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11-07-2019, 14:30   #46
electro~bitch
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Originally Posted by worded View Post
Ever the romantic there kid :-)

It gives life purpose having a kid or kids

The same joy can’t be got from material things
On the other hand the material possessions are unlikely to sneeze directly on your eyeball, follow you into the bathroom and quiz you on what's going on between your arse and the bowl, and then progress onto things like telling you you look fat when you stretch, masturbating with your electric toothbrush and stealing your fags, so...swings and roundabouts I'd say.
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11-07-2019, 14:30   #47
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I never had bio kids as there are many educational/learning/processing issues in my family(at least 3 generations back and 2 beyond me), the endless fight for equality or even tiny supports in education, alongside the seemingly unabated acceptance of taking advantages of ppl with these issues, made me feel that any children I would have would just be ignored, discriminated against or taken advantage of until they are at the end of their sanity.

Didn't and still doesn't seem like a fair deal to hand a child, especially those who would have the higher than avg IQ that also runs in the family.
I see the bio nieces and nephews struggle with these issues and feel I made the right decision for me, I dont miss not having bio children at all.
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11-07-2019, 14:30   #48
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We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.
Yeah and some of us are more programmed than others.
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11-07-2019, 14:30   #49
TuringBot47
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Well it's bad programming if you ask me because there are far too many of us.
No, the programming was right and the human race is hugely successful.
Spread across the planet in every environment.

It's just that other species have their population kept under control via predation, disease, lack of food/water, environment and habitat issues.
Humans have cheated that mechanism.

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Plus the programming didn't work for all of us I've no desire to be anywhere near any children!
It "works" if you're sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
But again, humans created contraception to control that.
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11-07-2019, 14:31   #50
electro~bitch
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Well neither does raising a kid. Nothing really counts as a purpose. Existence is pointless really and then you vanish forever.
That's the spirit!
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11-07-2019, 14:32   #51
Zaph
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Christ I hate this attitude - life has a purpose without procreating. How patronising to say otherwise. Maybe your life has nothing in it before kids, thankfully its not that way for others.

A lot of people dedicate their lives to themselves and that is perfectly fine. They want to travel, see the world, have money to have a comfortable standard of living and that is ok.

Each to their own but the patronising crap from some parents needs to stop. Wrecks my head.
I agree. Unfortunately there is a certain cohort of people who, once they become parents, develop this massively sanctimonious “my life is better than yours” attitude, with the whole “kids giving your life purpose” crap being the primary manifestation of it. They heap pity on the rest of the population whose humdrum lives haven’t yet been blessed by the wonderful “gift” that has been bestowed upon them. They also don’t differentiate between those who plan to do so but haven't started a family yet, those who simply don’t want kids, and those like my wife and I who would like kids but are unable to do so. As far as these people are concerned we’re all part of a single, amorphous blob called “The Childless”, that is to be pitied for they know not the joy of procreation.

Well you know where you can shove your pity, because I, my wife, and all those other people who don’t have, or won’t have children don’t need it, we’re doing just fine without it thank you very much.
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11-07-2019, 14:36   #52
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I love children and babies. Being around them comes naturally to me and I instinctively know what to do. But. To be a parent is in my eyes one of the biggest roles a person can take on. Sometimes I wish I had more of a "sure time is running out and we'll give it a go" attitude. I just can't though. Children must have their needs put first. Your life needs to change hugely in order to be a loving and competent parent.

I love being free and feeling that I can go anywhere, do anything. That's so important to me. Right now I am sitting in Insomnia at a service station with no pressure or expectation. Maybe I'll pop in to Kildare village or maybe I won't. If I was a parent my child would change that and I don't want that to happen.
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11-07-2019, 14:38   #53
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Originally Posted by electro~bitch View Post
.. masturbating with your electric toothbrush ...


Maybe put some deep heat or equivalent irritant on it next time, just before you change the heads on it.
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11-07-2019, 14:39   #54
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I often meet some women in their mid 30's who are single and planned on having kids. How common is it for them to not have them?

I feel bad for them.

I was on a date with one who was 35 and she said she had planned on having kids but it's too risky for her now.

Even men and other women, how common is it for them to never find someone they love?
My fiancé had her first child at thirty five, her second at thirty seven


Of course some people never meet anyone, you can't conquer bad luck
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11-07-2019, 14:39   #55
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Originally Posted by Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo View Post
The massive biological differences between men and women of child bearing years.

I don't see it talked about nearly enough.
There's a bloody thread on it every other day.....borefest.
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11-07-2019, 14:44   #56
Gimme A Pound
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Originally Posted by Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo View Post
The massive biological differences between men and women of child bearing years.

I don't see it talked about nearly enough.
Really? I see it utterly non stop. And woman's magazines may as well be called "Tick Tick Tick". Silly assessment.
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I always find this image of the high flying corporate career woman to be amusing because I genuinely have never come across anyone IRL who fits that description.

