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Keeping surname after marriage

2

Comments

  • #32
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users Posts: 2,326 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    strandroad wrote: »
    Do you mean like Hannah Hanna etc.?

    Yeah, exactly that, like Leslie Lesley, Carol Carroll etc. Pure madness!


  • #33
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    Loveinapril wrote: »
    Yeah, exactly that, like Leslie Lesley, Carol Carroll etc. Pure madness!

    I hope that their husbands were lovely and worth the sacrifice... was it long ago?


  • #34
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users Posts: 2,326 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    strandroad wrote: »
    I hope that their husbands were lovely and worth the sacrifice... was it long ago?

    One of them worked with a friend of mine years ago and was in her mid- late fifties and the other was in her mid thirties and told me about her name about a year ago. It still makes me smile. Like that footballer's dad Neville Neville! It's like a funny pun that never got old for them.


  • #35
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    Tell them you changed it and the.n don’t bother. Will they even know?

    I kind of changed mine. Changed on my bank account but not my credit card (bank didn’t change as requested and I can’t be arsed fixing it). My drivers licence is married name, passport is still maiden name, work I use maiden name. My maiden name is easier to make appointments with over the phone so I still use that. I often forget which name I booked things under and say one name only to get told there’s no booking.

    I wish I didn’t bother changing it now!


  • #36
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    Loveinapril wrote: »
    One of them worked with a friend of mine years ago and was in her mid- late fifties and the other was in her mid thirties and told me about her name about a year ago. It still makes me smile. Like that footballer's dad Neville Neville! It's like a funny pun that never got old for them.

    Neville Neville is actually easier to manage since both are identical, but your ladies signed up for a lifetime of spelling their names repeatedly for people on the phone, and them still getting it wrong!


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  • #37
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users Posts: 2,326 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    strandroad wrote: »
    but your ladies signed up for a lifetime of spelling their names repeatedly for people on the phone, and them still getting it wrong!

    This is exactly how I learnt of one of the women's names, she phoned my job for something and had to give her name. She obviously has to tell the story a lot! It is a bit "huh?".


  • #38
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,596 ✭✭✭Feisar


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    Some would argue it shows you're not committed with one eye on the door and undermine the relationship all the time

    Huh? Male here, married two years, wife took my name however totally her shout as I made it clear I didn’t care either way.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • #39
    jam_mac_jam
    Registered Users Posts: 4,704 ✭✭✭jam_mac_jam


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    Some would argue it shows you're not committed with one eye on the door and undermine the relationship all the time

    Some would argue that he should do it.


  • #40
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    Loveinapril wrote: »
    This is exactly how I learnt of one of the women's names, she phoned my job for something and had to give her name. She obviously has to tell the story a lot! It is a bit "huh?".

    I'm sure she has, my own first name is simple but easily misspelled (think Clare/Claire etc) and no matter how much I try to explain people still get it wrong, I don't include it in my email address or it wouldn't reach me.


  • #41
    KiKi III
    Registered Users Posts: 2,653 ✭✭✭KiKi III


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    Some would argue it shows you're not committed with one eye on the door and undermine the relationship all the time

    I know this sounds daft on it’s face, but my parents married in the mid-80s when keeping your maiden name would have been fairly uncommon but my Mam did. They have had a rocky marriage and I do wonder sometimes if she kept her name out of a fear the marriage wouldn’t last.


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  • #42
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    strandroad wrote: »
    I hope that their husbands were lovely and worth the sacrifice... was it long ago?
    Why do you think it was a sacrifice? Maybe they wanted to for whatever reason.


  • #43
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    meeeeh wrote: »
    Why do you think it was a sacrifice? Maybe they wanted to for whatever reason.

    See the rest of the thread, it complicates your life to have a name combo that is easily misspelled and requires explanation.


  • #44
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    strandroad wrote: »
    See the rest of the thread, it complicates your life to have a name combo that is easily misspelled and requires explanation.

    I did. I think the whole conversation was a bit condescending implying poor downtrodden dears are being subjugated to their husband.


  • #45
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    meeeeh wrote: »
    I did. I think the whole conversation was a bit condescending implying poor downtrodden dears are being subjugated to their husband.

    Not my intention, I just happen to know how people get even a plain name wrong if there's any tiniest room for error so it surprised me that people volunteer for that!


  • #46
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    meeeeh wrote: »
    While I have no attachment to either of the surnames (or marriage outside practical legal protections) there can be perfectly valid professional reasons why you would want to keep your surname. It certainly doesn't tell you anything about the relationship.

    And if there's no reason then it does tell us something.

    You end up with a different name to your children.

    Husband and children share a common connection but mom doesn't what does that convey to your children . . .


  • #47
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    The only issue I can see with keeping your name is one partner potentially having a different surname to the children but in the wider scale of things it's not really a big deal. Lots of children have the surname of one or both their parents, they could easily have a joint surname.
    Personally I wouldnt change my last name, my name is part of my identity and I feel that taking a husband's name is quite old fashioned anyway and would be more hassle than it's worth with having to change passports, bank details, cards and everything else but thats just me. I dont think theres any pressure on women to change their name anymore.


