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Have you ever fallen out with a friend?

24

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  • Registered Users Posts: 489 ✭✭grassylawn


    Like a beast with his horn I have torn everyone who reached out for me.

    I suppose my insistence on listening to music that glorifies gloom has probably contributed to it.

    Nobody I wasn't ****ing in about twelve years. Lots of people before that though, usually my fault or mainly my fault.

    It actually gets me down a bit.


  • Registered Users, Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 2,158 Mod ✭✭✭✭Nigel Fairservice


    I have two close friends that I've been friends with for years who I'd be in regular contact with. Had a brief disagreement with one of them a good few years ago now but we got over it very quick.

    I've had a lot of friends of circumstance over the years. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people though. I meet up with some of them every so often and we just pick up where we left off. I might not see or hear from them for a few months but I don't mind. I like my own company most of the time so it suits me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 547 ✭✭✭loalae


    Yes after college. It was completely my fault. I apologised and she accepted the apology but I could tell she no longer wanted to be around me. I still miss the friendship almost 10 years later.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,845 ✭✭✭Antares35


    You're getting married? I didn't get an invite.. some friend you are.

    Another one bites the dust :D


  • Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Drifted, but never fell-out with someone to the point of deciding to cut someone off.

    As I get older, the thing I value most about friendship is a mutual ability to tolerate defects in one another. When you are grumpy, so they give you space and then reply with "ru still a moody bitch?" five hours later; that's friendship. It relies heavily on tolerance.

    My closest friends are probably my siblings, except we have no choice but to get along. The other friends are people I love just as much. I cannot imagine a situation where we ever fell out in any serious way. I often value those friendships more, because we have no family ties; they take effort and, again, tolerance.

    Minor gripes shrink into the background when you love someone, just like a marriage.

    I wouldn't judge someone for cutting out a friend, but it is a very drastic step for someone you obviously deeply care about.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 293 ✭✭Tpcl20


    Was good friends with a lad for a few years and then I played in a band with him. Then he made me choose between his projects and the other music I was involved with at the time. I had to walk away at that point and he took it very badly and didn't talk to me for a few years and told everyone I was a prick. I can have a laugh about it with him now when I see him but I'd never get involved with anything he's doing again. It's music, not marriage. He has a reputation anyway as you might imagine of somebody with that much of an ego.

    There are a few people I used to be friends with whose lives are completely destroyed by drug addiction. One culminated in a falling out at a party when they were staggering around our house with piss all over them trying to crash somewhere... gave them new pants and put them in a taxi, then texted and said to tell their partner they have a problem and try to get some help. They still call at 3am sometimes looking for a party but I never answer. I would if I thought they had things under control, but afaik the partner still doesn't realise they're about ten grand in debt so I can't really take on all that.

    There was also one person from school who got in a relationship with somebody who decided they had to sever all ties with former friends. I was disappointed and fairly concerned about how unhealthy that sounded. Their family appeared to be looking out for them so I just accepted it without much of a fight. I hope they're ok now. I ordered something from their Etsy shop last year as a way of reaching out and they wrote a note to me, but it didn't have a return address so I took that as a sign that they don't need further contact.

    Thinking about the lost friendships makes me really appreciate (and miss) the ones that are still ongoing. Working all week at the moment absolutely sucks when you're not seeing friends regularly to act the maggot together and have a laugh.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,133 ✭✭✭Hamsterchops


    Many years ago I fell out with my best friend, because you see he had become a vegetarian, a very strict vegetarian who was also bringing up his kids as vegetarians too.

    One weekend I was visiting, and on the way I had picked up a ham sandwich to eat on the train, sandwich still unfinished I arrived, went inside & put it in his fridge for later!

