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14-11-2007, 01:59   #1
MathsManiac
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Maths jokes!

I don't know how to make a sticky - is it only moderators can do that?
[edit: posted back when I was a relative newb!]

Anyway, I think a sticky for maths jokes would be good.

Here's one to start, (an oldie but goodie!)

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

Last edited by MathsManiac; 22-07-2012 at 17:27.
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14-11-2007, 07:16   #2
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Good Idea

Howzat?

Here's won :

Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
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14-11-2007, 09:58   #3
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Off the top of my head, my 2 favourite:

A Physicist, a Chemist and a Mathematician are given a task by a professor. Each is given a closed tin can with liquid inside and placed in separate rooms with the objective of opening the cans using nothing but their knowledge of their chosen science.

6 hours later the professor returns to check on each of the scientists.

He opens the cubicle with the Physicist inside and sees him sitting contently by the side of the room, with a broken can and liquid strewn across the opposite wall. "I examined the can and determined its major stress points. Then by applying pressure appropriately, I managed to force the can open"

Impressed, the professor then opens the chemists cubicle and sees pretty much the same seen as previous. "Using my knowledge of the structure of atoms and thermal expansion, I was able to open the can" the Chemist told the professor.

Astonished, the professor then proceeds to the next cubicle, wherein the Mathematician is. He opens the door and sees the tin-can sitting upright in the centre of the room un-opened. In the corner of the room crouched over, the Mathematician is in a feverish sweat mubbling away to himself "....imagine the can is open, ...imagine the can is open"


And:

"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again..."
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14-11-2007, 20:12   #4
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Q. "What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
A. Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two as determined by the right hand rule."

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
A. You can't. A mountain climber is a scalar.
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16-11-2007, 21:41   #5
MathsManiac
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Business is slow, so I'll throw in another one:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

(Ba-dum tish!)
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16-11-2007, 22:02   #6
rjt
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Disclaimer: Some of these are so bad that they physically *hurt*, but I suppose I'll post them in the interest of sadism.

Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness.

Why do mathematicians confuse halloween and christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec!

A student was found dead in a lecture theatre, the blackboard covered in Calculus. The police arrived, took away the body and performed an autopsy. The student's lecturer went to ask how the student had died. The police told him that the boy's blood alchol level had been quite high. Confused, the lecturer asked how this had led to the boy's death. The policeman responded:
"Don't you know never to drink and derive?"

When the flood ended, Noah opened the ark and said "go forth and multiply". A couple of days after, Noah went out into the forest, and found that all of the animals had multiplied, except for particular breed of dark snakes. When Noah asked the two snakes why they hadn't reproduced, they told him to chop down some trees and return in a few weeks. Noah obliged, and returned a month later, to find the forest brimming with the snakes. Curious, Noah asked, "Why did the trees help you to reproduce?". The snakes replied, "We're Adders, we need logs to multiply!".

Chat up lines:

1. Are you the square root of 2, 'cause you're making me irrational!

2. <insert something involving exponent curves>
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17-11-2007, 12:42   #7
 
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here ye go

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
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17-11-2007, 12:47   #8
 
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two more

What is the best way to pass a geometry test?
Know all the angles

What did one Maths book say to the other?
Don't bother me, I have enough problems of my own.
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17-11-2007, 19:54   #9
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What's the difference between a sperm and a statistician?

Every sperm has the potential to become a human being.

P.S. This is known as the single transferable joke. You can replace statistician with just about any [boring] job title.
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21-11-2007, 13:56   #10
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Who was the first knight of the round table?


Sir cumference!!
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25-11-2007, 22:39   #11
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What do mathematicians do when they are constipated?

They work it out with logs
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26-11-2007, 09:10   #12
opelmanta
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MathsManiac View Post
I don't know how to make a sticky - is it only moderators can do that?

Anyway, I think a sticky for maths jokes would be good.

Here's one to start, (an oldie but goodie!)

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.
lol!!!
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09-12-2007, 13:20   #13
 
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I know that this one is an engineer joke, but here it goes.

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are investigating the hypothesis that every odd number is a prime number.

Mathematician: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number but 9 isn't, the hypothesis is false!

Physicist: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number but 9 isn't, but the hypothesis holds 4 times our of 5.

Engineer: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number and 9 is a prime number. I think it's okay.

Yours,
Jamon
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11-12-2007, 12:12   #14
 
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more maths chat up lines....

Quote:
Originally Posted by rjt View Post
Disclaimer: Some of these are so bad that they physically *hurt*, but I suppose I'll post them in the interest of sadism.

Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness.

Why do mathematicians confuse halloween and christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec!

A student was found dead in a lecture theatre, the blackboard covered in Calculus. The police arrived, took away the body and performed an autopsy. The student's lecturer went to ask how the student had died. The police told him that the boy's blood alchol level had been quite high. Confused, the lecturer asked how this had led to the boy's death. The policeman responded:
"Don't you know never to drink and derive?"

When the flood ended, Noah opened the ark and said "go forth and multiply". A couple of days after, Noah went out into the forest, and found that all of the animals had multiplied, except for particular breed of dark snakes. When Noah asked the two snakes why they hadn't reproduced, they told him to chop down some trees and return in a few weeks. Noah obliged, and returned a month later, to find the forest brimming with the snakes. Curious, Noah asked, "Why did the trees help you to reproduce?". The snakes replied, "We're Adders, we need logs to multiply!".

Chat up lines:

1. Are you the square root of 2, 'cause you're making me irrational!

2. <insert something involving exponent curves>
a few more chat up lines for the girls in the maths class...

1. On a score of 1 to 2, I'd give you 1
2. On a score of 1 to 5, you get a phwoar
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11-12-2007, 19:32   #15
 
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Exp

An exponential walks into a bar. He pulls up a bar stool sits down and asks the bar man for a pint.

Over in the corner theres a large group of functions, sines, cosines logs all sitting around having a laugh telling jokes and sharing stories.

The bar man comes over and asks the exponential why he's all alone and not over having fun with the other functions.

The exponential answers in a low voice, "I tried to integrate but nothing happened"
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