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Resigning due to bullying

2

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If the OP works for a large company then sick pay is normally is paid by the employer at full whack so no need to jump through the welfare hoops.

    The point is if the employer has done this via an employee which it sounds like is the case here, the OP should use that paid sick leave by the company while they get sorted.
    No sick pay from employer, unfortunately.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OTG wrote: »
    Personally, I've always walked away, but I've no debt to speak of or any dependants. Think if I'd have stayed in some of my jobs I'd be a dead man today through some stress induced illness. My sister opted out via the anti depressants/ sick cert route and her life is total misery now. Bullies, let them have the spoils, the universe will provide something more worthwhile and better companionship. If you take a look around the current system is on it's last legs so get a head start on the herd and find something that is a necessity and you don't mind doing. Take a break, the weather is getting warmer, try some fasting, meditation, yoga, walking and be good to yourself.

    I would love to stay and fight, but I don't have the drive. I feel broken. I visited the company nurse 2weeks ago, and my blood pressure is high. I have never had high blood pressure, and I am sure this is causing it. I don't want those feckers to be the cause of a heart attack or stroke.
    Great idea regarding walking. It helps a lot, thanks!


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,314 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    If the OP works for a large company then sick pay is normally is paid by the employer at full whack so no need to jump through the welfare hoops.

    What usually happens, where an employer provides paid sick leave, the employee claims illness benefit, then advises the employer of the amount received. The employer then deducts that amount from the payment they make to the employee, during the sick leave.

    OP, as others have advised, do whatever you can, first and foremost to regain your health. If there is an EAP, as mentioned upthread, which most big companies have, contact them, and they will arrange counselling for you.

    Continue to take your GP's advice, and continue to submit your certs. I wouldn't rush to resign, if I were you, but I know it must be tempting, even if not ideal for you, financially or otherwise.

    Take care.


  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 6,161 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sheep Shagger


    What usually happens, where an employer provides paid sick leave, the employee claims illness benefit, then advises the employer of the amount received. The employer then deducts that amount from the payment they make to the employee, during the sick leave.

    OP, as others have advised, do whatever you can, first and foremost to regain your health. If there is an EAP, as mentioned upthread, which most big companies have, contact them, and they will arrange counselling for you.

    Continue to take your GP's advice, and continue to submit your certs. I wouldn't rush to resign, if I were you, but I know it must be tempting, even if not ideal for you, financially or otherwise.

    Take care.

    In my experience of multi nationals. Once you have a sick note you receive salary for normal up to 3 months. Then it's as the company doctor dictates. I'm not saying stay there for ever or go down the anti depressants route but 1-2 months of paid sick leave will give the OP breathing space financially to get themselves sorted (hopefully).

    This is stressful enough as it is, not having to worry about finances while trying to get sorted is important.


  • Registered Users Posts: 328 ✭✭mosii


    Bullying is all about power, try and take the power away from the people individually if possible, take them on individually. Record everything they say and do. If you cant take them on ,go down the sick route if you can, and move on .This stress can be harmful so be careful. Life is short .


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  • Registered Users Posts: 15,630 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    I've resigned jobs before without anything lined up and I'm still alive. I've also quit and not been made to wait 9 weeks to get the dole - I explained the situation (hired for one role and given another on my start day, hours cut from full to part time with no discussion, stress) and was able to go on straight away. I think they still have to backpay you the 9 weeks anyway so it makes little difference to them.

    But I can see the logic in getting the sick cert - you get paid now and it sends a message to the management. Also, that can support you in getting the dole quicker, you're not just leaving because you don't feel like working anymore.

    Same here, explained situation and got sorted with SW. Boss was the bully, and not to just me, so a no-win scenario anyhow.
    People have been walking out of that company because they can't and wont put up with sh1t anymore.

    Life is too short to stay in a sh1tty job you hate and affects your mental health.


  • Registered Users Posts: 164 ✭✭KeepItLight


    OP take a look at the job market for your role. While in many cases covid has really damaged demand, its not the case for many sectors - especially in IT.

    my two cents, don't try to power through it if you can't, worse case scenario you take social welfare for a while. explaining a gap in the cv is not going to be such a big deal if the gap happened during covid.

    definitely agree with the other posters here though, talk to a doctor and try to get long-term stress leave and use that to plan your next move.


  • Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭OTG


    I would love to stay and fight, but I don't have the drive. I feel broken. I visited the company nurse 2weeks ago, and my blood pressure is high. I have never had high blood pressure, and I am sure this is causing it. I don't want those feckers to be the cause of a heart attack or stroke.
    Great idea regarding walking. It helps a lot, thanks!

