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Unemployed, no friends, doing college online for the year and feel miserable, help?

  • 19-09-2020 10:19pm
    #1
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭


    I'm 21 and found out just last week I only have ONE lecture per week in college this year. My mental health has been pretty terrible these last few months (hasn't everyone's?) but I held out hope for college. I'm happy in college- I have friends there and I see my boyfriend everyday. More importantly I'm distracted. I become a mess when I have heaps of free time, just like I do now. For now, I'm just doing a 4 hour bus trip on a Wednesday for that one lecture, staying in a guest house and going home the following evening. I was so happy to get out of the country side and now that hope is gone.

    I feel like I would be OK if I could only get work but I feel like it's a fruitless task. The place I was working in closed in March and I don't think it'll open again. My parents told me it's pointless even looking for work now, but I'm so miserable sitting at home day after day. Maybe it's true, I live in a place with 2000 people and 2 villages of around 2000 are within 5km of me but still? I have nothing to do and I'm getting more and more depressed and anxious. I've been getting panic attacks for the last 3 months. I do apologise for all the self pitying but I feel so low. I keep crying thinking of how boring the next year of my life will be without a job or friends to see, and the fact things might be coming to an end with my boyfriend. Any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Can you volunteer? Lots of animal charities are looking for volunteers at the minute as are many different non profit organisations.
    Id also suggest trying to get out each day for a walk or a run.


  • #3
    Ellie2008
    Registered Users Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008


    You poor thing OP! This pandemic has been very hard on people your age.

    Subject to the guidelines, are there things you can do? I’d encourage you to get outside as much as possible before it gets colder. You don’t say whether you have friends in your village. If you do you should get out for walks as much as possible. If you don’t stick the headphones on. When you get a change of scene for your day in college can you get out around the locality there?

    Regarding jobs, have you looked for babysitting? Could your parents drive you somewhere where you might get a job? Some admin jobs can be done remotely.

    Hold onto the fact that you are only 21, this two shall pass, most of your life is still to come.

    I do badly with a lot of free time, I suspect most people do. I’m currently reading Bressie’s book. He also has panic attacks & you might benefit from reading it.

    Practising gratitude might help & id stress I don’t mean that in a you have no right to be upset way. You don’t have a job but you are healthy & have somewhere to live & you getting an education. If you focus on those things it might help. Things will improve the Spanish flu didn’t last forever you just have to find a way of making the most of your situation in the meantime.


  • #4
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,342 ✭✭✭tara73


    how would it have been college would be full going? Would you've still been going everyday from your place you live now, means 4 hours commute a day?? I can't imagine so I think you would have moved to the city you studyin ?
    Why not keeping with that? why not looking for a job, just because your parents say you won't find any doesn't mean it will be the case. Switch your energy to a positive, proactive thinking instead of falling into that hole (I'm not judging, I know how easy it is to feel low) and start looking for a job.
    stay for some more days in the hostel and check out the situation for student jobs. Start applying for some, I cant imagine there's absolutely nothing? You might be lucky. You might not find one in the first days, but you can apply from home and go again for interviews.

    And can't you visit your friends and boyfriend for some distraction? Why do you think it's falling apart with your bf? It all sounds a bit fatalistic and if it's all put upon you but you are the actor in your life and often with the right mindset and positive attitude we can direct things for our own good.


  • #5
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Apply for jobs, even part time hours are better than nothing.
    I realise it's difficult this year with more online and little in the way of classes but hopefully things will turn around soon.
    For the moment try looking for some job, focus on doing your best with college work and get fresh air and exercise whenever you can.

    Best of luck


  • #6
    Zebrag
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 158 ✭✭Zebrag


    Apply for jobs anyways. It's pointless sitting around and making yourself crazy too so you might as well say "Fcuk it I'll apply for anything". You never know, the one place you applied for could be somewhere you love. It might not be, but it's something. Nothing is pointless.

    In the meantime, there is plenty of YouTube videos that is aimed at home workouts. Would that interest you? Many have challenges that could help keep your brain active and encourage you to do something each day.

    I know the feeling of driving myself crazy when I've too much free time but honestly, enjoy it too or even better still, give yourself the one day to do absolutely nothing and busy yourself on the other days so each day varies. I was in lockdown with no job for 3 months myself and I swear I taught I was going to go batsh€t crazy but I found if I just have myself an hour or two of complete distraction, a walk, read a book, home workout, cooking, zoom calls then I knew I would be okay.

    This year has not been easy for anyone and personally I would love to see the back of this year.

