Has anyone really tried swinging

LegacyUser · 16-05-2016 2:41pm #1

Happily married man here, wife wants to try swinging but Im a bit cautious as we dont really have a great sex life (low drive on her part) and wonder where this is coming from?
Any advice on how I should procede?

Thanks,
M

Iddles76 · 16-05-2016 8:03pm

This post has been deleted.

Neyite · 16-05-2016 9:05pm

Mod:

Iddles, no need to get nasty. This forum is strictly moderated and we expect posters to reply in a civil and constructive manner - Please have a read of the forum charter.

Sound Bite · 16-05-2016 9:21pm

I think the question you need to ask both yourself and your wife is why someone with a low sex drive would have an interest in swinging?

Is your wife still attracted to you?

LegacyUser · 16-05-2016 10:15pm

Maybe she thinks adding something different to your relationship will improve her sex drive or maybe she thinks she's not enough for you. No one here is going to really know OP as we don't know you your wife or your relationship.

As someone who has swung before and knows plenty who do there is nothing wrong or shameful about it but it really requires both partners to be comfortable and doing it for the right reasons. Talk to her.

LegacyUser · 17-05-2016 8:56am

<snip> Mod: Digs at other posters is unacceptable. Next time, I wont bother to snip the post, I just wont approve it at all. /neyite
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OP, I sort-of dipped a toe in that scene after getting as much information as I could and while I don't regret it or judge people who find it good, it really, really wasn't for me and I discovered that quite quickly. A friend got more into it and he discovered the same eventually. We were single and could do what we liked. I suspect that you reluctance will lead you to the same realisation, but you have the added fact of a marriage to endanger. It's already a gap between you and you haven't started yet. It may well spice up your sex life and prove to be good for your marriage, but with your reluctance I'm pretty sure you won't enjoy what's expected of you in that scene; how are you going to cope with a wife who won't have sex with you but will have sex with another man or men in front of you? How will you cope with her appearing to enjoy that but not enjoying you? How will you cope if she cuts you out and starts going it alone? How will you feel when she comes home happy from that but still not having sex with you? ****ing minefield, isn't it?

It's possible your wife has good intentions but hasn't thought this through, it's possible she has more sinister motivations or has already got some action elsewhere or considered it, it's possible she don't actually know anything about swinging, but more importantly, you'd be doing it for the wrong reasons if you went ahead and I think it would potentially be a personal disaster for you and harmful to your marriage.

I think you need a really candid, open conversation about this and I would guess that will bring up a few issues that would be better addressed by counselling, not sex with strangers in suburban living rooms.

LegacyUser · 17-05-2016 10:04am

My partner and I are active swingers so I can give you some advice. First of all, we're both on the same page. We have a good sex life even without the swinging. We have equal sex drives. We are 100% open with each other. We discussed the ins and outs (so to speak!) of swinging before starting it.

We have met many swinging couples who have said that after years of being together, or after having kids, that their sex lives dwindled, however swinging has given them a new lease of (sex) life. So don't mind the naysayers...it's in no way unrealistic to think that this will give things a boost for you and your wife.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed mention the site we use, but it's probably got one of the biggest userbases in Ireland, and it's completely free to use (unless you want to sign up for unnecessary extras). It's a **fab** site

There are people from all walks of life on it, people of all ages, shapes and sizes. Men (in abundance), couples, and women. We are a couple with a straight male and a bi female, and we have met men (straight) on their own, MF couples (with bi woman and straight guy) and women (bi) on their own.

Contrary to what you would expect, it's not full of middle-aged, overweight people who can't pull in the real world. We were shocked at the level of attractive people on the site, and every single person/couple we've met has been extremely attractive.

I'd highly recommend swinging to any couple who is curious about it, but they also need to be secure in themselves and most of all with each other. It's not going to work if there's jealousy or doubt.

If you want any more information about the site/swinging in general, let me know.

lifeandtimes · 17-05-2016 11:00am

guest34543 wrote: »

Happily married man here, wife wants to try swinging but Im a bit cautious as we dont really have a great sex life (low drive on her part) and wonder where this is coming from?
Any advice on how I should procede?

Thanks,
M

The best thing to do is sit down with your wife and see what she wants to get out of this, there could be a few reasons, maybe she recognizes she has a low sex drive and wants to make sure your is satisfied with losing you, maybe the sex life you have isnt enough for her needs and wants to try new things, depending how long you have been together she may regret not experimenting of having more partners.

Like i said best to sit down and she what she wants out of it, if its something she wants to try for both of you to benefit and her intentions are good then way up the good vrs the bad, if the good wins try it out, if it doesn't work for you then you can stop but make sure you let your wife know thats where your head is at.

many people do it because they love each other and it helps them experience all different type of sec while still being with the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

I wish you the best op

LegacyUser · 17-05-2016 4:10pm

Yes, im part of a couple that does this. works well for us but we make our own rules in terms of what we do.....its not really 'swinging'; although we have freedom and both of us have made some special friends

we did it to improve something that was already good....I think thats a more healthy way to enter this lifestyle rather than expecting it to fix a problem. So Im not sure Id go for it in your situation. We used the same site mentioned already, and tbh I think it takes quite a bit of looking to find what you might be looking for....or certainly what we were looking for.

If you read up at all on this the main issue is jealousy....I find it hard to imagine that if your wife has a low sex drive with you and then a better sex drive with other man, that it wont lead to anything other than disaster. Id be asking her why she wants to do this.

gaynorvader · 18-05-2016 12:21pm

It's possible that your wife feels like swinging would be good for you if your sex drive is higher. It would be a good idea to have a frank discussion with your wife and ask her what she wants from swinging.

silverharp · 18-05-2016 12:49pm

OP don't feel pressurised into it. without wanting to judge anyone here but if you feel uncomfortable about it knock the idea on its head. it sounds like something that could be quite damaging for one's self esteem.

Mr. Incognito · 18-05-2016 4:19pm

I've tried it with a previous partner.

It is what it is. Consentual random sex with strangers.

It can be okay if everyone is on the same page and respectful.

personally I found it a bit exhausting and boring.

It's more a tick off the bucket list. There are easier ways to get a kick in life.

I think you need to discuss with your wife WHY she wants to do this- so you can be fulfilled ? or for her to be fulfilled.

If thats what either of you need I have met plenty of couples who say that it took the pressure off that side of the marriage.

I mean, I like steak but I couldnt eat it every day.

Has anyone really tried swinging

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