Dating over 40

Galen · 23-01-2013 6:23pm

I've packed it in.. for now. Jobless in a small dating pool (Mayo) makes me a poor catch.

Mascatodreams · 26-01-2013 6:14am

Perhaps all of you could have a get together of some sort..kind of get a feel for personalities..and who knows,one of you might have a single friend that could be a great match for one you?...just a thought..I hope I made sense..

Lexicographer · 02-02-2013 7:52pm

Dying to hear how you got on, I was too afraid to try it.

Galen · 02-02-2013 8:12pm

Ah Lexicographer give it a go. You couldn't have it better, living in the capital and all

Bagenal · 02-02-2013 8:30pm

I have been reading through some of the posts on this thread which were interesting. What sites do you folks think are best? BTW I'm male 46 y.o.

Galen · 02-02-2013 8:33pm

Plenty Of Fish seems to be very popular in Ireland plus a member from Dublin / Leinster area liked OKCupid.

fog arty · 05-03-2013 10:36am

What would people here consider to be the best dating site for over 40's

velosolex · 05-03-2013 7:11pm

fog arty wrote: »

What would people here consider to be the best dating site for over 40's

I could not recommend any, the best response I received was when I made up a "bad boy - couldn't give a damn" page.
Try a few anyway, especially if you are photogenic and post a good photo. Good luck - keep us posted.

Lexicographer · 06-03-2013 12:22pm

I decided I was too much of a coward to even look at one!

stargazer 68 · 06-03-2013 12:34pm

fog arty wrote: »

What would people here consider to be the best dating site for over 40's

There isnt a 'best one' to be honest. Give the free ones a try first
Smooch
Plenty of Fish
OK Cupid

Put up a good pic and a decent profile. None of this 'fill this bit in later' rubbish - that just shows laziness and not really interested. Some say the pay sites encourage genuine people - Im not convinced. Have never found that to be honest. You will need to grow a thick skin - rejection hurts but it happens a lot - believe me!

wenders44 · 18-03-2013 6:07pm

I tried it and ending up living with someone, it's fine. logical and sensible if you think about it although it didn't last. Make all the usual checks, start with emails, then texting, then phone calls and by then you may have got the gist of him. People buy people first, men judge with their eyes but once they go beyond that, they fall for the person.
We aren't all 20 anymore and neither are the men. TBH the type who judge in such a way and really believe they would have a future are a bit too short sighted for me anyway.

I am at the stage where if it's going to happen it will but I am not looking for it.

fog arty · 22-03-2013 9:58am

Does anyone know of any casual dating sites for attahed people

Emme · 25-03-2013 4:17pm

fog arty wrote: »

Does anyone know of any casual dating sites for attahed people

What's "attahed"? Is that some sort of disease? :rolleyes:

DaveOClerigh · 12-04-2013 4:39am

Emme wrote: »

What's "attahed"? Is that some sort of disease? :rolleyes:

Yes yes it is, sry first post.

I have been using pof for dating for the last 5/6 months, its ok but is a bit hit and miss, made a lot of v good female friends from there, more that any love interests but not a complete loss either, with 2 more dates coming over the next 2 weeks as well, so who knows. I cant stress enough to any guys trying this that honesty is the ONLY policy on these sites, you "will" meet some dates and they "will" know ur full of it, in about 10seconds flat.
other than that be polite always, even when ur being blasted out of the water and dont worry about it too much there will be more along any minute:). Oh and be prepared for the ex stories:o and the psycho date stories which are some of the funniest things u will ever hear.:eek:

Emme · 12-04-2013 11:04am

DaveOClerigh wrote: »

I cant stress enough to any guys trying this that honesty is the ONLY policy on these sites, you "will" meet some dates and they "will" know ur full of it, in about 10seconds flat.

When I was on POF thankfully I was one of the people who could tell when guys were "full of it" even if they weren't always honest. Are you really honest about your intentions on POF Dave? If so you probably state that you are married on your profile.

DaveOClerigh wrote: »

even when ur being blasted out of the water and dont worry about it too much there will be more along any minute:)

The cynical attitude here which implies that women are disposable and don't merit being treated properly is the main reason why I don't do internet dating any more. Life is too short to entertain creeps. It wasn't just attached guys who had that attitude. It was water off a duck's back to me but I know some women who took being treated badly on dating sites to heart. They couldn't understand how some guys treat dating as a sport.

