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Housemate leaves girlfriend alone in house

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    #32
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Wabbit Ears wrote: »
    It really hasnt changed that much. Sure, economic situations have changed so people will have to house share longer but the same basic dynamic of relationships haven't changed.

    This exact same post has probably been scrawled on the cave walls of neandrathals its such a timeless issue.

    It was never acceptable to have a guest in a house share if you aren’t there, the house shares you were in were the exception. Even having someone stay over any more than one or two nights a week is generally considered unacceptable never mind them being there alone.


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    #33
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users Posts: 19,934 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Wabbit Ears wrote: »
    It really hasnt changed that much. Sure, economic situations have changed so people will have to house share longer but the same basic dynamic of relationships haven't changed.

    This exact same post has probably been scrawled on the cave walls of neandrathals its such a timeless issue.
    Lol. You acknowledge that the situation has changed and then pretend the situation has stayed the same.

    You say you drank, smoked and ****ed your way through house shares back in the 90s. And I'm sure you had a great time for a few years. Lots of students do the same thing in house shares now.

    The difference is now people can't just decide to stop house sharing when they get sick of drinking, smoking and ****ing. When they're finished college and have serious careers, they can't have housemates drinking, smoking and ****ing as they please.

    The reality has changed. House share isn't just something you choose to do for a few years while you have the craic. It's life. So it's not unreasonable to expect it to be a bit more serious than drinking smoking and ****ing and having people who don't live there coming and going as they please.

    It's nit just house sharing to party for a few years as you remember it. It's home sharing in 2019. It's nearly 30 years since the 90s. Believe it or not, things have changed. The stats from the UK show that young people today pay a greater percentage of their pay on housing than any generation before. They have less chance of owning a house and are older when buying a first house.

    Housing has changed. Standards have changed.


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    #34
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    LimeFruitGum wrote: »
    I have no idea how many housemates I have had over the years, actual as well as the unofficial ones. There were a couple of housemates I got on really well with, but otherwise house-sharing was a necessary evil for 12 years. I was so bloody delighted when I was finally able to afford my own place. I didn't care if I had to live on own-brands if that's what it took.

    If you happen to land in a house-share where you all become best buds, brilliant, but it isn't that common. It's grand when you all know each other from college or home, but the house dynamic will change over time with jobs, new people, girl/boyfriends etc. You're not going to be partying forever.

    I lived in one house for a few years, and everyone else was from a small town near the border, or they were in college with the lads. I was the randomer from Daft. Our place ended up being the unofficial crash pad for young lads and lassies from this town. I remember being at home one Saturday night and one of my flatmates had given their friends his key because they were in town for a concert. When they went into the living room, I was like 'Who the F are you? What's going on?' Think he bothered his arse to tell me this in advance? If I did that, there'd have been war.

    Then the lads all started to get girlfriends, and you can imagine the rest. There was sod-all I could do about it because they were all mates from home and the landlord was from that town too.

    On the plus side, the rent was cheap, they all went home every weekend without fail, and the house itself was quite nice, so I stayed there longer than I probably should have. I'd have my BF over at the weekend, and I'd go to his one night during the week. When I stayed at his, I left with him in the morning, or leave before him.

    I really don't understand why a GF/BF would *want* to hang out in a shared house all day, if they've got a home of their own. It is a bit weird. They've no business there. Even if they don't have a job or course to go to in the mornings, wouldn't you want to go home anyway? Why would you want to make things awkward for your friend in the place where they live.

    Tended to be people who lived with their parents, in my experience. They saw their BF/GF’s place as a crash pad. The exception to my first post in the thread was one house I moved into where all the housemates were friends. One of them, her fiancé lived with his parents. He’d stay over in our house four or five times a week, every week. They didn’t live together in a place by themselves because they were “saving for a house deposit”. The other housemates were okay with it because... friends. :rolleyes: I remember my boyfriend stayed over only one weekend while I lived there (we lived in different cities) and they all acted super awkward and put out. Very annoying double standard. So glad my housesharing days are behind me!


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    #35
    LimeFruitGum
    Registered Users Posts: 996 ✭✭✭LimeFruitGum


    Great point - your post reminds me of a college ex who once said he only dated country girls because they had their own place :):)
    if they live at home (and have almost always done so), they’ve no idea what it’s like to be in a house share. It isn’t like ‘Friends’ where people can stride in & hang all day, raid the fridge, watch what they want on the communal TV...


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    #36
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    LimeFruitGum wrote: »
    Great point - your post reminds me of a college ex who once said he only dated country girls because they had their own place :):)
    if they live at home (and have almost always done so), they’ve no idea what it’s like to be in a house share. It isn’t like ‘Friends’ where people can stride in & hang all day, raid the fridge, watch what they want on the communal TV...

    Before I moved away to college, I thought house-shares would be exactly like Friends. You’re quickly disabused of that notion but it never occurred to me that many of those who never lived away from home might carry that starry-eyed notion well into their 20s. :eek: My hubs had a friend come back after the pub for a few more drinks one Friday night. He crashed on the couch - no biggy. But the next day, he was getting settled in. I had to put my foot down and get him to leave because he lives with his parents nearby and I didn’t want any precedent set where he thinks he can hang out at ours whenever he wants. It’s my home!


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    #37
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    LimeFruitGum wrote: »
    Great point - your post reminds me of a college ex who once said he only dated country girls because they had their own place :):)
    if they live at home (and have almost always done so), they’ve no idea what it’s like to be in a house share. It isn’t like ‘Friends’ where people can stride in & hang all day, raid the fridge, watch what they want on the communal TV...
    It depends.

    Lived in a house share in Naas; regular sesh during the week - the other lads would be working as well, so not too late.

