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11-07-2019, 14:12   #46
inforfun
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11-07-2019, 15:16   #47
rgmmg
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In school I had to get my homework signed as I hadn't done it the night before. I forged my Dad's signature and handed it in.

The next day the teacher she said "RGMMG - up to the front of class. I checked your Dad's signature against a cheque in the office. That's not your Dad's signature". .

I said "I can't help it if he changes his signature style".

She didn't have nothing after that. Nothin'! Take that Angela Lansbury wannabe
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11-07-2019, 15:21   #48
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i would call you a cu n t but you have neither the warmth or the depth
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11-07-2019, 17:34   #49
Hammer89
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Originally Posted by Mam of 4 View Post
Am I the only one who can never think of a great comeback when needs be , but think of brilliant ones later ?
*puts on monocle*

The French have a phrase for this called Esprit de l’escalier. It means the Spirit of the Staircase, which basically means staircase wit. You only think of the perfect response after the fight, when it's too late.

*takes off monocle*
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11-07-2019, 17:40   #50
afkasurfjunkie
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“What you looking at?”

“I dunno, but it’s looking back at me.”
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11-07-2019, 18:33   #51
bop1977
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At the end of a boards meet up I was talking to a boards lady and for some reason she asks out of the blue:

Lady: I bet my house is bigger than yours?
Bop: (looking her square in the face) bigger than which one of my houses?

Ahh... Celtic tiger where have you gone.
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11-07-2019, 23:14   #52
Wheety
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Was in a pub before and one of the lads said his bald head was a solar panel for a sex machine.

I said "Yeah, and we can all guess where you keep the batteries"
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12-07-2019, 02:02   #53
Hammer89
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Originally Posted by bop1977 View Post
At the end of a boards meet up I was talking to a boards lady and for some reason she asks out of the blue:

Lady: I bet my house is bigger than yours?
Bop: (looking her square in the face) bigger than which one of my houses?

Ahh... Celtic tiger where have you gone.
This is a classic Boardsie thing to do. Some girl wants to bang you by dropping hints about wanting to see your house and you end up bragging about your land and leaving.
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12-07-2019, 02:23   #54
Birneybau
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These threads always descend into self aggrandisement
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12-07-2019, 02:24   #55
Birneybau
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Was in a pub before and one of the lads said his bald head was a solar panel for a sex machine.

I said "Yeah, and we can all guess where you keep the batteries"
Where?
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12-07-2019, 05:08   #56
Sheridan81
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Am I the only one who can never think of a great comeback when needs be , but think of brilliant ones later ?
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12-07-2019, 10:53   #57
the beer revolu
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Was in a pub before and one of the lads said his bald head was a solar panel for a sex machine.

I said "Yeah, and we can all guess where you keep the batteries"
I don't get this.
I think I get that we are supposed to think that the batteries are in his ass, but I don't get why that connects the the first statement or why it's funny.
Don't get it.
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12-07-2019, 14:54   #58
Hammer89
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Yeah, like a lot of these aren't great comebacks. They're sort of witty and all, but a great comeback to me isn't just wit - it's viciousness as well, if we're talking about comebacks in an argument context.

If you find the balance between the two, wittiness and ruthlessness, that's a comeback. If you stun the other person into silence for the right reasons, that's a comeback. Anything about anyone's ma isn't a good comeback; not because it's off limits or anything, but because it's dated. Nobody goes around saying, 'Yeah tell your ma I said cheers for last night' anymore.
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12-07-2019, 14:55   #59
tcawley29
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Yeah, like a lot of these aren't great comebacks. They're sort of witty and all, but a great comeback to me isn't just wit - it's viciousness as well, if we're talking about comebacks in an argument context.

If you find the balance between the two, wittiness and ruthlessness, that's a comeback. If you stun the other person into silence for the right reasons, that's a comeback. Anything about anyone's ma isn't a good comeback; not because it's off limits or anything, but because it's dated. Nobody goes around saying, 'Yeah tell your ma I said cheers for last night' anymore.
Exactly. It's the witty stuff I was looking for. I'm sure Johnny or Paddy will bail us out soon enough
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12-07-2019, 15:18   #60
odyssey06
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Exactly. It's the witty stuff I was looking for. I'm sure Johnny or Paddy will bail us out soon enough
This one is also attributed to Churchill, this time versus George Bernard Shaw:
"Here's two tickets to my new play. Bring a friend - if you have one. "
"Cannot attend opening night. Will come to second night - if there is one."

http://shawquotations.blogspot.com/2...churchill.html
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