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WootWootGo!

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    #92
    ianmc38
    Registered Users Posts: 7,754 ✭✭✭ianmc38


    wootwootgo wrote: »
    Oh, woe is me.
    I’ve been here for days.
    I was beat up and drug in and forced to stay.
    I’ve lost thousands at least,
    Give or take a few.
    My bookie will kill me.
    What should I do?
    I make a straight on the river,
    But the board is paired,
    Im betting it anyway,
    Because who the **** cares.


    :cool:

    I think you're losing focus here wootwoot. You promised me a masterpiece but you're just reproducing the same style repeatedly now. This is a really disappointing turn of events. I'm afraid there won't be any more than the $10 i've already shipped you unless you sort things out.


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    #93
    DeadParrot
    Registered Users Posts: 2,764 ✭✭✭DeadParrot


    Not like my efforts Ian?


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    #94
    Killme00
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,441 ✭✭✭Killme00


    Gholimoli wrote: »
    this poem was PMed to me by Willie .
    i thought it was too classy not to post it here.
    i think it's brilliant .

    Gholy and the drunk.

    Two foreign gits were playing da cards,
    Not sure which , was the bigger tard,
    The guy who did cheat, with his drunken deceit,
    Or the goon who went ape**** on boards (sorry I mean bards)

    The boards goon wins the tard prize,
    As he should really have opened his eyes,
    Instead he opened the gate, the drunk declared straight,
    HE HAS NOTHING the assembled mob cried.

    The goon, then realised his mistake,
    And screamed 'you’re a cheat for fks sake',
    So he unmucked his hand, out came the brass band,
    Both the guys should be on Ricky Lake (or springer wtf)


    Solksjaer!

    This is brilliant and wins hands down. Please Pm me your stars username and ill get that zwanzig dollars to you.


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    #95
    roryc
    Registered Users Posts: 9,600 ✭✭✭roryc


    Killme00 wrote: »
    This is brilliant and wins hands down. Please Pm me your stars username and ill get that zwanzig dollars to you.

    boo-urns :(


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    #96
    Ste05
    Registered Users Posts: 7,537 ✭✭✭Ste05


    That is class... very nice work. I'm gonna merge the 2 poem threads together so they're all in the one place, it'd be a shame to lose either.


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    #97
    strewelpeter
    Registered Users Posts: 1,263 ✭✭✭strewelpeter


    Bards.ie

    rotflmao :D


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    #98
    CaptainNemo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 900 ✭✭✭CaptainNemo


    got da whole thread rockin wit ma hand history
    'n every playa in da house wanna criticize me
    sayin' "lol donkaments" and "lol your a station"
    just cos I sucked out and I HAD A CELEBRATION

    had bottom pairz, innit, an' I ain't layin' down
    so you pokerstovin haterz ain't nuthin but clownz
    sayin' that I had no equity, that causes me hilarity
    ain't no skill disparity, I hit with regularity

    I got bottom pairz and you AINT GOT ****
    I'm puttin u on overs cos its a hand I BEAT
    I din't make u call when I tripped on the turn
    so what you had aces, maybe now u'll learn

    don't mess wit da station, he'll take all ur chips
    when he calls ur dumb c-bet and then makes trips
    puts it up on da boards and laffs in ur face
    "u overplayed ur overpair u r a disgrace"

    got da whole board rocking wit ma hand history
    'n now every playa wanna play wit me
    sayin "u play goot" an "u were right to ship it"
    never had so many friends, so u haterz lost ur grip

    got a roll, got a soul, and I ain't in da hole
    got unstuck, got some luck, and I ain't givin up
    got a rhyme, got free time, and I wrote these lines
    congratulations to da stations who got balls for dis vocation


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    #99
    RoundTower
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭RoundTower


    that's incredible nemo, where can I send you some money?


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    #100
    ianmc38
    Registered Users Posts: 7,754 ✭✭✭ianmc38


    brilliant nemo. i also love the fact that if you use the opposite of the last verse, you've got a perfect verse for a poem about reggie


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    #101
    nicnicnic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,724 ✭✭✭nicnicnic


    right I want $5; this one is written after the recent doom treads about gambling/choppers making a living and carfaxs retiring


    Lets have a chat about online poker
    playing away whose the joker
    Clicking away thinking its action
    Grinding it out working the fractions

    Call raise check fold
    Been at it three years now my lifes on hold
    A bell goes off in the hall
    Let them wait I'm making this call

    I start to think I used to be in a band
    forget all that now I'm playing this hand
    Ten years later my social skills
    Consist of typing in the chat box at williamhills


    $5 please anyone


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    #102
    ianmc38
    Registered Users Posts: 7,754 ✭✭✭ianmc38


    nah no natural flow to be honest nic.


