Big Girl, etc.

Victor wrote: »

My brother and his wife noticed something with their 3 year old. While she understands breastfeeding, her doll always get fed with a bottle and never gets breastfed.

I do not think there is much complex going on there. Children tend to mimic what they see. Bottle feeding is something we see in the media and around us. Breast feeding not so much - for whatever reasons people have an issue with it.

I have seen some children doing the breast feeding with their dolls. I think it is rare solely because they see less of it. But there is also the issue the children lack the requisite protrusions shall we say. They might have nipples but they do not have breasts. And children tend to work with what they have.

So I would not read too much into it - and certainly not about a child's ability to envision themselves as a grown up. I would say it is rare it has anything to do with that.

Victor wrote: »

Yes, I appreciate she is only 3, but perhaps people should use more thoughtful and less stereotypical phrases.

I see no reason to be worried about those phrases. If you are using one kind of phrase to the exclusion of others then by all means worry about that. If you are giving a child a sense of value based only on their appearance that is probably not great. But praise and guidance is not mutually exclusive you can include it in a useful whole - rather than take the scalpel and cut some stuff out entirely.

I think for me an issue worth thinking about more than then one you raised - is that of praise and responses in neutral or even failure situations. Rather than lavish praise and congratulations on a child solely when they do something great or look great or the like - I also try to become engaged and energetic and supportive and upbeat and excited about situations less positive for them.

Errors and failures are a great example. When something they are doing or working on goes wrong I try to jump in and take a "Well what can we learn from this situation" approach or "Ok this has not gone the direction you want - so what can we make out of it now?". I think I instil in them a strong sense that a failure or less than ideal situation is always a learning opportunity a growing opportunity or a chance to shoot off in a new direction.

Coupled with then later returning to the thing they failed at later and trying it again and getting there in the end - I think it gives a useful overall effect on the child than merely praising the good and the pretty and the successful.

I see so many children working on something and flinging it down in tears and frustration when it is not working and giving up on it and storming off. And the awful platitudes some parents then use to cheer the kid up again - usually in the form of sugary food. Whereas I think you can bring children to a place when it goes wrong they start saying things like "What can I do with this now instead" or "Where did it start going wrong - I will get it next time!" and trying again.

I also try not to praise just for praise sake. I have never at all bought into this thing of giving trophies and medals to people just for taking part for example. The idea that the best winners and the worst losers and everyone in between get the same medal just for showing up - has never really seemed a useful move to me. Though I am sure the idea comes from a good place and is well intentioned.