2021 Bride/Groom

yourdeadwright · 02-10-2020 11:26am

woodchuck wrote: »

I feel the same. If I was younger I might be happy to wait another 2 or 3 years. But we're at the stage of our life where we should just have it done already. We're mid-30s, just bought a house together and talking about having kids. So either we go for the wedding in the not too distant future, or we end up putting it on the really long finger as other things take priority. Legally I'd prefer that we were married sooner rather than later. And I don't want to separate out the legal bit and party, because I don't want to simultaneously worrying about getting pregnant and trying to fit into my wedding dress!

Have to say we are the opposite,
Late 30s two kids and we are more than happy to wait

After waiting so long to get married we don't want to do it with any restriction's or needless extra pressure,
We aren't even planning on a big wedding so number would be fine , its just the principle of having our wedding day exactly the way we want it,

But any logical person should realise that everyone is different and as I always say there is no right or wrong way to get married,

Lollipops23 · 02-10-2020 11:34am

woodchuck wrote: »

I feel the same. If I was younger I might be happy to wait another 2 or 3 years. But we're at the stage of our life where we should just have it done already. We're mid-30s, just bought a house together and talking about having kids. So either we go for the wedding in the not too distant future, or we end up putting it on the really long finger as other things take priority. Legally I'd prefer that we were married sooner rather than later. And I don't want to separate out the legal bit and party, because I don't want to simultaneously worrying about getting pregnant and trying to fit into my wedding dress!

We're the very same- we want to start a family in the next 18 months and save to buy a house (we live in a city centre apartment now), so we want to get married on our original date.

I mean, of course I'm bummed it won't be the original party we wanted but we both want to just be married with our nearest and dearest around us!

yourdeadwright · 02-10-2020 11:35am

Goose76 wrote: »

Please don't take this the wrong way but there's no guarantee that things will be 'back to normal' in a year or two. I totally get your point re: potential regrets in the future but equally you don't want to be stuck in a cycle of postpoining-postponing-postponing for months and years on end in the hope of having the perfect wedding 'when COVID is gone'.

God no offence taken at all ,
As I said each to there own its a personally thing so I understand completely people who want to go ahead with there weddings ,

We are just in position where we are happy to wait,

As they saying goes there is no right or wrong time or way to get married

eviltwin · 02-10-2020 7:55pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Have to say we are the opposite,
Late 30s two kids and we are more than happy to wait

After waiting so long to get married we don't want to do it with any restriction's or needless extra pressure,
We aren't even planning on a big wedding so number would be fine , its just the principle of having our wedding day exactly the way we want it,

But any logical person should realise that everyone is different and as I always say there is no right or wrong way to get married,

I would have thought with kids in the picture you'd have more of an incentive to get married. I completely understand people wanting the day they imagined but a wedding can happen anytime. Getting married and having the legal security that marriage brings is more important surely especially in a public health crisis where anything could happen? Not romantic I know but I'm saying this as someone who lost a loved one earlier in the year, he'd postponed his wedding and sadly never got to have it.

qwerty13 · 03-10-2020 1:06am

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Have to say we are the opposite,
Late 30s two kids and we are more than happy to wait

After waiting so long to get married we don't want to do it with any restriction's or needless extra pressure,
We aren't even planning on a big wedding so number would be fine , its just the principle of having our wedding day exactly the way we want it,

But any logical person should realise that everyone is different and as I always say there is no right or wrong way to get married,

I think you need to balance the advantages of being legally married versus the kind of day you want. I think that prioritising ‘the day’ over being legally married is a mistake.

There’s lots of legal advantages to being married. Inheritance, next of kin, tax, guardianship for kids. I think it would selfish to postpone protecting your family unit legally, in favour of your preferred wedding party.

mohawk · 03-10-2020 8:34pm

qwerty13 wrote: »

I think you need to balance the advantages of being legally married versus the kind of day you want. I think that prioritising ‘the day’ over being legally married is a mistake.

There’s lots of legal advantages to being married. Inheritance, next of kin, tax, guardianship for kids. I think it would selfish to postpone protecting your family unit legally, in favour of your preferred wedding party.

