Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Former teacher meeting former student

  • 23-08-2020 6:02pm
    #1
    Dickie10
    Registered Users Posts: 3,862 ✭✭✭


    hi all,as the title


Comments

  • #2
    TheBlackPill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 321 ✭✭TheBlackPill


    Half your age + 7 is a good rule of thumb for everybody. Not illegal, but a big age gap and the student/teacher/position of power dynamic is there


  • #3
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    Dickie10 wrote: »
    hi all,as the title says , i was messageing a former student , i never taught him but he was in the same school. hes 18 now and finished im 37 just wondering am i actually breaking the law by meeting him. both extremely discreet, im not in the same school teaching anymore

    I don't think there would be anything illegal about it but the 20 year age gap might raise more than a few eyebrows, if anything beyond a chat were to happen, you would be seen as the instigator and questions might be asked about there being a history there, my advice would be to tread very carefully. Personally I wouldn't be attracted to someone that young but when I was a similar age to you one of my close friends was dating a guy who was in leaving cert, none of the group were comfortable with it and it didn't last long.


  • #4
    Dickie10
    Registered Users Posts: 3,862 ✭✭✭Dickie10


    thanks


  • #5
    ongarboy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    Technically and legally you are doing nothing wrong. Where I would be uncomfortable would be that in this era of full confessionals and self promotion online and where privacy means very little(and often considered a quaint, old fashioned notion by younger generations), people talk, share pics online etc and all it would take would be an accidental disclosure for it to get out that a teacher from such a school who teaches children is at it with a teenager from his former school.

    Again, you'd be doing nothing wrong but because of your occupation, there is an incorrectly perceived conflict of interest of sorts that say, an electrician, a bank clerk or software developer for example wouldn't have to worry about. It's your call but tread carefully!


  • #6
    imme
    Registered Users Posts: 3,200 ✭✭✭imme


    How would you have contact with an 18 year old that you never taught.
    Is it usual for pupils/former pupils to keep in contact with teachers in their old school.

    None of my business.

    It just seems a bit wrong imo.


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    Beechwoodspark
    Registered Users Posts: 15,279 ✭✭✭✭Beechwoodspark


    Dickie10 wrote: »
    hi all,as the title says , i was messageing a former student , i never taught him but he was in the same school. hes 18 now and finished im 37 just wondering am i actually breaking the law by meeting him. both extremely discreet, im not in the same school teaching anymore

    Dickie going from your posts you seem to be a farmer not a teacher?

    So not sure what’s going on...


  • #8
    Beechwoodspark
    Registered Users Posts: 15,279 ✭✭✭✭Beechwoodspark


    Dickie10 wrote: »
    Are you a detective?! You can be both . We bumped into each other online. Neither knowing who we were . He’s 19 next month

    Do what you like - I’ve had a read of some of your old posts and I won’t be wasting my time giving advice


  • #9
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,086 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Once he is over 18 and not a current student in your school then nothing illegal


  • #10
    Alex86Eire
    Registered Users Posts: 330 ✭✭Alex86Eire


    As a teacher I would say stay well away.


  • #11
    Lundstram
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,129 ✭✭✭Lundstram


    You were 32 last year. I know these past few months have aged us all but come on.

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=109942987


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    The fact that you never taught him is immaterial. People will draw their own conclusions. You use the word discreet, I'm always slightly uneasy when it is used in a gay context, do you mean neither of you come across as gay? So no one will guess? Personally if I had an 18 year old son who was hanging around with someone twice his age I wouldn't be too happy about it but then I'm saying this as a 55 year old gay man who has been around the block and know what goes on in the gay world.


  • #13
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,268 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    Never got this "discreet" term either.

    When ppl put it on their dating profiles it means they are either cheating on someone or are total whores.


  • #14
    Dickie10
    Registered Users Posts: 3,862 ✭✭✭Dickie10


    I don’t think I will bother having any contact with him . Enough guys out there I guess . Even if he is smoking 😂


  • #15
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    AllForIt wrote: »
    Never got this "discreet" term either.

    When ppl put it on their dating profiles it means they are either cheating on someone or are total whores.

    When I hear or see the word discreet I I usually think closeted and paranoid and not suitable relationship material, at least not for me.


  • #16
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,268 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    Seamai wrote: »
    When I hear or see the word discreet I I usually think closeted and paranoid and not suitable relationship material, at least not for me.

    Agree, yes, that too.

    Has anyone ever met someone publicly off a dating site only for the first they they say is "If I ever saw you around on the street I wouldn't say hello".

    Happened once and when I'd finished my pint I said thanks, cya. As If I'd any intention of saying hello to him on the street. I think that was a closet case.

    A second guy said that to me in my own home, and we didn't get it on either. Thanks for the chat though. Turned out he had a bf and is part of a well know couple in the town. I had to laugh when I realised that.

    I suppose this is the kind of think that goes on in small towns where everyone knows everyone else.


  • #17
    ongarboy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    There was a time when discreet on dating ads (I'm talking pre internet dating) meant sexual orientation wouldn't be disclosed to others simply because so many were in the closet (so as not to put off prospective dates who feared being outed). "Discretion expected and assured" often appeared in such ads. It wasn't necessarily because (or in a lot cases anyway) they needed the discretion for infidelity purposes.

    Thankfully, it's all become antiquated in these mostly enlightened times. Like the word "straight acting" to describe oneself in dating profiles...It's rare I hear that term now also.


  • #18
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,103 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    Stay well away from former students. Full stop.


  • #19
    Girly Gal
    Registered Users Posts: 2,802 ✭✭✭Girly Gal


    It's not a good idea for any teacher of to be dating an 18 year old, let alone one from your former school. If you have any sense, stay away. In a few years time when he's in his twenties it might be more acceptable


  • #20
    Shelli2
    Registered Users Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    You said you've been messaging him and now he's 18?
    So were you messaging him when he was underage? For how long?
    That's extremely inappropriate.

    You definitely should not take this any further.


  • #21
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,560 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    As the others opined, there’s nothing wrong from a strictly legal perspective about a former teacher getting into a relationship with their former student/pupil once the latter is over the age of consent (17), but....

    ...for both a heterosexual or same-sex relationship it opens a huge potential can of worms in terms of highly unequal power dynamics, restless gossipy tongues wagging and raised eyebrows, especially in small town settings and friends and family of either or both parties being alienated/falling out. I really wouldn’t consider it a good idea whatsoever.

    Also agree with the others that the term “discreet” is a throwback to the days of the closet, and/or one - or both - of the parties cheating on their spouse which is of course completely immoral.

    Just my own 2 cents.


  • Advertisement
  • #22
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Dickie10 wrote: »
    hi all,as the title

    Only if he wears a school uniform.


Advertisement