DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

My OH is in and out of farmers yards all day every day (he delivers feed) and ya, he has often come home to me telling yet again about another horror story. It's so very very sad. Alot of the time it's down to oweing money, the loss of a crop, loss of animals for whatever reason. It's horrible to hear about it, especially of they are young. I couldn't begin to register what it must be like for their families.

A family living quite close to us, BIG farmers, but they have their money made, if ya know what I mean? Well established. One day, obviously down to depression, the father attempted suicide. Thank God he survived. We peronally didn't hear about it from neighbours...my husband heard about it from another farmer.... 3 counties away.

I Like 'yellow50hx' is in the Cork/Kerry region.... and ya, the percentage is high.

If people were a bit more open minded, and not so judging, not so 'clanish', were a bit friendlier, neighbourly, then maybe people might feel a bit more relaxed about talking. It's dreadful.

Depression is still a taboo subject, bet very few people you work with will tell you they suffer with the illness, there is still stigma attached to it, hence the suicide increase, people afraid to mention they have it or ask for help

That is very sad, he needed to talk to someone to help him, sadly its too late for him but people must encourage people to seek help

thoughts and prayers to those left behind

CJA James wrote: »

Depression is a taboo subject especially in rural areas. First hand experience of that. Land, money and greed and then families tying to cover up if a member of the family suffering and will go to any lengths to hide it. I have written about this in my book I just published, fact is stranger than fiction.

It is a taboo subject and the post’s I’ve quoted below highlight why. It’s the very definition of stupidity ignorance and rural life still living in the 40’s.

kerryjack wrote: »

That is a very bold , politically incorrect statement but i have to agree with it

It’s not very ‘bold’, as you put it, it was patently wrong. Not to worry though your follow on lines of ‘wisdom’ highlight your idiotic understanding of how the world works.

kerryjack wrote: »

There is a lot of lads going around with no jobs and very little purpose in life. If every man had a job and got reasonably well paid for it we would be much happier,

Job satisfaction, promotional opportunities, benefits, social interaction etc. have nothing to do with it? It must be only poor an unemployed people that get depressed so…

kerryjack wrote: »

in a lot of houses now its the man that's stay at home and herself out working, that cant be right, man was not programmed to be changing nappies and dropping kids to school

This will come as a surprise to you but women don’t have a section of their brain reserved for ‘household duties and mammy duties’. You’ve even associated dropping children to school as a female job, are men not capable of driving a car with children present? I’ve managed to do it, as have others, should we now be regarded as some class of dual gender superbeings?
So what if a wife works while a father stays at home? You fail to realise that one of the main focal points of rearing a child is a stable home environment; if the ‘price’ of that is a role reversal of who brings in the bigger pay cheque the child and society in general benefits. If a farmer earns 20K off the land but his wife who, for example, teaches gradually climbs the ranks and earns 60K per year be subjected to the same sort of misguided and idiotic judgement or would he be glad to see the stability of a second income? In other news, you may also be shocked to hear that some men even cook and clean. If a man cannot do those simple things in this day and age he should be ashamed. Welcome to a modern society.
What this has to do with depression I have no idea, perhaps you can find away to associate prostate cancer to men doing the washing up or dementia being linked to holding a child’s bottle. Keep us up to speed on your research please.

kerryjack wrote: »

thousands of years of evolution and it has come down to this,

You’re going to give us your experienced insights in to evolution now….can’t wait.
Yes, thousands (millions in fact) of years of evolution and here we are. We’ve achieved so much from mere micro-organisms, to conscious beings, developed incredible inventions the like of which no other species has managed and reign as the unparallel apex living species but your right, it has all come down to this…women in the work place & men carrying for their offspring. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We may throw the towel in now so, it’s all over.

kerryjack wrote: »

in an other thousand years a man will have grown Tits and will be the weaker sex and they will be looking back in history and wondering where it all went wrong, .

You seem to lack the understanding of the requirement for two genders in the human race for procreation. If you are rearing animals with this level of misguided thoughts, I am genuinely worried. As a sided note it’s a common trait among mentally unstable males to have had distant or detachment from father figures in their lives. Males who think they are bringing up their sons good and tough by not engaging with them on emotional and personal levels often drive the child to the mother and facilitate a more effeminate personality.
As for your ‘weaker sex’ statement; I’d love to hear your wifes/parteners (surely referred to as slave) view that you are her superior. With your misguided views, basic language skills and all round stupidity you are doing nothing for promoting men as the (mythological) stronger sex. Please stop. The rest of the intelligent male population and I do not wish to be associated with your ilk.

kerryjack wrote: »

it all started when a man started changing nappies

Can we find the first man who dared change a nappy and have him hung at the cross roads for offenses against mankind?
What about single fathers? Surely they commit a whole gamut of ‘crimes against Manliness’ every day.

kerryjack wrote: »

am i a sexist, yes i am ,

Thank you for clarifying. We may never have guessed. I could think of a few other, more apt, descriptions however.

kerryjack wrote: »

O K guys lets get back doing manly things like pub every evening and eating the dinner out of the bin when we get home the next generation will thank us for it.