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    #103
    CaptainNemo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 900 ✭✭✭CaptainNemo


    RoundTower wrote: »
    that's incredible nemo, where can I send you some money?

    You can just donate to the charity of your choice :)


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    #104
    nicnicnic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,724 ✭✭✭nicnicnic


    ianmc38 wrote: »
    nah no natural flow to be honest nic.

    dam


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    #105
    Van Dice
    Registered Users Posts: 1,700 ✭✭✭Van Dice


    lol Captain Nemo that's class


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    #106
    5starpool
    Subscribers Posts: 32,846 ✭✭✭✭5starpool


    Just a little something I knocked together. Not Poker related.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
    And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
    Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
    And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

    And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
    Dropping from the veils of the mourning to where the cricket sings;
    There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
    And evening full of the linnet's wings.

    I will arise and go now, for always night and day
    I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
    While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
    I hear it in the deep heart's core.


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    #107
    shoutman
    Registered Users Posts: 6,924 ✭✭✭shoutman


    The following is a deep and sentimental poem from the great works of yours truely.

    MOFO I HATE COLD DECKS (But I do like films with Kevin Spacey)

    fist pumping,
    out of chair jumping,

    high fiving,
    my bankroll will be thriving,

    The cards on their backs,
    Name of a great film? K-Pax

    Set over set,
    cant buy that jet :(

    No more high fiving,
    self esteem dying.


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    #108
    luckylucky
    Registered Users Posts: 2,437 ✭✭✭luckylucky


    5starpool wrote: »
    Just a little something I knocked together. Not Poker related.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
    And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
    Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
    And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

    And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
    Dropping from the veils of the mourning to where the cricket sings;
    There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
    And evening full of the linnet's wings.

    I will arise and go now, for always night and day
    I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
    While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
    I hear it in the deep heart's core.


    Let me guess, you're waiting for someone to tell you this is crap and then going to hit them with who the original poet(who i know for the record - not personally of course ;)) was in order to make them feel foolish ;)


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    #109
    opr
    Registered Users Posts: 8,267 ✭✭✭opr


    Great thread :)

    Opr


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    #110
    DeadParrot
    Registered Users Posts: 2,764 ✭✭✭DeadParrot


    I just think he was hoping that we are so wrapped up in poker we cant recall learning any poetry as a kid so he could claim the kudos :)
    Being the old romantic that I am I was always more partial to this chestnut

    HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
    Enwrought with golden and silver light,
    The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
    Of night and light and the half-light,
    I would spread the cloths under your feet:
    But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
    I have spread my dreams under your feet,
    Tread softly because you tread on my dreams


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    #111
    nicnicnic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,724 ✭✭✭nicnicnic


    My two hands in the soap suds,
    You offered me two more
    By standing close behind me,
    Increasing hands to four.

    As my two washed the dishes
    And cleaned the silverware,
    Your hands probed for the teacups
    To find a perfect pair.

    Such help was unexpected,
    Though not without appeal,
    Distracting me from dishes
    And causing me to squeal.

    The soap suds soon forgotten,
    We something else began
    By compounding our interest
    With one installment plan.

    The moral, if you’re playing
    And Lady Luck command:
    Like Texas Hold’em Poker,
    Start with a high pair hand.

    $5 please im desperate


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    #112
    nicnicnic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,724 ✭✭✭nicnicnic


    anyone

    Oh, woe is me. I’ve been here for days. I was hog-tied and drug in and forced to stay. I’ve lost thousands at least, give or take a few. My banker will kill me. What shall I do?

    I make a straight on the flop - drawn out on the end. Then deuces full - killed once again. In agony I scream, “Change the deck, change the game!” Hand after hand the result is the same.

    I hate all the dealers, the Poker God too. I’ve cussed everything ’til the air is blue. I’ll play one more hand, then I may start to win. If not . . . what the hell, I’ll just buy in again.


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    #113
    connie147
    Registered Users Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭connie147


    I've had such a good laugh reading this thread,I've decided to put pen to paper and write a poem myself.Dont expect anything special. Donations to a charity of your own choice if you enjoy it, or indeed to Cardshark to restart his bankroll!!

