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Niece assaulted. Please advise

  • 29-07-2020 10:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    <snipped>

    Mods, this may not seem like a typical personal issue but my wife and family are extremely stressed about this. I would be so so grateful for any considered and calm advice on this.

    Thank you


Comments

  • #2
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Firstly, I get you are angry, who wouldn't be - but don't forget there is a traumatised child at the centre of this.

    If her mother feels that testifying will add further trauma to the child then it's right that the focus should be on helping the child through this. Victims of sexual assault often find the court process as traumatic as the assault itself. If she cannot testify in court then she can't - it's not her responsibility to put this man behind bars, nor will it be her fault if the man assaults anyone else.


    If he gets deported, it's not going to stop him assaulting children, though it might be of reassurance to the community that he's no longer here. If he's been reported to Immigration then it's likely that they are putting together their own investigation and that can take time to gather evidence that will not be easily disputed. That will take time.

    Meanwhile, check with the immigration officer you originally spoke to to see where the investigation is at. They might not be able to tell you much but if you know they are still investigating then you may have to trust that they'll do something. The lockdown probably hasn't helped in that regard.


  • #3
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Sham marriages probably aren't dissolved very often.
    The media won't care about the sham marriage slant unless they have evidence of abuse too, and without the testimony they won't even report on it.
    Your best bet is to confront the child's mother - she's the one who let this man abuse her daughter and she's the one who doesn't care if it happens to anyone else's child.


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    i advise you to respect the wishes of the child's mother


  • #5
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,056 ✭✭✭Augme


    antix80 wrote: »
    Your best bet is to confront the child's mother - she's the one who let this man abuse her daughter and she's the one who doesn't care if it happens to anyone else's child.


    Jesus, a disgusting comment. Whatever you do OP, don't go in with this attitude.


  • #6
    Dr DB Anderson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1 ✭Dr DB Anderson


    All you can do is try and get him deported. You have evidence, submit it to the guards.


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  • #7
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    With respect OP you getting angry and looking for vengeance isn’t helping your niece and tbh it has nothing to do with you. It’s not your place to try and deal with this. The justice system is a difficult place for a child who was a victim of sexual abuse to cope with and I don’t blame her or her parents for deciding not to go down that road. It’s not their responsibility to get this man off the streets, their responsibility is to their daughter and her recovery and I think you need to respect that.


  • #8
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,908 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    OP, confronting the mother in a manner suggesting she allowed this to happen as was suggested further up the thread is absolutely not the way to go about this.

    It is up to the child's family, be it her mother or her father, to decide what's best for their daughter. However there are circumstances where the child can give evidence by video link I think and that's worth considering.

    If the child's mother wants nothing more to be done on the case and is working with their daughter to move on, all of this is pointless. But if they're in two minds about going to court I would encourage her to talk to the investigating garda or her contact in the DPP and discuss their concerns.

    Your niece will not be the only child who is afraid to give evidence in court. It is scarey enough for an adult it must be terrifying for a child.


  • #9
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    I think it might help you to break things down a bit.

    The illegal immigration aspect of it might be extremely frustrating but set it aside for a moment: the reason there has been no action from immigration is because the man has active criminal proceedings against him. They won't deport him while he is being prosecuted, so set it aside, it's not for a want of action by Immigration because they literally cannot intervene right now.
    Besides, you would feel just as horrified and frustrated if this person was an Irish citizen. Sham marriages are extremely difficult to police and it's even more difficult to deal with them after the fact but that's of no relevance to the issue.

    The decision ultimately rests with the child and her mother. Whatever that decision is, you are going to have to find a way to make peace with it. In years to come she may have difficulty with the decision not to give evidence if that's what happens, and you're going to need to be able to say to her honestly that the right decision was whatever was best for her at the time, if you are ever on the spot. You need to find a way to accept that yourself.

    The only thing you and your wife can do is advocate for her alongside her mother. I know the decision ultimately lies with the DPP, and I'll admit ignorance about whether a trial can legally go ahead at all if a child witness will not give evidence, but if they are unwilling to go ahead with a trial where she will not give evidence then advocate for her, make sure that there is no other alternative to such a trial before accepting it. The DPP are usually very reluctant to withdraw charges where the victim's family are putting pressure on them to go ahead.

    All you can do is steel yourself against a decision not to give evidence and try to accept that the decision must be based upon whats in her best interests.


  • #10
    Rodney Bathgate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,445 ✭✭✭Rodney Bathgate


    Whatever you do decide to do, the end result needs to be this person getting deported from the country and blacklisted to prevent future admission to the country. His serving a sentence before hand would be also be desirable.


  • #11
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Rodney Bathgate wrote: »
    Whatever you do decide to do, the end result needs to be this person getting deported from the country and blacklisted to prevent future admission to the country. His serving a sentence before hand would be also be desirable.

    Mod:

    Please have advice for the OP when you post. The above is of no help at all to the OP.


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  • #12
    global23214124
    Registered Users Posts: 268 ✭✭global23214124


    If he abused your niece then its possible he is going to do it to someone else in the future. I would have another go at seeing will they testify via video link as previously mentioned so he can face a prison sentence and reduce the risk of it happening to someone else.


  • #13
    degsie
    Registered Users Posts: 8,727 ✭✭✭degsie


    Best advice is to NOT seek advice here! Seek out an actual solicitor or barrister and ignore the keyboard law students.


  • #14
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    degsie wrote: »
    Best advice is to NOT seek advice here! Seek out an actual solicitor or barrister and ignore the keyboard law students.

    Why would he do that? It’s his niece. It’s not his business and nothing to do with him.

    As Neyite said there is a traumatised child at the centre of this and a family who have gone to the authorities, if the child does not want to go to court that is her right and has to be respected. Trying to coerce her by making her feel in some way responsible for anything else this man might do is disgusting.


  • #15
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Mod:

    Thread locked after mod review.

    Thanks & grma all who posted.


This discussion has been closed.
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