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Counselling for a teenager

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  • 23-04-2019 9:29pm
    #1
    CavanGal
    Registered Users Posts: 351 ✭✭


    Hi

    Could anyone advise the right amount of time after the death of a parent to send a teenage girl for bereavement counselling?

    She seems to be dealing with the death very well most of the time, almost too well. On occasion, she will breakdown in tears for a couple of hours and will talk about the death and the future.

    The rest of the family have never dealt with this type of situation before and we don't want to send her to counselling too soon or too late.

    Any advise on the situation would be really appreciated.


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    #2
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    I don't think it's ever too soon. Have you discussed it with the teenager themselves?

    I think the best thing to do would be to contact a counsellor and ask them what they think is best in terms of timing.


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    #3
    banie01
    Registered Users Posts: 16,467 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    My son and I lost his Mam when he was just 3.
    At the time my thinking was he was too young for counselling and that if we dealt with everything as it came up we would get through it.

    It wasn't until he was 12 that we sought help.
    While I thought he was coping well, I was wrong.
    He spent a lot of his time and energy looking after me and his Nana emotionally and not really dealing with or unpacking his own feelings.
    When he got upset, he actively avoided talking to us because he was afraid of triggering sadness or upset in others.
    Admirable, brave but silly! His emotional well being was paramount and he needed to know we were there to support and help him, that being upset is part and parcel of grieving.

    We contacted the Children's grief centre in Limerick and the help they gave him was immeasurable.
    He really got to know how to handle his emotions and learn that being emotional is a valid response to loss.

    A huge part of a child's grief is hidden because all too often they don't know how to cope, so they try to revert to their routine as quickly as possible, to try and disguise the missing person, the gap in their life.

    All too often as adults we take that as a sign of a child bouncing back and being resilient...
    It really is anything but.


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    #4
    CavanGal
    Registered Users Posts: 351 ✭✭CavanGal


    Thank you both so much for the feedback, I think contacting a counsellor will be our next step.
    banie01 wrote: »
    A huge part of a child's grief is hidden because all too often they don't know how to cope, so they try to revert to their routine as quickly as possible, to try and disguise the missing person, the gap in their life.

    All too often as adults we take that as a sign of a child bouncing back and being resilient...
    It really is anything but.

    banie01, this really resonated with me as I think this is exactly what is happening here. I think she is back in her routine and is acting like everything is ok. Most days she is like her normal self, laughing, meeting friends etc. So I think we need to make sure she knows that its ok to be upset. It really is a delicate situation and we just want to make sure we don't say or do anything which has a long term negative effect.


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    #5
    Grab All Association
    Registered Users Posts: 3,918 ✭✭✭Grab All Association


    CavanGal wrote: »
    Hi

    Could anyone advise the right amount of time after the death of a parent to send a teenage girl for bereavement counselling?

    She seems to be dealing with the death very well most of the time, almost too well. On occasion, she will breakdown in tears for a couple of hours and will talk about the death and the future.

    The rest of the family have never dealt with this type of situation before and we don't want to send her to counselling too soon or too late.

    Any advise on the situation would be really appreciated.

    Very few if any people would be qualified on here to comment as everyone grieves differently. I’m sorry to hear she is going through this. She could be handling it really well or masking how she really feels.

    Btw let teachers in her school know that she is grieving and to keep an eye on her.


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    #6
    patmahe
    Registered Users Posts: 224 ✭✭patmahe


    I attended grief counseling after losing my brother (I am in my thirties, he was in his twenties). I found in the initial sessions that the grief was too raw so soon after his death.

    I spoke to the counselor about this and she advised that if I wanted to I could take a break from it and come back when I was ready. After the first anniversary of my brother's death I went back and attended a session each month. This time it was very different, I still had all the emotions but they weren't as overwhelming and I could talk about them. I still got upset and still found it very draining, but I found that by trying to verbalise my thoughts and emotions I actually understood them better myself. It also gave me tools to help if the grief ever became too much again in future. I attended for 1 year and would highly recommend it.

    My suggestion to you if you have identified a counselor would be to take a session with them yourself first. Explain your concerns and see what they say. Grief is as individual as the person experiencing it so there are no rules and no time limits, but they might give you some good pointers about how to assess when is a good time to start.

    Good luck with it.


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    #7
    banie01
    Registered Users Posts: 16,467 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    CavanGal wrote: »
    Thank you both so much for the feedback, I think contacting a counsellor will be our next step.



    banie01, this really resonated with me as I think this is exactly what is happening here. I think she is back in her routine and is acting like everything is ok. Most days she is like her normal self, laughing, meeting friends etc. So I think we need to make sure she knows that its ok to be upset. It really is a delicate situation and we just want to make sure we don't say or do anything which has a long term negative effect.

    I'm glad the advice is of some use, I really hope that you can find a good counselling service, it hand on heart made such a huge difference to my son.

    If you were in the Limerick area I would recommend the Children's grief centre without hesitation.
    I know that many places offer Rainbows or similar counselling services?
    Maybe try contacting Barnardo's or even your local hospice for some pointers toward a service that can help


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    #8
    CavanGal
    Registered Users Posts: 351 ✭✭CavanGal


    Thanks to you all.

    Grab All Association, yes her school is aware. I fear she is masking how she feels as it was a sudden unexpected death.

    patmahe, good advice to attend a session first. I will suggest this to the family member looking after her.

    banie01, I have today contacted two Rainbows centres so hopefully will hear back next week. Sadly, the service is not available at her school.


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