    Oops :)

    He went ape**** and we had a big falling out because I might have contaminated his fridge (and his children) with ham :confused:

    That was then, we made up a few months later and our friendship survives to this day. Interestingly neither of his kids remained vegetarians when they grew up.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,491 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    One stands out, was one of my first times ever drinking, back when I was teenager. Went out with a group of friends and a girl who I was quite close with and I know that was interested in me romantically. Anyway, drank an unfortunate amount, got sick ON her. And then if that couldn't get worse apparently was being loud and rude and abusive to her as she helped me out of the club to a taxi. Have no recollection of what I said, and honestly I don't ever really want to know. As it must have been really bad to completely disintegrate a friendship that had no problems for years before then. Her friend even told me she was crying about it when she got home. A few days/weeks later after talking about it a bit she said she forgave me after I apologised about it as much as I could . But we never really spoke or hung out again, ever. Obviously she didn't really forgive it. Still feel bad about it to this day as she was a good friend, and 8 years on I still cringe thinking about what a reckless **** I was for doing that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 23 Pineapplez56


    Was good friends with a guy for years since I was about 16 thought of him pretty highly as someone who had my back and I would of had his too, not a best mate but a good mate in a circle of friends there used to be about 10-20 of us going to festivals and raves and just chilling with each other, but when I found out he had gone off with my then girlfriend.. from her and not him, and he had no problem going around telling others just not me.. broke my heart and trust as I actually thought we were good mates. Needless to say I confronted him about it and he tried to say sorry but I just felt if he was really sorry he’d of told me in the first place and not leave it up to the ex girlfriend to tell me when a few of the friend group knew about it as well, well my trust in people just kind of diminished. Made me realize just how sly some people can be while acting nice to your face as if nothing has happened. **** that dude anyways better off without him and most of that group, this was 8 years ago and I still think about it the odd time, and still see him around sometimes as he avoids me and tries to not make eye contact it’s still awkward but that’s life I suppose. I should say I also hit him a dig in the head when I seen him not long after the confrontation as that was through text message and this was the first time I’d seen him in person. He didn’t even say anything just took it and looked at me with this stupid look on his face as I called him a sly **** and went about my business. Oh well some friends are not really your friends just was a ****ty way to find that out. The only person Iv ever actually fell out with I’m usually cool as a cucumber try to get on with everyone but just couldn’t be mates with someone like that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,839 ✭✭✭mcsean2163


    Yes of course. Your opener is weird. What difference does it make if you're a guy?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Drifted, but never fell-out with someone to the point of deciding to cut someone off.

    As I get older, the thing I value most about friendship is a mutual ability to tolerate defects in one another. When you are grumpy, so they give you space and then reply with "ru still a moody bitch?" five hours later; that's friendship. It relies heavily on tolerance.

    My closest friends are probably my siblings, except we have no choice but to get along. The other friends are people I love just as much. I cannot imagine a situation where we ever fell out in any serious way. I often value those friendships more, because we have no family ties; they take effort and, again, tolerance.

    Minor gripes shrink into the background when you love someone, just like a marriage.

    I wouldn't judge someone for cutting out a friend, but it is a very drastic step for someone you obviously deeply care about.

    It easy to do once you know they don't care about you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 30,022 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    mcsean2163 wrote: »
    Yes of course. Your opener is weird. What difference does it make if you're a guy?


    In my experience as a fella. Guys don't really fall out, have big burst ups with friends compared to women. I know I'm terrible.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    In my experience as a fella. Guys don't really fall out, have big burst ups with friends compared to women. I know I'm terrible.

    That's true and i think in some way it's because women care more. I've alot of male friends who i know don't actually like or care about each other that much but they'd happily play football or have a pint together.
    Women on the otherhand wouldn't, generally speaking, have a drink with another woman they don't care about.
    I'd have male friends of mine say things like..ah what did you expect, Dave's a wanker or similar comments about apparent friends but then you'd see them slapping each other on the back down the pub if * Gerard scored a goal..

    * I clearly know nothing about football:p


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,364 ✭✭✭Hamachi


    Porklife wrote: »
    That's true and i think in some way it's because women care more. I've alot of male friends who i know don't actually like or care about each other that much but they'd happily play football or have a pint together.
    Women on the otherhand wouldn't, generally speaking, have a drink with another woman they don't care about.

    I find this very odd and I’m a man. Have a male colleague who’s also sort of a friend through a sport we’re both involved in. He hangs out with a group of his friends from childhood. They go out drinking and away on golf weekends. He’s openly told me that he can’t stand some of the group. I can’t fathom spending that much time with people I don’t particularly like.

