Worried about going on a hen - overreacting?

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 12:09am #1

So I am chief bridesmaid and organising a hen for my friend. The logistics have had to change a lot over the last few months with Covid but we finally settled on booking a pretty large house on Saturday 22nd. There are 11 people going.
I have been apprehensive from the start but bride is adamant she has to have a hen and it has to be a night away so this felt like a somewhat reasonable compromise.

Most of the group are from Laois, Offaly and Kildare and restrictions will be lifted less than 24 hours before we are due to be in the house. I thought when the announcement was made today that she would want to cancel it but she wants it all to go ahead as planned. I feel very uncomfortable about it but don't feel I can say anything really. Am I overreacting?
I'll probably wait and see what the cases are like nearer the time and make a decision then on whether I'll go.

Loveinapril · 08-08-2020 12:22am

You aren't over reacting. Some people feel comfortable in group situations right now and some don't. Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Mind your own health and the health of your loved ones, if that means not going, then do. The world does not revolve around this bride.

strandroad · 08-08-2020 12:24am

You might find that the hen won't be well attended...

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 12:29am

strandroad wrote: »

You might find that the hen won't be well attended...

You'd be surprised, most seem happy enough to go along with it. Things might change depending on the cases over the coming week or so, we'll see.

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 12:30am

Loveinapril wrote: »

You aren't over reacting. Some people feel comfortable in group situations right now and some don't. Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Mind your own health and the health of your loved ones, if that means not going, then do. The world does not revolve around this bride.

Thanks, I think I actually know in the rational part of my brain that it is okay that I don't want to go but it is hard when faced with such resolute pressure

twirlagig · 08-08-2020 12:35am

pennydreadful wrote: »

Thanks, I think I actually know in the rational part of my brain that it is okay that I don't want to go but it is hard when faced with such resolute pressure

How does the rest of the hen gang feel about this?

Edit: where is this going to happen anyway?

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 12:47am

twirlagig wrote: »

How does the rest of the hen gang feel about this?

Edit: where is this going to happen anyway?

To be honest they are okay with it. They acknowledge there is a risk but they are still going. I know everyone has to make decisions based on their own situations but it all seems unnecessarily high risk to me.

twirlagig · 08-08-2020 12:58am

pennydreadful wrote: »

To be honest they are okay with it. Like they acknowledge there is a risk but they are still going. I know everyone has to make decisions based on their own situations but it all seems unnecessarily high risk to me, I am surrounded by vulnerable people so will have to stay away from them for two weeks after all for one hen party.
It's in a house in Westmeath

I’ve highlighted what you said that rings most true to me

I’m trying to avoid anything unnecessary atm now til some form of formality resumes... whenever that may be.
I’d be staying at home if it was me to be honest op but I understand how hard it would be to tell that to the bride.
Just a sh1t time all round for everyone and some very uncertain weeks ahead

KiKi III · 08-08-2020 1:00am

I think if you were going to make an issue of this you should have raised it much sooner.

Do whatever you think is best, but don’t expect the bride to be happy about you bailing on a hen you organised when the others are happy to go.

stevek93 · 08-08-2020 1:06am

If it was me I wouldn’t be attending anything at the moment this virus is like russian roulette either you win or the virus wins. OP I’m sure the people attending the hen will understand your concerns if they don’t it they they can shag off to be honest, your life and your families life is more important than a hen.

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 1:07am

KiKi III wrote: »

I think if you were going to make an issue of this you should have raised it much sooner.

Do whatever you think is best, but don’t expect the bride to be happy about you bailing on a hen you organised when the others are happy to go.

I actually have raised it, at every point along the way. She is adamant it goes ahead so I have organised it so that the arrangements are in place for her and the group. She knows I'm concerned and that I may not go.

little bess · 08-08-2020 1:08am

Maybe call or email the house you’ve booked, they might not want you to keep the booking if it’s against regulations?

