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Curious to know how many couples get loans ++

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Comments

  • #92
    silent_spark
    Registered Users Posts: 461 ✭✭silent_spark


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Why, when it comes to weddings, are people SO judgmental?

    I think everyone should be in a position to choose whatever wonderful/bombastic/extravagant/fabulous wedding/car/phone/holiday they would like (it's their life, and it shouldn't impact on anyone else), but in my opinion - and from what other people are saying here - I think it's the idea of going into debt for an expense, rather than a capital item, that is worrying, and - whatever way you look at it, it's not great money management. A culture of consumer debt benefits no one (look at debt rates in America), so while I'm not going to judge anyone for making the decision to take out a loan for a whatever, I don't think we should pretend it's a positive thing to do for normal, planned living expenses.

    Full disclaimer: I took a loan out years ago as my car died, I needed one to get to work, and I hadn't enough of an emergency fund saved up to cover the full cost. Was it the right decision for me? Sure. What it good money management? Nope. We also did not have a particularly tiny wedding, and decided on lots of extravagant (to us) optional extras to celebrate with our friends and family. To each their own in that regard.


  • #93
    LirW
    Registered Users Posts: 4,825 ✭✭✭LirW


    I think people are incredibly cynical about weddings and even moreso when there is a huge loan involved. Many people know at least one couple that totally overstretched themselves and it's not only a nuisance but a proper financial burden on them.
    I know a girl that spent a grand total of 60k on her wedding. Every tiniest detail was planned. How she financed it? Bank loan and the parents loaned money, they only got a percentage back in gifts. The very day after she said to her bridesmaids "Why did I spend so much on it?".
    A few months later they moved out of their apartment in a rural county that was 400 euro in rent and moved into the house of a family member because they're stuck to get a deposit together - in an area where nice houses cost less than 100k.
    Granted this couple is very bad with money.

    I also know another that didn't live together before they married and had a big shebang in an upscale venue. They're now living in a room in Dublin sharing with other people because they can't get a deposit together.

    If someone asks if it is wise to take out a loan for the wedding the general answer is most likely no - but it depends on the couple's circumstances. Some are just short for a bit, some need the cash to clear everything outstanding, some finance the whole thing on a loan. Some can comfortably afford it and it's merely change on them to pay it back monthly, some put themselves under pressure because it is too much for them.

    All that paired with very common resentment over cash gifts and some weddings feeling like summons leave a bitter taste in people's mouth.


  • #94
    ontheditch2
    Registered Users Posts: 372 ✭✭ontheditch2


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

    The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.

    Era, I'd prefer to pay for fantastic memories. I've only ever got 2 loans in my life. 1 for a car (never missed a payment), 1 for a mortgage.
    I've gone on some wonderful holidays and spent most of my adult life never worrying about missing out on events because I couldn't afford them.
    The 3rd loan I'll get will be for my wedding. Spent the last 2 years saving for a deposit for my house. Time frame between buying house and wedding will be close, so we could put off the wedding so that we could afford it or we could get a small loan to get it done now and carry on with other things in life e.g. having kids etc..
    To suggest it is ego driven or keeping up with the Jones is fairly disrespectful.

    I hope you never wasted money by going on a foreign holiday, a weekend away or anything like that, that's some waste of money, by your logic, whether you need a loan or not. You should of invested in capital instead.
    Or is that different??


  • #95
    Gatica
    Registered Users Posts: 3,296 ✭✭✭Gatica


    tbh, I'd rather have a loan for a fabulous memorable day than shed at the back of the garden, for which I could save up if I wanted to.
    Everyone's attitude to what's important in life is different, and painting everyone who gets a loan out for a wedding or any other event as being unwise isn't right. People have mentioned saving for cars, whereas I always thought a car as being an investment too, and always got a loan for a car, so I can live my everyday live comfortably. We saved for the wedding, but wouldn't have been averse to borrowing if needed, as previously mentioned. In fact retrospectively my OH wishes we'd invited more friends, who we thought we wouldn't have the budget to invite...
    I'd have hated to have a 20 people wedding because we couldn't invite more and have regretted it after because we'd have wished to have all those friends and couldn't.


