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DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

  • 19-12-2012 9:29am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,401 ✭✭✭


    This is a thread that I have been asked to start on the Farming and Forestry forum as it is something which seems to affect rural dwellers more than anyone. Suicide rates among Farmers are pretty high.

    This is a thread which will offer people some information and resources to help with depression.

    Please feel free to add sensible stuff to the thread. Depression is a pretty taboo subject, but at the end of the day, the only way to beat it is to talk about it.

    Here are some links and resources:

    Samaritans 116123

    Aware

    Mental Health Ireland

    Pieta House have now taken over the services that were previously provided by Console.
    Here are the links: http://www.pieta.ie/blog/
    https://www.facebook.com/pietahouse/?fref=nf

    Just a note for anyone who feels depressed, it might seem dark now but there is help.
    Please read the stickys here and here if you haven't already or speak to a medical professional.



    The mod team have decided to move this thread to the Safety and Off-Season forum as anonymous posting is enabled here. We want to make it as easy as possible for anybody who needs to post to be able to post.

    To find out how to use anonymous posting, please click here.


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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭bbam


    Not completly Nationwide but a group I'm involved in supporting..

    http://www.sosadireland.ie/

    Drogheda, Navan, Cavan & Dundalk.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,552 ✭✭✭pakalasa


    Someone mentioned to me recently, how everyone in Ireland should be talking Vitamin D during the winter. Lack of sunshine can really get you down. Ever notice that after a sunny day in Ireland, you can feel a lot better. Seven Seas, with added Vit D - try them.

    http://news.menshealth.com/vitamin-d-depression/2012/07/11/


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1 micl


    I know some of us feel caught... trapped.

    We are told time and again to run our farms like businesses, but with 1 difference - we are never allowed sell.

    We have seen the shame and genrations of tutt-tutting when "family ground" has been sold in the past, so even if we get the burdens of the land and have clear title, we don't ever feel like we own it. Ever.

    That is heavy for me.

    If we really ran our farms like businesses, we would be truly free to sell - and I mean to the highest bidder - as suits the business. No-one in a farming family should have a right to comment on anyone else in the family selling his or her own ground.

    If you don't own it, you don't own it - leave us alone.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,174 ✭✭✭✭Muckit


    Hi Reilig

    I think this is an excellent idea. God some of the stories that we have all seen on F&F this year especially have been pretty heavy to say the least. One could easily see how people could start to really feel the stress.

    Reilig you are right in saying that it can be a totally taboo subject, so might I be so bold as to suggest that this tread remain in this spot and not be relegated to the important thread slot where it may go unobserved? At least give it a longer run than two weeks to see the demand/need for same.

    Kind Regards

    Muckit


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 153 ✭✭WexTK


    There is definitely something in the concept of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) at this time of year and going into late spring. As someone that has lost someone to suicide at this time of the year and suffers himself from time to time, I would urge all no matter what the age to DO SOMETHING to combat the mental rot that can set in. Visiting a GP about depression is nothing to be ashamed of - it IS an illness and a vicious one at that.

    People of all ages be they 52 or 21 are vulnerable. As a farmer myself, there can be a sense that we are called upon to be machines or robots 24/7 on the farm... well we are not. We are fragile like everyone else. The that there is so much emotional baggage surrounding "the family farm" means that farmers can take setbacks very personally.

    My brother was 21 when he took his life, he didn't talk. We need to talk!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,343 ✭✭✭JohnBoy


    I think even if demand is low there's merit in keeping it, I'd expect a lot more readers than writers here


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,174 ✭✭✭✭Muckit


    WexTK wrote: »

    My brother was 21 when he took his life, he didn't talk. We need to talk!

    Thanks for sharing your story WexTK.

    I lost a brother myself to suicide some years ago. There was only two years between us so we were very close, as you can imagine. He was 3 months shy of his 21'st birthday when he died. I still remember with fondness the times we spent working the family farm together. Graping out pit silage into a barrow and wheeling along a makeshift path made from sheets of rusty galvanize before forking again into half ring feeders - this of course when pits were made in the corner of the field. In sunnier times, the two of us building loads of square baled hay as our father forked them up to us.