  • #48
    Recliner
    Registered Users Posts: 878 ✭✭✭Recliner


    I'm surprised it's even a question someone would ask. Honestly I've no idea if any of the married women I know changed their names or not.
    Would it actually be a question a bride to he would be asked? Or are people making a point of stating that they are/are not changing to get a reaction?


  • #49
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    Dr. Em wrote: »
    Has anyone here kept their surname after marriage rather than taking their husband's surname? How was it received by friends and family? Do you think there is less pressure on women to change their surname than in previous generations, or is it much the same?

    Nobody expects anyone to take their husbands name now. Any pressure from older family members should be brushed aside and totally ignored. Do whatever you want but don’t turn it into an issue.


  • #50
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    Dr. Em wrote: »
    Thanks for the replies! It is good to hear positive stories. I was caught unawares when my future in-laws were really upset about the idea of me keeping my surname. I don't know if it worth cutting up the peace over it, but the idea of losing my own surname makes me feel sad and I'm hoping they will come around eventually.

    You don’t have any responsibility for their happiness at all. Be kind of course and always polite but if they’re “really upset” then take that as a warning that they’re expecting to have a lot of say in your marriage to their son.


  • #51
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    And if there's no reason then it does tell us something.

    You end up with a different name to your children.

    Husband and children share a common connection but mom doesn't what does that convey to your children . . .

    You don’t need to share a surname to have a good connection with your kids. What a bizarre thought.


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  • #52
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users Posts: 2,326 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    eviltwin wrote: »
    You don’t need to share a surname to have a good connection with your kids. What a bizarre thought.

    Imagine growing a human in your own body for 9+ months, pushing them out, often feeding them with your own milk that your body creates especially for them and severing that connection when you name them!


  • #53
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,119 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    Loveinapril wrote: »
    Imagine growing a human in your own body for 9+ months, pushing them out, often feeding them with your own milk that your body creates especially for them and severing that connection when you name them!

    Are you serious? So a woman needs to have the same surname as her kids or she's "severed her connection to them"? Even if it's not her surname? That's exactly why surnames aren't important to me. They don't have anything to do with the actual connections within a family.


  • #54
    salmocab
    Registered Users Posts: 11,278 ✭✭✭✭salmocab


    My wife kept her own name, don’t think she was particularly bothered either way but I think changing a name you’ve had for over 30 years is a very strange thing to do. Kids have my name but it certainly isn’t a thing that affects our family in anyway.


  • #55
    Recliner
    Registered Users Posts: 878 ✭✭✭Recliner


    Loveinapril wrote: »
    Imagine growing a human in your own body for 9+ months, pushing them out, often feeding them with your own milk that your body creates especially for them and severing that connection when you name them!

    What????
    My sister is divorced, she went back to her maiden name, so her 2 kids have her ex-husbands surname. Doesn't matter a jot.

    What if a couple have kids and choose not to marry? The kids will have a different surname to one of the parents. I might despair of Gen Snowflake/Millennials/whatever the next name will be but I can't see a surname being cause for much angst among them.


  • #56
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    Recliner wrote: »
    What????
    My sister is divorced, she went back to her maiden name, so her 2 kids have her ex-husbands surname. Doesn't matter a jot.

    What if a couple have kids and choose not to marry? The kids will have a different surname to one of the parents. I might despair of Gen Snowflake/Millennials/whatever the next name will be but I can't see a surname being cause for much angst among them.

    I think you missed the clear sarcasm in that post.


  • #57
    jellybear
    Registered Users Posts: 3,223 ✭✭✭jellybear


    bee06 wrote: »
    I think you missed the clear sarcasm in that post.

    Was about to post to say I'm pretty sure she was being sarcastic...then I was second guessing myself! But yep, definitely sarcasm!!:D


  • #58
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    And if there's no reason then it does tell us something.

    You end up with a different name to your children.

    Husband and children share a common connection but mom doesn't what does that convey to your children . . .

    If I change my name back to my maiden name would that mean my children would stop following me to the bathroom, insisting I put both of them to bed etc. I could do with a bit less connection some days.


  • #59
    Call me Al
    Registered Users Posts: 3,020 ✭✭✭Call me Al


    I'm married 16 years. With children. I use both names and nobody has ever said a word to me about it. Nor would I expect them to.
    All my social media is my maiden name. I love the name I have from birth. It's pretty unique. I've used the irish language version at times too which I absolutely love. My passport page 2 has my married name, but I have my maiden name printed in full on page 3.
    All official records relating to my children, school, health, banking etc, is my married name though, and I felt i needed to do that for them. But they know that some people call me by my maiden name and that I use it in life too..
    Most of my friends here in Dublin know me as both if we have connected on social media.


  • #60
    Recliner
    Registered Users Posts: 878 ✭✭✭Recliner


    bee06 wrote: »
    I think you missed the clear sarcasm in that post.

    Ah, OK. I'm losing my touch.


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  • #61
    jam_mac_jam
    Registered Users Posts: 4,704 ✭✭✭jam_mac_jam


    Just let people do what they want. If you want to change it do. I am not sure why there are snide comments because someone doesn't want to change their name.

    Its up to the person involved. I haven't but that's not for me. Others think differently and its nobody's business what they call themselves. Certainly none of mine.


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