  • #96
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    What I find surprising is how everyone knows how much other people spent on their weddings. I can't remember how much ours cost last year, I'm not sure I ever knew. We didn't borrow for the wedding, neither we had any intention to because I don't consider wedding important enough to take out loan for. We received generous gifts from basically everyone but since we were footing the bill for all drinks and two extra meals for people traveling we never expected to cover the cost of the wedding.

    Frankly I don't care what people borrow money for, as long as their life is not negatively impeded by it there is no harm.


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  • #97
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    No , I know you didn't say that .
    Yes I see your point but the way I see it is to each his own . I could never spend huge money on a car for example but can understand why some people do
    I do think that societal pressure is easing now about huge weddings . I have been to a few smaller ones with the ceremony in the hotel and they were lovely .But some couples love the big wedding with 200 odd guests and its their choice .
    As long as its not my money paying for it !

    My point is that the way the wedding industry has gone, it is effectively guests paying (at least in part). People totally expect €200 per couple in most cases, and quite often the finances only work on that basis.

    Also, this is a discussion forum, so of course people are going to make their own decisions, but equally others here like myself are perfectly entitled to have opinions on posts as they arise. Otherwise Boards would be pretty boring if people just agreed all day long.

    I don't think its like a car really, because (1) cars are not gone in a single day (2) cars depreciate over time and are obviously a bad investment but at the same time people need transport and likely have to spend money getting themselves around, so an element of it is unavoidable. (3) people tend not to rely on gifts to finance their cars (4) anyone who spends big money on a car (ie Range Rover or similar) that obviously goes about and beyond getting them from a to b is probably doing so to demonstrate their wealth and portray a certain image - so they probably attract much the same criticism as those who have lavish weddings.


  • #98
    Gatica
    Registered Users Posts: 3,296 ✭✭✭Gatica


    meeeeh wrote: »
    What I find surprising is how everyone knows how much other people spent on their weddings.

    LOL, too true. I know what we spent because I keep a meticulous budget/spending record. I wouldn't have a clue what someone else spent other than to guess it was more or less than ours based on whether it was bigger/smaller wedding than ours, and I'd have a better idea of cost of different venues based on research we did for our wedding.


  • #99
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    SozBbz wrote: »
    My point is that the way the wedding industry has gone, it is effectively guests paying (at least in part). People totally expect €200 per couple in most cases, and quite often the finances only work on that basis.

    Also, this is a discussion forum, so of course people are going to make their own decisions, but equally others here like myself are perfectly entitled to have opinions on posts as they arise. Otherwise Boards would be pretty boring if people just agreed all day long.

    I don't think its like a car really, because (1) cars are not gone in a single day (2) cars depreciate over time and are obviously a bad investment but at the same time people need transport and likely have to spend money getting themselves around, so an element of it is unavoidable. (3) people tend not to rely on gifts to finance their cars (4) anyone who spends big money on a car (ie Range Rover or similar) that obviously goes about and beyond getting them from a to b is probably doing so to demonstrate their wealth and portray a certain image - so they probably attract much the same criticism as those who have lavish weddings.

    I did say spend huge money on a car in my post . I would have no interest in spending huge money for a top of the range car but am fine with it that others do . I still think its none of our business who spends what as long as it doesnt effect me .Thankfully I have never been to a wedding where the couple expected anything from me but then again I go mainly to family weddings and am more than happy to give them a present .
    People differ and I have come to accept that I suppose


  • #100
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    Gatica wrote: »
    LOL, too true. I know what we spent because I keep a meticulous budget/spending record. I wouldn't have a clue what someone else spent other than to guess it was more or less than ours based on whether it was bigger/smaller wedding than ours, and I'd have a better idea of cost of different venues based on research we did for our wedding.

    I think its a mixture. I probably know in the case of my close friends because the just told me, but like you said yourself, one you know the baseline and have done some research, you tend to know roughly what venues charge, so even if you don't know for a fact, you can spot a expensive wedding when you see one.

