Is online dating worth trying?

Edwin Damar wrote: »

That video above? Wtf? Is it really that easy if you're handsome and have charm and confidence?

Please tell me that video is staged and not real. If not I think I really will go full Elliot Roger...

Probably somewhat unreal, or at least there's some background we're not seeing. I just watched it and he had met her earlier and had enough of an interaction that they exchanged numbers, or she couldn't have asked him to text her at the end. But even if it wasn't not such a surprise. A charming handsome confident man(with an Irish accent in the US) is attractive to women shocker. Stop the presses. Just as a total ride of a women is going to be more attractive to men than a plain woman and will get more attention and has more options.

Going "full Elliot Roger" is not even a joke by the way. He was a self entitled murderous lunatic prick.

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Why do you think this is? I think our culture doesn't teach people anything about dating/social skills. And before you say that the parents should do it, some parents nowadays don't even know themselves.

Lots of reasons I'd imagine. In some ways it's "easier" to be socially maladapted these days, or at least easier to get away with for longer. Pre interwebs yes there were always loners of both sexes, but they stuck out more and were more likely to end up integrating to some degree in adolescence. Social media has also meant more people, particularly young men can find others like them who aren't as socialised and form groups and communities which replace real world ones and can become comfortable and self perpetuating in their internal mythos. I mean look at all the definitions, jargon and acronyms in such groups(common to all online communities too). Just as the printing press invented jargon, the internet has massively expanded it.

Mixed messages from media is another one. Just as body image stuff is pushed on women in a very confusing way, so is dating and mating. For both genders. Look at Hollywood flicks. The average even "quirky" guy usually, if not almost always ends up with the 24 carat babe(tm). And she usually dumps rich boy Dirk Chiselledjaw in the process. It's standard male fantasy wish fulfilment from usually male writers, who are rarely the Dirk Chiselledjaw type. Way back Woody Allen was a great example of this, though his angle was very knowing and self effacing and he ended up with very attractive women in real life too. These type of narratives are also written from the male point of view in what they think women actually want. So there's loads of over the top romantic gestures. Which work if you're already in the door romantically, but look well odd if you're not. This can be very confusing to young men who aren't so well socialised.

Less of an issue to women, even not so well socialised ones, which is another point. The plain fact is in the majority of cases the man makes the first move. That's the man's "job". At least on the surface. beneath the surface it's more often the woman. But they're generally more subtle. So the quiet shy woman will have more advances made to her than her male equivalent. Particularly in early adulthood it's a "sellers market" and it is what it is and no point complaining about it. Ask women who have made the first obvious move and I'll bet you'll have quite a few tell you it went down like a lead balloon, because it's going against the social script. Maybe it has a deeper purpose? That women are subtle in their signals to check if men are socially mature. After all, pre the modern world and medicine women were far more vulnerable. They're the ones who get pregnant and give birth so minimising risk in potential fathers was a good thing. EG in ancient Rome when women if they had any assets became pregnant for the first time they usually wrote their will, which says much.

The modern world is also a lot more confusing with mixed messages all over the place for men, and women too. It's a lot more socially complex than it was when I was a gauche teenager looking at his shoes. That's before we look at how many certainties previous generations took for granted that someone of say 20 simply can't today.

Then we have online dating. An environment that by its very nature is visual and heavily weighted towards women, at least on the surface. Yes women, even the plainest women will get more attention, but ask women on such sites and the majority will tell you it's as much a minefield for them. They get attention, but it's more often than not the dickpic and quick shag sort and if they want more than that it can be very difficult.

Then we have the crazy expectations mixed with the reality for the vast majority. That's a bit Hollywood too. Nope you can't be the best, live the perfect life etc. Even the ideals we hold up in society live photoshopped lives.