Baby On Board

27-01-2018 7:14pm

Saruhashi wrote: »

Have you ever met anyone in your life who actually, genuinely, lacks basic human compassion?

I would say even if the answer is "yes" then it must be an incredibly rare event.

So I question the point in congratulating ourselves because upon seeing a person who is OBVIOUSLY struggling we would stand up and help them. It's pretty normal behavior.

I would guess there are many folks who just don't notice a pregnant lady on the bus or train. Depending on the stage of the pregnancy it may be even more difficult to notice.

It seems easier here to assume the worst in other people and then feel nice about ourselves because "I am better than those people".

I'm not angry. If you felt I was then you are wrong.

That's you assuming the worst in others though, isn't it?

It's the same with these badges. A grown adult woman can't ask for a seat on the train so she's going to wear one of these badges and assume that all other passengers are massive a-holes when she doesn't get to sit down.

Hm. Maybe if you're already assuming I'm a bad person I should just embrace it and have fun with it?

I'm on my phone so it's easier to quote all your post.

It's like this, for some time now I've felt that people simply aren't good to each other. It manifests in lots of different ways and it makes me sad. Are we not all in this together? What I'd so wrong with looking out for each other?
Yes a person needing a seat on public transport can ask but what is so wrong with a badge? What's wrong with giving up your seat for another who looks to be struggling?

I'm not better than anyone else and the post I made referring to such was in jest. We are all human beings and it saddens me to read that there are those who are consumed with themselves. I implore you to step outside that insular box and take a look around.

Bambi985 · 27-01-2018 7:16pm

Bambi985 wrote: »

There’s absolutely no point in debating with a cnut that is lacking the basic human decency gene. Absolutely none. That particular brand of cnutishism is incurable IME.

See Exhibit A:

Saruhashi wrote: »

So now what? We all give you a pat on the back and a cookie?

You're such a good person. Amazing actually. Probably the best human who ever lived.

Bambi985 for President!

Saruhashi · 27-01-2018 7:29pm

Deleted User wrote: »

It's like this, for some time now I've felt that people simply aren't good to each other. It manifests in lots of different ways and it makes me sad. Are we not all in this together? What I'd so wrong with looking out for each other?

Well, I disagree.

I see people engaging in acts of compassion and kindness all day, every day.

It might be small things and it might be huge things but I see it. All the damn time.

What I see in a thread like this though is people declaring that others are bad. Faceless "others" are just awful and terrible but we're not like them. We're better.

We are all in this together and look around and you can see what we've built together. You can see how people are with each other.

Irish people donate almost 1 billion Euros to charity every year.

Too many on this thread are too willing to assume the worst in others just so they can pat themselves on the back.

end of the road · 27-01-2018 7:31pm

Saruhashi wrote: »

Why?

We've already decided that if a pregnant lady boards the train and nobody offers their seat then those people must be awful. Just the worst. Lacking compassion. Scumbags.

We've condemned them and that's that. Is that respectful?

I'm going to wear my little passive aggressive badge on the train and then whine on social media because nobody noticed me. That's not respect for your fellow people.

What would be respectful would be to politely ask an individual for their seat. If they say no then ask the next person.

you can disagree with badges. you can agree that someone who wants a seat should ask for it. but you don't need to be disrespectful toards pregnant women and pregnancy.

27-01-2018 7:32pm

Saruhashi wrote: »

Well, I disagree.

I see people engaging in acts of compassion and kindness all day, every day.

It might be small things and it might be huge things but I see it. All the damn time.

What I see in a thread like this though is people declaring that others are bad. Faceless "others" are just awful and terrible but we're not like them. We're better.

We are all in this together and look around and you can see what we've built together. You can see how people are with each other.

Irish people donate almost 1 billion Euros to charity every year.

Too many on this thread are too willing to assume the worst in others just so they can pat themselves on the back.

So why then the disparaging language towards a pregnant woman? The absolute refusal to acknowledge and maybe make easier the discomfort of others?

Saruhashi · 27-01-2018 7:39pm

Deleted User wrote: »

So why then the disparaging language towards a pregnant woman? The absolute refusal to acknowledge and maybe make easier the discomfort of others?

Honestly, to get a rise out of the "holier than thou" brigade who think so highly of themselves.

I strongly believe that near enough 99% of able-bodied people in this country would give their seat to a pregnant woman when asked.

I'd go beyond that and say a vast majority would go well out of their way to help someone in need.

Embarrassingly, on the thread here we have people engaging in some kind of weird fantasy where the general populace are uncaring and rude a-holes but they are just so much better than that.