    There was a really awful wet summer towards the end of the nineties (I can't remember the exact year offhand), every bit as bad as this summer gone, to my mind. We just got the silage baled, but it was a nightmare to get them out of the field. That time we only had the dinky Massey 135, so had to take shifts driving it to bring them all in one by one. The path we made across the fields to the meadow fields were so badly rutted that it was like driving a train on tracks - you didn't have to steer! Half way through my brother came through a gap, the check chains were loose and the bale swung suddenly to one side snapping the lift arm. We got a local fellow to weld it back and testimony to his welding, to this day it has never broke. Every time I see it now, I think of my late brother. Our bond too will never be broken.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,828 ✭✭✭yellow50HX


    its probably one of the most taboo subject in the country which is why its one of the biggest killers (far worse then road deaths). As someone from cork i know of too many people that have taken their lifes, the cork and kerry area has a very high percentage. Lots of theory's why but i put a lot of it down to our attitude to mental health issues.

    How often do you hear people talking about how "selfish" people who commit suicide are? This is not a very helpful attitude and really annoys me as most of the time these are the same people that say "if only they had talked to me about". If someone with depression is hearing that kind of talk then its no wonder they dont feel there is anyone you will listen to them.

    Irish people are great if you have a problem, how often do you see family and friends rallying around when they hear that someone is sick, or had to go in to hospital, or has money problems. I would say that most people would bend over backwards to help out a friend or family member who told them they had cancer, but how many would be as supportive if they told them they were depressed.

    If we can change our attitude to mental health then i can see a lot less tragedy in this country. It wont stop depression but it'll certainly lessen its effects.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 931 ✭✭✭Manoffeeling


    There is a history of depression in my family. This last two years have been fairly tough on me with the legal wrangle with my family over the farm. I talk to my gp on a regular basis about my mental health. I have the wife told that if I get sick, get me in somewhere if need be. But the worst of the stress and worry is behind me.

    I don't mean to oversimplify life or mental health, but every night, I try to watch comedy of some kind. It might seem stupid, but laughter is an excellent tonic.

    On the issue of the family farm and what the neighbours think, tell them to mind their own business and phuckk off. Who are they to lecture or advise. Be loyal to yourself first.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 12,583 Mod ✭✭✭✭blue5000


    I know people with depression who have said they'd sooner have cancer than have depression. They'd get more understanding/sympathy. Thanks for starting this Reilig.

    If the seat's wet, sit on yer hat, a cool head is better than a wet ar5e.



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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,034 ✭✭✭Bizzum


    Hard to credit in the first page of this thread we have seen the loss of two young men, 21 years of age. My post makes it No.3, though not through suicide, but again my brother at 21. It's a terrible thing to lose a younger brother. For a lot of years I couldn't even think about the loss, but with time I suppose you get to to be able to deal with it better. It's even hard to write this down now.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,422 ✭✭✭just do it


    Agree with others here who feel it should stay as a sticky. Farming can be lonely. Someone with depression often won't go searching for a thread on it. Whereas they may just be on here and see it. We'll never know if it's enough to get someone to take action or pull them back from the brink. But it may and that for me makes it worthy of being a sticky.


  • Registered Users Posts: 328 ✭✭DMAXMAN


    I thank god i never had first hand experience of suicide but just reading some of the posts above makes me realise how lucky i am.have an uncle who suffers a little from "nerves" as they say and thinking back maybe suffer a slight touch myself when under pressure and often find that i dont want to talk to family about as i am the MAN and we dont suffer from those things. if this thread even helps one person i would rate it higher than the rest of the forum and i value the posters and threads very highly!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,140 ✭✭✭jimmy G M


    Fair play to WexTK, Muckit & Bizzum for their stories. I lost my sister to illness a few years ago. I am so proud of her and we all still love to talk about her.

    It definitely good to talk about the loss of our loved ones, helps ease the pain I feel, ever a few lines on here are good. It's the same with any serious worries bothering you.