This reads as very judgmental. Calling a poster selfish for postponing a wedding is very harsh. The marriage is more important then one day but it’s one of those rare days where all the special people in your life are together in one place. So no judgement from me to anyone who either brings their wedding forward or postpones it.

yourdeadwright · 03-10-2020 10:12pm

qwerty13 wrote: »

I think you need to balance the advantages of being legally married versus the kind of day you want. I think that prioritising ‘the day’ over being legally married is a mistake.

There’s lots of legal advantages to being married. Inheritance, next of kin, tax, guardianship for kids. I think it would selfish to postpone protecting your family unit legally, in favour of your preferred wedding party.

Selfish or have a wedding durning Covid and possibly cause an out break,, See it works both ways

A MISTAKE for someone and there partner to decide what's best for them and there family to get married futher down the line
A choice already made by thousands of couples up and down the country,

Maybe anyone planning to get engaged should contact yourself to see when is the correct time frame for them to get married

Weddings are personal and mean different things to different people im not sure how anyone thinks they know when the correct time for someone else's wedding is

Have a day off will ye

qwerty13 · 04-10-2020 3:43am

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Selfish or have a wedding durning Covid and possibly cause an out break,, See it works both ways
>>>>> No, I said about getting legally married, not ‘having a wedding’. People can get legally married without having a party, or lots of people there.

A MISTAKE for someone and there partner to decide what's best for them and there family to get married futher down the line
A choice already made by thousands of couples up and down the country,
>>>>> My point was that what is best from a practical view for their family may well be to get married, as it confers many legal protections and advantages. I know someone who didn’t get married, their partner died unexpectedly, and now they not only have to cope with that, but also massive issues as the partner who died had no Will, had an estranged family, and they are also effectively viewed as a stranger in terms of inheritance tax. So in their case, yes, it was a mistake. A mistake with emotional consequences (my friend has to leave the house they lived in, as it’s being sold), and financial consequences (the parents of the partner who died inherit everything). Even if my friend’s partner had a Will, they’d still be crushed for inheritance tax. As things stand, my friend gets nothing. I understand from my pal that had they been married, she would have inherited everything, and without a tax bill.

Maybe anyone planning to get engaged should contact yourself to see when is the correct time frame for them to get married
>>>>> You are just being cross and silly now

Weddings are personal and mean different things to different people im not sure how anyone thinks they know when the correct time for someone else's wedding is
>>>>> I did mention that the legal safeguards and protections offered by marriage need to be balanced against the desire for a wedding party. It comes down to practicality versus an idea of what people want from a ‘wedding day’. I could have worded it better, but I think it’s important to at least consider that deferring a legal marriage in order to have the perfect or imagined day may not be a good idea, if there’s shared assets, assets that one partner is reliant on (such as living in a house that the other partner owns), or children in case of a breakup (marriage confers automatic guardianship, as far as I know, but it has to be sought if not married). If nothing goes wrong, then who cares if the wedding is next week or in 10 years time. The point is that if something does go wrong, being legally married confers protections and advantages. In my opinion (which of course every poster writes from their own experience and opinion), I think if assets and/or children are entwined, then prioritising the perfect wedding party over the practical aspects is not a good idea, as it may well hurt members of the family unit if anything were to go wrong.

Have a day off will ye
>>>>> Thanks. I’m having a lovely few days off.

I hope that answers your queries PP

eviltwin · 04-10-2020 8:23am

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Selfish or have a wedding durning Covid and possibly cause an out break,, See it works both ways

A MISTAKE for someone and there partner to decide what's best for them and there family to get married futher down the line
A choice already made by thousands of couples up and down the country,

Maybe anyone planning to get engaged should contact yourself to see when is the correct time frame for them to get married

Weddings are personal and mean different things to different people im not sure how anyone thinks they know when the correct time for someone else's wedding is

Have a day off will ye

I think its about weighing up the advantages you get with being married with the wedding you saw yourself having and taking it into context of what we are dealing with at the moment.

Will there ever be a return to the normal wedding and if so when and will your loved ones be around to attend?