    Not worth losing your health. being in fight, flight or freeze mode for too long will cause an over production of cortisone in your system. Your body will not heal in a situation like that, you must do what ever leads you to be able to sleep soundly. You will heal with good sleep. Concentrate on breathing deep and long, imagine a gentle wave coming in and receding on a sunset beach with each breath, that's a good start.
    Good Luck


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,214 ✭✭✭greasepalm


    Sorry to hear the turmoil you are in and talking about it is good as remembering all those kept it bottled up and committed suicide and caused more grief for family and friends.
    Wishing you all the best in overcoming those nasty people and rising above them.
    Stay safe and well and thanks for opening up on a touchy subject.


  • Registered Users Posts: 625 ✭✭✭dd973


    Sometimes I read threads like this and think If I had kids I'd bring them up to be utter c**ts, they seem to be the people who thrive and survive.


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I would agree with you if I were in the right frame of mind.
    But being bullied has made me lose all my confidence, and has me second guessing and questioning all my actions and reactions. I'm in too bad of a place to try to keep my job. And I did ask for help, and that is not working out. I feel like I need to get out and regroup. I don't think that remaining there is going to be viable or healthy for me.

    For this reason alone, I would put of resigning until you've had a chance to catch your breath and think about what you're going to do next.

    Once you've had some breathing space from work and a chance to gather your thoughts you can then start looking around at the job market.

    I'm not saying never resign, but it sounds like its the nuclear option right now. Stay on illness benefit while you get back on your feet - the company doesn't have to know you never plan on going back.


  • Registered Users Posts: 975 ✭✭✭Arnold Layne


    As others have said:
    Voice the concerns to your manager;
    Get a doctor's cert for work related stress;
    Continually submit certs.

    This will be asked to visit the company doctor after some time off on sick leave.

    This happened to me some years back. The company doctor actually agreed with me and advised on my next steps. Eventually I got paid to leave, after some time on SW benefits. I am now in a better job and gained my confidence back. It didn't take long to get a new job.

    I have not looked back. It was a chapter in my life that I would not wish on anyone, but follow the process.

    Leaving the job will not help you and it will take time to get your confidence back.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was in same situation. HR totally ussless. I walked. Got another job within 3 month's. Meet the guy who was actually bullying me in a shop later in life. Said to him that I hadn't forgotten him. He left the shop immediately. A dose of there own medicine is no harm.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,388 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    [/HTML]
    dd973 wrote: »
    Sometimes I read threads like this and think If I had kids I'd bring them up to be utter c**ts, they seem to be the people who thrive and survive.

    What goes around comes around! People like this cant be happy, they deflect from their own insecurities by dragging other people around them down instead of looking at themselves. They rarely have any resilience and the slightest inconvenience or negative experience sends them over the edge and they cant cope. They get by so well because they manipulate other people to get what they want. They make friends with the right people to get ahead, if you cant do anything for them or worse, youre a threat to them, they'll go out of their way to make your life difficult. Thats where they get their fun.
    Eventually their insecurities eat away at them and they end up miserable.


  • Registered Users Posts: 940 ✭✭✭tellmeabit


    I would love to stay and fight, but I don't have the drive. I feel broken. I visited the company nurse 2weeks ago, and my blood pressure is high. I have never had high blood pressure, and I am sure this is causing it. I don't want those feckers to be the cause of a heart attack or stroke.
    Great idea regarding walking. It helps a lot, thanks!

    I am in a similar situation and have gone down the hr route with no success. A year later and it's it same craic, moving goalposts changing rules to suit particular individuals. In A small section 2 people have left and I am looking to move to another job as soon as a suitable one can be gotten. It a just not worth the stress and health risks, make the most of the job for yourself and look to exit


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    [/HTML]

    They get by so well because they manipulate other people to get what they want. They make friends with the right people to get ahead, if you cant do anything for them or worse, youre a threat to them, they'll go out of their way to make your life difficult.

    Absolutely spot on. Nail on head. That is them to a t. They are cute hoors. Know who to suck up to.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I did it, I resigned. I know a lot of people advised me to hang on and play the game. And I really appreciate the advice.
    But unless you have been in that situation, it is hard to comprehend how worthless, undervalued and gaslit you feel.
    I will hopefully look back at this and know that I made the right decision for my health. I am continuing with counselling so that I never have to experience this again.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    Good person. ðŸ‘
    I was one of the people saying that, but I can see you are as light as feather now. Onwards and upwards. Good luck.


  • Registered Users Posts: 940 ✭✭✭tellmeabit


    I did it, I resigned. I know a lot of people advised me to hang on and play the game. And I really appreciate the advice.
    But unless you have been in that situation, it is hard to comprehend how worthless, undervalued and gaslit you feel.
    I will hopefully look back at this and know that I made the right decision for my health. I am continuing with counselling so that I never have to experience this again.

