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Do You Find it Difficult Being Gay at Work?

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Comments

  • #62
    Goodshape
    Registered Users Posts: 8,488 ✭✭✭Goodshape


    splinter65 wrote: »
    What’s not genuine? I’m waiting for someone to suggest a professional workplace situation where the subject of a colleagues sexual identity is part of the normal discourse. Why would it be? Any more then anyone else’s personal issues are?
    I can’t even see how it would come up at a “work event”. Work is work.

    You’re being obtuse.

    For a lot of us “work” is where we spend most of our lives.

    “Work is work” is a ridiculous oversimplification. Work could be in a massive corporation where you sit behind a monitor and barely know the person sitting next to you. Fine. Why would you tell them anything? (Although at the same time, why wouldn’t or shouldn’t you?).

    Work could also be you and 2, 5, or 10 other individuals interacting closely every day of the week.

    It could be a family business. It could be a farm. It could be school. It could be any number of things.


    We don’t all have the “luxury” (if you choose to see it as such) of being anonymous automatons from 9 to 5, 5 days a week.


  • #63
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    machaseh wrote: »
    I have never gotten much homophobia since I moved here from holland to ireland. In my previous job everybody knew I was gay and there were many other gay guys. No problems.

    Now in my current job it was a bit more difficult. It's in it so only straight lads for the most part. Now I used to have a mslm colleague (morroccan) so I didnt really feel comfortable coming out.


    After this colleague was fired (he was even put on an improvement plan for homophobia before that), I did tell my colleagues im gay and its absolutely grand.

    Are you saying that you didn't feel comfortable about coming out to the muslim guy?


  • #64
    ED E
    Registered Users Posts: 36,163 ✭✭✭✭ED E


    @Elysium Big American tech firms can be a total friggin headwreck with stupid policies and dates in the wrong format but one thing they seem to do really well is LGBT awareness and generally accepting of "different". (As long as you don't want a union)


    Maybe look at a place in a big player with a bigger office in your area.


  • #65
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,761 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    splinter65 wrote: »
    What’s not genuine? I’m waiting for someone to suggest a professional workplace situation where the subject of a colleagues sexual identity is part of the normal discourse. Why would it be? Any more then anyone else’s personal issues are?
    I can’t even see how it would come up at a “work event”. Work is work. Sometimes it’s necessary in a crisis to explain personal circumstances to work colleagues but I can’t see how my sexual identity would ever be a crisis situation.
    It’s not a question of never moving beyond sports talk. It’s a question of setting necessary boundaries in order to respect people’s privacy. Of course there are occasions when a colleagues personal business may spill over into work but look, it’s work.

    Seriously? No-one ever their discussed their weddings, partners, children or family life in all your 40 years as an employee. That's hard to believe.

    How bizarre your workplaces must be. Very odd.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #66
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    splinter65 wrote: »
    What’s not genuine? I’m waiting for someone to suggest a professional workplace situation where the subject of a colleagues sexual identity is part of the normal discourse. Why would it be? Any more then anyone else’s personal issues are?
    I can’t even see how it would come up at a “work event”. Work is work. Sometimes it’s necessary in a crisis to explain personal circumstances to work colleagues but I can’t see how my sexual identity would ever be a crisis situation.
    It’s not a question of never moving beyond sports talk. It’s a question of setting necessary boundaries in order to respect people’s privacy. Of course there are occasions when a colleagues personal business may spill over into work but look, it’s work.

    Serious question, where do you work??

    I can't imagine not know personal stuff about my colleagues. Even ones I'm not particularly close to I still know the basics like relationship status which means I know who is gay or straight. We are a team, we look out for each other and part of that is being aware of the highs and lows. Not sure how you'd even keep those kinds of things private anyway unless you literally only talk about the job.


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  • #67
    machaseh
    Registered Users Posts: 777 ✭✭✭machaseh


    Seamai wrote: »
    Are you saying that you didn't feel comfortable about coming out to the muslim guy?