    So I am just adding my tuppence ha'penny worth to this worthy thread. Don't keep worries pent up inside.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,786 ✭✭✭✭whelan1


    great thread, think we need to be very open with our kids about suicide , that there is no way back.... if they have a problem they should be open about it and let their parents or someone know... eldest lad is at counselling at the minute , he is 11.... times have changed from when we where young we need to move with the times for their sake


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,716 ✭✭✭1chippy


    Great thread. like someone else said talking is great. Im lucky enough that i dont suffer depression but the few times this year that i got pissed off with farming it was great that i could share it with people on boards, it was great relief to see how people who wouldnt even know you (and you couple of locals) would try and help. good stuff.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,343 ✭✭✭bob charles


    we are lucky here on my own farm in one since, as we dont have the time to stop and think about things that can get us down. Im all for a busy mind sorts out allot of problems. Most people only need a good kick in the rear end to get them going again but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,841 ✭✭✭mf240


    we are lucky here on my own farm in one since, as we dont have the time to stop and think about things that can get us down. Im all for a busy mind sorts out allot of problems. Most people only need a good kick in the rear end to get them going again but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.

    With respect bob it's that attitude that prevents people seeking help

    People who take their own lives are often too considerate of others and don't want to be a burden ect.

    Not everybody is lucky enough to be able to take set backs in their stride.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 12,583 Mod ✭✭✭✭blue5000


    we are lucky here on my own farm in one since, as we dont have the time to stop and think about things that can get us down. Im all for a busy mind sorts out allot of problems. Most people only need a good kick in the rear end to get them going again but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.

    Very helpful bob, It's exactly this sort of attitude that people don't need.

    If the seat's wet, sit on yer hat, a cool head is better than a wet ar5e.



  • Registered Users Posts: 859 ✭✭✭jomoloney


    could the mods please keep this thread in hand, this thread is of too sensitive nature to allow unqualified advise


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭bbam


    In fairness I don't think bob nor the countless other who make "insensitive" comments mean any harm.
    Actually in this context bob has brought to the fore some of the main issues.

    1. Depression doesn't happen because people don't keep their minds busy, often a depressed or troubled mind is pure chaos with every aspect of the day and a persons life being replayed, analysed rewound, dissected and self critequed, all this while they struggle to keep some semblance of normality to the outside world. The mental strain of this is unfathomable and can lead to a distorted interpretation of life, which in turn makes things worse..

    2. They don't get better by being told to get on with it, don't think about it, it could be worse - you could be ill, get a hobby, if you were busy you'd feel better.

    The best words a troubled mind can hear are "how are you feeling", "let's have a chat", followed by actually listening, make time to let them talk at their own pace, let them know you'll make time to chat no matter how busy you seem.
    The knowledge that you are willing to make time to listen can be a great strength to someone in trouble. And don't feel the need to offer a solution, listening and trying to understand is often enough.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,174 ✭✭✭✭Muckit


    In fairness to Bob, I don't think he meant any harm by what he said. I do think there are some people that are feeling down that tend to get immersed in a balloon of their own self pity. Sometimes what these people would benefit from is the proverbial 'kick up the behind' to get them going again. They may thinkthey are depressed, but this may not be the case. We all as humans feel down from time to time. But it's transient in nature and we're soon back to ourselves again. It's important to remember that this is normal. It's not (Thank God) clinical depression.


    A person having a low mood or feeling down or 'pissed off' is millions of miles away from a person that is clinically depressed. I think that's the real message we need to get out there.

    It's very hard for a person (myself included) to know what clinical depression is like without having gone through it. Most of us haven't, so it's hard to get our heads around it. We must have tolerance and allow for this.

    It's not normal for a healthy human being to willingly want to take their own life. Obviously these people are mentally unwell. If you were seriously unwell where would you go? Your GP should be your first port of call.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,920 ✭✭✭freedominacup


    we are lucky here on my own farm in one since, as we dont have the time to stop and think about things that can get us down. Im all for a busy mind sorts out allot of problems. Most people only need a good kick in the rear end to get them going again but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.

    In fairness to Bob read the entire post.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 931 ✭✭✭Manoffeeling


    we are lucky here on my own farm in one since, as we dont have the time to stop and think about things that can get us down. Im all for a busy mind sorts out allot of problems. Most people only need a good kick in the rear end to get them going again but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.

    That's a rather simplistic approach also. A busy mind does not always sort out a lot of problems. Have you never heard of mental exhaustion?