    Lived in a house in Toronto; the housemates would have their bf/gf's stay over when they're not there. All cool.

    I find it really depends on the dynamics of your relationship that you have with your housemate.
    QQBy wrote: »
    I talked to him already and he said it would be his right, as she is his guest.
    It sounds like the OP's housemate is a maggot. Can depend on what the OP's other housemates do, though.


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    #38
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    Assetbacked wrote: »
    My gf had a friend stay over after St Patrick's Day drinking, where they were out all day, even though she lives in her own house share less than 3km away. Fine, as it was a once off but the next day she was plonked on the couch in a duvet watching Netflix until well into the afternoon, not feeling like it was already odd to stay the night when she lived so close! It was enough for me to not miss sharing with housemates, especially the French. They are awful humans.

    I felt a bit shïtty getting him to leave but I want to enjoy my home in peace and didn’t want him making a habit of it. Sometimes you have to do awkward things, I guess!


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    #39
    VonLuck
    Registered Users Posts: 2,174 ✭✭✭VonLuck


    I'm in a similar situation at the moment. My housemate has recently started "seeing" someone, but it's pretty much a fling. I've no problem with him having someone over as he usually just watches TV with them in his room (among other things). He's had girlfriends over in the past and I've had no problem with the two of them hanging around the house.

    The problem I have is that this new girl, who I've never met, stays on in the house after he goes to work because she starts at a later time. I'm not a fan of this at all as it's pretty much a complete stranger who is left in the house, alone. On one occasion she forgot to lock up the house after she left.

    I've kept my mouth shut so far as I know I'll just be labelled as being awkward.


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    #40
    PinaKolada
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31 ✭PinaKolada


    It's a pretty common part of sharing a house tbh. But if anything happens it can cause a lot of problems. I shared a house once when some money allegedly went missing and around that time one of the guys had his girlfriend (who the rest didn't really know at all) staying quite a bit and was often alone in the house while the rest of us were at work.

    Opinions changed rather quickly as to whether or not people who don't actually live there should be in the house or have access when nobody else is around.


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    #41
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    VonLuck wrote: »
    On one occasion she forgot to lock up the house after she left.
    If it happens again, raise the issue, tbh.


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    #42
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    VonLuck wrote: »
    I'm in a similar situation at the moment. My housemate has recently started "seeing" someone, but it's pretty much a fling. I've no problem with him having someone over as he usually just watches TV with them in his room (among other things). He's had girlfriends over in the past and I've had no problem with the two of them hanging around the house.

    The problem I have is that this new girl, who I've never met, stays on in the house after he goes to work because she starts at a later time. I'm not a fan of this at all as it's pretty much a complete stranger who is left in the house, alone. On one occasion she forgot to lock up the house after she left.

    I've kept my mouth shut so far as I know I'll just be labelled as being awkward.

    If she left the door unlocked, it’s absolutely fair to bring it up. Let it slide this time but if it happens again, say something!


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    #43
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »
    If she left the door unlocked, it’s absolutely fair to bring it up. Let it slide this time but if it happens again, say something!

    How can she lock it when she dosn't have a key!Great opportunity to put your foot down & nip it in the bud!


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    #44
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users Posts: 19,934 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »
    If she left the door unlocked, it’s absolutely fair to bring it up. Let it slide this time but if it happens again, say something!

    Let it slide? Like don't say anything? That's the opposite to what makes good houseshare. It's difficult to be honest and air your grievance. But that's what needs to happen. Otherwise things fester and get blown out of proportion.

    You can't expect everyone to agree with you and you can't expect to get your way, but you need to make yourself clear. If the others feel it's fine to have non paying people stay in the house, then you need to decide whether to stay or not.

    And next time you go looking for a house share, you'll remember to ask what's the story with guests, during the viewing. You can use it to become a more discerning customer and try to find people who share your ethos.

    Much easier said than done but you need to say what you're thinking.


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    #45
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    To be fair, it's harder to come back to someone and say "You left the front door unlocked 4 weeks ago". I agree wholeheartedly about nipping these things in the bud though. That's one thing that years of house-sharing taught me.


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    #46
    ning sudnaen
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭ning sudnaen


    the standard rental lease says no subletting without permission


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    #47
    senordingdong
    Registered Users Posts: 10,673 ✭✭✭✭senordingdong


    Simple, just factor this extra person when calculating your rent. When the LL asks, tell them you presumed the extra person was paying rent too.


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    #48
    Bob24
    Registered Users Posts: 10,905 ✭✭✭✭Bob24


    senordingdong wrote: »
    Simple, just factor this extra person when calculating your rent. When the LL asks, tell them you presumed the extra person was paying rent too.

    I only see negative outcomes for the OP with this strategy.

    No landlord will be overly impressed by a tenant which has “presumed” the rent has dropped even though no one told them to.

    Better talk to the other tenant directly, or if the OP thinks this needs to be escalated to the landlord just talk to them and simply describe what the problem is (which is more likely to trigger an helpful answer than telling them out of the blue that it is presumed they will grant a rent reduction).


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    #49
    riclad
    Registered Users Posts: 8,184 ✭✭✭riclad


    You signed a lease to share a house with maybe 2 or more tenants,
    not to share with tenants plus random girlfriend.
    IF this man wants to live with his girlfriend he should move out or maybe rent a double room somewhere else.
    talk to the other tenants , maybe she could stay one night a week,
    your security is at risk if she canot lock the door or is careless .
    or maybe have a rule she must leave at the same time as her boyfriend
    leaves .


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    #50
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    senordingdong wrote: »
    Simple, just factor this extra person when calculating your rent. When the LL asks, tell them you presumed the extra person was paying rent too.
    The OP would get notice to pay up or face eviction proceedings.


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