    Obviously everyones disposable income is ultimately their own business but I know I've certainly been at weddings that I felt were either the couple trying to make money, or spend as little as possible. I've also witnessed scenarios where couples have gone all out to have the perfect day at great expense but are making ongoing sacrifices now to pay for it, which in my opinion is a sad way to start married life. Yes they have the memories and the photos, but the day itself is still in the past.

    I think in an ideal world it would be great if wedding gifts were just not a thing, everyone just paid for their own weddings and invited who they actually wanted to attend. I think they'd be smaller, but probably more intimate and nicer.


  • #101
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    Gatica wrote: »
    LOL, too true. I know what we spent because I keep a meticulous budget/spending record. I wouldn't have a clue what someone else spent other than to guess it was more or less than ours based on whether it was bigger/smaller wedding than ours, and I'd have a better idea of cost of different venues based on research we did for our wedding.

    Our calculations were done on the back of an envelope about a month before the wedding. We also got a wedding planner because for me life is to short to plan a wedding. We had some approximate cost but we couldn't know what drinks cost will in advance anyway. I guess I just have no interest in that kind of stuff but I also find a bit vulgar talking about cost of the wedding. We told no one how much we got in gifts or how much it cost us. Frankly it's nobody's business. I think people enjoyed themselves (oh was told to divorce me, marry another girl from the area so there will be a repeat wedding) and that means a lot more to me than coordinated outfits or cost of the wedding and how we paid for it.


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  • #102
    PinkLady2016
    Registered Users Posts: 193 ✭✭PinkLady2016


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    We had a smallish wedding, about 80 guests in the Conyngham Arms in Slane. I think it was about €60 a head and it was a really great venue. No bridesmaids/groomsmen, hotel decorated the room we were married in (civil ceremony) and the reception room as part of the package
    £700 for my dress (bought in NI where we live)
    £700 for the grooms suit (bought in NI)
    €2000 for the band,
    €1500 for the photographer
    €200 for the cupcakes (no cake)
    €50 for my bouquet and a buttonhole for the groom
    €3000 on the honeymoon (cruise)

    That was about the extent of the big things.

    I'm getting married in the same venue as you next year. What did you think of that venue? Did you like it? Were keeping costs low and going to have a small wedding party


  • #103
    CheerLouth
    Registered Users Posts: 2,417 ✭✭✭CheerLouth


    PinkLady2016 wrote: »
    I'm getting married in the same venue as you next year. What did you think of that venue? Did you like it? Were keeping costs low and going to have a small wedding party

    I'm getting married there next month! Am happy to report back afterwards if you like! So far, I can't fault them - they've been excellent to deal with. My cousin got married there last year too & it was a fantastic day! If our day is half as good as hers, we'll be on a winner! :)


  • #104
    Inspector Coptoor
    Registered Users Posts: 6,818 ✭✭✭Inspector Coptoor


    Gonna keep this relatively short.

    Married almost 5 years and with my wife for 16 years.

    Proposed 7 years ago and started saving for the wedding from that point.

    Spent €28k on a fantastic wedding with 240 guests and 80 for day 2 and 40 for day 3.
    No loan.
    All paid up front and in cash.

    Don’t regret a thing.

    I couldn’t take out a loan for a wedding.

    Only loan currently is mortgage.
    Long may it last


  • #105
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Inspector Coptoor wrote: »
    Gonna keep this relatively short.

    Married almost 5 years and with my wife for 16 years.

    Proposed 7 years ago and started saving for the wedding from that point.

    Spent €28k on a fantastic wedding with 240 guests and 80 for day 2 and 40 for day 3.
    No loan.
    All paid up front and in cash.

    Don’t regret a thing.

    I couldn’t take out a loan for a wedding.

    Only loan currently is mortgage.
    Long may it last


    If people had the capacity to save €28k in a 2 year period like you and your missus then they wouldn't need to consider getting a loan.


