Forgiving is the first steps to Buddhism

Forgiveness is not necessarily so easy and often seems like an irrational thing to do. To really forgive, you have to really understand the whole situation, the other person and yourself more deeply. Courage comes from conviction.

Of course, try to drop the ill-will, malice, anger from your mind as much and as often as possible as it does you no good and doesn't improve the situation. It harms you greatly in the long run.

The first step in Buddhism is perhaps more about finding presence and awareness through meditation where insight can develop. That and avoiding harming as much as possible. If you can begin to develop a more altruistic attitude by seeing that others are like you, then that's also helpful. Loving oneself in a good way and hence forgiving yourself are also important as Joe1919 points out.

Forgiveness is a part of patience which is one of the six (or ten) paramitas. The paramitas are qualities we can try to develop which will overcome our habits and ego-clinging. I don't think you can abandon ego. Ego is the not-seeing-things-as-they-truly-are aspect of you. As clarity, insight and wisdom develop. a more true way of seeing develops and we naturally let go of the ego way of seeing, being and doing. You slowly try to abandon the negative actions of body, speech and mind, based on understanding and this allows insight and wisdom to develop and so ego-clinging is overcome. Practising the six paramitas is about that.

Peterve wrote: »

But what Buddha tried to teach us is that forgiving no matter what the situation is the main reason that one can influence others to recognize your effort or recognize their mistakes.

I think this is looking at it more from a western pont of view.

For a start, the Buddha didn't "try to teach". He saw precisely how things were and what exactly would help those he taught in the particular circumstances they were in. We have the understanding that the Buddha was omniscient, knowing everything about the karma of those he taught and also knowing how the dharma would continue in the future.

I think a more Buddhist way of looking at it is that your first goal is to work on yourself and not to expect others to behave themselves. It just might happen that others become "better" around you as a result of you working on yourself but that is not the direct goal.

In the mahayana view of things, your ultimate goal is to bring all beings to enlightenment but the way to do that is to first transform yourself and come to a deep understanding of the nature of things. It's only when we have gained a high degree of realisation that we can be able to directly transform others.

There is always the very real and present danger of your own ego getting involved when you try to make others better. Due to our own situation, we will always look at things in a way that misunderstand. We interpret everything from an ego-centric view point and don't see the impermanent, interdependent, non-dual nature of ourselves, the other person and the situation.

Of course, it is very good to help others as much as possible but always try do so more from a perspective of non-self-centeredness. Be caring and generous. Have empathy. Have forgiveness. Don't expect reward or to be seen as the one who is right. The "Eight Worldly Preoccupations" are things to consider avoiding in interactions with others as well as in how we follow the dharma.