  • Registered Users Posts: 165 ✭✭royalmeath


    Depression is awful if anyone is going through it they may not recognise that they are suffering a mental illness,
    indeed they may believe they are in some way physically sick . Over the past few years I have learned to be a bit more
    open about my worries and talk. Its great to share a problem rather than internalise it and leaving it fester.If you dont
    have someone you feel you can talk to then go and see a counsellor and let everything out. My own brother dropped
    dead this time last year and i went to see someone to talk about it, I have to say it was a fantastic experience and very
    therapeutic.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,343 ✭✭✭bob charles


    mf240 wrote: »
    With respect bob it's that attitude that prevents people seeking help

    People who take their own lives are often too considerate of others and don't want to be a burden ect.

    Not everybody is lucky enough to be able to take set backs in their stride.

    what are you on about. If you read my post the most important point was in the last line
    kick in the rear end to get them going again, but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.


  • Registered Users Posts: 39 Dairynewbie


    micl wrote: »
    I know some of us feel caught... trapped.

    We are told time and again to run our farms like businesses, but with 1 difference - we are never allowed sell.

    We have seen the shame and genrations of tutt-tutting when "family ground" has been sold in the past, so even if we get the burdens of the land and have clear title, we don't ever feel like we own it. Ever.

    That is heavy for me.

    If we really ran our farms like businesses, we would be truly free to sell - and I mean to the highest bidder - as suits the business. No-one in a farming family should have a right to comment on anyone else in the family selling his or her own ground.

    If you don't own it, you don't own it - leave us alone.

    I know a lad farming 59acres near a village who was offered a tidy sum for all his land back in 06. He asked me for my advice I told him to sell and buy a bigger place. We looked at farms between 100 and 140acres He put it to his parents and his old lad went off his game.
    I got verbally attacked outside mass for putting ideas in his head. Farm is in his family 3 generations His old fellow would prefer him to struggle with a few sheep part time than have a full time job in farming. He is a qualified chippy. He had to move to the uk for work with his wife and a child. His old lad still won't even talk to me. Thinks one of my cronies was trying to con his son out of the farm. The land is now let since last sept. So go figure?
    He said that when his old lad is in the ground he is selling the lot. He has regretted it big time. There is a lot of friction still. His old lad will only see his grandson 3 times a year now. Such a mess.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 531 ✭✭✭munkus


    we are lucky here on my own farm in one since, as we dont have the time to stop and think about things that can get us down. Im all for a busy mind sorts out allot of problems. Most people only need a good kick in the rear end to get them going again but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.

    Holy ****, I respect your contributions on most topics, but how could an intelligent man such as yourself trivialize such a topic. Kick up the hole doesn't always work.


  • Registered Users Posts: 423 ✭✭wesleysniper38


    It is so difficult to categorise of compartmentalise the sad scourge which is depression. It can take several forms and be triggered by any number of varying circumstances or events in a persons life.
    But it is a dark place which quite often is suffered unawares by the person concerned. Therefore the syntoms become difficult to detect for those close to that person also.
    When it takes hold the consequences can be tragic if it is combined with another scourge of Irish, and mostly rural, society-
    Lonliness. An old friend of mine once told me.. you could be in a crowded room among the people who care for you most and yet feel like the only one there..


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,555 ✭✭✭kerryjack


    we are lucky here on my own farm in one since, as we dont have the time to stop and think about things that can get us down. Im all for a busy mind sorts out allot of problems. Most people only need a good kick in the rear end to get them going again but that is not everyone and its these people we have to watch out for.

    That is a very bold , politically incorrect statement but i have to agree with it , There is a lot of lads going around with no jobs and very little purpose in life. If every man had a job and got reasonably well paid for it we would be much happier, in a lot of houses now its the man that's stay at home and herself out working, that cant be right, man was not programmed to be changing nappies and dropping kids to school , thousands of years of evolution and it has come down to this, in an other thousand years a man will have grown Tits and will be the weaker sex and they will be looking back in history and wondering where it all went wrong , it all started when a man started changing nappies , am i a sexist, yes i am , O K guys lets get back doing manly things like pub every evening and eating the dinner out of the bin when we get home the next generation will thank us for it.


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