A problem son

A lot of people have suggested that the school should be keeping an eye on him. The OP said that it was a private school which is 7k a year. The son is going to a grind school. They care about the 500+ points students, those are the ones they promote, they won't really care if he does the work or not, he is a bum on a seat that helps to pay the bills, they won't be using his results to promote the school. Students in those places are doing 12 hours work a day. He is of no concern to them.

Time for the OP to be the parent, take away the phone and the xbox, even if he doesn't knuckle down to doing some work he can do other things such as going out and getting some exercise or help out around the house. Someone posted earlier that at least it's not drugs or alcohol, I see enough students who are completely feckless who spend all day from the time they get home until the early hours playing computer games. It's not healthy.

onlinemathsgr wrote: »

Where does OP say their son is in a grinds school?

The only private schools in the country are grind schools. They typically charge 7k a year which is what the OP is paying.

Has he ever been to a GOOD career guidance counselor? I have used them in the past and they are great in my opinion. find a good one and pay whatever they want, the one I used was free and made me realize what I wanted to do for a living.

Here i was only asking a question is all, cos I genuinely didnt know, maybe when i get off my high horse that i wasnt on, you might get some manners

thanks

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Nope. But they are not private. They are fee paying public schools which are funded by the state. Now maybe get off your high horse.

rainbowtrout wrote: »

The only private schools in the country are grind schools. They typically charge 7k a year which is what the OP is paying.

Off topic, but note that all schools are privately-owned, except the VEC/ETB schools.

Most schools are financed by the State, but not provided by the State.

I think he's just being an immature kid. God knows lots of us were that at 17.

Appealing to his better nature isn't working because he isn't mature enough to see that the far-off rewards of a good leaving cert outweigh the immediate rewards of lazy days doing what he wants.

I agree with those who counsel against ratcheting up the conflict with him - it might make you feel like you're doing something, but it will make your house a fairly horrible place, and won't necessarily make him any more able to do something he's clearly struggling with at the moment.

Teenagers struggle with deferred gratification. If it was me, I'd move the reward very firmly into the near future. I did this with one of my children - nothing was working, not threats to move school, stop them going out, withdrawing pocket money, pleading with them to think of their future.

Eventually a couple of months out from the exams I realised I had to get a bit radical. I sat them down and promised a hundred euro for every A grade, fifty for a B, 25 for a C in the upcoming exam. It turned the whole exam from something they were doing for somebody else into a way they could get lots of money.

Best four hundred quid I ever spent. (Obviously you have to calibrate for possible grades, if i'd done the same for my other child I'd have been bankrupt).

I appreciate how lucky we were to be able to deploy bribery as a blunt instrument, and that option isn't available to everyone, but it works like a dream. I am making the leap from you being able to afford private school fees.

My child stuck his head down into the books, smiling away to himself about how he was putting one over on me and his Dad by getting excellent grades. Bless. He used the money to buy a much-wanted new phone.