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What's the etiquette here??

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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,759 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    Arrived into Barcelona this morning. A long journey from Santiago, sitting on my arse . Arselona, I call the Catalan capital now because the first thing I did was a mega dump in Sants train station. Paid a euro for the privilege as well so got my money's worth.
    Back to work on Thursday, looking forward to tallying up the scores on the flapping toilet door near my desk :(
    I have an 'electric toilet' in my hotel room, which is quite high-end. Should I be worried? I've only pissed in it since check in.


  • Registered Users Posts: 842 ✭✭✭Hego Damask


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    I have an 'electric toilet' in my hotel room, which is quite high-end. Should I be worried? I've only pissed in it since check in.

    Why be worried ? are you afraid it might be recording your bowel movements ?
    Just wear a balaclava every time you take a dump there - sorted.

    Now there is an image!


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,759 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    I have an 'electric toilet' in my hotel room, which is quite high-end. Should I be worried? I've only pissed in it since check in.

    Why be worried ? are you afraid it might be recording your bowel movements ?
    Just wear a balaclava every time you take a dump there - sorted.

    Now there is an image!
    Poo-ramilitary IRA?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Doesn’t sound great, Brendan. What score did you shoot? Always play a round with an empty chamber is my advice; my putting goes to hell in a hand basket if I’m turtle heading.

    Was motoring down the M3 this morning and decided to stop in the service area for a coffee, a shîte, and 20 Marlboro. Headed into the jacks and they were very busy - loads of fat salesmen and truck drivers. Not good I thought.

    Spotted that the last stall was available and headed down. The lid was down. What does one do? Open up Pandora’s Bog and discover that inside are all the horrors and evil in the world? Or risk shïtting yourself?

    So I opened the lid. Some cünt had put down a serious blanket first and left about a foot of ‘wet turf’ down on top of it. Not even an attempt to flush. The fùcking smell that hit me nostrils would knock back a charging bull. Disgusting. Put me off my flat white.

    Jaysus john lad, if its bad enough to put you off your coffee......


  • Registered Users Posts: 930 ✭✭✭tgdaly


    3000 posts now lads, keep up the good work!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 33,539 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato
    Golgafrinchan 'B' Ark


    Slideways wrote: »
    Lads, I think we can all agree that a good fart is a wonderful thing. Can ease the tensions of the day and the tension on the button of your trousers if it has enough volume.

    You're in good company S.

    "Fart Proudly" (also called "A Letter to a Royal Academy about farting", and "To the Royal Academy of Farting") is the popular name of an essay about flatulence written by Benjamin Franklin c. 1781 while he was living abroad as United States Ambassador to France.

    Here's what you could have won.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    So went out last night with some work colleagues, one guy was over from the UK so headed to a craft beer place.
    Expensive but nice beer, ordered a nice stout and it became apparent that the bill was on the company.
    They got us a load of tapas as well, soon I was launching into the food and stouts like a demented lunatic.

    Paying for it now though, have a head on me like a bulldog that chewed a wasp, and allready have visited the jax FOUR times
    to deliver a hot mass of toxic arse slurry.
    I don't understand how there can be so much, I got up twice during the night and before I left for work - and again in work this morning
    All times I evacuated heavty loads.
    And the stink of the farts, wojus!!! hot thick ones too ... christ gonna need the fabreeze later for the work chair.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    ^^ make that 5 times, I mean FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭hank scorpio89


    Lads ...im gonna tell yous this because of the anonymity of the interwebs ..had a bit of a bender yesterday on the razz since 4pm and i woke up today and i had shat myself in my sleep.was fully clothed so jocks and jeans straight into the bin.im not sure how to help the trauma tho


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Lads ...im gonna tell yous this because of the anonymity of the interwebs ..had a bit of a bender yesterday on the razz since 4pm and i woke up today and i had shat myself in my sleep.was fully clothed so jocks and jeans straight into the bin.im not sure how to help the trauma tho

    Must have been a heavy session there Hank!!
    I am glad to say I have never shat myself after a tray of pints.

    I did shart once in a nightclub tho, had to walk home cos of the fent!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭hank scorpio89


    Hector were talking a kebab and chips for dinner followed by 10 odd pints of the black stuff.thats the thing about arthur he has a lovely christmas add promoting his nectar but the consequences of over indulgence are rarely shown.its not my first rodeo btw ive shat myself before but never in my sleep ..still very shook


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Hector were talking a kebab and chips for dinner followed by 10 odd pints of the black stuff.thats the thing about arthur he has a lovely christmas add promoting his nectar but the consequences of over indulgence are rarely shown.its not my first rodeo btw ive shat myself before but never in my sleep ..still very shook

    I'd say the fent nearly killed the dog!
    Are all the windows open and a fan blasting in each room ?