    Indeed. He said negative things about LGBT before. He was put on a personal improvement plan for this too.


  • #68
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    machaseh wrote: »
    Indeed. He said negative things about LGBT before. He was put on a personal improvement plan for this too.

    I wouldn't give someone like that an inch. While things might not be perfect here there has been an enormous leap forward here in attitudes towards the LGBT community from when I was a teenager and it's something that I'm very thankful for. The SSM referendum 5 years ago was a very good indicator of attitudes towards us from the general population, however during the campaign leading up to the referendum (which I had some involvement in) I came across some people who had moved here and due to their evangelical christian or muslim beliefs held pretty negative views towards LGBT people. These people came here for a better life, some would claim that they were fleeing persecution but yet think people like you and I are evil incarnate. They have to accept this is the way things are in a civilised western European country.

    I also this that we have a duty to "educate" people and shatter many of the stereotypes that exist in relation to people like us. I'd like to think that some of the people I work with have a more positive attitude towards the LGBT community because of their contact with me.


  • #69
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    I can imagine it must be hard for people to come out in work but I do think that over recent years, it must be a lot easier than it used to be.

    I can't remember the last place I worked where there wasn't at least 4 or 5 openly gay people there who were not treated in any way different. It's good to see.
    This is some alt-right bull**** argument you're making

    My goodness. That is absurd.


  • #70
    machaseh
    Registered Users Posts: 777 ✭✭✭machaseh


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I can imagine it must be hard for people to come out in work but I do think that over recent years, it must be a lot easier than it used to be.

    I can't remember the last place I worked where there wasn't at least 4 or 5 openly gay people there who were not treated in any way different. It's good to see.



    My goodness. That is absurd.
    True and in general as a Dutch expat living here for two years I haven't experienced homophobic behavior from the Irish at all. This has been a positive experience for me in this regard .

    Now if only there were a little bit more to do in the gay scene department hah. But no overall this is a grand place to live for LGBT folks.


  • #71
    Goodshape
    Registered Users Posts: 8,488 ✭✭✭Goodshape


    MOD::

    Okay, thread re-opened. Off-topic posts removed.

    This thread is about being out in the workplace. Keep it on topic.


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  • #72
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    machaseh wrote: »
    True and in general as a Dutch expat living here for two years I haven't experienced homophobic behavior from the Irish at all. This has been a positive experience for me in this regard .

    Now if only there were a little bit more to do in the gay scene department hah. But no overall this is a grand place to live for LGBT folks.

    It's a sign of the times I'm afraid, hook up sites and apps coupled with relaxed attitudes means the need for gay venues has dropped dramatically, while I wouldn't want to go back to the bad old days, there are aspects of the gay scene that I sometimes miss but hey, we got what we wished for!


  • #73
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    splinter65 wrote: »
    What’s not genuine? I’m waiting for someone to suggest a professional workplace situation where the subject of a colleagues sexual identity is part of the normal discourse. Why would it be? Any more then anyone else’s personal issues are?
    I can’t even see how it would come up at a “work event”. Work is work. Sometimes it’s necessary in a crisis to explain personal circumstances to work colleagues but I can’t see how my sexual identity would ever be a crisis situation.
    It’s not a question of never moving beyond sports talk. It’s a question of setting necessary boundaries in order to respect people’s privacy. Of course there are occasions when a colleagues personal business may spill over into work but look, it’s work.

    Colleague :Nice weekend wakka?
    Wakka: Yeh lovely was up the country with the boyfriend.
    Colleague: Oh you have a boyfriend?
    Sexuality revealed in professional setting without specifically bringing up the topic, I dont think it takes a genius to see how a big part of somebody's life like their sexual identity becomes obvious once you get to know anything about them. Your workplace sounds horrendously impersonal even for the stereotypical soulless 9-5 corporate office job


  • #74
    rainbow kirby
    Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 26,928 Mod ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    Bi woman, have been out in pretty much any workplace I've been in, no issues. I have a bi pride Open Street Map sticker on my work laptop! I'm 35 and work in tech.