DaveOClerigh wrote: »

Oh and be prepared for the ex stories:o and the psycho date stories which are some of the funniest things u will ever hear.:eek:

This might not interest you, but some women naively sign up on dating sites looking for somebody genuine and hoping that they can get over being hurt in the past. Unfortunately many of them get even more hurt through internet dating - some serious creeps hang out on these sites. There must be very little going on in your life if you rely on internet dating for entertainment.

Unfortunately there are many people out there with psychopathic tendencies, totally without empathy and entirely focused on satisfying their own needs. These people are willing to do this no matter what the cost and care nothing about the needs or the feelings of others including their closest family. I have come to the conclusion that a disproportionate number of these people hang out on dating sites.

Dave, would a dedicated dating site for attached people such as Ashley Madison suit your needs better than POF?

Galen · 12-04-2013 12:31pm

I used to be a internet dater and POF member until I decided to pack it in last year (40+ year old jobless guy living with parents makes poor catch but that's my life for now). Anyway from what a female friend told me, POF is very popular with people looking for 'no strings attached' nookie. It probably has a lot to do with POF being free and you're not forced to have a profile picture.

DaveOClerigh · 13-04-2013 12:36am

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveOClerigh
I cant stress enough to any guys trying this that honesty is the ONLY policy on these sites, you "will" meet some dates and they "will" know ur full of it, in about 10seconds flat.

When I was on POF thankfully I was one of the people who could tell when guys were "full of it" even if they weren't always honest. Are you really honest about your intentions on POF Dave? If so you probably state that you are married on your profile.

I not sure where you get the idea that I am married and on my profile it states that I am indeed seperated, how many kids I have and what sort of work I actully do etc.

DaveOClerigh · 13-04-2013 12:43am

Quote:

The cynical attitude here which implies that women are disposable and don't merit being treated properly is the main reason why I don't do internet dating any more. Life is too short to entertain creeps. It wasn't just attached guys who had that attitude. It was water off a duck's back to me but I know some women who took being treated badly on dating sites to heart. They couldn't understand how some guys treat dating as a sport.

Ok I think u may have taken that up wrongly, its not just women who get abused on these sites, what I actully mean is, do not let negative comments or the like, get you down. This post is aimed at either gender, you take it for granted that I address the males only which I don't.

DaveOClerigh · 13-04-2013 12:56am

Emme wrote: »

This might not interest you, but some women naively sign up on dating sites looking for somebody genuine and hoping that they can get over being hurt in the past. Unfortunately many of them get even more hurt through internet dating - some serious creeps hang out on these sites. There must be very little going on in your life if you rely on internet dating for entertainment.

Unfortunately there are many people out there with psychopathic tendencies, totally without empathy and entirely focused on satisfying their own needs. These people are willing to do this no matter what the cost and care nothing about the needs or the feelings of others including their closest family. I have come to the conclusion that a disproportionate number of these people hang out on dating sites.

Dave, would a dedicated dating site for attached people such as Ashley Madison suit your needs better than POF?

OK where is this coming from, you sound bitter here, We all get hurt when a long term relationship dies, if you knew the circumstances of my own relationships demise, then you would not be so quick to throw stones, all men are not b*$tards, belive it or not, yes there are some seriously psychotic people out there (men and women) and u do have to filter through the good and bad. as for what I do for entertainment, its not limited to internet dating nor is it limited to the pub scene. I do not go on these sites looking for sex as u seem to think, people do I do not.

Dave, would a dedicated dating site for attached people such as Ashley Madison suit your needs better than POF?[/QUOTE]

No It would not.

astarte · 11-05-2013 2:06pm

Dovies wrote: »

Give the free ones a try first
Smooch
Plenty of Fish I can recommend this one
OK Cupid numbers aren't great for people who live outside of dublin

Put up a good pic and a decent profile. None of this 'fill this bit in later' rubbish - that just shows laziness and not really interested. Some say the pay sites encourage genuine people - Im not convinced.

completely agree, as regards the pay sites, in theory they should be better, because you have people who are serious, but a lot of people using dating sites are just dipping a toe in the water and are fairly ambivalent and so are reluctant to shell out a lot of cash initially (and who has that any more)...consequently the numbers are far greater on the free sites.