    Personally, haven’t fallen out with friends. Just drifted apart over the years.

    Don’t know if anybody else had this experience, but I never made any friends in school.

    I didn’t fall out with anybody and was never bullied or anything like that. I was just never close to anybody in my class and it never even occurred to me to stay in contact as soon as I finished the leaving cert. Is that incredibly weird?


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,884 ✭✭✭Tzardine


    I am no longer in touch with any of my old friends from childhood or school or college.

    The older I got the more I realised that I prefer my own company.

    Happy in my own skin and with the human contact from my family.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,762 ✭✭✭✭dubstarr


    I was ghosted by a friend.
    Knew her through work,but she was godmother to my son.

    She left me sitting in McDonalds with a 3 month old baby on a freezing October day.

    Thought something had happened to her,went home and phoned her.
    Then the penny dropped,she'd been hard to get hold of and was being flakey.

    When I think back,all the signs where there.
    As she had form for it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭zerosugarbuzz


    Hamachi wrote: »
    I find this very odd and I’m a man. Have a male colleague who’s also sort of a friend through a sport we’re both involved in. He hangs out with a group of his friends from childhood. They go out drinking and away on golf weekends. He’s openly told me that he can’t stand some of the group. I can’t fathom spending that much time with people I don’t particularly like.

    Personally, haven’t fallen out with friends. Just drifted apart over the years.

    Don’t know if anybody else had this experience, but I never made any friends in school.

    I didn’t fall out with anybody and was never bullied or anything like that. I was just never close to anybody in my class and it never even occurred to me to stay in contact as soon as I finished the leaving cert. Is that incredibly weird?

    I’d say it not that unusual. I do pity kids today, their relationships can be so superficial, more about Instagram than real life.


  • Registered Users Posts: 69 ✭✭shreko


    Hamachi wrote: »

    I didn’t fall out with anybody and was never bullied or anything like that. I was just never close to anybody in my class and it never even occurred to me to stay in contact as soon as I finished the leaving cert. Is that incredibly weird?

    I never made any friends in college... just didnt really click with anyone. Got along with plenty of people but when I left I never spoke to any of them again, other than if I bumped into them on the street.

    On the other hand I made lots of good friends in school and am still very good friends with about 6 of them. I guess it just depends on the people.


  • Registered Users Posts: 582 ✭✭✭sportsfan90


    I can't say I've ever fallen out with anyone, just friendships have drifted like other's in this thread.

    There's one that does get me down though. We were best friends from junior infants up until 16/17, so for maybe 12 or 13 years we were inseparable. As in if someone used see me anywhere, they'd say it was unusual if he wasn't there too.

    I went to college then and he didn't. I was conscious that I was meeting a lot of new people, so always invited him to nights out or if I was driving anywhere. Sometimes he came but most times he didn't. I still tried to meet up with him once a week, even if it was just the two of us going for a coffee or to watch a match.

    It was all very one-sided though, it was always me contacting him. Sometimes he wouldn't even reply to my texts. He obviously didn't want to be as close anymore, which of course was his right. But going from being best friends for so long to barely any contact was hard to take.

    I then had enough of it so decided to stop and see how long it would take for him to contact me. That was 10 years ago and I never heard from him. The only time we talked since then was about 2 years ago I heard he got engaged so I sent a message of congratulations. We exchanged a few pleasantries and I told him next time he's back in our home county to let me know and it would be good to meet up. He said he would, but never did in the end.

    It's one that does get me down. He's the best friend that I've ever had so to go from that to being strangers is an awful feeling.