I certainly know some women who are career orientated, but I don't know any would would put off meeting someone or sacrifice having any kind of romantic relationship for over a decade (12 years, if you count ages 18-30) to focus on that career.

Most people who find themselves single at that age are in that position because the relationship(s) they were in throughout their 20's didn't work out, not because they spent the previous 12 years being a cut throat corporate career woman living out of a briefcase.
Exactly. Real life isn't always a comedy drama set in New York.
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11-07-2019, 14:46   #57
TuringBot47
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Originally Posted by Zaph View Post
I agree. Unfortunately there is a certain cohort of people who, once they become parents, develop this massively sanctimonious “my life is better than yours” attitude, with the whole “kids giving your life purpose” crap being the primary manifestation of it. They heap pity on the rest of the population whose humdrum lives haven’t yet been blessed by the wonderful “gift” that has been bestowed upon them. They also don’t differentiate between those who plan to do so but haven't started a family yet, those who simply don’t want kids, and those like my wife and I who would like kids but are unable to do so. As far as these people are concerned we’re all part of a single, amorphous blob called “The Childless”, that is to be pitied for they know not the joy of procreation.

Well you know where you can shove your pity, because I, my wife, and all those other people who don’t have, or won’t have children don’t need it, we’re doing just fine without it thank you very much.
Alternatively... you might be a tad sensitive about it ?
Why intentionally jump into a thread about it.

Don't think people intentionally give anyone pity unless they care about them.
One of my sisters is married and still child bearing age, but various factors mean it's not ideal to start now. They get a passing thought now and again, more good wishes that things work out.
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11-07-2019, 14:56   #58
Zaph
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Alternatively... you might be a tad sensitive about it ?
Why intentionally jump into a thread about it.

Don't think people intentionally give anyone pity unless they care about them.
One of my sisters is married and still child bearing age, but various factors mean it's not ideal to start now. They get a passing thought now and again, more good wishes that things work out.
No, well past being sensitive about it at this stage, it's something I've long since accepted. However it doesn't mean that I won't get annoyed when I see someone posting that sort of patronising nonsense, in the same way that I would have been annoyed by it long before I knew I wouldn't be a parent. Plus I like arguing with people on the internet sometimes.
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11-07-2019, 14:59   #59
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Different people have different priorities - I personally feel people prioritise careers way more than they should. Sure it's nice to have money, but you also need time to spend it and someone to spend it on. Money on it's own is nothing to write home about.

Kids are what make life worth living, (well mine anyway) not holidays or cars, certainly not a job, or in fact anything material. We're all going to end up in a box at the end of the day (metaphorically speaking, I'd be fairly sure most of us will see tomorrow)

No one ever lies on their death bed wishing they'd worked longer hours!
Kids are grand, but I wouldn't want a whole one for myself. That's why nieces and nephews are great. You can have a lot of the good times without the more serious responsibility of them actually being yours!

I'm mid-40s, single, not at all career-driven but with a decent job, and a mortgage paid off two years ago. I never particularly wanted kids but I probably would have been open to it, but I'm not bothered that it hasn't happened. I get to do my own thing, but see my family too, including my nieces and nephews, so I can be the 'cool uncle' for a bit and then go back to my everyday life.

That might be other people's version of Hell, or at least might seem a bit pitiful, but it suits me just fine.
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11-07-2019, 15:03   #60
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I just don't get anger towards people who don't have children. It's become extremely fashionable now thanks to mgtow etc. Of course we all know when I say "people", I mean "women".

Men get a bit of grief for it too, but the insults are usually reserved for women - cat lady, unattractive, crazy, etc. And it's mostly FROM men too. They seem like men who aren't getting laid themselves though. Happy men in relationships/with children don't tend to talk like that. So a fair bit of projection I'd say. There's a meme about the age women settle down nowadays - and it shows an old woman. Um... who are these women settling down with?

But they should forget about what Gavin McInnes (a guy I don't always disagree with btw) or whatever YouTuber says, and think for themselves: there are several reasons why people don't have children, and it's not always because of the two reasons that are popular to churn out over and over (she's a high flying career bitch/she's unattractive and a "low quality" person).

Some people just don't want to have children too. And they don't have to. It is not a life that seems appealing to everyone. Babies are divine, but after that... And they know they won't have people to look after them when they're old. So be it. And if they have a partner, friends, siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews, godchildren, stepchildren... how is their life empty? Some people seem to think it's children or nothing.

There was a time when people had children because they had no choice. And some people really were not fit to be parents. Some still aren't. Isn't it better now that only the people who want to be parents can be?

I dislike when people are sneered at for HAVING children too though. And they don't all act smug. None of my friends do in the least.

Just accept people's choices in this regard - no need for anger over what others do/don't do when it has zero effect on you.

Last edited by Gimme A Pound; 11-07-2019 at 21:42.
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