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Curious to know how many couples get loans ++

13

Comments

  • #62
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Panthro wrote: »
    I'm Irish and herself is from UK.
    If we ever get hitched it would be a bit of a balls. I'd like to invite 30odd people but I know it's a bit of an ask to get them all over here.
    Considered getting a massive air b n b house and renting it for them.

    Realistically we'd probably have the ceremony in UK, meal afterwards, few drinks.
    Then organise a band and a buffet somewhere back home.

    Bit it's a balls and I've no idea how much it would cost us.
    If you invite people to a wedding you wouldn't be expected to pay for their hotel or B and B


  • #63
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    If you invite people to a wedding you wouldn't be expected to pay for their hotel or B and B

    I’ve had couples offer to pay for my accommodation. Siblings and good friends.


  • #64
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Addle wrote: »
    I’ve had couples offer to pay for my accommodation. Siblings and good friends.

    Yes but not for 30 people surely ? Most wedding packages have 6 rooms included


  • #65
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    Yes but not for 30 people surely ? Most wedding packages have 6 rooms included

    Well if they’re offering for one member of the family, they’re offering for all.
    My parents never paid for accommodation at any of their children’s wedding.


  • #66
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Addle wrote: »
    Well if they’re offering for one member of the family, they’re offering for all.
    My parents never paid for accommodation at any of their children’s wedding.

    Yes the rooms in the package are intended for both sets of parents , bridesmaid and groomsmen
    No way would I expect anyone to pay for my room at a wedding .


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  • #67
    Dog Man Star
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 410 ✭✭Dog Man Star


    It's not just a party, it's one of the biggest and most memorable days of your life. Apart from the days my children were born, my wedding day was the greatest day I had. If you want to borrow money for it, do it. In a few years you'll be borrowing money to renovate your kitchen or get a new shed. It is no big deal. Just don't borrow more than you can pay back and don't expect gifts to cover it because they won't.

    Don't blow the whole lot on the wedding day either, the honeymoon is just as important!


  • #68
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    Yes the rooms in the package are intended for both sets of parents , bridesmaid and groomsmen
    No way would I expect anyone to pay for my room at a wedding .

    I’ve never expected it, and i’ve never taken anyone up on the offer.


  • #69
    Dog Man Star
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 410 ✭✭Dog Man Star


    Addle wrote: »
    I’ve never expected it, and i’ve never taken anyone up on the offer.

    Give them a great dinner, a few free drinks and a good night out and they won't care.


  • #70
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,546 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    We got engaged in October and married the following June so we had zero time to save for a wedding. The MIL had a small panic after her sister died and begged us to have the wedding sooner rather than later in case someone else died (not even joking). She offered us a loan of £10k so that we could take a June date instead of the October date we were looking at. I think our wedding came in at around 12k but we were able to cover the 2k ourselves and had her paid back within a year of the wedding.

    It is totally dependant on your personal circumstances but a lot can be done on a smaller budget. I was disgusted with bridal shops who were quoting me insane figures for wedding dresses and were almost scolding me for only going to look for a dress in January because it wasn't enough time. The wedding industry is insane.


  • #71
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    I was disgusted with bridal shops who were quoting me insane figures for wedding dresses and were almost scolding me for only going to look for a dress in January because it wasn't enough time. The wedding industry is insane.

    i will say just on this point, there's a reason that so much time and expense goes into adjusting wedding dresses- the level of internal detail on most of them to make them look right is crazy, and if major alterations need to be done (very often wedding boutiques will only have sample sizes in stock, and have to order the dress in your closest size then work from there) then the entire seams have to be ripped back by hand (possibly including 3/4 layers of internal structure), re cut, restitched etc. A lot of wedding dresses will have internal boning which might need to be reshaped etc, so it's a HUGE amount of work.

    I mean I agree it's crazy money, but there is reason behind it.


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  • #72
    LizzeyBenett
    Closed Accounts Posts: 33 ✭LizzeyBenett


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    We got engaged in October and married the following June so we had zero time to save for a wedding. The MIL had a small panic after her sister died and begged us to have the wedding sooner rather than later in case someone else died (not even joking). She offered us a loan of £10k so that we could take a June date instead of the October date we were looking at. I think our wedding came in at around 12k but we were able to cover the 2k ourselves and had her paid back within a year of the wedding.