  • Registered Users Posts: 249 ✭✭boardlady


    I had lots of friends in school and college - as mentioned before, they are your world at that stage of your life. I have a handful of good friends now, but thinking on it, when it comes to talking about the meaningful stuff, I think my husband is really the only one I would depend on. That says more about me than them though I think. I struggle with my in laws ... they are a very tightknit family and I am not in the circle of trust. I have a tiny family and nobody living near me so, without my husband, I would feel very isolated. I don't know why the in laws won't let me in but it ain't happening after all these years. They are the ultimate clique. hurtful if i'm honest. There is nothing outward and an onlooker might be very surprised to hear me say that, but I am the last to be informed of everything. I have drifted from friends in the past when they were annoying me. I hate to actually fall out with anyone. I am a chicken **** in that department.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 11,143 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    A lot of people saying "drifted apart" on this thread so far. Am sure that's the case for some but let's be honest not all :p

    What seems like a natural drifting apart can be one party saying to themselves how they are not gonna go out drinking with the other no more, gonna stop talking etc. For whatever reason. They fell out with you but just never had the sack to say it to you.

    Let that sink in people muhahhahaha.


  • Registered Users Posts: 620 ✭✭✭Meeoow


    I had loads of friends till I hit 30. Then they dwindled away. Some cooled off on me. Some I cooled off on.
    My best friend cooled off on me. We were good friends for 13 years. That really affected me. I think it's part of the reason that I find it hard to make friends now.
    2 of my most recent friends, I fecked them off. They were too much, I let it build up and blew up. Looking back, I wish I had to have told them to back off and calm down a bit instead of going nuclear. Now I don't have any friends.
    I have anxiety and depression and find it hard to make friends.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    A lot of people saying "drifted apart" on this thread so far. Am sure that's the case for some but let's be honest not all :p

    What seems like a natural drifting apart can be one party saying to themselves how they are not gonna go out drinking with the other no more, gonna stop talking etc. For whatever reason. They fell out with you but just never had the sack to say it to you.

    Let that sink in people muhahhahaha.

    I think there is some truth in this. You kind of stop being as engaged and interested, then it just stops.

    How do you end a friendship with a conversation? I don't know how to do that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,784 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    bb1234567 wrote: »
    One stands out, was one of my first times ever drinking, back when I was teenager. Went out with a group of friends and a girl who I was quite close with and I know that was interested in me romantically. Anyway, drank an unfortunate amount, got sick ON her. And then if that couldn't get worse apparently was being loud and rude and abusive to her as she helped me out of the club to a taxi. Have no recollection of what I said, and honestly I don't ever really want to know. As it must have been really bad to completely disintegrate a friendship that had no problems for years before then. Her friend even told me she was crying about it when she got home. A few days/weeks later after talking about it a bit she said she forgave me after I apologised about it as much as I could . But we never really spoke or hung out again, ever. Obviously she didn't really forgive it. Still feel bad about it to this day as she was a good friend, and 8 years on I still cringe thinking about what a reckless **** I was for doing that.




    sounds like your ex friend was a tad too sensitive, you were hammered, could she not forgive and forget? most people would.


  • Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    A number drifted away as I did from them too but only one where the friendship absolutely ended -I was friends with this person since mid teens- about 17 years on I was married, she just got engaged - i had tried keeping in touch the 5 years prior to that but felt like quite an effort sometimes- it was always her way or nothing- I.e she chose the pub to meet up in; she’d phone me last minute to meet up but she’d never meet when I suggested; I think she was jealous I was married and she wasn’t at the time so she sort of made a point of being awkward even though I would always accommodate her and try and keep in touch regularly;

    I invited herself and her new fiancé down to our house for dinner- it’s about 40 mins from where she lived; she laughed saying what would I be doing going down there; I took quite an offence to this response considering I spent time and effort going to a party she organised, again last minute some weeks previous.

    She phoned me a few weeks later asking for a favour and could I meet her (45 minutes drive away)- I suggested she drive to me as I’d had a long week- she was having none of it- and that was essentially the last conversation we had-

    it was a strange way to end what had been at one time a great friendship but at the time i was in the frame of mind of “with friends like these, who needs enemies”- never did get an invite to her wedding although I heard later the marriage ended a few years later -

    years on I just think it’s sad it came to all of that but I grew tired of continually accommodating her and was getting less and less from the friendship at that stage. Some days I look back and wonder should I have behaved differently but no, I was tired of her demands and I was getting nothing from the friendship at that point


  • Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Meeoow wrote: »
    I had loads of friends till I hit 30. Then they dwindled away. Some cooled off on me. Some I cooled off on.
    My best friend cooled off on me. We were good friends for 13 years. That really affected me. I think it's part of the reason that I find it hard to make friends now.
    2 of my most recent friends, I fecked them off. They were too much, I let it build up and blew up. Looking back, I wish I had to have told them to back off and calm down a bit instead of going nuclear. Now I don't have any friends.
    I have anxiety and depression and find it hard to make friends.