    Best of luck, you'll bounce back from it in time, amazing how much good a break from it will do you


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Absolutely spot on. Nail on head. That is them to a t. They are cute hoors. Know who to suck up to.

    You're looking at this wrong.

    They're not sucking up, but rather they're playing the game, and you're not.

    I'm not having a go at you, but something has happened to make you the outsider. This can happen quite easily, as groups like to direct their negative emotions at a scapegoat.

    What you need to do is avoid this going forward.

    When you join a company you must make relationships with the people who have power. People see this and they will not risk bullying you. Also, you greatly increase your chance of being promoted and in general being protected.

    I know in school they teach you to keep your head down and try to earn reward through competency, but that's not how the workplace works.

    You need to stop seeing the game as sucking up and start playing it. Then you won't have this problem again.

    Regarding your current situation, I think every option is OK. But if I had to choose I'd say figure out a way to stay there until you have another job. Perhaps that means listening to music on your headphone in work and forming relationships with people outside of your team.

    Good luck.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,050 ✭✭✭Thespoofer


    OP not sure if you're still reading this but best of luck in the future and try not to be too hard on yourself.
    Get yourself sorted out and look forward not back.
    The thing about pr!$ks like them is the common reason they bully/pick on other people is jealousy, it's that simple. And if they're jealous of you must mean you've been doing something right so good riddance to them.
    Take care.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thespoofer wrote: »
    OP not sure if you're still reading this but best of luck in the future and try not to be too hard on yourself.
    Get yourself sorted out and look forward not back.
    The thing about pr!$ks like them is the common reason they bully/pick on other people is jealousy, it's that simple. And if they're jealous of you must mean you've been doing something right so good riddance to them.
    Take care.
    Still reading, and thanks for your kind words.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12 Cool Hand Lucy


    OP, just off the phone to my sister who is in a similar situation. Colleague giving her grief is putting it mildly. Tough seeing someone you love going through this. Hope you're doing okay OP.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP, just off the phone to my sister who is in a similar situation. Colleague giving her grief is putting it mildly. Tough seeing someone you love going through this. Hope you're doing okay OP.

    Doing crap, look at me awake at 3.40 am. The annoyance that in 2 weeks I won't have a job or an income is weighing heavily on me. I feel really defeated.
    I was beginning to wonder if I was doing the right thing, and in our morning teams meeting, waiting for the boss to log in, my last colleague logged in. Said 'good morning men'. That would be fine, except I am the only female in the group. A little subtle dig, on its own, nobody would bat an eyelid. But over the last few months, these digs are really affecting me. I bust out crying randomly. I spent most of yesterday crying.
    I can't believe people can be so cruel.
    I feel for your sister. It is a lonely place.
    My workplace had a big darkness into light event there. Raising money for Pieta, yet turning a blind eye to their staff being bullied.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP, just off the phone to my sister who is in a similar situation. Colleague giving her grief is putting it mildly. Tough seeing someone you love going through this. Hope you're doing okay OP.

    Hey. Sorry to hear about your sister. I think bullying is pretty common. Because it is covert and subtle, it is hard to prove or get anyone to believe.
    I'm not great, thanks for asking. I'm angry that I will be jobless, while they still have their job. It's not fair.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,050 ✭✭✭Thespoofer


    Money aside do you think deep down OP youd rather not work there anymore ?
    I think you're better off out of it, it's really after having an effect on your mental health going by your posts.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,216 ✭✭✭Tork


    When you're feeling fragile, digs or perceived digs hit hard. It was inevitable that you were going to leave this job. In my anecdotal experience, companies rarely handle bullying well and the problem never goes away until somebody leaves. It looks like it was always going to be you in this case. There's no point in regretting what you should or shouldn't have done at this stage. You're now jobless and need to find something else asap. Be prepared for questions about why you left your previous job.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12 Cool Hand Lucy


    Hope things improve for you OP. My poor sister doubted herself also but then the bully became careless (e.g. signing my sister's name to dodgy correspondance). Think you're better off away from this toxic work colleague. All the best


  • Registered Users Posts: 508 ✭✭✭The DayDream


    Good for you OP. To hi diddly heck with them. I know how you feel. Ive been through it. I almost felt like that when I started this new job due to past experiences it does affect you for a while so be aware of that.

    I've since gotten a lot more positive feedback lately and feel like I fit in my new team much better now so hopefully you find a new bunch of lovely people to work with.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Good for you OP. To hi diddly heck with them. I know how you feel. Ive been through it. I almost felt like that when I started this new job due to past experiences it does affect you for a while so be aware of that.

    I've since gotten a lot more positive feedback lately and feel like I fit in my new team much better now so hopefully you find a new bunch of lovely people to work with.

    Ha ha. Hi diddly heck with them is right!
    Thanks.
    Glad things worked out for you.


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