    It is totally dependant on your personal circumstances but a lot can be done on a smaller budget. I was disgusted with bridal shops who were quoting me insane figures for wedding dresses and were almost scolding me for only going to look for a dress in January because it wasn't enough time. The wedding industry is insane.

    Can I ask where you had the reception ? A loan totally isnt on the table just just dont know how some ppl afford it there seems to be a never ending list of things to pay for just lookingat friends getting married


  • #73
    Third_Echelon
    Registered Users Posts: 4,889 ✭✭✭Third_Echelon


    From our engagement to our wedding was just under 2 and half years and i think we were saving on average 400 per month (married in 2015). If we went on holiday for example during that time or at Christmas etc, we'd put in a little less, then tried to make up the difference in the months after... so we came up with around 50%/60% of our overall budget from savings and then got a loan for the remainder. The loan repayment was pretty much the same per month as we were previously saving, so we weren't stretched and could afford it OK (no mortgage, kids, outstanding debt etc). Honeymoon was included in the overall cost.

    We had ~105 guests on the day and had a great time. Venue was fab, sun was out, food was great, band and DJ were excellent. That's all most people remember anyway (was the grub and entertainment good), so we made sure they were the best bits. We just wanted to have a good time with our friends and family and kept it relaxed and fun. We would move abroad a few months after our wedding, so we wanted to make sure that everyone we wanted to see could make it and never really considered a destination wedding. Didn't want to put that additional expense on people. Just wanted then to come and hang out with them.

    Definitely make a budget that you can afford and track it in a spreadsheet, otherwise you'll lose the run of yourself. If something was coming back to us at a ridiculous quote, we shopped around or did it ourselves. You'll find when planning a wedding that if you go to a vendor and you put the word 'wedding' before anything, the price is a lot more than it normally would be, e.g. wedding cake, wedding <insert item here> :-)


  • #74
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,546 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    LizzeyBenett wrote: »
    Can I ask where you had the reception ? A loan totally isnt on the table just just dont know how some ppl afford it there seems to be a never ending list of things to pay for just lookingat friends getting married

    We had a smallish wedding, about 80 guests in the Conyngham Arms in Slane. I think it was about €60 a head and it was a really great venue. No bridesmaids/groomsmen, hotel decorated the room we were married in (civil ceremony) and the reception room as part of the package
    £700 for my dress (bought in NI where we live)
    £700 for the grooms suit (bought in NI)
    €2000 for the band,
    €1500 for the photographer
    €200 for the cupcakes (no cake)
    €50 for my bouquet and a buttonhole for the groom
    €3000 on the honeymoon (cruise)

    That was about the extent of the big things.


  • #75
    facehugger99
    Registered Users Posts: 7,202 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    If you're borrowing to pay for your wedding, you're spending too much.


  • #76
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    facehugger99 wrote: »
    If you're borrowing to pay for your wedding, you're spending too much.

    To each his own you know . Why would anyone think their way is the right way? We all differ in how we deal with credit or loans or savings


  • #77
    facehugger99
    Registered Users Posts: 7,202 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    We all differ in how we deal with credit or loans or savings

    Indeed, some people are very bad with money.


  • #78
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    facehugger99 wrote: »
    Indeed, some people are very bad with money.

    And some people are very judgmental


  • #79
    ontheditch2
    Registered Users Posts: 372 ✭✭ontheditch2


    facehugger99 wrote: »
    If you're borrowing to pay for your wedding, you're spending too much.

    It is kind of like saying, if you borrow to buy a house, you're spending too much. Or is that different??


  • #80
    silent_spark
    Registered Users Posts: 461 ✭✭silent_spark


    ontheditch2 wrote: »
    It is kind of like saying, if you borrow to buy a house, you're spending too much. Or is that different??

    It’s absolutely different - property is a capital item, you can’t compare it to a wedding party.

    *That’s not to say people don’t also overstretch themselves when buying property.


  • #81
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    ontheditch2 wrote: »
    It is kind of like saying, if you borrow to buy a house, you're spending too much. Or is that different??

    Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

    The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.


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  • #82
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    It really annoys me when people are so judgemental about how people choose to spend their own money.

    Like I said earlier in the thread, we borrowed a relatively small amount of money to throw the wedding we wanted to throw. I think some people devalue just how important things like wedding days are to some people. Yes, it’s “just” one day but for me it was a day I lived 34 years of my life genuinely believing it would never happen. Not because I wasn’t going to find someone to marry (I met my wife when I was 21) but because it was illegal.

    So when it finally happened that I COULD get married and throw a big f*ck off party to celebrate? Damn right I’m going to do that. We already had bought our house, both in good jobs, but a lot of our savings had gone on the house. So we basically used the loan to save in advance. We started paying off the loan as soon as we got it which meant we actually had it nearly paid off fully by the time the wedding came round. If we’d saved the exact same very month we’d only have been able to start planning it then. And I’d waited long enough to be able to marry the woman I love, bugger to having to wait longer for fear that someone who doesn’t know me or my circumstances thinking I was trying to keep up with the Jones’.

    Yeah I know of some couples from my old school who had insane weddings purely to show off but so what? Good luck to them. It’s literally no skin off anyone else’s nose what they do with their lives and their finances.


  • #83
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

    The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.

    That is so judgemental of you . There are many couples who have saved for a deposit on a house and then get married
    Their wedding day is their day and why would you or anyone else chose to put them down for wanting a big day
    My daughter got married last year and if anyone had spoken like that about their choices I would be furious
    It had nothing to do with ego or keeping up with anyone . It was a day they chose and were thrilled to be able to have family and friends enjoy it
    How they paid for it is no one else's business


  • #84
    jlm29
    Registered Users Posts: 3,818 ✭✭✭jlm29


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Yes, it's different. One is borrowing to have a roof over your head that you will own eventually, so that you don't have to spend your life renting and can give your family/future family a secure home.

    The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home. There's a reason for that - if you can't save for your wedding, you obviously are not in the saving habit that needs to be developed in order to eventually own your own home.

    I’ve spent a lot of my extra cash over the last few years making my house as I want it, and now am mortgage free. If I decided I wanted to get married in three months time, I wouldn’t have much by way of savings for it, because of that, but I would see nothing wrong with borrowing a small sum of money to pay for the day I wanted. It doesn’t mean I’m bad with money, just that my priorities are different to someone else’s.
    I don’t drink, but I don’t consider that someone who does is “wasting” their money every time they have a glass of wine. Everyone chooses to do things differently, for various reasons.


  • #85
    Scarinae
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 11,362 ✭✭✭✭Scarinae


    topmanamillion wrote: »
    If people are truly honest with themselves the reason they're spending upwards of €20K on a party is an excercise in keeping up with the Jones'.
    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    The other is feeding the ego of the "happy couple" and putting yourself in debt to keep up with the Jones', with many who borrow for the wedding later complaining that they can't save up a deposit for a home.
    We are planning what some people might consider to be a large wedding – we have almost 200 people on our guest list – and it is absolutely nothing to do with feeding our egos or “keeping up with the Joneses”. We both have extensive families, and lots of friends on each side as we’ve both moved around and we didn’t meet each other until our 30s.

    I’m not someone who has dreamed all my life about having a big wedding, but once we actually started writing a draft guest list we realised how many people there are in our lives. I know couples who have eloped or who have had a wedding with fewer than 20 guests, and that was the right choice for them, but it wasn’t what we wanted.

    Yes, we’ve had to save money for the wedding and we are putting aside money every month to pay for it. Sure, we could spend that money on something else. But this is the type of wedding that we want, and being surrounded by people that we love will be amazing!


  • #86
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Scarinae wrote: »
    We are planning what some people might consider to be a large wedding – we have almost 200 people on our guest list – and it is absolutely nothing to do with feeding our egos or “keeping up with the Joneses”. We both have extensive families, and lots of friends on each side as we’ve both moved around and we didn’t meet each other until our 30s.

    I’m not someone who has dreamed all my life about having a big wedding, but once we actually started writing a draft guest list we realised how many people there are in our lives. I know couples who have eloped or who have had a wedding with fewer than 20 guests, and that was the right choice for them, but it wasn’t what we wanted.