    Where would we be without boards.ie,
    Its for culchies and rednecks and boys from the city,
    Everyone here is doing their best,
    Though when running bad,you should take a rest.

    People keep quoting the Fuzzbox rule,
    Ignoring it's like a kick from a mule,
    Throwing money into pots like you just dont care,
    Remember fold to 3 bets,when you've only a pair.

    Jesus Christ,are you thick, or what?
    Is that your whole stack you just put in the pot,
    With bottom pair and a gutshot straight,
    I dont fcuking believe it,he hit his 8.

    Sucked out on again,why me every time,
    I'll stick in on boards to check my line,
    from Galway to dublin,Cork to Askeaton,
    The answers the same, They'll call if your beaten.

    Potsizings important,its to do with your stack,
    But whats the point when yer mans a card rack,
    Check calling check calling to keep the pot small,
    When he hits on the river,like a kick in the balls.

    What can I do,I'm 3 betting all night,
    That cnut in the blinds is 4 betting me light,
    I'm losing my shirt to all bar the devil,
    "Thats simple",says Marq,"move up levels".

    And what about Gholi,who thought he was beat,
    Won the pot and called his opponnent a cheat,
    Yer man called a straight to make Gholi fold,
    But Gholi was lucky,his hand was on hold,
    "I want the TD",cried Gholi out loud,
    The TD came running from out of the crowd,
    The dealer enquired,"whats happening the loot"?
    Pot awarded to Gholi,because twas an angle-shoot.

    As for cardshark being broke,I havn't a clue,
    But accordind to Roundtower,he's a degenerate too,
    Rooting in waste bins for 10 dollar bills,
    The lads have him rattled,fed up to the gills.

    IanMc is in Thailand,enjoying the highlife,
    His only danger being he'll come home with a wife,
    Hopefully its one of the female kind,
    Cause in Thailand thats really easy to find,
    After a nite on the town,so the story goes,
    Ians morning thoughts were"oh,the size of her toes"?
    "Oh mother of Jesus,what have I done "? says Ian,
    "Dont worry" says yer man,"I keep myself clean"
    Go now,says Ian,take double the money,
    Tell nobody else cause it wouldnt be funny,
    The lads back on boards would have a field day,
    If they found out I rolled, a ladyboy in the hay.


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    #114
    luckylucky
    Registered Users Posts: 2,437 ✭✭✭luckylucky


    best yet by a long way imo connie, true quality :)


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    #115
    Brendygg
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭Brendygg


    Connie, best so far.


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    #116
    brianmc
    Registered Users Posts: 868 ✭✭✭brianmc


    nicnicnic wrote: »
    anyone

    Oh, woe is me. I’ve been here for days. I was hog-tied and drug in and forced to stay. I’ve lost thousands at least, give or take a few. My banker will kill me. What shall I do?

    I make a straight on the flop - drawn out on the end. Then deuces full - killed once again. In agony I scream, “Change the deck, change the game!” Hand after hand the result is the same.

    I hate all the dealers, the Poker God too. I’ve cussed everything ’til the air is blue. I’ll play one more hand, then I may start to win. If not . . . what the hell, I’ll just buy in again.

    nicnicnic? You do realise that you've just exposed both yourself and wootwoot as angle shooters?

    Connie: top of the class, WP. The makings of a classic there.


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    #117
    opr
    Registered Users Posts: 8,267 ✭✭✭opr


    Top class stuff Connie

    Opr


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    #118
    cardshark202
    Registered Users Posts: 5,434 ✭✭✭cardshark202


    Ok connie, where do i donate? And captain nemo's one was class too.


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    #119
    5starpool
    Subscribers Posts: 32,846 ✭✭✭✭5starpool


    luckylucky wrote: »
    Let me guess, you're waiting for someone to tell you this is crap and then going to hit them with who the original poet(who i know for the record - not personally of course ;)) was in order to make them feel foolish ;)

    It was deliberately not an obscure one;)


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    #120
    connie147
    Registered Users Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭connie147


    cardshark202 wrote: »
    Ok connie, where do i donate? And captain nemo's one was class too.


    I just have a pint next time we meet!:)


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    #121
    cardshark202
    Registered Users Posts: 5,434 ✭✭✭cardshark202


    ok its on me so. great stuff


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