As as aside, if you get sick as a non married partner, does your other half have next of kin rights?

lazygal · 05-10-2020 7:29am

qwerty13 wrote: »

I think you need to balance the advantages of being legally married versus the kind of day you want. I think that prioritising ‘the day’ over being legally married is a mistake.

There’s lots of legal advantages to being married. Inheritance, next of kin, tax, guardianship for kids. I think it would selfish to postpone protecting your family unit legally, in favour of your preferred wedding party.

This.
Get married. Have a wedding another time.
I really wish people would separate the two. Legal protections conferred by marriage are so important.

woodchuck · 05-10-2020 12:12pm

lazygal wrote: »

This.
Get married. Have a wedding another time.
I really wish people would separate the two. Legal protections conferred by marriage are so important.

While I agree with you in theory, I personally hate the idea of separating the two. I'd feel like a bridezilla having 2 days.

I'm part of a couple of wedding groups on facebook and there are brides going ahead with the legal bit this year. But it's not just the legal bit. They're still having a small wedding of 25/50 people and plan to have the larger celebration down the line. We only ever wanted around 50-70 people anyway, so it just doesn't make sense for us to separate the two days if we were to take the same approach. I want some sort of small celebration on the day we actually legally get married. I can't see myself doing it all again months/years later. And there's the extra expense of having 2 days too.

Neyite · 05-10-2020 12:28pm

lazygal wrote: »

This.
Get married. Have a wedding another time.
I really wish people would separate the two. Legal protections conferred by marriage are so important.

I've family members who don't see the point of attending a wedding if the couple are already married. They value going to see the couple take their 'real' vows and would probably not go to the expense of travelling from abroad for a wedding where a couple are already legally married. And I can kind of see their point to an extent but even if I didn't, I can't change their views.

lazygal · 05-10-2020 1:46pm

We had a humanist wedding when they weren't legal. We just didn't tell anyone outside our immediate family it wasn't a legally binding ceremony. No one needs to know you've done the requisite paperwork already.
I really think students in secondary school should do a model on some sort of family law and how getting married actually works.

eviltwin · 05-10-2020 1:53pm

I’ve been to a wedding where the couple actually got legally married in another country the week before. They consider the big do their wedding and that’s the day they celebrate and I don’t know of anyone who would think it less of a wedding because they were already married.

Look everyone should do what they feel is right and there are lots of things to consider that influences that decision and no one should justify it. Weddings are about the celebration and the coming together of people but it’s easy to lose site of the very important legal protections they offer and how vulnerable you are without them. If I wasn’t already married I’d be organising a registry office do ASAP in case one of us got sick with COVID.

lazygal · 05-10-2020 1:57pm

Friends of ours got married very soon after one of them had a medical emergency and they realised his parents would have the say on his care rather than the partner because they weren't married. It's so important for big life issues.

[Deleted User] · 05-10-2020 2:17pm

We considered previously getting married legally this side of Christmas, and we haven't discussed it since, as it's very hard to think about never mind say out loud. I'm in my early 30s, and never dreamed that my illness and it's treatment would put me in so much danger that I would have to stay isolated with seemingly no end in sight. Even after seven whole months of this pandemic, the reality is still very hard to take.
We want to go ahead with our original date, with whatever is allowed. We won't be considering having a second day, unless we're only allowed do the legal bit and have to head straight home after.

Neyite · 05-10-2020 2:53pm

lazygal wrote: »

We had a humanist wedding when they weren't legal. We just didn't tell anyone outside our immediate family it wasn't a legally binding ceremony. No one needs to know you've done the requisite paperwork already.
I really think students in secondary school should do a model on some sort of family law and how getting married actually works.

A church wedding - which is the one we will be having, can't marry you twice. You do the legal oath within the Catholic marriage rite, and sign the register after the service.

If you want a ceremony at a later stage, then the RCC will offer you a blessing of the marriage along with a mass, if you want one. You can include pretty much whatever you want at that second ceremony excluding the specific wording that's reserved for the RCC marriage rite (incorporating the legal requirement) and excluding signing the register. The two services are very different and anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of catholic weddings would spot the difference.