    It sounds stupid but sometimes losing a good friend is very similar to a bereavement - I know I felt that to a degree with my story above-Once I knew invitations to her wedding had issued and I hadn’t received one I knew the friendship was gone- it took me some time to get over it even though I knew the friendship itself wasn’t what it once was.


  • Registered Users Posts: 249 ✭✭boardlady


    "years on I just think it’s sad it came to all of that but I grew tired of continually accommodating her and was getting less and less from the friendship at that stage. Some days I look back and wonder should I have behaved differently but no, I was tired of her demands and I was getting nothing from the friendship at that point"

    This is what leads me to 'drifting away' from friends. I can think of three friendships - which is a lot! - where I began to notice that I was doing all the running. Once you see that, you can't unsee it. I began to disengage then and it was always very easy really as they were lazy, or 'fair weather' friends. I often feel like leaving people to see how long they would go before making a move for coffee etc, but I reckon i'd see nobody if that was the case!


  • Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    A lot of people saying "drifted apart" on this thread so far. Am sure that's the case for some but let's be honest not all :p

    What seems like a natural drifting apart can be one party saying to themselves how they are not gonna go out drinking with the other no more, gonna stop talking etc. For whatever reason. They fell out with you but just never had the sack to say it to you.

    Let that sink in people muhahhahaha.

    Nah not really- I think the phone just stops ringing-and sometimes the feeling is mutual around the same time- you might go for a pint with someone you’ve been friends with for a long time and find you no longer have much to say or interest in what they’re doing- I wonder how many friendships are base purely on drink-ie the only time you meet up is in a pub, as opposed to going on holidays together, or going to concerts, playing sport together, going to each other’s houses etc
    I’d say the friendships based on mainly alcohol meet ups are probably the most fragile


  • Registered Users Posts: 235 ✭✭Ms. Newbie18


    Two that stand out; both men. One who once he got with his OH everything went to text - even tho we had never been romantically involved (he was like a cousin to me) and I was in a relationship. He would arrange to meet up and then wouldnt hear from him for days before we were going to meet. Was a reoccurring cycle. He always initiated because once he started flaking my OH would tell me not to waste my time. Totally ended the friendship when he didnt invite us to the wedding but had a few people i knew he was not fond of there. Showed to ruled the roost. When I see SM post from him now 90% of his friends are his OH.

    The other got into a new relationship it was up and down all the time. One of the times it was down we had argument. He said something he would not apologise for, so I moved on. I was sad for awhile but I got over it. If people are going to disrespect you they are not worth your time.

    Have a female friend who is so flaky I barely bother anymore and another who's behavior is condescending/confrontational and just plain buzz kill that i have distanced myself.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,762 ✭✭✭✭dubstarr


    boardlady wrote: »
    "years on I just think it’s sad it came to all of that but I grew tired of continually accommodating her and was getting less and less from the friendship at that stage. Some days I look back and wonder should I have behaved differently but no, I was tired of her demands and I was getting nothing from the friendship at that point"

    This is what leads me to 'drifting away' from friends. I can think of three friendships - which is a lot! - where I began to notice that I was doing all the running. Once you see that, you can't unsee it. I began to disengage then and it was always very easy really as they were lazy, or 'fair weather' friends. I often feel like leaving people to see how long they would go before making a move for coffee etc, but I reckon i'd see nobody if that was the case!

    Me too,i was the one organising nights out and weekends away.
    So i stopped and nobody has really bothered with me since.

    Im an introvert and i like my own company but i do miss ringing up and asking did they want to go for a pint.

    I find it very hard to make friends and obviously its harder to keep them.

    I know it goes back to my mam,she wouldnt let me out with people on the road. Or kids from school meeting and i wasnt allowed to go.I missed so much because of that.


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