Child won’t say goodbye

Sfmk9 · 17-03-2021 9:57pm #1

Hi,
My daughter won’t say goodbye to my mother when it is time to go and see her Mammy. She will be very stubborn towards her Nanny and will refuse point blank to say goodbye or to even acknowledge her. It is getting to the point where I have to bribe her to say goodbye but it shouldn’t be that way. I am pretty sure that something is being said by my daughters mother to her, telling her to act this way towards my mother. Any ideas of how to talk to my daughter about this?

annoyedgal · 17-03-2021 10:21pm

What age is she? Sounds like fairly standard toddler behaviour to be honest if she is of that age. My daughter would refuse frequently to say goodbye to my parents whom she adores!
If she is very young just ignore it, don't let her see it bothers you and be super breezy when saying goodbye. It will definitely pass.

John_Rambo · 17-03-2021 10:24pm

Laugh it off. It's nothing, don't read in to it, just a toddler being a toddler.

bee06 · 18-03-2021 10:31am

I wouldn’t be forcing my child to do anything like saying hello, goodbye etc because the more I push the more stubborn he is. I model the behaviour I want to see and he tends to pick it up as he goes along. For example, please and thank you’d were non existent up until a couple of months ago. But since he’s turned three he gets that this is something people do and he does it as well.

Just to add, I’m assuming that you and your child’s mother are no longer together. Assuming that her mother is somehow getting your daughter to behave in a certain way to your mom is probably not the case. Toddlers are a law onto themselves.

angeldelight · 18-03-2021 5:13pm

Two things... the more you make an issue of it the longer the child will do it. Even if it really bothers you act it out, pretend it doesn’t in the slightest and if she does say goodbye don’t react. It will stop being such a big power struggle then.

Secondly... if someone doesn’t want to say goodbye to someone/give them a hug or high five or whatever they shouldn’t have to. It’s their body, their voice, their rules... it might seem rude to you but she will pick up on manners as she gets older once they’re being modelled around her

afatbollix · 18-03-2021 5:20pm

I have a niece like this, She was like this for years, when she got older we asked her and she said she didn't like saying goodbye as she didn't want to leave them. Almost like an Irish goodbye...

She's 10 now and will bearly still say goodbye as she would rather we stayed.

Going to be strange in a couple of years when she won't talk to us as she will be a teenager....

Zebrag · 18-03-2021 5:32pm

Hi OP

How old is your daughter?

To think something is being said to your daughter for her to form an opinion on whether to say Hello or Goodbye is a bit extreme. If she's a young toodler, I hardly doubt a comment towards anyone has even entered her little head nevermind trying to ignore someone on purpose. Toodlers are hilarious and confusing at the same time. They love you but don't want to interact at the best of times. Its nothing personal.

I think forcing a child to give emotion and love to someone is just making the situation worst. Just allow them to say Hello and Goodbye when they can and eventually get the hang of it. Some kids pick up quicker than others.

If you're stating that your daughter is older and knows she has the option of saying Goodbye then that's on her too. Like a previous poster stated, some kids don't like to say Goodbye for reasons that adults probably think is unusual but believe it or not, saying Goodbye leaves kids wondering when it will be a Hello again, especially during Covid. That's me just rambling on though.

I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it.

anndub · 23-03-2021 10:17pm

Why does it matter if she says goodbye or not? It's really not a big deal. Honestly, it is better for all involved if you respect your daughter's wishes to leave without fuss. Your mother, as an adult, should be more than capable of appropriately managing her own feelings. I have a real issue with children being expected to "perform" in order to keep the egos of adults satisfied!

Moonbeam · 24-03-2021 10:46am

It sounds normal , do not pressure her.
Why do you think her mother has told her not to say good bye to her granny? that is a slippery slope.

The One Doctor · 01-04-2021 12:31pm

Yup, it's normal, I know it's tempting to read into it but don't.

My daughter went through a phase of saying she hated me. Heartbreaking but you've got to tough it out. This was during the first lockdown and the three of us were stuck in the house.

partyguinness · 01-04-2021 12:37pm

No mention of age here.

I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest. Leave her be.

My 5 year old point blank refuses to acknlowedge her teacher when he says "Hello" at the school gate every morning unlike all the other kids. She puts her head down. She also does not interact with other strange 5 yr olds at the playground when other little girls try to play with her. Whereas her older brother was a right social butterfly.

It is her personality. Let it develop in its own time and don't worry about you think should be the norm. Trying to force it will only cause resentment.

Child won’t say goodbye

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