I think the best approach here is for people to ask for a seat if they need (or want) one. Don't just assume the worst in others because they aren't rushing in to help you.

27-01-2018 7:55pm

Saruhashi wrote: »

Honestly, to get a rise out of the "holier than thou" brigade who think so highly of themselves.

I strongly believe that near enough 99% of able-bodied people in this country would give their seat to a pregnant woman when asked.

I'd go beyond that and say a vast majority would go well out of their way to help someone in need.

Embarrassingly, on the thread here we have people engaging in some kind of weird fantasy where the general populace are uncaring and rude a-holes but they are just so much better than that.

I think the best approach here is for people to ask for a seat if they need (or want) one. Don't just assume the worst in others because they aren't rushing in to help you.

You make a fair point. For me however there are certain "markers" if you like when it comes to human decency. I value kindness and empathy so when I read a post from someone who says things like "suck it up princess" then I make assumptions. They may be wrong but right now I've nothing else to go on.

Forget about the whole "I'm better than you" stuff" it's a bit of a red herring here. At the end of the day if you feel for whatever reason that you should not offer your seat to a heavily pregnant woman or any other person in distress then that's your decision. I will think less of you and that's my decision.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-01-2018 8:27pm

But you don't know what's going on for them either perse. Sometimes when I was commuting my back would act up and on occasion I'd lose power in my legs, be stuck in a position not being able to stand sit lie down stand up, etc. When it hits I'm in and out of a+e on morphine style painkillers and serious muscle relaxers. I also suffer with epilepsy and have an auto immune condition which kicks my ass a good chunk of time and I'm fine other times.

When I was travelling up and down to Dublin I was paying approx 100 a week to use the train. I make no apology for the fact if I needed to sit I would sit, and it's nobody else's business why I wouldn't give or offer my seat. I'm not going to list off my medical conditions in the hopes a stranger will approve of me taking a seat.

I've no problem giving a seat to someone who needs it (let's say an old man on a stick) but I wouldn't be killing myself and falling over myself to someone who's need is less than or the same as mine nor would I wear a badge claiming to be sick or injured.

Sheepdish1 · 27-01-2018 8:33pm

I think a lot of people don’t notice people who need seats as they are usually looking at their phones. Also I think people are hesitant to offer seats incase someone isn’t pregnane and just overweight!!

I agree when pregnant it can sometimes be better to be seated, for example centre of gravity is shifted so you’re more prone falling!!

At the same time if I ever needed a seat I’d simply ask can someone please give up a seat and I don’t understand why people just don’t do this ðŸ€¨

Neyite · 27-01-2018 10:05pm

Alisa Important Sprawl wrote: »

I'd give it to a pregnant person or an elderly/injured person. Paying full price for an hour plus journey and standing so someone can sit down with a rake of kids? Nope.

Depends on the age of the child for me, young ones don't have any sense of balance, and could easily go flying on a bus. A preschooler/ kid up to about 7, I would give them a seat, or give the seat to their mother so they can put them on their lap.

Alisa Important Sprawl wrote: »

But you don't know what's going on for them either perse. Sometimes when I was commuting my back would act up and on occasion I'd lose power in my legs, be stuck in a position not being able to stand sit lie down stand up, etc. When it hits I'm in and out of a+e on morphine style painkillers and serious muscle relaxers. I also suffer with epilepsy and have an auto immune condition which kicks my ass a good chunk of time and I'm fine other times.

When I was travelling up and down to Dublin I was paying approx 100 a week to use the train. I make no apology for the fact if I needed to sit I would sit, and it's nobody else's business why I wouldn't give or offer my seat. I'm not going to list off my medical conditions in the hopes a stranger will approve of me taking a seat.

I've no problem giving a seat to someone who needs it (let's say an old man on a stick) but I wouldn't be killing myself and falling over myself to someone who's need is less than or the same as mine nor would I wear a badge claiming to be sick or injured.

I don't think anyone should be expected to explain their medical condition - if someone says "could I have your seat please, I've a medical condition" I'd assume that they need it. If I also had a medical condition, I'd just say sorry, I'm sitting because I've a condition that warrants it too. I can understand paying money for your commute and not having the comfort on it though, it's not nice, especially if you are in pain.

Once, an older woman got on my bus and just said in general to the commuters "could anyone offer me their seat please?" and I thought that was a nice way to do it, not singling out anyone or putting anyone on the spot.

Sheepdish1 wrote: »

I think a lot of people don’t notice people who need seats as they are usually looking at their phones.