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 1:10am

twirlagig wrote: »

I’ve highlighted what you said that rings most true to me
I’m trying to avoid anything unnecessary atm now til some form of formality resumes... whenever that may be.
I’d be staying at home if it was me to be honest op but I understand how hard it would be to tell that to the bride.
Just a sh1t time all round for everyone and some very uncertain weeks ahead

I appreciate that, thanks very much. You're right. Even if all signs point to it being safe, things are so delicately balanced right now that there is no way of knowing. Appreciate the advice

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 1:11am

stevek93 wrote: »

If it was me I wouldn’t be attending anything at the moment this virus is like russian roulette either you win or the virus wins. OP I’m sure the people attending the hen will understand your concerns if they don’t it they they can shag off to be honest, your life and your families life is more important than a hen.

Thanks, I totally agree. Even if everyone is healthy and fit, there is no way of knowing how covid will hit them. Just couldn't be worth the risk to all involved, I think we all have to be selfish in looking after ourselves right now.

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 1:13am

little bess wrote: »

Maybe call or email the house you’ve booked, they might not want you to keep the booking if it’s against regulations?

Yeah I actually thought that earlier and sent an email. The house is on a complex so we would be close enough to other guests, they may not want us! Waiting to hear what they say.

wirelessdude01 · 08-08-2020 1:15am

Thought I read somewhere it was until the morning of the 24th. So that would rule most of the attendees out if true. Either way you've done your part and organised it. No one but yourself really looks out for yourself so if in doubt don't go.

jam_mac_jam · 08-08-2020 1:16am

Is the bride not concerned herself. You would think she would be trying to keep herself healthy with a wedding coming up.

This may also be extended. At the moment it's a certain amount of cases but if they find more then it could be a case you can't go.

I don't think you are overreacting and at the same time then health has to take priority.

stevek93 · 08-08-2020 1:40am

pennydreadful wrote: »

Thanks, I totally agree. Like even if everyone is healthy and fit, there is no way of knowing how covid will hit them. Just couldn't be worth the risk to all involved, I think we all have to be selfish in looking after ourselves right now.

I don’t think trying to keep yourself alive is being selfish.

Cash_Q · 08-08-2020 3:23am

KiKi III wrote:

I think if you were going to make an issue of this you should have raised it much sooner.

In fairness to OP though cases were dwindling and now they've spiked to the extent that localised restrictions are in place in 3 counties that many of the guests are coming from. That changes things.

jam_mac_jam wrote:

This may also be extended. At the moment it's a certain amount of cases but if they find more then it could be a case you can't go.

Yes nothing to say that it's only a 2 week thing, by that point more counties could be in lockdown.

OP what about gently approaching the idea of a Plan B, in the event that restrictions arent lifted in 2 weeks time. Either rescheduling (probably done enough of that with this hen/wedding), or having a Zoom party instead. If the hen party does go ahead as planned you could always stay away and join via Zoom.

Personally I wouldnt put myself at risk especially having to isolate myself for 2 weeks after, I would explain this to her and if she doesn't understand then try not to take it personally, all her feelings will be compounded by the upheaval of the last few months and its effect on all her plans. If she holds a grudge against you for it, well then you'll have learned a valuable lesson about her.

Hannibal_Smith · 08-08-2020 7:49am

KiKi III wrote: »

I think if you were going to make an issue of this you should have raised it much sooner.

Do whatever you think is best, but don’t expect the bride to be happy about you bailing on a hen you organised when the others are happy to go.

Laois Kildare and Offaly were put back into lockdown yesterday. The OP couldn't have seen that coming.

OP its not as if you're just cancelling on a whim. I'm a bit concerned about the numbers too to be honest and staying in a house with a group of people not from your household just wouldn't appeal to me at the moment.

If the bride can't understand that that really is her problem.

Caranica · 08-08-2020 8:38am

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Thought I read somewhere it was until the morning of the 24th. So that would rule most of the attendees out if true. Either way you've done your part and organised it. No one but yourself really looks out for yourself so if in doubt don't go.

