In The Bar

MonkieSocks · 11-02-2020 5:45pm #1

I was sitting in a pub last week, at the bar, and three guys walked up to the bar and plonked themselves next to me.

The barman served the first guy, and asked him what he wanted.

The guy said “can I get a single of your foinest oirish whisky please” the barman got him a single Teeling reserve single malt.

The guy asked him if he could have a dash of cola with it.

I shook my head at that point.

The guy with the whisky said “What, I like me whisky the way I like me women”

“twenty noin years old and mixed up wit coke”.

The barman serves the second guy, the guy says “can ah get a single of yoor faynest Scawtch whisky”

The barman gets him a very nice Glenfiddich, and asks if he wants a mixer, and the guy replies “noo way laddy, just with ice,

"I like mah whisky like mah women too, 18 years old, smooth, and on the rocks”, I nodded.

The Barman then served the third guy.

The guy said “could I trouble you for a Gordon’s Gin and Tonic my good man” .

I had a glum expression on my face, and the barman asked me what was up, I said “My life seems to be a joke at the moment”.

MonkieSocks · 12-02-2020 3:12pm

A man asks for a gin and tonic,and the bartender hands him an apple.

He says to the bartender,"What the hell is this?"

The bartender says,"Try it, trust me."

He takes a bite and exclaims,"This tastes like straight gin!"

"Now turn it around."

"Wow that tastes just like tonic."

He happily munches away at his apple as another man walks up to the bar and asks for a rum and coke.

The bartender hands him a different apple and he has a similar experience as the first man.

A third man enters the bar and before he can ask the bartender for a drink the first man cuts him off and says,

"Hey man, you won't believe this but this guy has an apple for every taste!

You want it, he's got it."

The third man pauses for a moment and asks the bartender,

"Do you have an apple that tastes like pussy?"

"Do I have an apple that tastes like pussy?"

"Yep, that's what I asked."

"Well, you asked for it," said the bartender as he handed the man an apple from below the counter.

The third man took a bite out of the apple and spat it out,

"This tastes like shit!"

The bartender replied, "Now turn it around."

MonkieSocks · 15-02-2020 12:49am

A Bear walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.

The bartender greets the bear, "Hey there! What can I get for you?"

The bear goes, "Umm Umm, I'll have................................"

The bartender checks his watch, waiting patiently for the Bear's order.

Finally, the Bear answers, "...a gin and tonic please."

The bartender replies, "Why the big pause?"

The customer retorts, looking slightly confused, "Because I'm a Bear."

MonkieSocks · 18-02-2020 5:00pm

Two Guys walk into a bar, the Third guy see's it and ducks

MonkieSocks · 20-02-2020 8:08pm

A man walks into a bar

He goes and finds a seat at the bar

"What'll you have"? The bartender asks.

"Gin and tonic". Replies the man, weary from long day at work.

The bartender obliges, and the man sits and enjoys his drink.

As he unwinds and watches the football game on TV, he hears the bell of the door ring as it opens.

He casually glances behind him to see who's walking in and does a double take as he sees a horse walk into the bar.

The horse glances at the bartender and then turns his attention to the opposite end of the bar.

The horse then walks across the floor, walks up the wall, across the ceiling, down the other wall, then steps back onto the floor.

He gives another glance at the bartender and then excuses himself out the door.

The man at the bar, flabbergasted, turns to the bartender and exclaims

"What the hell was that"?!

The bartender casually turns from his work and replies

"Oh, don't feel bad. He never says hello to anybody".

MonkieSocks · 23-02-2020 11:52pm

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The rabbit says, "I think I might be a typo."

In The Bar

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