    Keep your spirits up OP


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  • #7
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭chickenkarma


    tara73 wrote: »
    how would it have been college would be full going? Would you've still been going everyday from your place you live now, means 4 hours commute a day?? I can't imagine so I think you would have moved to the city you studyin ?
    Why not keeping with that? why not looking for a job, just because your parents say you won't find any doesn't mean it will be the case. Switch your energy to a positive, proactive thinking instead of falling into that hole (I'm not judging, I know how easy it is to feel low) and start looking for a job.
    stay for some more days in the hostel and check out the situation for student jobs. Start applying for some, I cant imagine there's absolutely nothing? You might be lucky. You might not find one in the first days, but you can apply from home and go again for interviews.

    And can't you visit your friends and boyfriend for some distraction? Why do you think it's falling apart with your bf? It all sounds a bit fatalistic and if it's all put upon you but you are the actor in your life and often with the right mindset and positive attitude we can direct things for our own good.

    Well no, if I had normal college my parents would pay for me to stay near college. The commute is lethal and I'm waiting to take my driving test (2 lessons left) and get a car so no way I would commute daily haha. My parents have actually set aside the money they would've spent on my accommodation for a car for whenever I pass my test, so I can't really complain, that's amazing! There's no way I could afford to stay near college in the city with the rent when I have no savings and I can't imagine part time work would cover it.


  • #8
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭chickenkarma


    Bit of a stupid question, but how do I go about getting a job walking in with my CV? I'm fortunate I've never had to do that, my dad was friends with the owner of the café I was in, I never had to try. There's like 20/30 places between shops/few hotels and restaurants I could try, so hopefully one will accept me for like 3 or 4 days a week.


  • #9
    Ellie2008
    Registered Users Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    Bit of a stupid question, but how do I go about getting a job walking in with my CV? I'm fortunate I've never had to do that, my dad was friends with the owner of the café I was in, I never had to try. There's like 20/30 places between shops/few hotels and restaurants I could try, so hopefully one will accept me for like 3 or 4 days a week.

    Normally I’d say yes, not sure with Covid. Maybe do a ring around or post in your CV & follow up with a call? I’m sure I read somewhere that the HSE are looking for more contact tracers, I wonder can that be done from home?


  • #10
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Op ...i could patronize you with all kinds of suggestions.


    But this pandemic will be tough on you and all of us.

    The best thing you can do is try and accept it and prepare yourself emotionally.

    The next couple of years until we have a vaccine will not be easy.


  • #11
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭chickenkarma


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Op ...i could patronize you with all kinds of suggestions.


    But this pandemic will be tough on you and all of us.

    The best thing you can do is try and accept it and prepare yourself emotionally.

    The next couple of years until we have a vaccine will not be easy.

    Thank you. I'll be honest a large part of me is so angry with how things are panning out. You're only in your early 20s once, it looks like mine will be spent without any parties/social events in sight with the way the world is shaping up. I feel like I've been robbed. This really does suck for everyone


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  • #12
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    Thank you. I'll be honest a large part of me is so angry with how things are panning out. You're only in your early 20s once, it looks like mine will be spent without any parties/social events in sight with the way the world is shaping up. I feel like I've been robbed. This really does suck for everyone
    I know.

    Everyone feels robbed. Its good we start talking about it too though.

    You have every right to feel robbed. I do too.

    I guess we just have to do what we can. And prepare ourselves emotionally to deal with it.


    Good luck. This won't last forever.


  • #13
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,783 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    It's an extremely difficult time for everyone, I'm deeply concerned for our mental health services this winter, they're already at breaking point. I spent a large proportion of my late teens and early twenties deeply depressed, I suspect it's more common than we think, it's a deeply upsetting and confusing experience, but I have found talking about it extremely helpful, so well done on making that first step, I didn't start until I was in my thirties. There's loads of self help stuff online, YouTube is great, consider professional help, it was a major turning point for me. Keep active, consider things like yoga, and journaling does help, I've recently started this. I think everyone's mental health has taken a nose dive over the last few months, I actually had to go on ssri's for the first time ever, theyre working very well. Best of luck with college


  • #14
    Ellie2008
    Registered Users Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    Thank you. I'll be honest a large part of me is so angry with how things are panning out. You're only in your early 20s once, it looks like mine will be spent without any parties/social events in sight with the way the world is shaping up. I feel like I've been robbed. This really does suck for everyone

    You have hope OP & a future ahead of you. Social isolation is very difficult for all of us but some stories I’ve come across would break your heart. I saw a woman dying of cancer on the UK news spending her last months in lockdown alone.

    Try to make the most of this time. I didn’t have much interest in spending time with my parents at your age, my dad died a few years later & I know he would have appreciated it if I’d gone out for walks etc with him.