Again, how this is associated with curing depression I’m not sure….I’m sure your well read research highlighted alcohol as depressant so I’m interested in hearing how consuming it can help. As for the suggestion that real men head for the pub every night and eating dinner from a bin being a step forward for humanity I can only assume was conjured after one or many nights in said pub.
We’ve been trying to rid ourselves from the “paddy-in-the-pub” generalisation for long enough, it actually costs us jobs, you know the jobs that you recommend everyone acquires to be happy. Also, I have nothing but scorn for the generation that did think it ok to sit in the pub every evening; I’ve had to work harder to convince others that it is not a definition of modern Ireland.

big_joe_joyce wrote: »

i know thats the popular sentiment but i see little bravery in swallowing happy pills for the rest of your days or sitting on a couch ,spilling your guts to some well paid head doctor , some people are pride and perfer to deal with things on their own terms , its admirable anyone who thinks a suicidee is not fully aware of the gravity of what they are about to do is naive on the subject

Another ‘gem’ of an insight in to depression and suicide.
This is why it is a taboo subject. To take medication is somehow a sign of weakness? Would you say the same of treatment for cancer? Or would it be brave to ignore the treatments available and just see it waste your body away? I know which one you would choose.
To talk to a qualified professional is A: stupid because you’re implying they just sit on the couch and spill nonsense and B: A qualified professional in now a ‘head doctor’ who somehow duped you in to handing over money for treatment. Again I wonder if you diagnosed with a serious illness and had the option to go to a specialist in that area or refer to bar stool opinions, which would you choose. Again, I know exactly which one you would choose but don’t let the opportunity to appear a real hardy man go past.
Your last line really captures your understanding of the subject; you have the audacity to call others naïve on this subject!

This highlights why we are now topping some of the charts on suicide, especially in men. Simplistic stupidity in differentiating a disease and laziness has led to this. The delight in laughing at those who suffer and painting them as effeminate, lazy downers in need of a 'kick in the arse' and a few happy pills has led to this. The association of depression with mental instability has led to this.

Very sad what happened in West Cork A hard working farmer that loved his daughter so much that he never wanted to loose her very very sad.

Was reading about this today, awful, really feel for the wife no matter what issues may have being going on in their life I'm fairly sure she would prefer to wake up tomorrow with her husband and daughter.

That said I'm very pissed off with pj Sheehan. Saw this quote earlier "Mr Sheehan said Martin was committed to his family, farming, and Fine Gael, and rarely took holidays. ".

Typical of the standard of Irish politician that we have that they will try anything to promote themselves. As if equating FG to ones family is apropreite. I think this is the fella that threatened a gaurd after she stopped him leaving the dail after he had a good time in the bar. I remember my dad having to calm me down at grandfathers funeral after a FF td turned up and standing with the family, I had no problem with him coming to pay his respects but he was only there so that every one could see him. If my dad wasn't behind me he would have been laid out on the ground picking his teeth up from the ground.

whelan1 wrote: »

i spoke of a local farmer who died a few weeks ago here, i missed his funeral as we where away, my dad said every tom , dick and harry where at the funeral but what really annoyed him was the bigwigs who where obviously only there to be seen who spoke to each other the whole lenght of the funeral, no respect what so ever

Yipp, know the type.

Yea, I can identify with that, at my husbands funeral every Tom, Dick and Harry came for a gawk and to be seen and my or my children have not seen them since. The gossip after a suicide is just plain awful for the kids but who cares about the truth as its a bitter pill to swallow. All funerals involving my family will be private from now on.

mf240 wrote: »

Thank god someone agrees with me If he loved her that much he would have let her live.

While not defending his actions I don't think we should assume that he didn't love his child.

Many people whoare in such a pit of despair will feel that taking their children with them will spare the child having to experience that despair too.
Twisted logic i know but this can sometimes be the case. It is very easy to judge from afar but we don't know what kind of relationship they had and how close they were.

From the outside it easy for us to say he should have spared the child, Christ knows that was the right thing to do as would talking to someone about his own issues to prevent his own death. But there is a very different logic at work in cases of suicide.

Depression is a vicious illness and it is viewed as trivial among people living in this country. From reading some of the threads posted about depression, I too have known people who have said that they would rather some other serious disease like cancer because more people would have sympathy.

I am prone to bouts of depression and I do not appreciate how people I know and even relatives see it. Even their attitudes towards counselling and medication. It feels like I am a disgrace to the family or particular people. Basically, it is their problem.

There is no shame in therapy or going to your G.P for help. You are not wasting their time. Like I said, it is a vicious illness and it is not as easy as just thinking positive, because you need the help to think positively and doing things such as comedy may help after a bad day, but it is not to replace going to the doctor if you aren't feeling like yourself for more than two weeks. There are the physical symptoms of depression, such as loss of appetite, libido, interest in even the most trivial of things like showering and people become numb.

If people in this country were more understanding about depression, I believe that the number of deaths by suicide would lessen. It is not just a case of the person needing "a kick in the arse". Depression can happen for no apparent reason so anyone who can't stand that person who "suffers with her nerves" or "is a negative nelly" or a "mysery guts" a day will come when you have more in common with them than you think.

whelan1 wrote: »

just wondering with the weather and all the crap that goes with it would any one consider themselves depressed? I am plodding along but could well understand how people could be under pressure mentally

I wouldn't say the weather is getting me down (well not yet) but I do notice that it is shorting my fuse and it certainly makes me more grumpy. So when some thing really annoys me it REALLY annoys me. Reading about the shower of hypocritical gob****es that we elected starts to wind me up big time.

So in the evening I log on to you tube and start listening to angry music it actually calms me down. This evening I started with killing in the name of by rage against the machine, then some old school hip hop and some beasties boys. What i listen to gradually mellows and I'm now listening to men with hats and the safety dance with smile on my face.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AjPau5QYtYs