Sudden loss of father

SillyMangoX · 18-03-2019 10:11pm #1

Last week, my father died suddenly. He hadn’t been sick, he was only 56, and while we have to wait for the post mortem, the doctor feels like it was a massive heart attack and no matter what happened or where it was there was nothing could have been done despite best efforts from my mother, the paramedics and the hospital staff.
I still feel like I’m in total shock. My stomach hasn’t been right since the night i found out. I feel like he should be walking through the door anytime now. This last week has passed in such a blur of visitors and everything that the whole funeral process just passed in a haze.
I feel like I’ve been cried out and can’t shed tears anymore. I just feel blank, empty, emotionless.
I’m glad for him that he knew nothing and literally went from perfectly fine to gone, which is what he would have wanted, but it’s just too soon and he had so much living left to do.
I dont know if there’s any real point to this thread just to get some feelings off my chest.

kippy · 18-03-2019 10:15pm

Sorry for your loss OP.

amdublin · 18-03-2019 10:17pm

This post has made me so sad. I am feeling for you right now op

TheQuietFella · 18-03-2019 10:18pm

I've been there and it's not easy to come to terms with but all I'll say
is that you will have to learn to live with it and think of the good times!

Mam of 4 · 18-03-2019 10:19pm

I have no words of wisdom for you OP , I'm so sorry for your loss and try look after yourself in the days ahead . Take each day as it comes .

Deadmou5e · 18-03-2019 10:20pm

<SNIP> Don’t feel you have to suffer in silence, <SNIP>

I know the pain your going through.

NIMAN · 18-03-2019 10:22pm

Sorry for your loss op.
My father died in very similar circumstances to yours, at nearly the same age. Although to be fair my father was waiting on a bypass op.

Reading your thread brought back so many memories. I remember how it didn't really hit me for the first few days after his death, and throughout the wake and funeral.

But I did find it very tough then for maybe 6 months. When someone leaves very suddenly it can be hard to accept, especially at such a young age. It doesn't seem fair, but life can be cruel sometimes.

Look after yourself these next few weeks and months. Try to chat to family or friends if you feel the need, seek counselling if you have to, and realise it will be tough to get over, but you will get there some day. There will be bad days and better days.

tayto lover · 18-03-2019 10:22pm

Sudden death is like that. You have no time to prepare yourself unlike when people are terminally ill for awhile. You are suffering from shock and a bit of disbelief that the suddenness brings.
You have my deepest condolences OP. Time will help but you will always miss your father.

snor · 18-03-2019 10:22pm

So sorry for your loss SillyMangio. That must have been an awful shock for you all. The feelings you have are totally normal so let yourself go through them and cry if you need to cry etc. talk to people and talk about your dad and remember the lovely relationship it sounds like you had with him. Take care of yourself and your family.

Purgative · 18-03-2019 10:52pm

So sorry for your loss OP.

Reading your thread took me back in time seven years.

Be kind to yourself.

dudara · 19-03-2019 9:38am

@Deadmou5e - please read the forum charter. Offering to send or receive is PMs is strictly against the rules of this forum.

dudara

dk1345 · 19-03-2019 9:54am

Sorry for your loss op my auld lad died the same way massive heat attack while out farming almost 5 years ago at least my mother was with him at the time so he didn't die on his own

It was not easy at the time but think of the good times with him and it will get easier

Once again sorry for your loss

sadie1502 · 20-03-2019 12:10am

My mam died suddenly three months ago a massive stroke like you I still can't believe she is gone I pick the phone up to ring her. I forget for a brief second and then my heart sinks down to my toes. I can't take her number out of my phone I text her. I still haven't come to terms its the suddeness of it all. I've no word that will make you feel better I just can relate. I miss her so much its a physical pain. All I know is what I'm told it will get easier with time. I don't feel that yet. Take care mind yourself and take time to grieve.

Saganist · 20-03-2019 12:18am

Sorry for your loss OP. Very sad... I had the privilege of watching my Da go from a heart attack right in front of me... It's good that you cried so much, I did the exact same and feel it definitively helped me grieve better.. I also feel as time goes on that I stop and think sometimes.. I get bubbly thinking of past memories, or sometimes laugh from time to time at things that remind me of him... It's ok.. He's still with you.

chooey · 04-04-2019 10:01pm

I’m so sore for your loss. I had the same thing happen with my mother just over: years ago and she was only 59. Like you, I’m happy that she knew none of what happened to her but it’s shocking to be left behind after that. Don’t be afraid to talk to people about it. I’m only at the stage now where I feel like counselling might be a good idea. It’s so hard when you don’t have a chance to get to say goodbye

Lucuma · 19-06-2019 10:42am

Very sorry for your loss OP. Hang in there. I found year 1 was a write off, year 2 wasn't great either. Year 3 was when I turned a corner. In year 4 now and I never thought I'd get here but the grief no longer plagues me. I still sometimes dream about my father as well and he's alive and talking to me and laughing, happened this week actually x

irishfrench · 05-07-2019 1:11am

I am here.

Has anything helped OP? Or just time?