  • #106
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Neyite wrote: »
    If people had the capacity to save €28k in a 2 year period like you and your missus then they wouldn't need to consider getting a loan.

    Exactly . People can be very judgmental without knowing the circumstances of others means . I see nothing wrong in a small credit union loan to make it easier on some people . Some people take a loan from parents and pay it back after the wedding
    I have never understood this notion of judging others for doing what is best for them


  • #107
    PinkLady2016
    Registered Users Posts: 193 ✭✭PinkLady2016


    Inspector Coptoor wrote: »
    Gonna keep this relatively short.

    Married almost 5 years and with my wife for 16 years.

    Proposed 7 years ago and started saving for the wedding from that point.

    Spent €28k on a fantastic wedding with 240 guests and 80 for day 2 and 40 for day 3.
    No loan.
    All paid up front and in cash.

    Don’t regret a thing.

    I couldn’t take out a loan for a wedding.

    Only loan currently is mortgage.
    Long may it last

    If you can use saving rather then a loan its a great idea and that's what myself and my partner are doing. Imagine paying off a wedding and a mortgage that would be really tough going. After all a wedding is a party and you can have it as big or small as you want.


  • #108
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,546 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    PinkLady2016 wrote: »
    I'm getting married in the same venue as you next year. What did you think of that venue? Did you like it? Were keeping costs low and going to have a small wedding party

    Yep we had a fantastic day. My only complaint would be lack of air conditioning in the rooms but that's a rare complaint for Ireland. We just got an ridiculously warm day for it. The staff were all amazing and the food was really gorgeous. The gardens were lovely for the guests to sit out in and we took a few pictures there rather than leaving the party. The stairs down to the garden are a bit steep so you'd want to watch kids and drunken people on it but it was fantastic to get all our guests on the steps for a group photo. As I said we had about 80-90 people at the wedding and I thought that was a good amount for the room. There was plenty of space between the tables and it wasn't too crowded. The bedrooms are lovely, the breakfast was delicious and we had a brilliant day there. Would definitely recommend it.
    CheerLouth wrote: »
    I'm getting married there next month! Am happy to report back afterwards if you like! So far, I can't fault them - they've been excellent to deal with. My cousin got married there last year too & it was a fantastic day! If our day is half as good as hers, we'll be on a winner! :)

    Congrats CheerLouth! Hope you have a fantastic day. :D


  • #109
    PinkLady2016
    Registered Users Posts: 193 ✭✭PinkLady2016


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    Yep we had a fantastic day. My only complaint would be lack of air conditioning in the rooms but that's a rare complaint for Ireland. We just got an ridiculously warm day for it. The staff were all amazing and the food was really gorgeous. The gardens were lovely for the guests to sit out in and we took a few pictures there rather than leaving the party. The stairs down to the garden are a bit steep so you'd want to watch kids and drunken people on it but it was fantastic to get all our guests on the steps for a group photo. As I said we had about 80-90 people at the wedding and I thought that was a good amount for the room. There was plenty of space between the tables and it wasn't too crowded. The bedrooms are lovely, the breakfast was delicious and we had a brilliant day there. Would definitely recommend it.



    Congrats CheerLouth! Hope you have a fantastic day. :D

    Thanks for your review. Seems like its not too bad for a wedding there. They said to me that they close off the hotel for a wedding. It does look nice and I like the décor. What did your guests think of it? I have a few fussy ones coming. Very hard to keep everyone happy lol


  • #110
    CheerLouth
    Registered Users Posts: 2,417 ✭✭✭CheerLouth


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    Congrats CheerLouth! Hope you have a fantastic day. :D

    Thank you so much :D


  • #111
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,546 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    PinkLady2016 wrote: »
    Thanks for your review. Seems like its not too bad for a wedding there. They said to me that they close off the hotel for a wedding. It does look nice and I like the décor. What did your guests think of it? I have a few fussy ones coming. Very hard to keep everyone happy lol

    Oh stop, my mother was an absolute nightmare in the run up. I made the wedding planner (whose name I've totally forgotten) aware that she was a fussy eater and she couldn't have been more understanding. She left a plate of undressed scones aside especially for her with tea following the ceremony and was so helpful with the menu too. Because my mother specifically wanted vegetable soup as the starter (which wasn't on the menu) they added in a soup course following the starter free of charge just so she would get a starter.

