #6
    XsApollo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,390 ✭✭✭XsApollo


    corkban wrote: »
    Thank you for the reply. I called a solicitor know ( ish) he cant represent me as he doesn't work in Ireland any longer, but said it would be a total of €10k for a divorce via court.

    No idea where I would get that, but at this stage, I will take a second job and I cant cope with the stress of worrying all the time and being afraid of losing the house. If it was just me, I would sell and move on.. I just want an east life.

    Does the above figure seem right?

    Thank you all again!

    C

    https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/divorce_decrees.html


    Everybody is entitled to a divorce , if you can’t pay you can apply for free legal aid.

    Read the above there is a link in there to see how you can find out if you are eligible.


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  • Options
    #7
    jetfiremuck
    Registered Users Posts: 3,466 ✭✭✭jetfiremuck


    You have two options. Do nothing and hope he has a change of heart (unlikely). He has moved on to newer pastures and with his new girlfriend giving input and support probably has changed his attitude and feels that he can play hard ball. Ditto if the situations were reversed its human nature.

    Going to court will ensure that everything is disclosed, the burden on you financially with kids etc and you will be given a favorable result as others have stated. THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO COURT WILL show that you are not to be messed with and will give your confidence a boost going forwarrd. Its a sign of closure too.

    Good luck and stay strong....the kids are watching and taking it all in.


  • Options
    #8
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    jetfiremuck wrote: »
    You have two options. Do nothing and hope he has a change of heart (unlikely). He has moved on to newer pastures and with his new girlfriend giving input and support probably has changed his attitude and feels that he can play hard ball. Ditto if the situations were reversed its human nature.

    Going to court will ensure that everything is disclosed, the burden on you financially with kids etc and you will be given a favorable result as others have stated. THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO COURT WILL show that you are not to be messed with and will give your confidence a boost going forwarrd. Its a sign of closure too.

    Good luck and stay strong....the kids are watching and taking it all in.

    To be honest you get one house he gets the other and pays maintenance towards the children is the fair answer

    This is a deal best for everyone


  • Options
    #9
    corkban
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭corkban


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    To be honest you get one house he gets the other and pays maintenance towards the children is the fair answer

    This is a deal best for everyone

    Really? Even if one house has debt/ mortgage of €127,000 left and the other is bought and paid for, just in need of €10k for furnish/ kitchen etc?
    And how much is maintenance?


  • Options
    #10
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    corkban wrote: »
    Really? Even if one house has debt/ mortgage of €127,000 left and the other is bought and paid for, just in need of €10k for furnish/ kitchen etc?
    And how much is maintenance?

    You would be getting the more valuable house both now and into the future

    50% more valuable is a *significant* gain

    Every house requires maintenance regardless

    Maintenance for the children is best resolved through mediation and there are guidelines for this along with it remaining while the children remain in education.

    All the time the most important aspect being your children stay with you and that is more valuable than anything else.


  • Options
    #11
    corkban
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭corkban


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    You would be getting the more valuable house both now and into the future

    50% more valuable is a *significant* gain

    Every house requires maintenance regardless

    Maintenance for the children is best resolved through mediation and there are guidelines for this along with it remaining while the children remain in education.

    All the time the most important aspect being your children stay with you and that is more valuable than anything else.

    Thank you.

    My main aim is to keep my kids healthy, safe and happy. Shield them from adult stuff and not have to worry about when the next letter from the bank is coming. I would way prefer a house right now that I didn't have to pay the mortgage in. Regardless how much anything will be worth.


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