It sounds like you did your day exactly the way you wanted, good for you. We'll be doing it our way too.

lazygal · 05-10-2020 3:09pm

Neyite wrote: »

A church wedding - which is the one we will be having, can't marry you twice. You do the legal oath within the Catholic marriage rite, and sign the register after the service.

If you want a ceremony at a later stage, then the RCC will offer you a blessing of the marriage along with a mass, if you want one. You can include pretty much whatever you want at that second ceremony excluding the specific wording that's reserved for the RCC marriage rite (incorporating the legal requirement) and excluding signing the register. The two services are very different and anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of catholic weddings would spot the difference.

It sounds like you did your day exactly the way you wanted, good for you. We'll be doing it our way too.

I thought I read on another thread that you were done with the Catholic Church. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.

Neyite · 05-10-2020 3:37pm

lazygal wrote: »

I thought I read on another thread that you were done with the Catholic Church. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.

I am. But I'm getting married in the RCC for other reasons.

woodchuck · 05-10-2020 3:48pm

I think it's a very personal decision and everyone's circumstances are different.

I'd much prefer if we had the legal protection of marriage. I'm willing to wait months, but not years. Others might not be willing to wait at all and others might be fine with waiting for years.

Personally I just can't see myself going ahead with the legal part only. I'd hate to look back in years to come and think that that's it - that was my wedding day. Signing a piece of paper in an office while wearing a pair of jeans or whatever. It's important to me to have close family and friends and have some sort of celebration on the day we make that commitment to each other (and I say this as someone who is usually hugely cynical about weddings). I wouldn't want to do have the celebration months/years later. It just wouldn't feel right to me. Even people who do the legal bit here and the wedding abroad, they usually both happen within a week of each other. I think I'd feel like a right eejit trying to squeeze back into my wedding dress a year or two later when I've been married all along.

Californeeway · 05-10-2020 4:02pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

The day its self was a great everyone enjoyed it but it was different,
Also they had to make do with things which is not what your wedding day should be about,

I'm to get married next September but I think we will call it off,
...

Can I ask what they had to make do with.. like was it just about the number of guests or were there other things that stood out?

douglashyde · 07-10-2020 1:16pm

Thought I'd post this here as it might be on interest to those in 2021.

We are getting married on Oct 24th - we've now changed our plans for the 5th time and are working with a Dublin based venue (originally Wicklow) and have learnt a lot.

A few of things to consider:

- Venues are canceling pre / post wedding day events under level 3. Make sure you speak to your venue about this.
- Having spoken to several venues they are expecting level 3 (or similar style restrictions) for the majority of next year and potentially into 2022. 25 people / 11PM cut off. I appreciate this is very anecdotal and really depends on how govt policy changes over the next few months.
- The garda can not stop you crossing county lines - but our fear is that the venue will cancel us last minute (as we're from Dublin/Belfast), do consider this.
- Ensure your contract allows you to get all money back in event of changes due to COVID. Certain large venues do allow this.

Lollipops23 · 07-10-2020 1:32pm

douglashyde wrote: »

A few of things to consider:

- Venues are canceling pre / post wedding day events under level 3. Make sure you speak to your venue about this.
- Having spoken to several venues they are expecting level 3 (or similar style restrictions) for the majority of next year and potentially into 2022. 25 people / 11PM cut off. I appreciate this is very anecdotal and really depends on how govt policy changes over the next few months.
- The garda can not stop you crossing county lines - but our fear is that the venue will cancel us last minute (as we're from Dublin/Belfast), do consider this.
- Ensure your contract allows you to get all money back in event of changes due to COVID. Certain large venues do allow this.

I think it's still very early in the game for making these calls for 2021 weddings.
Everyone is already making mental notes on trimming down guestlists etc, but the truth is there's really no knowing where we'll be on the other side of winter. Maybe worse, maybe better.
Don't forget there's also an increasing likelihood of a vaccine by next spring, at least for older and vulnerable people. This alone would affect numbers at weddings.