That's probably more true than simply having a bus full of assholes tbh. One time I offered a seat, the lad beside me offered his too, and about three others stood up to offer seats to other passengers too, they just were glued to their phone until someone reminded them.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-01-2018 11:40pm

Though one evening I came out of work and my back had just gone into spasm, it was so bad I actually cried trying to stand up in work and had to drag myself to the bus stop as if I didn't make the train there was no more to my station. Like I said earlier when my back is like that nothing helps, sitting standing lying down, it's all the one.

Dragged myself onto the 145, face blotchy from crying and no doubt you could tell by me I wasn't okay. The bus was full so I was standing. Even if there was seats I'd stay standing as if I say I wouldn't have been able to get back up. Most people sitting around me made sure not to make eye contact. You could actually notice how uncomfortable they were actively trying to avoid eye contact. An elderly man at the back of the bus got up, came down and offered his seat. I thanked him and declined explaining I was better standing. The next stop people from upstairs came down waiting for bus to stop and some girl waiting to get off came over to me and asked if I was ok and if I needed to sit down, I'd say she'd have asked someone to move. But everybody else just avoided making eye contact just in case I needed the seat

Smcgie · 28-01-2018 10:42am

Saruhashi wrote: »

Well, I disagree.

I see people engaging in acts of compassion and kindness all day, every day.

It might be small things and it might be huge things but I see it. All the damn time.

What I see in a thread like this though is people declaring that others are bad. Faceless "others" are just awful and terrible but we're not like them. We're better.

We are all in this together and look around and you can see what we've built together. You can see how people are with each other.

Irish people donate almost 1 billion Euros to charity every year.

Too many on this thread are too willing to assume the worst in others just so they can pat themselves on the back.

I don't agree with everything you've written in this thread but I absolutely agree with your point about boards and the group think mentality.I find the behaviour interesting to read. It also only take one or two certain 'Respected Posters' to drop an opinion and the sheep follow - and should you disagree then the same sheep attack like wolves.

Going off topic from pregnancy - but this is the downfall of boards, every opinion whether you agree with it or not, you shouldn't refer to the other poster as a cnut.

Smcgie · 28-01-2018 10:51am

Alisa Important Sprawl wrote: »

Though one evening I came out of work and my back had just gone into spasm, it was so bad I actually cried trying to stand up in work and had to drag myself to the bus stop as if I didn't make the train there was no more to my station. Like I said earlier when my back is like that nothing helps, sitting standing lying down, it's all the one.

Dragged myself onto the 145, face blotchy from crying and no doubt you could tell by me I wasn't okay. The bus was full so I was standing. Even if there was seats I'd stay standing as if I say I wouldn't have been able to get back up. Most people sitting around me made sure not to make eye contact. You could actually notice how uncomfortable they were actively trying to avoid eye contact. An elderly man at the back of the bus got up, came down and offered his seat. I thanked him and declined explaining I was better standing. The next stop people from upstairs came down waiting for bus to stop and some girl waiting to get off came over to me and asked if I was ok and if I needed to sit down, I'd say she'd have asked someone to move. But everybody else just avoided making eye contact just in case I needed the seat

You're assuming all of this, what if everyone on the bus thought you were an emotional wreck and that if they approached you as a stanger - you would say FOF and mind you're own business - because that happens too.

This is the bit other posters are getting shot down for. See thing from more than one perspective of I'm pregnant and that everyone else is selfish.

Depending on the situation I wouldn't approach a stranger on the bus crying, where others might - your expectation of human behavior shouldn't match your own morals/ethics.

Grab All Association · 28-01-2018 11:04am

Baby on board something something Burt Ward

AVFC.Stephen · 28-01-2018 11:13am

I work sometimes 10 hrs a day at a work bench on my feet. I'm knackered usually come Thursday. If I'm on public transport and I see someone needs a seat regardless there gender I will offer it. I was on a bus 1 day and offered my seat up to an old woman and I like to think that it started a chain reaction because a good 4 or 5 ppl did it after me. Nice feeling

EagererBeaver · 28-01-2018 11:23am

This is not a complex issue.

99% of people in a position too well do the decent thing and offer up their seat to a person whose need for it is greater for whatever reason.

If nobody automatically does it, it doesn't mean they're all gob****es. More likely means they're blissfully unaware or haven't noticed.

Your one in the journal article whinging that nobody has offered her a seat needs a boot up the hole once she's had a baby. Ask someone to give you a seat rather than racing to the media to lash out at the inconsiderate Irish public. If she bothered her arse to try that, umpteen people would give her a seat.

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