  • #75
    Butterface
    Registered Users Posts: 731 ✭✭✭Butterface


    splinter65 wrote: »
    What’s not genuine? I’m waiting for someone to suggest a professional workplace situation where the subject of a colleagues sexual identity is part of the normal discourse. Why would it be? Any more then anyone else’s personal issues are?
    I can’t even see how it would come up at a “work event”. Work is work. Sometimes it’s necessary in a crisis to explain personal circumstances to work colleagues but I can’t see how my sexual identity would ever be a crisis situation.
    It’s not a question of never moving beyond sports talk. It’s a question of setting necessary boundaries in order to respect people’s privacy. Of course there are occasions when a colleagues personal business may spill over into work but look, it’s work.

    What do you talk to your colleagues about during lunch? Or at the coffee machine? Or on a Friday afternoon when ye are all winding down and having the chats?

    I can't imagine I'd have much of a relationship with my colleagues if my personal life didn't "spill over" into work..


  • #76
    Elysium1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 67 ✭✭Elysium1


    splinter65 wrote: »
    What’s not genuine? I’m waiting for someone to suggest a professional workplace situation where the subject of a colleagues sexual identity is part of the normal discourse. Why would it be? Any more then anyone else’s personal issues are?
    I can’t even see how it would come up at a “work event”. Work is work. Sometimes it’s necessary in a crisis to explain personal circumstances to work colleagues but I can’t see how my sexual identity would ever be a crisis situation.
    It’s not a question of never moving beyond sports talk. It’s a question of setting necessary boundaries in order to respect people’s privacy. Of course there are occasions when a colleagues personal business may spill over into work but look, it’s work.


    Ha I came back to report an update and found this view.


    Well, just today my colleague asked me out blank "you're not gay, are you?". Yes, it's a professional work place as you refer.



    So, my suspicions were correct. It wasn't 'misattribution' etc. A few of the other guys thought so and just kept a distance. Just great. I love work now.


  • #77
    Elysium1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 67 ✭✭Elysium1


    ED E wrote: »
    @Elysium Big American tech firms can be a total friggin headwreck with stupid policies and dates in the wrong format but one thing they seem to do really well is LGBT awareness and generally accepting of "different". (As long as you don't want a union)


    Maybe look at a place in a big player with a bigger office in your area.


    I see. Yeah I have to say, there are a couple of out people at work, a trans woman, all religions and skin colours you can imagine, nationalities and the policies seem seriously taken. I apprecaite that. It really is a place of every kind of diversity I could imagine. That's really interesting.



    I'm disappointed I have to say that my sexuality became a source of interest to the team at work. I work so hard, maximum effort, ideas, problem-solving, minimal errors, the exact opposite of some of my colleagues. It's disappointing to be reduced, judged or avoided based on who you're attracted to.



    There's a new, bigger job going which I applied for internally. I wish I hadn't. I don't know now. Also now I fear being the diveristy hire. Working my ass off + great references and experience < diversity gay man.


  • #78
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,761 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Elysium1 wrote: »
    I see. Yeah I have to say, there are a couple of out people at work, a trans woman, all religions and skin colours you can imagine, nationalities and the policies seem seriously taken. I apprecaite that. It really is a place of every kind of diversity I could imagine. That's really interesting.



    I'm disappointed I have to say that my sexuality became a source of interest to the team at work. I work so hard, maximum effort, ideas, problem-solving, minimal errors, the exact opposite of some of my colleagues. It's disappointing to be reduced, judged or avoided based on who you're attracted to.



    There's a new, bigger job going which I applied for internally. I wish I hadn't. I don't know now. Also now I fear being the diveristy hire. Working my ass off + great references and experience < diversity gay man.


    I honestly think you would only be the "diversity hire" if you actively put something like LGBT volunteering on your cv. I don't understand this to be honest. If you have proved to be a hard worker then what's the problem.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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