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10-07-2019, 23:34   #31
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If I wanted a decent come back I'd wipe your mother's chin.
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11-07-2019, 01:11   #32
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ive had one or two
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11-07-2019, 01:30   #33
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11-07-2019, 03:09   #34
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Draper saying to Ginsberg “I don’t think about you at all.” and then fücking off out the lift.
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11-07-2019, 03:29   #35
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I like this one.

Originally Posted by PhlegmyMoses View Post
Was on a bus a while ago and a few scrotes, around 14/15, were giving some hipster looking lad a load of abuse. The chief abuser was as fat as shít and trying to show off to his mates. Anyway, he started calling the bloke a paedo - the beard and glasses probably gave him the idea. He started saying "I bet you want to ride me, don't you, you paedo?", to which the previously silent bloke replied "Sorry, you have the wrong person, I don't **** baby whales....."
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11-07-2019, 09:49   #36
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I told a joke at work recently, slagging the hometown of a colleagues wife (that was part of the joke). He saw the funny side, but faked some outrage, saying his wife would be very upset to hear such a thing said about her & home town.
I told him his wife loves a good joke and he should ring her to get her actual reaction to the joke ..... Then I passed him my phone and said "try speed dial #3"
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11-07-2019, 10:28   #37
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11-07-2019, 10:54   #38
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Originally Posted by trashcan View Post
Not quite. It was Churchill for a start, in response to some woman who said to him accusingly, "You're drunk" He replied, "Yes, but in the morning I will be sober, you however will still be ugly". Or something like that. It's a classic comeback to be fair, and I wouldn't be much of a Churchill fan.
Said to lady astor.
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11-07-2019, 11:17   #39
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If you ran like your mouth you'd be in good shape.
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11-07-2019, 12:01   #40
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"You're not explaining this very well" (he was).
- "Yeah, I apologise, I should have brought crayons when I knew you'd be here".

That one caused uproar.
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11-07-2019, 12:23   #41
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I'll go and get me measuring tape.
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11-07-2019, 12:27   #42
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When I was U14 in the soccer years ago, we were playing a match in the evening, and the way the pitch was the sun was fairly low so it would be in the keepers eyes.

Our keeper asked if anyone had a cap.
I offered him my one.

He said "I'm not taking that off of you, I'll catch something".
I replied instantly "only your mothers perfume".

The rest of the team burst out laughing, and our manager looked at our keeper and said "answer that if you can". The chap was red with everyone laughing at him.

Probably my best comeback, for sheer effect of the words as opposed to comedy value.
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11-07-2019, 13:41   #43
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Two lads I know who worked together at the time got a lift off one of their aunties to work one day. They were sitting in the back of the car and said to the aunty, "so how's aul Mary doing now?" The aunt said "not well at all, sure she's a dropped rectum now."

The two lads got into a fit of giggles trying to hold in the laughter at the detail and wording she used and when they were in work, they were still laughing about it, wrecking the foremans head and he was already having a **** day.

Later on, they forgot about it but something went wrong in the workshop which pissed off the foreman and he threw the tool that was in his hand on the bench and said "ah **** this, you know what lads? I don't ****ing give a rats rectum" and he walked out
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11-07-2019, 14:00   #44
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This is my comeback girl, this is my comeback girl, this is my comeback, this is my comeback girl.
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11-07-2019, 14:01   #45
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ricky gervais.

Walks past school yard,
A fat kid shouts "PEDO" at him,
He asked what you say
"Pedo" repeated the fat kid
"I'm not a pedo, But if i was you be safe you fat fcuk" or something like that said ricky.
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