This melancholic nowhere...

The rhythm and rhyme of your poem give it energy and pace, where I think what you're looking for is a sense of melancholia. Try writing what you're trying to express as prose, get your emotion out on a page and distil it to a poem.

I can only respond with my feelings as a reader. It was presented as melancholic, but that's not how it felt to me. Maybe that's what you wanted as a poet, maybe you wanted something else. It's your prerogative as the poet to make those calls. I think, from your response thought, that you're not fully sure of what you wanted from the poem or the impact you were hoping for.
Poetry for it's own sake, writing something because you can, is enjoyable, but if you're sharing for comment you should really take some time to think about what you're sharing and why. Does it express how you're feeling? Does it demonstrate some spite you feel towards the world? Does it make you feel good when you read it?
Then you start to think about how other people perceive it. Do they see the things you intended? Is what they see better or worse than what you were going for?
I'd go back to my advice from the first response. Try to write down in prose what you're trying to do in the poem. Write a couple of hundred words then read it back a few times. Have another go at the poem and see where you get too.
Kieran