Goose76 · 07-10-2020 4:57pm

Some potentially good news arising from all this COVID madness and maybe something to consider for some brides-to-be. Many venues are now massively downsizing their minimum numbers as a result of expecting some form of guest number restrictions next year. Maybe this will help people with lower numbers get a venue they previously couldn't have obtained.

Also on a positive note, we are saving so much money cutting our numbers that we have increased the lavishness of our venue tenfold for those guests that (hopefully) will be attending

Apologies if that sounds cynical but thought I'd share - it is one positive side of planning a wedding at these times in a sea of negatives.

woodchuck · 07-10-2020 5:08pm

Goose76 wrote: »

Some potentially good news arising from all this COVID madness and maybe something to consider for some brides-to-be. Many venues are now massively downsizing their minimum numbers as a result of expecting some form of guest number restrictions next year. Maybe this will help people with lower numbers get a venue they previously couldn't have obtained.

I appreciate your positivity, but it's not much use to those of us who already paid non-refundable deposits before Covid hit. Unless we want to take a big hit on the deposit to change venue.

Goose76 · 07-10-2020 5:18pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I appreciate your positivity, but it's not much use to those of us who already paid non-refundable deposits before Covid hit. Unless we want to take a big hit on the deposit to change venue.

Of course, and you have my full sympathy. I was just posting for those yet to organise their weddings.

mooreman09 · 09-10-2020 11:54am

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I think it's still very early in the game for making these calls for 2021 weddings.
Everyone is already making mental notes on trimming down guestlists etc, but the truth is there's really no knowing where we'll be on the other side of winter. Maybe worse, maybe better.
Don't forget there's also an increasing likelihood of a vaccine by next spring, at least for older and vulnerable people. This alone would affect numbers at weddings.

Our venue has told us that couples and guests can travel to another county when the venue is compliant with Covid regulations. Our journey would be Kildare to Laois. This relates to Level 3. Renowned venue, basing it on info from their body.

We are next spring. So hopefully not in L3 but it'd be a comfort.

If in doubt, contact your venue.

woodchuck · 09-10-2020 12:12pm

mooreman09 wrote: »

Our venue has told us that couples and guests can travel to another county when the venue is compliant with Covid regulations. Our journey would be Kildare to Laois. This relates to Level 3. Renowned venue, basing it on info from their body.

We are next spring. So hopefully not in L3 but it'd be a comfort.

If in doubt, contact your venue.

That doesn't match up with the official government guidance for level 3 though:

https://www.gov.ie/en/publication/ad569-level-3/#weddings

Weddings may proceed, but with a limit of 25 guests for ceremony and reception (irrespective of venue). It will not be possible to attend a wedding in another county.

Couples resident in a particular county, but with existing plans to get married, can travel to get married outside that county.

The same is outlined in the Guidelines for Reopening of Hotels:

https://failtecdn.azureedge.net/failteireland/Guidelines-for-Re-opening-Hotels-and-Guesthouses.pdf

It's possible updates are planned in relation to this, but it's not reflected in any official guidance documents yet.

mooreman09 · 09-10-2020 12:40pm

woodchuck wrote: »

That doesn't match up with the official government guidance for level 3 though:

https://www.gov.ie/en/publication/ad569-level-3/#weddings

The same is outlined in the Guidelines for Reopening of Hotels:

https://failtecdn.azureedge.net/failteireland/Guidelines-for-Re-opening-Hotels-and-Guesthouses.pdf

It's possible updates are planned in relation to this, but it's not reflected in any official guidance documents yet.

Yep, agreed. This was relayed to me in the past couple of days.. I'm taking it on board for now and when the time comes I'll know for sure. Best to ask your venues for advice.

woodchuck · 09-10-2020 1:16pm

mooreman09 wrote: »

Best to ask your venues for advice.

Restrictions on travelling between counties has nothing to do with the venues though. All the venues can tell you, is if they have any local policies about accepting guests from other counties.

The guards aren't going to care what the venues opinion is when guests are stopped at check points between counties. They'll be following the official guidelines from the government.

Sorry, I don't mean to be argumentative. I just don't think we should be relying on the venues interpretation on the travel restrictions.

2021 Bride/Groom

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