    I had no complaints on the day of the wedding and have had comments that people really enjoyed it so I'm happy enough with that. But of course no one is ever gonna tell me that they didn't like my wedding day! :p The décor is fab though. One of my friends was in ecstasy going around instagramming all the cute little quirks in the lounge/sitting room areas. :rolleyes: And I have some really gorgeous photos of the interior.

    And yes, the hotel was closed off for the wedding. AFAIK they do allow folks into the restaurant area when the wedding is seated for dinner but I think it's just for those 2/3 hours or so and no one noticed because everyone was in the reception room.


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  • #112
    irishgirl19
    Registered Users Posts: 1,609 ✭✭✭irishgirl19


    We took out a loan. Wanted to save for it but a few unexpected circumstances that came up knocked that on the head.
    Don't regret it. Only thing I do regret is not putting the generous cash gifts we got towards some of the balance


  • #113
    laoch na mona
    Registered Users Posts: 2,965 ✭✭✭laoch na mona


    roughly 10k budget including the honeymoon, gone slightly over that now, we each borrowed 2k from the credit union, the rest is being paid out of our wages, trying to keep our saving up at the same time as we're looking to buy a house in the next year or so.


  • #114
    lisasimpson
    Registered Users Posts: 1,823 ✭✭✭lisasimpson


    Some people are just very bad with money and see nothing wrong with booking a venue that 100 euro per head and then a year later be crying they don't have enough for a deposit and cant get a mortgage.. If you think you will get money from guest to pay it back your wrong. I know of 2 weddings where people got absolute nothing from certain guest.(bare in mind one couple could well afford to give something)
    I was at a wedding last year almost 400 guest no expense spared and neither come from overly well off families. In the lead up the bride told me how much it was costing. Personally I couldnt justify it. She doesn't seem to overly regret it either in fact she made a face when I said I will be having a simple one with a out 160 at it
    Getting married next year myself. I had been saving for a mortgage on my own before I met my partner. So that money will be used but wont be blowing all my savings on it. It will be a simple affair just 1 bridesmaid no extra such as photoboths candycarts or wedding favours( will make a donation to a charity that is close to us instead). We are still paying our mortgage and who knows if I needed help to start a family that doesn't come cheap either


  • #115
    jesso22
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭jesso22


    LizzeyBenett wrote: »
    How many couples get loans to pay for their wedding ? How did you afford yours or how much did you spend ?

    The whole budget for our wedding is €7000. Made sure we could get a loan from the credit union before we told anyone we were getting married. We will have it comfortably paid within 3 years. We just bought a house, so what little savings I have left I'm trying to replenish somewhat. So that after the 3 years i can start on home improvements!
    I suppose it depends on your income really, and length of time you have to pay it back


  • #116
    MissShihTzu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,080 ✭✭✭MissShihTzu


    Panthro wrote: »
    I'm Irish and herself is from UK.
    If we ever get hitched it would be a bit of a balls. I'd like to invite 30odd people but I know it's a bit of an ask to get them all over here.
    Considered getting a massive air b n b house and renting it for them.

    Realistically we'd probably have the ceremony in UK, meal afterwards, few drinks.
    Then organise a band and a buffet somewhere back home.

    Bit it's a balls and I've no idea how much it would cost us.


    Had to jump in there! I'm English, my husband is Irish. We originally planned to marry in London, but the cost was too high, even for a small wedding. So we switched it to here, which was far cheaper believe it or not! We had money between us, his parents and his sister also contributed.


    Came in about 13k and we had everything. Being English, I did not expect much in the way of cash gifts, as people travelled from the West Indies as well as the UK but we did get a nice amount which came as a pleasant surprise.


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