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Broek up with bv a months ago, now found out in pregnant

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    #32
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,278 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    Jenneke87 wrote: »
    Personally, I would find an adoption even more difficult than an abortion.

    Vis-a-vis adoption- the reason there are so few adoptions in Ireland, is a lack of babies available for adoption- no other reason. Most prospective adoptive parents would much rather adopt a baby and provide it with a stable home from the start- than adopt an older child- which is why there are so many older children languishing waiting to be adopted.

    Adoption- is an option- and in an Irish context, while we do not yet have open adoptions on a legal footing, it is currently being discussed for prospective birth Mom's who might like to have contact with their children at some future point in time.

    I know you're saying adoption would be a worse option for you than abortion- either way, you need to get good information on what the implications are of the different options at your disposal.

    Also- I get the feeling from the way you've phrased a few things that you may not be in Ireland- is this correct (if so- the advice you're being offered might need to be tailored to suit different options in different jurisdictions)?


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    #33
    kate57
    Site Banned Posts: 1 ✭kate57


    Just reading it there, it sounds like you're going through a very difficult time. I just want to say, that I know someone who availed of services of the organisation Gianna Care. They provide both post abortion support and help in unplanned pregnancies. It might be worth it to check and see if they can be of any help.
    Wishing you all the best, stay strong. Kate.


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    #34
    LilacNails
    Registered Users Posts: 647 ✭✭✭LilacNails


    Hi op

    Just wanted to say I sympathise you with the situation your in.

    I can't imagine the upset, uncertainty and pressure your feeling, it's obviously not a normal and healthy suituation to be in.

    I want to read assure, as other posters have been, that there is help and support out there for you. Your going through every horrible and scary emotion atm, it's a normal reaction your having.

    Do you have 1 person you can totally confine in? If you don't, I understand, just remember the organisations it there and use them as much as you need that's what they are there for.

    I "know you to see around here" You often give out good advice and was sorry to see you going through this.

    You come across as a good person, I really hope you find some kind of peace after all of this.

    Put yourself first and take care. X


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    #35
    osarusan
    Registered Users Posts: 16,549 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    kate57 wrote: »
    Just reading it there, it sounds like you're going through a very difficult time. I just want to say, that I know someone who availed of services of the organisation Gianna Care. They provide both post abortion support and help in unplanned pregnancies. It might be worth it to check and see if they can be of any help.
    Wishing you all the best, stay strong. Kate.


    OP, Gianna Care is a crisis pregnancy centre that started out as a Youth Defence activist group, and tells their pregnant visitors that all women who have abortions regret them.


    Bear that in mind when considering this particular piece of 'advice'.


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    #36
    hayoc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭hayoc


    kate57 wrote: »
    Just reading it there, it sounds like you're going through a very difficult time. I just want to say, that I know someone who availed of services of the organisation Gianna Care. They provide both post abortion support and help in unplanned pregnancies. It might be worth it to check and see if they can be of any help.
    Wishing you all the best, stay strong. Kate.

    One post on the site recommending a pro life pregnancy service in a thread about a crisis pregnancy.

    OP - please avoid this crowd.


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    #37
    Jen244
    Site Banned Posts: 1 ✭Jen244


    Hi I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes really what women need to hear is 'you can do this ' and you can . Abortion can be deeply traumatic and repeat abortions can be a sign of trauma. You can be an amazing mother and don't be afraid to reach out for support there is plenty out there. This could be the greatest joy that has ever happened to you . Please don't feel like you have one option here.

    >>Mod Snip<<


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    #38
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,927 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Jen244 please do not ask for or suggest the OP PM you. It is against the Charter here.

    Just to also point out, not everyone will agree with all advice being offered, but it is up to the OP to decide what advice is relevant to them and what, if any, to choose. You can of course disagree, but do it in a manner that is in line with the Charter and that offers advice to the OP. I've removed a couple posts that are not following this.

    Finally, if you have an issue with a post report it and the moderators will have a look at it and deal with it if required.

    Thanks

    HS


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    #39
    hayoc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭hayoc


    OP - my advice would be to carefully research any crisis pregnancy service named and recommended to you to be sure you do not end up speaking to one of the ones that has been shown to have a pro life agenda because they will not discuss or assist with ALL of your options, only those options that cover not terminating the pregnancy.

    Plenty of women have been lied to and retraumatised by unscrupulous agencies in this regard - its important to know that you are using a service that is unbiased, without underlying agenda and professional. And that will work with you in YOUR best interests.