    Are there online courses you could do on top of your college course to improve your chances of long term employment? Look at your CV now. Fast forward to post your college course. Imagine you’re sitting in an interview & you nerd something to talk about. What can you do now to pad out that CV including the hobbies section?


  • #15
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭chickenkarma


    Thanks for the advice guys. Barely slept last night with stress and negativity about the future. I've made up my mind, I've made a list of 25 places I could apply to (could add more but it's a starting point). I'm gonna keep at it until I get something and I'm gonna save and move out to Galway maybe next summer or next autumn (hopefully some of my lectures will be on campus, so it'll be justified). Getting a job in Galways shouldn't be nearly as hard as getting a job in my rural area. In the meantime, I'm learning to drive and my parents have set aside the money they would've spend on student accomodation this year, for me to get a car once I pass. I'll get a job, I'll save and I'll get my license and a car and in the next 12 months. Things could shape up great.


  • #16
    LilacNails
    Registered Users Posts: 642 ✭✭✭LilacNails


    Your last post op, re read and re read it again. You have a lot of positives there and things to look forward to and work on.

    Do u know how many who don't? Who don't have the support from their parents? Who don't have the confidence or courage to work their way out of these crap times.?

    Your doing ok. Seriously. They are tough times for everyone.... Make your own positives out of this, only you have the power to. This time next year, it's likely, that you'll look back and realise you learned and went through a lot, and be glad to have do so.

    Plough on, your doing ok!


  • #17
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭chickenkarma


    LilacNails wrote: »
    Your last post op, re read and re read it again. You have a lot of positives there and things to look forward to and work on.

    Do u know how many who don't? Who don't have the support from their parents? Who don't have the confidence or courage to work their way out of these crap times.?

    Your doing ok. Seriously. They are tough times for everyone.... Make your own positives out of this, only you have the power to. This time next year, it's likely, that you'll look back and realise you learned and went through a lot, and be glad to have do so.

    Plough on, your doing ok!

    From now on, I'm gonna reframe it and say "f it, things are gonna suck for the next while but it's out of my control. What I can control is what I do to make my future even better I.e. learning to drive, saving to move out to see my friends more etc..."


  • #18
    Ellie2008
    Registered Users Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    From now on, I'm gonna reframe it and say "f it, things are gonna suck for the next while but it's out of my control. What I can control is what I do to make my future even better I.e. learning to drive, saving to move out to see my friends more etc..."

    This! I’m not even old but the meaning of “youth is wasted on the young” has hit home recently. Tbh I wish I’d spent less time obsessing over my BF (I’m happily married to someone else) & partied a bit less, & instead given some real thought to what I wanted to do.

    Take this opportunity to work to achieve your goals both short term & longer term.


  • #19
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭chickenkarma


    thanks for all the replies guys, it's really helped! Unbelievably I applied for a part time job on indeed.ie and got a reply to come in for an interview tomorrow, just 30 minutes later! Fingers crossed.


  • #20
    Ellie2008
    Registered Users Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    thanks for all the replies guys, it's really helped! Unbelievably I applied for a part time job on indeed.ie and got a reply to come in for an interview tomorrow, just 30 minutes later! Fingers crossed.

    Good woman! Remember if you don’t get this one keep on at it. I really feel good things can come from this for you if you adopt the right mindset. This is a time in your life when you don’t have financial or other commitments milk it for all it’s worth!


  • #21
    Akrasia
    Registered Users Posts: 22,230 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    thanks for all the replies guys, it's really helped! Unbelievably I applied for a part time job on indeed.ie and got a reply to come in for an interview tomorrow, just 30 minutes later! Fingers crossed.

    Congratulations and Best of luck with the interview

    Don’t be nervous, just be yourself and be honest. I’m sure you’ll do great.

    Employers don’t usually expect new hires to know how to do the job, a positive attitude and a desire to learn and make a proper go of it is what they’re looking for


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  • #22
    chickenkarma
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭chickenkarma


    Thanks guys, I got it! So happy.


  • #23
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    We are delighted for you!


  • #24
    Ellie2008
    Registered Users Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    Thanks guys, I got it! So happy.

    Congratulations OP!!! Well done!


  • #25
    LilacNails
    Registered Users Posts: 642 ✭✭✭LilacNails


    chickenkarma wrote: »
    Thanks guys, I got it! So happy.

    Ah that's great! See how things can turn around, best of luck.


  • #26
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    Build up some cash. 21 is so young bro; use this time to give yourself a lot of freedom next summer. Study hard; hit the gym, try do some sports if you can


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