NPE or Not Parent Expected

anfearcripte · 25-02-2020 11:40am #1

Just wondering if anyone, like myself, has discovered NPE or Not Parent Expected as a result of doing DNA test via the likes of Ancestry, 23&me etc.

I did a test whilst doing family tree research. One of my sisters did one recently and it turns out we're only half siblings.
As a result of research on some of my unfamiliar close DNA matches I've figured out who my biological father is.

It's been tough to say the least.

Is anyone else in the same boat? Want to chat about it and share their experiences here?

pinkypinky · 25-02-2020 12:22pm

That's very hard news to find out in such a blunt way. I hope you will consider talking to a professional about it too.

I've only heard anecdotally of NPEs.

Are your parents alive to talk to about this? Is the biological father alive?

anfearcripte · 25-02-2020 4:02pm

Thanks.

Yes it was a bit of an earthquake moment. My dad passed away in 98, my mum in 04 and my biological father in 2013.
I actually knew him, my mum and him had a long term relationship up to her death (my parents weren't exactly amicable). She admitted this to us years ago but that they started seeing eachother in about 84 or 85. I was born in 1977 so when I found out I had a different father I excluded him.....
I studied all of my close DNA matches that I couldn't place....(on my mother's side I had no problems doing this).
After investigation I found that 1 match whom I had no clue about (a 1st cousin of mine) is his nephew.
I made contact with a 2nd cousin match also, he confirmed that his mother and my biological dad are 1st cousin's.

I've joined a couple of the NPE groups on Facebook but they're in the US. I was hoping to start some sort of forum/group here in Ireland

Hermy · 25-02-2020 10:40pm

That's a hard station anfearcripte - sorry for your trouble.

I'm in the opposite boat where as an adoptee I'd love to find the DNA match that establishes my birth fathers identity.

pinkypinky · 25-02-2020 11:22pm

Túsla may have awareness of in person support groups.

anfearcripte · 26-02-2020 11:32am

Hermy wrote: »

That's a hard station anfearcripte - sorry for your trouble.

I'm in the opposite boat where as an adoptee I'd love to find the DNA match that establishes my birth fathers identity.

Also a difficult situation for you. Would you like any help with it? Using DNA is really the only show in town...of course all dependant on if your birth father or any of his relatives have done a test....they may have but you'll never know with which service provider. Some people I know, in order to get answers did tests with them all.
There is a service called Gedmatch, where you can download your raw DNA data from your chosen provider and upload the file to Gedmatch. That service accepts uploads from all services.
So for example if you use ancestry, you can find matches from other providers....of course provided they use Gedmatch also. Sometimes you can be lucky

Hermy · 26-02-2020 12:06pm

Thankfully I'm a genealogy nut which allowed me explore a lot of avenues others mightn't be so familiar with.
Genealogy, some good old fashioned detective work and a fair sprinkling of luck helped me find my birth mother [since deceased].

I've done the Ancestry DNA test, uploaded it elsewhere, and am awaiting results of the y-DNA test on the off chance that bears fruit.
But as of now birth daddy remains a mystery.

anfearcripte · 28-02-2020 8:32pm

We'll done you. An incredible journey. Like I said the offer is there. A fresh pair of eyes helps sometimes as I have found.
I started this journey a few years back researching my dad's uncle who emigrated to the US in 1895....then it became an addiction of sorts. Since I found out the latest news I've had a whole new side of the tree to work on. It's been fascinating.
Finding out the news I was actually ok with it in theory. Then I had a total meltdown emotionally, but with some good people around I've been able to talk through it.
I'm not sure what to do next, I have living aunts and uncles (all of my dads are long deceased) and loads of 1st cousins etc. I know who they are. Do I just rock up and say hey?

OU812 · 28-02-2020 10:06pm

Discovered that my grandfather wasn't actually related to my dad recently. He's a long time dead & I believe I only "met" him once when I was about three months old.

Grandparents are all dead over 12 years & dad doesn't know as there's no point revealing *that* to him at his advanced years. It's kind of sad because he disliked his "father" intensely all his live for some of the things he did, when in actual fact the man was nothing to him, he just happened to be married to my grandmother (& fathered at least one of his siblings).

It's a real shock & I've uncovered who I'm almost 100% sure was his father ( they actually have the same names which are slightly unusual), but he died in the 80s & his only other child died in infancy back in the 50s so I don't have a direct line to trace

Hermy · 28-02-2020 10:41pm

Thanks for the offer of help.
My own journey has been bumpy at times but not too bad - an d like you I have good support around me.

I agree, a fresh pair of eyes usually does help but in the case of my birth father there is almost no information to look at.
Save for his job, his height and his eye colour I have no information on him.
TUSLA have a possible name but they won't release it to me.
My late birth mothers family claim to know nothing of her social circle at that time.
So the DNA is one of my last options.

As regards making contact yourself, I have found a well worded letter often does the trick.

Anon4812 · 31-12-2021 5:48pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058056946/npe-or-not-parent-expected

Hi, I'm in the same boat. Just found out yesterday. Are you still interested in talking about it?

pinkypinky · 01-01-2022 1:01pm

Sorry to hear that Anon. Look after yourself.

NPE or Not Parent Expected

Comments