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    #40
    Jenneke87
    Registered Users Posts: 807 ✭✭✭Jenneke87


    hayoc wrote: »
    OP - my advice would be to carefully research any crisis pregnancy service named and recommended to you to be sure you do not end up speaking to one of the ones that has been shown to have a pro life agenda because they will not discuss or assist with ALL of your options, only those options that cover not terminating the pregnancy.

    Plenty of women have been lied to and retraumatised by unscrupulous agencies in this regard - its important to know that you are using a service that is unbiased, without underlying agenda and professional. And that will work with you in YOUR best interests.


    I've received some PM's from these ladies and kindly told them were to go. I'm not even in Ireland so their campaign is wasted on me...


    Not feeling much better, at least someone is coming to help me clean my pets tomorrow, I'll be having a scan on Thursday to see how far along I am. I have an appointment with a crisis pregnancy centre on Friday, and hope that conversation will help me somewhat.



    I just feel so sad and confused and nothing seems to be the right option. I don't want to abort, because ya know, it's not the childs fault and I also don't feel any enthousiasm or happiness, just resignation that my life is over and I'm going to be stuck caring for a child I never wanted in the first place and that I'll hopefully grow to love should I keep it. I think that's my biggest worry, that I won't enjoy motherhood, that I'll come to resent the child, and that it will make my mental health issues worse, or worse, that my mental health problems combined with a baby will cause me to snap. There was another post here where a mother posted about getting help for her children because she was struggling with her own mental health and couldn't deal with it anymore. That's my biggest fear in all of this, the child being subjected to things it shouldn't and me having a chld that, right now, I'd only have out of obligation and not love.


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    #41
    Man with broke phone
    Registered Users Posts: 1,201 ✭✭✭Man with broke phone


    Alot of people dont think they are maternal or paternal until they see their own children. They are different from other peoples children.

    It wont destroy your body as much as you think if you keep healthy during pregnancy.

    Hope whatever you chose works out for you. Do whats best for you. Fack everybody else. They dont have to live with the decision.


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    #42
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 10,001 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    OP please report those PMs, they are beyond sinister to target you at this difficult time.

    I don't have children, I never wanted them and I never will. People keep telling me what a great mother I'd make but I know I wouldn't, I am not in the least maternal and any pregnancy would destroy my mental health. So I know what I'd do.

    You are doing the right thing talking to your doctor and a crisis pregnancy agency. Hopefully they will help you to listen to your head, to your body. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. It's not selfish to look after yourself, whatever decision you make x


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    #43
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    It’s natural to be confused OP. The counselling will really help sort out your feelings. There are lots of parents who began their journey worrying about the kind of parent they would be. No one can tell you the kind of mum you’ll be or promise you that it will be all ok in the end but, rest assured, with proper counselling you’ll make the most informed choice for you.


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    #44
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Jenneke87 wrote: »
    I've received some PM's from these ladies and kindly told them were to go. I'm not even in Ireland so their campaign is wasted on me...


    Not feeling much better, at least someone is coming to help me clean my pets tomorrow, I'll be having a scan on Thursday to see how far along I am. I have an appointment with a crisis pregnancy centre on Friday, and hope that conversation will help me somewhat.



    I just feel so sad and confused and nothing seems to be the right option. I don't want to abort, because ya know, it's not the childs fault and I also don't feel any enthousiasm or happiness, just resignation that my life is over and I'm going to be stuck caring for a child I never wanted in the first place and that I'll hopefully grow to love should I keep it. I think that's my biggest worry, that I won't enjoy motherhood, that I'll come to resent the child, and that it will make my mental health issues worse, or worse, that my mental health problems combined with a baby will cause me to snap. There was another post here where a mother posted about getting help for her children because she was struggling with her own mental health and couldn't deal with it anymore. That's my biggest fear in all of this, the child being subjected to things it shouldn't and me having a chld that, right now, I'd only have out of obligation and not love.

    My life was improved hugely by having kids, even though like you I viewed it as the end of my life at first. It's the end of one part of your life (if you choose to keep it), but it could be the beginning of a better part of it. I appreciate it's easier for a man to say that though.

    Good luck what ever way you decide.


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    #45
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,927 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Hi Jenneke87, it's good you are going to see a crisis pregnancy counsellor. I really think they are the best person to help you with your decision and I sincerely wish you the best of luck with it.

    On that basis I'm going to close the thread there, as posters cannot really put it any further.

    Again, I wish you all the best with your meeting and trust you will find an outcome that best suits you. If you want the thread reopened, just let one of the Mod Team know.

    Thanks to all who offered help and advice

    HS


This discussion has been closed.
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