    Yes, we’ve had to save money for the wedding and we are putting aside money every month to pay for it. Sure, we could spend that money on something else. But this is the type of wedding that we want, and being surrounded by people that we love will be amazing!

    Have a wonderful day and don't forget to enjoy it !! Dance the night away and have fun !


  • #87
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    It’s hardly judgemental to point out the difference between current and capital expenditure.

    A house and a wedding are not comparable in basic accounting terms because a house isn’t over and done with in one day.

    While I wouldn’t be so harsh on people who have borrowed to get the day they wanted but at the same time I think if people really thought about it they’d realise that the wedding industry is a massive machine and had been influencing us all our lives. If you looked at it logically, big expensive weddings are bad value for money. You’re just as married if you have a registry office wedding.


  • #88
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    SozBbz wrote: »
    It’s hardly judgemental to point out the difference between current and capital expenditure.

    A house and a wedding are not comparable in basic accounting terms because a house isn’t over and done with in one day.

    While I wouldn’t be so harsh on people who have borrowed to get the day they wanted but at the same time I think if people really thought about it they’d realise that the wedding industry is a massive machine and had been influencing us all our lives. If you looked at it logically, big expensive weddings are bad value for money. You’re just as married if you have a registry office wedding.
    It's certainly judgemental to say anyone having a big wedding is doing so to feed their ego though . We all know you are just as married in the registry office but some people will enjoy a big huge day. Their money , their choice .

    .


  • #89
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    It's certainly judgemental to say anyone having a big wedding is doing so to feed their ego though . We all know you are just as married in the registry office but some people will enjoy a big huge day. Their money , their choice .

    .

    It wasn’t me who said that.

    We all waste money. Anything that’s not an investment or a basic living expense (food, clothing, heat etc) is discretionary and we all have our foibles - god knows I love a handbag - but it’s a lot for one day and I do think people stress themselves and perhaps forgo other important things like putting off buying a home for example because there’s a societal pressure to have a typical Irish wedding. I wouldn’t call it ego for 95% of couples, but they’re definitely influenced by the wedding industry. And wider families are influenced too, I know so many people who wanted far fewer people but ended up having bigger weddings due to pressures from family to invite tenuous people because you couldn’t be seen to not invite so and so.


  • #90
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,069 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    SozBbz wrote: »
    It wasn’t me who said that.

    We all waste money. Anything that’s not an investment or a basic living expense (food, clothing, heat etc) is discretionary and we all have our foibles - god knows I love a handbag - but it’s a lot for one day and I do think people stress themselves and perhaps forgo other important things like putting off buying a home for example because there’s a societal pressure to have a typical Irish wedding. I wouldn’t call it ego for 95% of couples, but they’re definitely influenced by the wedding industry. And wider families are influenced too, I know so many people who wanted far fewer people but ended up having bigger weddings due to pressures from family to invite tenuous people because you couldn’t be seen to not invite so and so.

    No , I know you didn't say that .
    Yes I see your point but the way I see it is to each his own . I could never spend huge money on a car for example but can understand why some people do
    I do think that societal pressure is easing now about huge weddings . I have been to a few smaller ones with the cermony in the hotel and they were lovely .But some couples love the big wedding with 200 odd guests and its their choice .
    As long as its not my money paying for it !


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  • #91
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    I think what happens when weddings and finances are talked about is people get defensive. When someone makes an assumption about how people spend their money or manage finances full stop people will get aggravated. And then you start trying to justify your own experience.

    Basically what you’re doing if you have anything other than a registry wedding with 2 witnesses is that you’re starting to celebrate with the people you love. And some
    Of us are in the lucky position to have lots of people we love in our lives and who we would want to celebrate with us. That’s a good thing. But many people online in particular seem to want to turn that celebration into wastefulness because perhaps it’s not what they’d do.

    I don’t drink or smoke but I don’t judge people who choose to spend their money that way. I don't have hugely expensive holidays or hobbies, or an expensive car, but I don’t judge people who choose to spend their money that way. Why, when it comes to weddings, are people SO judgmental?


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