Just remember a few things, free sites have a lot of tyre kickers on there and a lot of people who are looking to screw around (my wife just doesn't understand me type of ****e..)

a few tips from my experiences.
-fill in your profile, go online and search for how to do this well..a lot of women (me included) are seduced by words far more than images

-put up a photo if at all possible, but if you don't want it appearing randomly on the front page for all to see, keep it private, but be aware that without a visible photo, you are going to have to do the running with contacting people.

-make initial contacts...lots of them..dating is a numbers game, especially if you have high standards....so you are going to have to do a lot of filtering out the people who are not right for you.

-always reply to people, even if it is simply 'thanks but no thanks' anything else is being a jerk

-for women-remember most men are primarily visual, if you don't have a photo up, always send one with your first contact, and make a lot of initial approaches.

-don't take any of it personally, you will get a lot of rejection, but that's one more person to cross off the list.

-don't email for longer than about 2 weeks, suggest meeting up, if they are unwilling to meet...then cross them off the list too.

- Don't lie about your age, weight or height...no matter how tempting, those things are immediately obvious when you first meet..and a lie that is uncovered makes anything else impossible...

-remember that it can be addictive, the ego strokes, the attention, we develop a supermarket mentality around internet dating..thinking that there is always a better one around the next corner...try resist this, because it will lead to constant dissatisfaction and a reluctance to try something out with the person who is only 95% perfect for you.

-if you are from Dublin, try and remember there is a world beyond the pale and consider that the right person for you might not live next door, we have motorways these days and the country is not so far away

No matter how good you are at reading people and discerning the good from the bad on the list..there will always be one or two that get under your radar..so don't get too emotionally invested too soon, give it three or more dates until you find out...the difference between online and meeting someone in real life, is that in real life, you usually have a mechanism for checking that they are who they say they are...mutual friends etc...when you meet someone online from a different part of the country, checking can be impossible...they could be married, lying etc...

There are sites for more 'specialised interests'
BDSM- collarme.com
Swinging/casual sex- swingforireland.com (I think..but you can google it)
Gay hook-ups - gaire.com

ie the beauty of the internet...a corner for everyone!

feck I should write a book on it!

astarte · 11-05-2013 2:21pm

Galen wrote: »

I agree with you, I find online dating awful rude too but not replying is just self-preservation and avoids the guy or gal on the other end getting confused by our messages. I've made a fool of myself once or twice by misinterpreting a woman's message, thinking she was interested when she wasn't. I much prefer she simply doesn't reply if she's not interested in me.

I completely disagree, not replying to someone who has taken the time to contact you is simply rude..it is easy online to forget that there are real people with hopes and dreams at the other end of the message.

Except (IMHO) if it is a wink type contact, then you can safely ignore them as they haven't bothered putting any effort in,

Simply say something like 'Thank you for getting in touch, you seem like a very nice person, but we are not suited to one another, I wish you the very best of luck in your search'

sometimes they will come back with a 'why not, we haven't even met yet'...those I don't reply to... because people like that will keep on and on..any response is an encouragement.

paulaa · 11-05-2013 3:58pm

Have any of you had any dealings with a site called Match Affinity ?

I was talking to a friend a few days ago and he was going mad about them.

He signed up and paid his subscription. Then he realised he had put the wrong gender and contacted them to change it.

They deleted his account totally and told him to make a new account, send them his subscription information and they would transfer it to the new account. He did this and, so far, 3 weeks later, they won't answer his email and have not transferred his subscription.

I don't blame him for being annoyed about this and it's this kind of thing that gets dating sites a bad name

btb · 30-07-2013 2:06pm

Not been around here in a while, but caught the tail end of panorama on BBC1 last night on online dating confirmed my experiences on paid sites.

I have tried a few as it seems to be the way for us rural dwellers with a limited social circle to meet new people and found the exact situation that the program highlighted.
Put me right off online dating.

But "sad lonely old git" that I am, tried out POF about 2 months ago, having heard it mentioned on the radio, more in curiosity than expectation and found that maybe there is hope after all.

However I have found that it takes a lot of effort and faith in human nature to get something from it.

Not for the faint hearted but there are some genuine ladies out there.
Just my tuppence worth......

Dating over 40

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