Yes, legislation says lockdown currently due to end at midnight on Sunday 23rd ie just before Monday. So none of those guests should be attending.

Tbh the bride is being ridiculous. I had no hen, didn't need one. She doesn't have to have one, and certainly not this one. OP she needs a reality check.

Fakediamond · 08-08-2020 8:54am

And as for sharing beds with strangers during a pandemic, that is sheer recklessness, spike or no spike!

LegacyUser · 08-08-2020 8:56am

Don't think the people of Westmeath will be too happy either!

I would be embarrassed to ask people to go to my hen but I understand its what the bride wants. Crazy decision though and I definitely wouldn't go if I was invited.

Tork · 08-08-2020 9:03am

The lockdown in those counties could be extended - the authorities aren't guaranteeing it's just for two weeks.

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 9:15am

Caranica wrote: »

Yes, legislation says lockdown currently due to end at midnight on Sunday 23rd ie just before Monday. So none of those guests should be attending.

Tbh the bride is being ridiculous. I had no hen, didn't need one. She doesn't have to have one, and certainly not this one. OP she needs a reality check.

Is it the 23rd? I read midnight on on the 21st yesterday. Do you know where it says that? Would be great if that was the case, takes the situation out of my hands!
I agree, I don't see the logic behind it and don't understand why she wouldn't cancel it but she is dead set on having it.

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 9:15am

Fakediamond wrote: »

And as for sharing beds with strangers during a pandemic, that is sheer recklessness, spike or no spike!

Yep. Been saying this all along. If I do go, and it is unlikely, I will be in a sleeping bag!

Caranica · 08-08-2020 9:20am

pennydreadful wrote: »

Is it the 23rd? I read midnight on on the 21st yesterday. Do you know where it says that? Would be great if that was the case, takes the situation out of my hands!
I agree, I don't see the logic behind it and don't understand why she wouldn't cancel it but she is dead set on having it.

Tweet from Minister for Health

https://twitter.com/DonnellyStephen/status/1291897534919647233?s=19

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 9:21am

Caranica wrote: »

Tweet from Minister for Health

https://twitter.com/DonnellyStephen/status/1291897534919647233?s=19

Thanks a million for this- might just save me!

Blush_01 · 08-08-2020 9:26am

pennydreadful wrote: »

Thanks a million for this- might just save me!

What an awful position to be put in.

Some people lose all sense of perspective when they're getting married, particularly when they've been forced to make changes they don't want to. There's social conditioning from such a young age and some people just embrace the authorised selfishness. Hopefully everyone will comply, and it doesn't impact on your friendship.

I would hate to be put in your position.

pennydreadful · 08-08-2020 9:37am

Blush_01 wrote: »

What an awful position to be put in.

Some people lose all sense of perspective when they're getting married, particularly when they've been forced to make changes they don't want to. There's social conditioning from such a young age and some people just embrace the authorised selfishness. Hopefully everyone will comply, and it doesn't impact on your friendship.

I would hate to be put in your position.

It has been tough, I feel like I'm being seen as over-dramatic for not wanting to be in such close proximity to people for 24 hours but if there is even the slightest chance that one of them is asymptomatic and that I catch it and pass it on to people at home, it just isn't worth it. At least that date is more cut and dry.

Gruffalux · 08-08-2020 9:45am

Do you know what? I would do nothing, say nothing and maybe even go the extra mile of thinking nothing. First of all external conditions may dictate it is not possible. Second of all, you not wanting to go is your own private affair and requires no justification. Say nothing though to avoid any intermediary crap. If it goes ahead come down with an (imaginary) bursting migraine or a bad case of the galloping trots a few hours in advance and say I'm so terribly sorry, simply cannot come, would have really really loved to, have super fun you guys, kiss kiss!

Worried about going on a hen - overreacting?

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