My dad is (cos I can't write was yet) 54 and passed in February.

help

chooey · 05-07-2019 11:19pm

irishfrench wrote: »

I am here.

Has anything helped OP? Or just time?

My dad is (cos I can't write was yet) 54 and passed in February.

help

I'm not the OP but I've been through the same with my mam. She passed away of a heart attack suddenly just over 3 years ago and was only 59. Time is the only thing that has helped me. There's still not a day that goes past when I don't think of her and miss her and honestly I don't think I'll ever be the same person that I was before she died but life does go on and you learn to laugh and have fun and enjoy life again. It's difficult though. I still find it hard to believe that I won't talk to her again.

irishfrench · 07-09-2019 9:20pm

chooey wrote: »

I'm not the OP but I've been through the same with my mam. She passed away of a heart attack suddenly just over 3 years ago and was only 59. Time is the only thing that has helped me. There's still not a day that goes past when I don't think of her and miss her and honestly I don't think I'll ever be the same person that I was before she died but life does go on and you learn to laugh and have fun and enjoy life again. It's difficult though. I still find it hard to believe that I won't talk to her again.

Thank you for your reply and it helps to read this. I can't accept I will never talk to him again. Its just too raw and difficult and untimely! Time and faith and being busy will hopefully help, thank you.

holyhead · 07-09-2019 9:23pm

Sorry for your loss OP. I hope time helps you to come to terms with your loss.

sadie1502 · 07-09-2019 9:24pm

irishfrench wrote: »

Thank you for your reply and it helps to read this. I can't accept I will never talk to him again. Its just too raw and difficult and untimely! Time and faith and being busy will hopefully help, thank you.

Its so hard I know what youre going through my mam passed suddenly its so hard to accept. Its something I can't accept either never being able to talk to her again it eats me up. I'll never be the same person again I don't think. 9 months and not an hour passes without me thinking of my mam. Be kind and grieve don't feel bad for these emotiins. Its hard I know one day at a time xxxx

wijam · 07-09-2019 9:37pm

Sorry for your loss OP, I lost my father, not as quickly but after three weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. It was tough, watched him take his last breathe, hoping for some other outcome but knowing that it was for the best.

That was 24 years ago, not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, but now and for many years it’s all the good memories, the ones that remind me of why I loved him and respected him, and there is still the odd time I forget, something good happens and I think I must phone my da, so instead I phone my ma or one of my brothers and we have a good chat

w/s/p/c/ · 11-09-2019 12:38pm

Sorry for your loss OP.

I am in a similar position, my Mam died suddenly from a heart attack nearly 6 weeks ago. I don't think that I will ever get over it. She was 72 but so full of life and always the life and soul of every party. My father passed away 13 years ago, he had terminal cancer so I could prepare for that, but could never prepare for the phone call I received from my sister during the middle of the night asking me to get to the family home as soon as possible.

I was 25 when my dad passed away and I thought the best thing to do was to try and get back to normal by going back to work etc, life goes on as they say. Looking back was young and naive, I don't think I ever mourned him properly. Would go out every weekend with my friends and drink till I forgot.

This time around (I'm a married man so the weekend gallivanting has long gone lol) I had a few weeks off and finally back to a routine. But this is the part that is killing me, sitting in work here looking at the desk phone had me nearly in tears the other day, would often ring my Mam to have a chat during the day when its quiet around the office during lunch time. I know she wouldn't want me crying over her so will have my moments and will keep her always in my thoughts and try to carry on. Time is a healer as I have found out before, but I think this one is going to take a lot of it.

LegacyUser · 23-10-2019 11:28pm

I buried my dad last Thursday
To say its numbing is an understatement
The only thing keeping me going is 'what would dad say in this situation'

My poor mum has had 2/3 of her lung removed 9 weeks ago.
She is now wallowing in self pity and focusing on the shortcommings of the hospital
She wants to see the doctor every 2nd day and me and my sister are rallying around after her despite trying to manage our own families and our own grief

Dad was 89 - great age and i have great memories - we don't live forever

So sorry for your loss OP - your not on your own

SirChenjin · 29-10-2019 12:15am

OctoberSun wrote: »

I buried my dad last Thursday
To say its numbing is an understatement
The only thing keeping me going is 'what would dad say in this situation'

My poor mum has had 2/3 of her lung removed 9 weeks ago.
She is now wallowing in self pity and focusing on the shortcommings of the hospital
She wants to see the doctor every 2nd day and me and my sister are rallying around after her despite trying to manage our own families and our own grief

Dad was 89 - great age and i have great memories - we don't live forever

So sorry for your loss OP - your not on your own

I'm so sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace. It must be so difficult for all of you.
It was a great age, it still hurts though. As time goes on, the memories do bring comfort but it's early days yet.

Take care.

decky1 · 29-10-2019 12:47am

my dad was in hospital for a year , at several times we thought his life would end in a way it gave us time to prepare for his passing but it does'nt no matter what it comes as a shock, you'll have all sorts running through your head at the moment and you'll think it will never clear, but it will and you'll look back on the good times you had with him over the years.

Sudden loss of father

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