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    Hector were talking a kebab and chips for dinner followed by 10 odd pints of the black stuff.thats the thing about arthur he has a lovely christmas add promoting his nectar but the consequences of over indulgence are rarely shown.its not my first rodeo btw ive shat myself before but never in my sleep ..still very shook
    A few boil washes and 45 mins under the shower with hapes of soap should get you feeling a bit better


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    You’d probably want to be reevaluating your relationship with the old divil’s drop if you are soiling yourself on even a semi-regular basis.


  • Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭Sharp MZ700


    If the aul sump is suffering cos of the oil Hank it ain't worth it.

    Been trottin out some lovely ones the last few days, I feel like what an ice cream van driver must do when the old 99s are coming out consistently. Not much to report,all good.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭Scoundrel


    drink something other than guinness or go to a doctor man not normal to be crapping the jocks after porter.


  • Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭hank scorpio89


    Gave myself a good scrubbing down there.im not sure ive washed the shame away but im clean for now.i made a rookie error of telling a close female friend this happened she laughed at me the proceeded to lecture about consuming so much porter.so on the advice of her and the well knowledgeable people of the ettiquette thread ive decided to change drinks for a while(and chippers) ive been fairly regular today in the toilet thank god .althought its basically pure black bovril gone through a whole roll of bog roll already.i fear today will be touch and go might have to remain indoors.


  • Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    AKA tarmacking the bed.


  • Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭hank scorpio89


    Strangely enough the bed was grand the jeans took the brunt of the damage ..in saying that i should probably give them a wash anyhow.


  • Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    Strangely enough the bed was grand the jeans took the brunt of the damage ..in saying that i should probably give them a wash anyhow.

    Double bag them like the nappy of a baby on antibiotics. Consign them to landfill.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Gave myself a good scrubbing down there.im not sure ive washed the shame away but im clean for now.i made a rookie error of telling a close female friend this happened she laughed at me the proceeded to lecture about consuming so much porter.so on the advice of her and the well knowledgeable people of the ettiquette thread ive decided to change drinks for a while(and chippers) ive been fairly regular today in the toilet thank god .althought its basically pure black bovril gone through a whole roll of bog roll already.i fear today will be touch and go might have to remain indoors.

    Ah Hank!
    Never confide such a thing to a member of the fairer sex!

    Ladies don't poo and as such have no understanding of such matters!


  • Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭Sharp MZ700


    sligojoek wrote: »
    Double bag them like the nappy of a baby on antibiotics. Consign them to landfill.

    Or the freezer.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,350 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    Or the freezer.
    In order to defrost them when requiring emergency bedding supplies in the future?


    We all recognise the foreboding nature of Brexit. Nevertheless there is little necessity for such panic.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Gave myself a good scrubbing down there.im not sure ive washed the shame away but im clean for now.i made a rookie error of telling a close female friend this happened she laughed at me the proceeded to lecture about consuming so much porter.so on the advice of her and the well knowledgeable people of the ettiquette thread ive decided to change drinks for a while(and chippers) ive been fairly regular today in the toilet thank god .althought its basically pure black bovril gone through a whole roll of bog roll already.i fear today will be touch and go might have to remain indoors.

    You should probably stay off porter and chipper food ted.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    Strangely enough the bed was grand the jeans took the brunt of the damage ..in saying that i should probably give them a wash anyhow.
    Hank, even if the sheets look grand at a glance they aren't. Horse them in and maybe throw an extra handful of powder


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Bullocks wrote: »
    Hank, even if the sheets look grand at a glance they aren't. Horse them in and maybe throw an extra handful of powder

    100% in agreement there Hank, lash 'em in and don't be stingy with the Daz!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭Scoundrel


    Had 6 pints of Heineken and a double bacon cheeseburger last night landed into work not a bother went off for my morning constitutional and what a glorious experience it was slipped out no bother all one movement all in one piece you could have picked it back out of the bowl and used it as a baton a wonderful start to the day.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Scoundrel wrote: »
    Had 6 pints of Heineken and a double bacon cheeseburger last night landed into work not a bother went off for my morning constitutional and what a glorious experience it was slipped out no bother all one movement all in one piece you could have picked it back out of the bowl and used it as a baton a wonderful start to the day.

    What?


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,350 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    Scoundrel wrote: »
    Had 6 pints of Heineken and a double bacon cheeseburger last night landed into work not a bother went off for my morning constitutional and what a glorious experience it was slipped out no bother all one movement all in one piece you could have picked it back out of the bowl and used it as a baton a wonderful start to the day.
    A baton, you say?

    How hard was this specimen?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭Scoundrel


    A baton, you say?

    How hard was this specimen?

    It slipped out all well and good but looked quite a hard specimen staring back out of the bowl at me it has to be said.


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